WHO AM I

“That’s it Minho! You’re almost at the finish line!!!”

Oh shut up coach, I thought. People say athletes should listen well to their coaches and I totally agree to that. But try hearing this from him every three minutes while you are running and I swear you’d want to smack him right away.

I ran as fast as I can while I constantly take in some air; steadying my breath. Another sweat trickled on my forehead and so I wipe it away before it could sting my eyes. I’m almost there… almost there.

I felt a rush of excitement as I see the white line that means ‘Finish line’. My body tingles and I responded to it; I shoot of like a rocket! And before I knew it, I heard our coach’s whistle signalling the end of another training session.

“Waah,” My coach expressed in what I believe as awe as he reads the rusty stopwatch. “You’re really fast Minho! And you’re improving everyday.”

I stood beside him and stare blankly at the stopwatch. “It’s not enough.” I said and the growing feeling of trying harder is building inside me again. “Can you time me again coach? I think I didn’t exert any effort awhile ago.”

“You didn’t what?” My chubby coach sputtered; not believing I still wanted a go. “You’ve told me that for the third time this afternoon and your time keeps going short but you’re still not satisfied? I’m amazed young boy and stop saying it’s not enough because you’re freaking more than enough. Rest Minho.”

“But--”

“REST!”

Here’s one thing, my coach is the kindest person in the world but if he orders you, you better follow him or heads will surely roll. So, I grumpily took my bag, went out of our school’s gym and started to go home. On my way, I saw girls sitting and whispering to each other. I really don’t know them but I keep seeing them anywhere. One of them met my eyes and so I smiled at her. She went beet red and all other girls giggled. And so now all of them are trying to catch my eyes.

I smirked, that’s me… the famous Choi Minho.

“Uhm Minho-ssi?” One of them stood up and went to me. “How did the training go?”

“Fine.” They say guys sound cool when they only answer in a short manner and so I did just that. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Actually its Onew’s birthday. He’s our schoolmate, he said there would be a party this evening and so I was wondering if we can go… together.” The girl smiles in a shy manner.

I studied her; she has a pretty face and nice body. She’s a perfect example of a hot woman…

So why the hell am I not attracted to her?

Because she’s not good enough… I realized. I need a woman who can be incomparable to that person. ”Listen, I really want to hang out with you but I’m, quite busy these days due to the upcoming marathon and so I have little time to rest. Maybe next time…”

The girl wasn’t disheartened at all, she suddenly takes my hand and expressed, “It’s okay, as long as there is a next time.” Her fingertips were tracing some parts of my hands. She stopped when she felt a hard thing. “Oh Minho-ssi, you’re still wearing your engagement ring?”

“I’m just wearing this to annoy and mock her” I said in a very loathsome voice. Yes, at a very young age I’m engaged… I mean I was engaged one year ago. I was in a very happy relationship before she changed.

“You must really hate her don’t you?” the girl remarked clearly enjoying the fact that I dislike that person. “You know, she’ll be joining the party later and guess what… she’s with another guy.”

I felt my body heating up at what I heard. So she’s going out with another guy. Who is it this time, the school jock, the classroom nerd, or that ugly-faced bully? Doesn’t she get tired? She’ll never stop showing me how immoral she is.

Oh well, if she’s doing this stupid game, then I’ll just have to play along. “Hey guess what,” I said to the girl in front of me. “You just got yourself a date.”

THE PAST

When I reached my apartment, I took a bath and then dressed as fast I can. I looked at my wardrobe, seriously choosing what to wear. A year before I’d just pick any clothes that are on the topmost part of the shelf but now I make sure that I wear clothes that would let people notice me. I make sure I would stand out. Call me a feeler, I wouldn’t really care, I have my own personal reasons.

Aigoo, you little dimwit really don’t you know how to choose clothes! Let me do it...

The best actress I have ever seen...I shook my head as I remember her again. The thought of her only irritates me.

As I head towards the exit I passed by the numerous gold medals I have gained through hardwork and perseverance. I’m still 21 years old and yet I probably hold the most number of awards in being an athlete. I love what I’m doing. In fact, peoples say I’m obsessed with it. It seems that I’ll never be satisfied with my achievements.

Why?

