You are eighteen and still training. Chanyeol is nineteen will debut in just a few weeks. You are finally in love with Chanyeol and you feel bitter because you don’t want to be. You are sick and tired of his meanness, his silent bullying, and his neglect. You don’t want to love Chanyeol. You don’t even want to have a crush on such a mean boy as him. He always treats the others with respect and with courtesy. He is friendly to almost everyone except you. When you were younger, you merely wanted to be counted among the people that he treated nicely. But now you are old enough to realize that if he doesn’t like you, no force on earth will ever make him feel any differently.

Lately, Chanyeol has been receiving a lot of praise and congratulations and even you decide to forgive him enough to tell him that you’re happy for him. He smiles and acknowledges you for a just little while. And then he goes back to his usual neglect.

You aren’t sure what to do with yourself now that you are not chasing after Chanyeol. Your crush on him had been your life for so long and you didn’t know how to move on. But you decide that perhaps a good place to start is by allowing yourself to like other boys. Yonghan had once asked you out on a date, back when you first joined the company. He’s been increasingly nice to you since then. You smile and think that it is high time you paid him some attention.

You find him one day in the canteen, and he approaches you eagerly with an enthusiastic smile. It is refreshing, you think, to speak with a boy who actually likes you for a change. After a sufficient amount of time talking to Yonghan about trivial subjects, he smiles and is about to say something when the door to the canteen opens again.

Chanyeol, with his newly dyed hair, walks in with his wallet in hand and his cell phone in the other. He looks up at the two of you, looking only mildly interested. He grabs a cup and pours himself some water and you watch him the entire way, not knowing how calm down your heart. You were in the process of getting over him, but your heart still fluttered at the sight of Chanyeol. You needed it to stop.

Yonghan clears his throat, grabbing your attention again, he smiles and continues talking.

“Have you thought about that date I asked you for?” he says. “You know, the offer still stands.”

You hear Chanyeol freeze and stop pouring water for a split second before pouring some more. You widen your eyes at Yonghan. He’s nicer than Chanyeol, a real sweetheart. He’s tall and handsome and cute and likes you as much as you like him. Why not? Chanyeol still hasn’t moved.

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it,” you say, scratching your arm and blushing a little. Yonghan laughs lightly.

“And?” he says, pushing you forward.

“And,” you continue. “I think it’s a good idea. I like it.”

“Really?” he says. “That’s… that’s great. Think maybe Sunday will be good? It’s the only day we have off anyway, SM never rest—,”

“No kidding,” you say. “Sunday sounds good. So… it’s a date then?”

“Yeah,” he says. “So, anything I should take into consideration when planning it/ Do you want some gift or something, like flowers, or—,”

Yonghan opens his mouth to talk, but he shuts it again when the both of you hear a chortle from the other end of the room. Yonghan squints his eyes at Chanyeol, whose back is shaking slightly from laughing. Even you are slightly annoyed by this.

“Yah, Park Chanyeol!” Yonghan calls out. “What’s so funny? Huh?”

Chanyeol turns to face the both of you. He is sitting on a stool now and he is still laughing to himself. “Nothing,” he answers. “It’s just… the two of you? On a date? It’s a pretty hilarious concept if you think about it isn’t it?”

Your jaws drops. What did he say? “And just what the hell do you mean by that?” you bellow. For a second Chanyeol stops laughing and looks directly at you, but another amused smirk makes it onto his face again.

“Do you really want to know?” he says.

“Jerk,” Yonghan says. “You’ve changed a lot, Park Chanyeol. You think that now, just because you’ve been slotted to debut faster than the rest of us that you’re any better? You’re no better than the rest of us, worse even.”

“Never said I was,” Chanyeol says.

“You sure act like an arrogant jerk, then,” you say, causing him to frown. But suddenly another knowing smile spreads over his face as he stares at you.

“And I’m the jerk,” he mutters to himself.

“What?” you say. Chanyeol sighs and turns around in his stool.

