Italicized on the last part: Victoria's point of view

“Amber, stop that. You are just wasting your time and money on that girl.” Victoria said to her best friend Amber as the latter stressed herself over her laptop as she looks for possible gifts to satisfy the taste of her 13^th girlfriend. “I just don’t want her to dump me again.” Said the now worked up Amber, “Just like how the last one did.”

“Like the last 12 girls who dumped you? It’s easy; dump her before she dumps you.” Victoria made it a point to stress the last 12 girls that became a part of Amber’s life, or better yet, a part of her expenses. “You never learn babo. All they ever want from you is your money. Tell me, among all 12, who really showed you any care? Among all twelve, who never asked for anything?”

This question made Amber think real hard, but she answered with a grin, “Well for one, Yuri held me closer after every deed.”

“But tell me what she said after she does that.” Victoria persisted.

“Can you buy me that new iPad? A new Louis Vuitton bag? An Issey Miyaki perfume? All of my friends have it...” Amber said, mimicking her ex’s high pitched voice. Her face suddenly contorted into a mask of disgust as recollection of those nights dawn on her.

“Exactly my point! They show you some ‘love’ then they ask something in return. It’s time for you to look for a girl that will really love you minus all that.” Victoria reached out and patted Amber’s head so as to put sense on her.

“That’s exactly why I am looking for a gift for my new girl. She’s different Vic, I can feel it. That first day I saw her, it’s just so... magical. Yes, that’s the word, magical.” Amber’s face was suddenly dreamy, as she pictured a mental image of Hyuna, the girl she is currently dating. Victoria just rolled her eyes at the sight of her best friend’s dreamy face, playing with a bundle of her blonde hair.

“You never understand anything, don’t you Am? I really thought that because you are a lesbian, you’d be more picky and careful, but no, you look like a lovesick first timer.” Vic remarked, but Amber’s eyes were glued to the laptop, still on the hunt for a gift.

Thoughts of pity and a bit of anger filled Victoria’s mind as she looked at Amber. Ever since they had become friends at the age of 4 on that fateful day when Amber rescued Victoria from a gang of preschool bullies, they were inseparable. 20 years after, they are still together, like real siblings. They are the total opposite of each other, but still they managed to be friends despite their differences, one of which is Amber’s being a lesbian and Victoria a chic and sweet girl. She doesn’t approve of the girls Amber dated, because she sees through them. At first glance, they may look innocent, but Victoria know better than to believe all that front.

Victoria blends in on the background. A girl next door, a great best friend, and a shoulder to cry on. She had acted as Amber’s mother and sister, and in turn, Amber stood up for her like a brother. They had lived together for 5 years now ever since Victoria’s parents died. Amber took it upon herself to ‘adopt’ Victoria in her home, and since Amber is an orphan, their living together was never restricted by anyone. They value and look out for each other, but if there’s one thing Victoria never liked about Amber, it is the latter’s obsession with her girlfriends. A self renowned lesbian, Amber always seek a girl’s love and attention to compensate for the attention she was robbed off as an orphan, but she was never really loved by any of the girls she dated. Being a successful and self-made company CEO, girls flock over Amber with only the thoughts of her riches on their dimmed minds.

“I really can’t understand you Am, I mean, you can have any girl out there, why would you want to settle with hard to get girls who only wants you for your money? Instead of making them control you over, why don’t you make them follow you? After all, you have the money to control your good for nothing girlfriends.” Vic said as she tinkered with the game console they were previously playing before Hyuna called to ask for something. They abandoned the heated game to stress over what the new girl wants, although Vic did it albeit grudgingly.

‘“That’s the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard from you Vic. That’s not good.” Amber said, trying to defend her side while shaking a finger at Victoria’s direction.

“Well, I just don’t want you to waste away your time and energy to some girl who doesn’t even treat you right. Why don’t you give yourself a break? You may never know, the right girl may just be around the corner.” Victoria said unconsciously as she continued playing with the console’s wire.

Amber looked up from her laptop and brought her attention on her best friend seating in front of her. An idea suddenly came swishing on her mind after looking at Victoria. Victoria caught Amber looking with a mischievous expression on her face, “Am? What are you looking at? I am your best friend Am remember-

“Shut up Vic I’m not looking at you that way. What you said made me think...” Amber said as she her chin.

“Great! Finally you listened.” Clapping lazily as if she was amused, Victoria went over to where Amber is seated and pinched the latter’s cheek.