Simply because I remember her everytime I win. I want to show that person that I’ll b e successful...this person is Kim Hyu Me.

Two years have passed since we’ve separated and yet I can still remember everything. The time I have spent with her is probably the sweetest and yet traitorous experience I will ever try.

Hyu Me and I have been trapped in a fixed marriage eversince she was seven and I was nine. We didn’t have any choice since our parents are too powerful and we were just naive kids at that time. I remember myself peeking behind the mansion’s wall as I look at her, shouting childish rude things to her mom and dad while she tries to go against their decision. I followed her with shuffling steps when she ran away.

Little Hyu Me cried in one corner with our engagement rings close in her tiny little fists. Seeing her red puffy cheeks, messy jink hair, quivering lips and eyes b with tears made me realize how my existence has ruined her freedom. If we were to get married, Hyu Me will have a dictated life forever.

And so that moment, I took the rings from her hand. She looked up and sniffed, ”I’m not m-marrying you” she tries to hold back her tears but eventually failed. “I’m j-just a kid! I’m still seveeeen!! Waaaaah!”

“Who said I’m gonna marry you?”  I remember myself saying that while I cross my arms. “You’re not good enough for me.” This was a lie of course; although it was my first time seeing her, there was no single part of me that didn’t want to be his husband. Maybe because I was just a child... or maybe I have really liked her as soon as I laid my eyes on her.

She smiled when she heard me. “So what are we going to do Minho-ssi?”

Hyu Me and I decided to just go with the flow. There will be no pressure as long as our parents would see that we are not against it. We’ll think of a good way to escape our situation. We were ordered to do anything... everything together. We were that for almost 10 years.

We go to the same school, the same class and we sit beside each other. She was smart, bubbly, friendly, sporty and very competitive. For the past years, we grew up to become RIVALS instead of lovers. We would compete with our grades and even in sports. Hyu Me was one heck of a swimmer that she holds the fastest record in our university while I excel in any sport that involves running.

As years passed by, our fixed marriage relationship went harmoniously. In fact almost everyone already forgot about it... except for me. As time passed by, the more was I secretly drawn to Hyu Me.

We graduated from our High School years and she ended up being our class valedictorian and me as the salutatorian. “See that Minho??? It’s gold! GOLD! I win!” She merrily chanted showing me her medal. I grabbed her and hugged her tight at that time. As a rival I should make her feel bad but I can never do that because seeing her that happy was all I wanted. “Y-yah what are you doing?” she said with a touch of awkwardness in her voice.

“I’m congratulating you pabo, I know you want a hug from me.” I confidently said, grabbing the chance to hug her longer. She scoffed at what I said but then she hugged me back.

Right at that time... I knew it, I was falling for her.

We entered college and we grew slightly apart. Hyu Me grew up to be a fine young lady with exceptional beauty and attitude. Everyone in school loved her so much... especially boys. I found myself jealous even at the slightest approach from other men to her. She, on the other hand, responds to them enthusiastically. She was that kind of person, very approachable and down to earth.

“You’re too close to them,” I told her once as I follow her towards their locker room.

“They are my friends,” she shrugged, “no problem.”

“They like you Hyu Me.” I said trying once again to make her clueless mind work.

“I like them too, they are my friends.” She stopped and looked at me with her most innocent eyes. “Something wrong with that?”

“Yes there is something wrong… because you are my soon-to-be-bride remember?”

I left after I said that. I just reminded her that we’re engaged after more than ten years of acting like we are not. After that conversation, I have decided to take action.

“That was F-U-N...FUN!!!” She expressed with her usual cheerful spirit and bright smile. We were at the huge gymnasium, sitting down on the floor as we wipe our sweats and steady our breaths. I challenged her into a one-on-one TRIATHLON competition. It is a race that involves running, swimming and cycling. Only the two of us in a quiet night.

“Fun? Even if you lost against me on almost anything?” I said, teasing her. She childishly glares at me and pouted with her pink lips. “So? There will always be a next time.” I laughed and ruffled her hair. It was those moments that I hope time would stop. People say we look good together and that we are like a couple. No matter how much I try to explain, they won’t believe me that Hyu Me never sees me that way. This person thinks of me as someone to beat not someone to fall for.