“You don’t really even like Kim Yonghan, you’re just taking up his offer for a date because you’re desperate and no one else will date you. You don’t have any intention of seriously dating him either, and neither does he toward you. Yonghan’s a picky guy and he’s just extending this offer to you because he feels bad for you because he knows you’re socially inept and none of the boys will go out with you. This whole escape between the two of you is fake; he’s asking you out just to be nice and you’re just using him to make yourself feel better, and—,”

SMACK. The cup of water in Chanyeol’s hand slips out of his grip and splashes all over the floor, leaving ceramic shards everywhere, a red-hot stinging sensation still burns his left cheek, where your hand and his face made contact. You’ve never slapped Chanyeol before. You’ve never slapped anyone, and for a brief moment you stare at his left cheek, horrified at what you’ve just done. But it all subsides, and now only a mix of heartbroken despair and righteous fury fill you up. You breathe heavily, and Chanyeol swallows a lump in his throat and stares blankly at the floor. You take a step backwards and fight back the angry tears forming in your eyes.

“Why—,” you start to say but you choke on your words. “Why are you so mean to me?” you finally manage to choke out. The air grows thick between the two of you, and the entire room is deathly silent. You bite your lip, and so does Chanyeol, who doesn’t look up to meet your angry gaze. He seems almost ashamed, but he says and does absolutely nothing. A sob escapes your throat and you cover your mouth to keep another one from coming out.

“You’re—,” you manage to say. “You’re so… you’re so horrible to me. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been horrible. Always. And all I ever wanted was for you to see me… my mistake.”

You turn on your heel and apologize to Yonghan on your way out. He tries to chase after you but you beg him to just leave you alone to your thoughts for now. Even though there is still a few more hours before training is over, you decide to head over to the girls’ dorm to calm yourself down. You stare at the right hand that had slapped Chanyeol’s cheek and you just feel stupid. Why did he have to do that? He was always so nice to everyone else, and yet horrible to you. Why does he always single you out? Why does he always leave you out of the picture? And like the stupid little girl you are, the same stupid little girl that wanted to hug him when you were four, the same stupid little girl who gave him a picture when he pulled on your hair and who still like him after he rejected you, you want to say sorry to him.

You roll over on your bed and grab a pillow. You hug it tightly to your chest. Chanyeol would be debuting soon; he would spend less time in the training studios. And you hope that the separation will help to slowly pry his grip on your heart away. Why did you have to love such a heartless jerk as him, who was only ever mean to you and no one else? You are tired of crying for his sake, tired of always having to mend your broken heart. Why can’t he just disappear?

Your tears lull you to sleep for the next few hours until your friend, a fellow trainee, stirs you awake, and she has a bouquet of yellow roses in her arms. You jolt awake and sudden bombard her questions, like which of the boys gave her the flowers. She blushes and laughs and shoves the flowers into your arms, saying that they are for you. You take the flowers from her, pressing their gentle petals to your raw tear-stained face. You inhale their sweet scent. The beautiful wrapping has the logo of the Venus Flower Company, and a single card that simply reads “Dear __. Sorry”. There are a few other things that were written, but they have been erased thoroughly. Suddenly, things don’t seem so bad anymore. You smile and your friend explains that Yonghan had asked her to give them to you.

Yonghan. You always did have a good feeling about him. You thank your friend and around your bed in search of your cell phone, and you curse when you realize that it’s nowhere to be found. You planned to call Yonghan to thank him, but you realize that your phone is probably still in the canteen. You take your flowers with you and you excuse yourself to head back to the canteen.

The walk back there doesn’t take long. When you walk inside, you flip the light switch on and begin searching everywhere for it. You set the bouquet of yellow roses down on a table and search under the chairs and on every surface, everywhere that you were a few hours ago. You finally find it by the water fountain, and you hurriedly begin looking for Yonghan’s number in your contact list.

But in the corner of your eye you spot a small brown square, and upon closer inspection, you see that it is a wallet. Your wallet is rectangular shaped and is of a different color. A brown leather wallet… obviously a boy’s wallet. You put your phone down for a few seconds to pick it up and inspect, and when you open it, there is, thankfully, an ID.