“Aish... That hurts Vic!” Victoria just stuck her tongue out at Amber as she massaged her now flustered cheek. After abandoning the gift hunt, Amber got up from her desk and stretched, removing her eye glasses in the process.

“Yah tell me, why won’t you make it official with Nichkhun hyung? He’s been begging to be your guy for almost a year now.” The topic was suddenly shifted to what Vic avoided the most. She never had a steady relationship; though she dated numerous guys from the past, she had never felt anything for them. She had never fallen in love. But one guy became a constant in her life, Nichkhun Horvejkul. Nichkhun had always been there for her ever since they were introduced to each other by a mutual friend, but Vic had always known that nothing will bloom between them. There was no spark from the first moment she had set eyes on him, and still nothing after getting to know him better for one year. But the fact that he is always there for her made her insides churn from guilt, and unlike her past relationships, he had never showed any signs of giving up even after he realized that Victoria is not interested. All in all, he is a great guy. An ideal one, but she really doesn’t feel anything for him. As much as she wants to feel the same way, she just can’t. She knows how much he likes her, but she just can’t bring herself to open up to him.

“I never allowed him to court me.” Vic just brushed the issue off like it is nothing, but she knew deep down that Amber’s interrogation is just starting.

“But Vicky, you need a man. And Nichkhun hyung is an ideal man for a girl like you.” Amber settled on the couch beside Vic and leaned her head on her shoulder. “Yah, if you really want Nichkhun that much, why don’t you go after him.” Victoria said after leaning her own head on Amber’s.

“If I am a girl I would gladly get him off your back but no, I am not and I won’t ever be one.” Amber smiled as she planted a light punch on Vic’s shoulder, “And oh, Khun is a great man. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is determined, and he works well.” Amber added with a wry smile. Victoria knows how determined Nichkhun is, as if she still needs reminding.

“I don’t put a price on someone, Am. He may be a self made man, but he is not what I am looking for. But you know what? I am not even sure what I am looking for...” Victoria’s word trailed off as she traced circles on Amber’s forehead, a thing she is fond of doing. Amber’s eyes closed as Victoria’s light fingers brushed her forehead. She was tickled by it before, but after years of being used to this, she just made it a point to consider the deed as her stress reliever.

“I don’t understand you Vic.” Amber said, one eye still closed while the other peered at Victoria’s face.

“I know. I don’t need you to understand me; I just want you to listen.”

“I will. I’m just here.” Amber snuggled closer to Victoria and the latter’s face lightened up. “Break up with that girl Am, she’s not worth your expenses.”

Amber sighed, knowing full well that what Victoria said is true. “I guess you’re right.” Her hand reached for her phone and she dialled Hyuna’s number.

Victoria excused herself from the room and got up from the couch as Amber waited for Hyuna to answer her call. The girly woman made her way to the door and exited it, still disappointed about their interrupted game. But after hearing Amber’s voice utter the words let’s break up into the receiver, her cheeks suddenly warmed up and she suddenly felt good.

Minutes after lying down in her canopied bed, sleep overtook Victoria.

• • • •

“I’d offer you my life if I need to, because lady, that’s how much I love you...” Those words, words that woke me up in the midst of a very good dream. Unfamiliar words I know I had never heard of, but Amber’s voice made me close my eyes as I savoured her gentle and husky voice, listening to the unfamiliar song.  I looked over to my right side and saw how pitch black the outside now looks.

Stars. A lot of it covered the ink black vast skies. I was mesmerized by it. I can still remember how I mused when I was younger. I believed in fairytales, I knew that somewhere, someday, I’d find a prince that will build my castle. A castle on one of those stars. Yes, I wanted that. I still do. The castle on the stars that is, minus the prince.

Because I know I wasn’t looking for a prince in reality. Surreal, but no, I am not.

I think I may be looking for a princess.

A strum on a guitar brought me back into reality. Amber was playing on the other room, confined in her own world of magic. Amber had always been like that. Her ability to perfect every single detail, her capacity to be inside her make believe world without being interfered by anyone, and her capability to handle each situation clearly is too great. I offer quick answers and response to problems, but Amber thinks everything through. I liked her for that. I adored her for that.

At the same time, I am envious.

I lack care. I see myself as a bad person. I don’t believe that someone will love a person as mad as I am. I may be confined in my own world, but unlike Amber’s heaven, I lay in the abyss of my darkness.

 I am caged inside a mask of a person I pretend to be.

A real person inside me wants to break free, but somehow I know it’s not easy,

Somehow I know it will never be easy.