“Wait for it,” she said as she points a slender finger at me “one day you’ll give up to me Choi Minho.”

Give up? I have long given up on you. I look at her smile, her white complexion and her determined hazel eyes. Long before I have challenged her against a marathon race, it was already game over for me.

Because I have fallen for her

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You’re already asking Minho”

“I’m serious...”

Her eyes found me when I said that. The clear concern on her face quickens my pulse. “I’m listening,” she says as I took her hand. “What am I to you Hyu Me, other than the fact that I’m your soon-to-be husband?”

“Y-you are.. my ... rival” She said as she avoided my eyes.

Then our rivalry ends here Hyu Me.

”Let’s make another bet. Let’s play rock, scissors and paper. The loser will answer the word ‘YES’ to all the questions of the winner plus the loser shall grant one wish of the winner.”

She was game to it. We started to play... just three stones from me and before I knew it... I won.

“Hmph pure luck,” she mutters. I can see she was quite nervous as her thumb fumbles on her clothes. “Ask away dimwit.”

I cleared my throat at that time as I readied myself. It took me all those years to do this now and so I’m never turning back. “Kim Hyu Me, you know I’m in love with you right?”

 She studied my face when I said that; checking if there was any sign of me kidding around. When she found none, she sighs and avoided my gaze. “Yes, I guess so.”

“Do you... do you feel the same way?”

“Do you really expect me to answer that?” She said, while standing up; her cheeks flushing in deep red.

“We made a deal Hyu Me.” I said looking up to her. Forcing her to say yes to my three questions is indeed a stupid idea but I couldn’t take being mute anymore. I couldn’t stand guys being around him anymore. “You can’t say no... But I guess it is okay if you don’t say anything.”

There was silence for a long time and then... “Yes dimwit, I feel the same way.” I took hold of her hand again when she attempted to run. Maybe she was embarrassed, I wasn’t really sure. All I can think of was her answer; how it made me very happy. “You still need to grant my wish remember? It is part of the deal.”

She bit her lip and faced me. “Take of the scarf around my neck” I ordered her. I bent down so she can reach me. When she took it off with shaky hands, she found two rings hanging on my neck. It was our engagement rings when we were still kids.

“My last question, Kim Hyu Me will you be my girlfriend?”

“You said it yourself when we were kids,” she muttered. “I’m not good enough for you.”

“We were kids back then and it was quite obvious you didn’t like the idea of me being your fiancée.” I replied.

She eyed the ring and gradually took it off. “You’ll regret this Choi Minho.”

“Not in a million years,” I promised.

She smiles, a sincere one and then... “YES.”

The following days were probably the happiest moments of my life. Hyu Me wasn’t just a person tied to me because of our powerful parents. Kim Hyu Me was my girlfriend. Everyone accepted us wholeheartedly even my best friend, Jonghyun, who has often joked that he liked Hyu Me also supported us.

I wish I could tell you that we lived happily ever after... I wish I could tell you with a huge smiley face that we got married and all that stupid fantasies I was hoping. Actually everything was indeed perfect at first. A year passed after and then...

Hell started to break loose

Under the cold night on December 24, The Choi Clan held a grand party to celebrate Christmas. Only the grandest guests were accepted and of course Hyu Me and her parents were invited. Mysteriously, she was nowhere to be found. I wanted to look for her but important guests were trying to talk to me. They find me interesting since I’m the only heir of the Choi clan.

“Tsk, I’ll look for her bro,” Jonghyun told me and assured me that he’ll definitely find her. Trusting my best buddy, I was able to calm down. I was quite sure that nothing would go wrong.

I didn’t know that all of a sudden, my parents would drop a bomb once again. Ten minutes before midnight, my father went to the stage. He thanked every guest that came at that night and then added something that he said was very important. “My dear guests, I wish to the deepest part of my heart that all people here would show their support and love to my son, Choi Minho and lovely Miss Kim Hyu Me as they will be married three months from now.”

Everyone’s eyes found me after that. I bowed my head to hide my confused feelings obviously painted on my face. I was aghast of how fast it was going, I was happy at the fact that I’m marrying her, and most of all I’m curious of what Hyu Me thinks of this.