For one Park Chanyeol. You sigh, hating fate at this moment for having to bring up this boy again. But curiosity gets the better of you and you open up one of the pockets. Chanyeol does not carry a lot of money in cash, but he does have a habit of keeping every single receipt her receives for every purchase he makes. The excessive amount of paper fattens up his wallet, and your clumsy hands cause a few of them to fall out. You stoop down to pick them up and stuff back into the wallet. There are receipts from all kinds of stores: McDonald’s, a nearby convenience store, from an ATM and from… the Venus Flower Company.

This one catches your attention. You drop the wallet back onto the counter for a moment and inspect it thoroughly. The date is from… today. It says it is a delivery. It was paid for by card… Chanyeol’s card, to be specific. This all confuses you. Your friend had clearly said that the flowers were from Yonghan. You check the receipt again and again and reread the items he bought. A dozen yellow roses. But—

“What are you doing?” says a deep baritone voice from behind you. The suddenness of it causes you to jump a bit, and you hurriedly stuff the receipt into your pocket before turning and facing Chanyeol. He has a slightly angry look on his face and he is eyeing you warily. He switches his gaze between you, the wallet, and the bouquet of flowers on the table. You try to smile nervously, but even that fails you. He takes three purposeful strides toward you and hold out his hand.

“The wallet,” he says. Obeying, you turn around and grab his wallet from the counter and hand it back to him. He stuffs it into his back pocket, but doesn’t take his eyes off of you. “What’s in your pocket?” he asks.

You gulp, and reach for the receipt again, but you only hold onto it tighter. You’re not the victim here; Chanyeol is the one who has some explaining to do. “Why did you send me flowers?” you ask.

The question catches him off-guard and his eyes suddenly widen. He is visibly distressed and he takes his eyes off of you and focuses them on his feet. “You… you shouldn’t be looking through other people’s things. It’s none of your business.”

“It becomes my business when you start sending me favors like this,” you say. Chanyeol is quiet again. He bites his lips, and you can’t deny that he looks cute this way. You aren’t used to seeing him humbling himself this way.

You try to keep yourself from smiling, but one ends up on your face anyway. “You were trying to apologize,” you say. “You felt bad about earlier and now you want to apologize. That’s it, right?”

Chanyeol takes a deep breath, looks off to the side, and gives a curt nod. But this gesture alone is enough to make you slightly giddy again. “Chanyeol,” you say. “This is the first nice thing you’ve done.”

“What?” Chanyeol says. “I’m always nice.”

“But not to me,” you say. “Why is that? I want you to tell me. Why are you nice to everyone except me? You always hang out and talk with the others… but when it comes to me, you suddenly turn into a jerk. It… it hurts, you know?”

“I know,” he says, interrupting you for a minute. He seems more nervous now, as though he were making a return to the shy and bumbling Chanyeol that you knew as a child. He’d always been confident and happy-go-lucky, but around you he always seemed to freeze up. “This… isn’t how I imagined it would be like.”

You wrinkle your eyebrows at him. “How what would be like?” You absentmindedly grab the flowers from the table and cradle them to your chest. Chanyeol stuffs his hands into his pocket. He no longer looks angry or demanding or menacing. He looks like a little boy again, feeling ashamed as he owes up to his mistakes. He takes a deep breath.

“How what would be like?” you ask again. He lifts his chin and holds your gaze for what seems like a long time and utters one word:

“Confessing.”

You don’t move or talk or do anything for a while. You are utterly stunned and Chanyeol just looks at you with a gentle expression on his face and a corner of his mouth twitches like he’s trying to smile but can’t. He did not just say that. Did he? How could he? You’ve known Chanyeol your entire life, and not once has he done anything nice for you. And yet he suddenly… confesses to you. And in this way, too.

“But—,” you say. “You’ve… you’ve been nothing but horrible to me. If… If you actually like me then why did you insult me this afternoon and why did you trade me to Jongin last year and why—,”

“I know!” he yells, cutting you off. “I know… I… I explained it all in the note on the flowers—,”

“All you said was ‘sorry’,” you say. “There’s no explanation at all.”

“Well… ugh, explaining this is too complicated. It’s because… because I don’t know how to act around you.”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” he says again. “I just feel… I’m just not sure how to act when I’m around you. I feel like I’m being pulled in a direction that I’m not certain about. And it’s confusing and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do… about you, I mean. And what to do with what I feel towards you.”

You gape at him for a moment before a huge grin spreads onto your face. Oh Chanyeol. You should have known that he was still a child at heart, a little boy who still had not reached that stage of emotional development. He was still a little boy pulling at the plaits of all the little girls in the playground, vying for their attention. It makes sense to you now; because he couldn’t express himself properly, he chose to act in the only way he had ever known to act toward you. That is, like a bully.

“You’re mean to me because you like me,” you say to sum up all that he wants to explain. Chanyeol takes a deep breath, blushes a little, and nods. “How long?” you ask. “How long have you liked me?”

In response, Chanyeol goes back to his wallet. He opens it up and fishes around for a piece of paper, and when he finally has it, he walks towards you, biting the inside of his cheek, and shows you a tattered piece of paper with your delicate handwriting on it. “Since here,” he says when you take it from him. You peer down at it and read the first few sentences: “Dear Chanyeol, I’ve never done this before and I’m a little nervous. But I think I believe in you enough to know—,”

“Since Valentine’s Day when I confessed,” you say, more to yourself as a sort of confirmation. Chanyeol takes another deep breath; obviously he is just as unsure of this moment as you are. But instead of feeling nervous, you felt joyous. Chanyeol, whom you’d loved for a long time, liked you for just as long. You felt your heart being reborn.

“I thought you threw it away,” you say and Chanyeol shakes his head.

“Kept it,” he says. “I… I am sorry for being mean to you, though. Only explanation I can give is that I was an immature kid, and in some way I still am. I didn’t want to hurt you. I just didn’t know how not to. In any case, I… I don’t want to be mean to you anymore. Besides, that slap you gave me earlier? Really sends a clear message.”

You smile a little at his joke. Suddenly you notice that the flowers are yellow, just like the ones in the picture you tried to offer him when you were nine and he was ten. He’s still handsome, but even more than when you were thirteen and he was fourteen.

“So?” he says, his voice a little shaky and nervous, he rubs his hands together. He gives you a smile though and you can only feel happy beyond belief. Prior to this moment, you had only ever dreamed about being with Chanyeol this way. You look into his eyes, which are silently begging you to accept his apology and let him start over, and he smiles so sincerely. You realize that you are in love with him, in any and every way that a girl can love a boy.

You unexpectedly reached out with a surge of boldness and grab his hand. This seems to surprise him as he stares at his hand, clasped in yours and gives you a confused look.

“What?” he says. You smile like an idiot and drag him towards the door.

“Let’s go on a date!” you yell back to him. Chanyeol raises his eyebrows at you but doesn’t protest or try to wriggle out of your grasp.

“Wait,” he says. “Right now?”

“Yes!” you answer. “Of course!”

“That fast? Shouldn’t we… kiss… or something, first?”

But by the time this sentence leaves his mouth, you are already thinking ahead of him. You stop abruptly, just before the two of you can walk out that door, and you lean over and plant a big kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek. He still cringes a little at the contact, but more out of habit than from outright disgust. Then, he relaxes against it, and smiles when he thinks you aren’t looking. You smile again and laugh a little because you are just so happy. You drag him out the door and he stumbles closely behind you, his hands limp in yours.

But for once, he doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t insult you. Chanyeol feels happy. Just as happy as you are. You aren’t quite sure what to do now. For the longest time, you had simply crushed on him from afar, longing for him, and wanting him. But now that he was actually yours, you had no idea what to do. But you looked forward to what was in store. And just then, right when you beginning to feel that perhaps it was all a dream, perhaps you were in your room sleeping while your subconscious minds spins dreams out of thin air…

…Chanyeol gives your hand a tight squeeze.

You are eighteen years old, and Chanyeol is nineteen.
You are in love with him, and he is in love with you
And your story continues beyond these confines

Author’s Commentary:

Call me sadistic, but I kinda like the idea of Chanyeol being mean to the girl he likes because he’s such an immature little boy who hasn’t reached that stage of emotional development yet. I drew some inspiration from this song that I forgot the title of, but that’s where the title “pulling plaits” came from, referring to little boys pulling on little girls’ braids. I intended this to be light and fluffy, so hopefully I achieved that. Thank you for reading!