I escaped and went to the deepest part of our greenhouse before people can congratulate me. I went on walking until I saw the fountain in the middle of a spacious Greenland.

“I know this is hard for you Hyu Me. You don’t have to do it.” I stopped my tracks when I heard Jonghyun’s voice. Something tells me that it was a private conversation and so I hid behind a huge mango tree and took a peek. I saw Hyu Me with her usual Jeans and shirt. Her legs were shaking and her hands were clamped on . She was having a hard time to breathe and her face... her eyes were covered with water... tears.

Hyu Me was crying

“I have to do it; it’s for my parent’s sake it’s for everyone’s damn happiness!!!” She cried harder after that. “I DIDN’T EXPECT IT WOULD BE THIS FAST! I’m so tired of this; I’m so tired of pretending that everything is okay... that I am okay.”

Jonghyun was holding back every bit of sad emotion as he pulled Hyu Me in his arms. “I’m not leaving you around. We’ll fight together, we shall face this together.”

Hyu Me hugged her back, “D-don’t leave me Jonghyun, I’m so sorry for putting you in this mess.”

My feet got the best of me. I walked back not wanting to see any more of it; not wanting to hear even just one more word about it. The conversation was obvious, even a dumb person would understand that. I should have confronted them and asked them if my hunch was true but I didn’t want to hear the truth. I didn’t want to know the biggest possibility why she was crying. I didn’t want to hear the fact that she was crying because up until now...

She is just forced to marry me and that she might have feelings for Jonghyun instead.

And so I pretended like nothing happened during Christmas. When classes resumed, I exchanged probably millions of thank you’s and welcomes to people that I met. Preparations the grand wedding also kept us busy. No one probably noticed the gradual change that was happening except me.

Jonghyun and Hyu Me, two of the most important people in my life have changed. Jonghyun hangs out with other people and Hyu Me rarely talks to me. What was worse is I often see them together. Whenever I remember those days, I keep hitting myself for not even being angry at them. Yup, I was a foolish martyr person to both of them, who desperately hopes that they are not betraying me.

Two months have passed and our situation went on like this. There was a time that I couldn’t take it anymore that I finally tried to talk to her hoping that I could get a single decent response from her. “Hyu Me, please listen. I promise you this won’t take long.”

She abruptly stopped, “THEN SPEAK UP ALREADY!” She heatedly shot back.

“I-I was hoping you’d watch me compete. It’s a marathon race. I really need your support.”

She didn’t reply instead she just stared at me with a dead and bored expression. I held her gaze, it has been awhile since I last made eye contact with her. “The race is on the day before... the day before our wedding.”

I saw the fast flash of pain in her eyes when I said that. My chest tightened; it hurts to see Hyu Me in pain and it definitely hurts when your own bride-to-be isn’t happy about your wedding.

“I’ll be there, make sure you win dimwit.” She smiled half heartedly before she left. That smile was enough to encourage me and keep me motivated. I spent the following three weeks in training. The race was important for me and so I was determined to win.

On day of the competition, I was distracted because I couldn’t find her anywhere. My coach forced me to focus using every strength he can get. The race was starting and so I pulled myself together. It was a 100-meter dash, a sure win for me... if only she was there.

“Ready... Get Set... GO!”

I ran as fast as I could as soon as I hear the gunshot. I guess the hard work really did pay off because ten meters has just passed and I was on the lead. Once again, I would have another gold medal. When I was just 15 meters away from the finish line, I saw Hyu Me with Jonghyun on one of the bleachers. My bestfriend keeps on shaking his head while Hyu Me was tugging him, like she was pleading or something. I kept running to my goal but my eyes were glued at the scene. Hyu Me stomped her foot in anger and turned around but Jonghyun suddenly grabbed her... held her face...and kissed her.

“CHOI MINHO!!! FIRST PLACE!!!” The whole crowd roared in joy. Several people were hugging and congratulating me but I couldn’t really hear anything. All I can see were the two of them. She is slowly closing her eyes and a tear dropped and slid on her cheek. After that... she started kissing Jonghyun back.

That was it.

The last strand of hope, patience, understanding and kindness I had was finally gone. My body became numbed but every part inside me wanted to explode. I was too angry... too flabbergasted... too hurt.

I was betrayed by the person I loved and my most trusted friend. I knew it all along but I didn’t bother all those time. But seeing them kiss while I run hoping to get Hyu Me back was not just smacking me the truth, it was mocking me right to the very gut.

The next day came and I was standing inside the church in front of the altar all by myself. No priest, no parents, no guests, no bride...just me staring blankly on nothing particular.

I cancelled the wedding. I must’ve looked like a crazy person last night that even my parents couldn’t even go against me. Amidst the silence of the church, I heard a clapping sound behind me. “Wohooo!”

I know that voice

I turned around and found Hyu Me cheering and clapping as she came closer. Her clothes have made a drastic change from conservative to something not appropriate here in church. All of a sudden, the simple Hyu Me was gone... as if she never existed. “You really did it! The wedding’s cancelled! I didn’t know you were that powerful my parents can’t even disagree with you. Nice job!

She attempted to pat me on the shoulder but I shook it away. “Oooh, someone’s pretty mad!” She chanted and laughed derisively. “It was too easy! I should’ve kiss Jonghyun earlier.”

“Y-you were planning this all along?” I said shakily, I was too angry to talk normally. “You used Jonghyun and me.”

“Oh no, not Jonghyun. I did like that guy. Make you fall madly in love with me, accept you when you propose and then make you mad. I planned this ever since you saw me cry when we were still kids. I know you were powerful enough to stand against our parents, after all you are the only heir of the Choi clan.” She went near me and batted her eyelashes “all you need was a little... push.”

“YOU-YOU TRICKED ME ALL THESE YEARS!”

“Honestly Minho, you think I’d like someone like you?” She smiled when she saw my expression. “I better go, since I’m free now, I can date any guy I want.”

She headed for the exit and before she can even walk out of the church she looked at me for the last time. She cocked her head and gave me a scornful grin. Her last line would probably be the most striking and painful thing I would ever hear. “Thank you Choi Minho... I’m done using you”

I left the church that day swearing to myself that I’ll forget her. I’m a forgiving person but everything has its limitation and she has made me reach that level. It was time to think for myself and find myself who haven’t met Hyu Me at all.

That way, I can grasp a world where she is just merely a stranger.

The Party

Mary and I entered the party. All eyes turned to us and checked us out. Ladies would wink at me and guys would whistle at her. I guess the both of us looked good together.

I studied the place and shrugged. The house is pretty simple; nothing really special to it. But I guess what truly counts in a party are the drinks, the food and your own date. I can see everyone is having fun. “It seems like you have caught a lot of attention tonight oppa.”

I grinned at Mary and patted her head, “probably because of my clothes or probably because I have a hot date tonight.” We laughed at that knowing that it wasn’t really the reason. People are staring expectantly at me knowing that there is another commotion coming up. Since she is here

The both of us decided to greet the birthday celebrant. He was the most genius person in our university. I really don’t know much about him but I do know he’s addicted to chicken and that he was one of Hyu Me’s collections. Yup, he was her first date after we broke up. It doesn’t really affect me now. In fact, I pity those guys who have been deceived by her. “Saengilchuka Hamnida oppa!” Mary happily expressed.

Onew looked up and stopped munching a chicken wing. “Thanks Mary.” He smiled and went back to his chicken. I frowned at him; he is the type who would prefer chicken and books than girls. I wonder how he ended up with her.

“Omo! Omo! Hyu Me unnie is up there! She really is beautiful!” I heard a freshman expressed. I followed her gaze which was in the far end of the room.

There she is...

I stared passively at her. I guess you can really say she’s beautiful but there was no trace of the person I once knew. She wears heavy make-ups; the jeans and shirt were replaced with exquisite and fine clothing. Her innocence is now clouded with all the dirty experiences she has tried. Right now, another one is coming up.

She is currently hugging another guy. I know him, he is Kim Ki Bum, the famous singer in our university. He was once a suitor of her. Seeing what they’re doing right now, I guess you can say he has finally won her over.

“Don’t even start it Minho, let her go.” My head turned to Onew who was seriously observing me. “I’m not doing anything, chicken dude.”

Just then Hyu Me’s eyes popped open. Our eyes met for one moment and a smirk forms on my lips. I daringly waved at her and showed her how disgusted I was. She whispered something to Key and then pulled away from his embrace.“So, it’s Key this time huh?” I asked casually like we talk about it all the time.

She nods boringly as Key held her hand. “Any problem with that?” she asked in surprisingly weak voice.

“Nothing,” I replied in an offhand manner. “It’s quite normal for you to be ty all the time right?”

“YAH! DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO HER LIKE THAT!!!?” I backed off a little when Key tried to attack me. Hyu Me grabbed for him and tried to calm him down. Little by little he went back to his senses but he was still glaring at me.

I really don’t get it you know. This happens all the time. She has done so many cruel things and yet everyone is still kind to her.

Did I tell you she ran away from home?

How about she had smoked and drunk so many times inside the school premises?

Or that she has quit every sport she had every time a competition starts?

How about the fact that she has a tattoo on her left thigh?

She has done so much more than that and most of the times they really defend her whenever I say something bad about her.

“O-oppa, let’s just go.” I felt Mary’s hand tugging the corner of my shirt. Hyu Me noticed her for the first time. Her eyes narrowed as she studied her. “And who would this be?”

“My girlfriend.” I suddenly said out of nowhere. She smiled a little and clapped her hands just like what she did on the church. “Finally! Congratulations.”

My eyebrows pulled together forming a frown. I didn’t like her response, its way too simple. Usually she’d say something harsher than this until I get embarrassed. The crowd around us was getting thicker every minute as they always find the both of us interesting. “How about you? Finally found someone to settle with after the million dates you had?”

“It has always been your best friend, Jonghyun.” Somehow the way she said that line made me angry. She says it too normally when right now she’s holding another guy. I looked at Key but there was no hint that he was affected at what she said. He just looks at Hyu Me in a worried expression.

“I wonder how Jonghyun can put up with you.” I muttered; all the cockiness gone.

“Well let’s see,” she said as she puts her hand under her chin. “Jonghyun wants me to be happy and so he just sets me free. He lets me do everything I want. Unlike a jerk last time who has trapped me for a fix marriage for so long.”

The crowd gasped as our conversation just got so personal.

I grinned at her as I hide how angry I was. “So Jonghyun and you are still in relationship huh?”

“Yes”

“So you mean Jonghyun is okay when you flirt with other guys?”

“Yes”

“Even if he doesn’t know?”

“Let’s go Key, I’m wasting my time here”

I grabbed Hyu Me and pushed Key away. I held both of her arms and forced her to look at me. She was surprised of my sudden action she tried to pull away but it only made hold her thin arms harder. “What do you want?” She asked indignantly.

“You say you are okay with other guys right? How about you try ME once again Kim Hyu Me.”

“Let go of me!”

“Come one, Jonghyun is okay with it right?” When she thrashed harder I pushed her on the wall and placed both of my hands on either side of her, trapping her. “Prove how good you are right now Kim Hyu Me.”

I leaned close to her, bent my head and kissed her.

Everyone gasped when I did that. I pressed my lips harder to her. She was frozen as I did that. I smirked and pulled away from her, I put my mouth near to her ear and whispered. “Is that the best you got Kim Hyu Me?”

When I was about to pull away, my neck was suddenly enclosed with her hands. There was no expression in her face that I can’t even tell what’s on her mind. “We’re not yet done.” She pulled me closer and kissed me this time. I can feel her soft lips on me, moving passionately on my lips.

Her action has surprised me big time. I didn’t have time to think, at first I was controlling her but now here I am, being drawn to her again. I didn’t notice myself responding to her kiss, I didn’t know that I pulled her close, I didn’t know that I grabbed her waist that time.

Few minutes later, I felt her lips form a mischievous smile. I pulled away from the kiss, finally waking up from the trance she has given me. Our eyes met as she caressed my right cheek. “Was I good?”

“I hate you Kim Hyu Me” I pushed her away and left the party. Remember how I said, I forgot about her, I’m disgusted with her, I pity her, and I hate her?

Scrap all of that...

Who am I kidding? Up until know, I still have feelings for that damn girl.

(To be continued....)

Up next... the revelation

the pain

the moments

the last race....