Just a little heads up: I might be busy this week with other things, so if I don't update for this, please don't be upset. That's why this repost is nice and long for you readers to enjoy. If anything, I'll try to squeeze in an update during the weekend.

Reminder: No stealing or copying or translating or plagiarizing my fic! I will make your life miserable if you do...

Repost: 7/27/15

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Still The Same

Deep in his heart, he honestly didn’t want to, but Yifan reluctantly pulled away from your welcoming embrace. He stared reverently at you, an angel wearing a joyful expression with your attention solely aimed at him.

He was in bliss.

Taking a second, Yifan critically examined you. Your glossy black hair was trimmed shorter than before, just an inch above your slim shoulders, and, like he had mentioned before, your bangs, which were usually parted from the right, were mindfully clipped back to reveal your lovely face. In the fresh lighting of the kitchen, it was easy to discern that your porcelain skin looked naturally soft and healthy. Overall, the features of your pale, exquisite face had barely changed. Same cute, small nose. Same gentle, heart-shaped face. Same alluring, intelligent eyes. Same pink, plush lips. You were glaringly short versus Yifan’s towering build, but you weren’t exactly below average height for a woman.

Despite your age, you appeared to be stuck on the border between a teenage girl and a young adult. You had subtle curves, a toned body, and a slim hourglass shape, but the only thing that gave away your true age was the soul- look in your eyes, which genuinely conveyed how wise you were. Also, your voice was another aspect to consider. When serious, your velvety voice instantly became low, hard, and mature. But even so, you were normally lively and adept.

As you resumed working on icing your cupcakes, Yifan leaned against a nearby table counter and watched you intently. He was peppered with questions from you—about his health, his previous jobs, his adventures, his brothers, and his general life in Beijing. Used to how you would be thorough in inspecting him every time he would formerly return for visits, he confidently answered back each and every one of your queries.

Imminently, you asked him out of the blue, “Found that special someone yet?”

Yifan nearly blanched, but quickly refrained himself from doing so, then said dismissively, “Not really. I guess...it’s because no one has caught my eye.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.

Lifting your unconvinced gaze his way, you cocked a skeptical brow at him. “Shouldn’t a strong, handsome man like you, who’s already twenty-three years old, put in the effort to find the right woman to date seriously? My word, Yifan, when’s the last time you dated?”

Feeling cornered, Yifan gulped and smacked his lips nervously at your prodding. “Um, about...three years ago, I think?” he answered hesitantly.

Three years ago, when he’d tried fruitlessly to get over you, struggling to forget the affection and gravity that you easily had over him. But no, he couldn’t. It’d been impossible. You wouldn’t stop popping in every thought he had.

It was tedious and exhausting how he was unable to quell the indisputable feelings he had for you. It drove him absolutely crazy.

It was wrong, though. Loving a sister as if she wasn’t.

That was why he had attempted to lock up those improper feelings—to shove them in a vault, shut the door tight, and forget the password—but even then, those very feelings were tenacious, refusing to be detained.

When was it that he realized he was head over heels for you?

The answer was: he had always loved you; it’s just he hadn’t known what type of love it was. However, the reason why behind his love for you was unfathomable.

Yifan did recall when he’d entered high school, he had contemplated over why he’d often stare at you dazedly, over why he would instantly blush when you said his name, over why his heart would flutter blissfully when you touched him.

He hadn’t exactly known. Never tempered nor rejected it. He’d only enjoyed the moments he had with you. Each moment, so precious, written in his life’s story as a piece that he’d always want to remember.

I don’t want to date anyone if it isn’t you, he wanted to say truthfully, badly tempted to in his current situation as he stood alone with you, but doing so would result in a heap of confusion and chaos.

So instead, he mildly said in a dull tone, “Not everyone needs to date to be happy. Look at you...” He should’ve zipped his lips but mechanically continued on, “You’re twenty-seven years old and haven’t dated once.”

You suddenly stopped observing your handiwork and went rigid. Upon seeing your frozen state, Yifan thought he must have offended you and instantly felt guilty, his chest clenching in worry.

Yifan was about to blurt out all the apologies his heart could pour out until you spoke up lightly, “I guess no one has caught my eye either.” You released a small chuckle, having repeated his words right back at him. But inwardly, you were pained and distraught.

It’s because my heart has been closed off for so many years now. It’s because the love I have now is sufficient, but not fulfilling, for there are no romantic feelings outwardly involved. It’s because...the love I want, I can’t have. If I can’t have it, then I won’t have any other to replace it.

Wistfulness and regret flashed in your tightened eyes, and Yifan thought he saw it, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. Finally meeting his worried gaze, you attempted a meek, guilty smile, playfully winking at him.

“At least we got each other, huh?” you joked, but your tone underlined with sincerity. Yifan smiled slightly at your humor. Then you tacked on hastily as an afterthought, “And the other boys, of course. But I seriously think that Channie needs to actually consider trying to get to know a girl rather than just flirting with her. Joonmyun and Kyungsoo stopped having interest because they’re always piled up with work here and at school. And I have an inkling that Tao strongly prefers shopping over dating.” You paused after babbling so much, biting your lips in vexation. Each thought of every one of the boys being with another girl hurt, like knives stabbing into your chest, but you allowed the attacks to pierce and endured the pain the best you could. But why? Why do that?

Although you loved them dearly, so much that you were breaking apart at the seams, you were just too noble, too generous. Your past with them may have been forgotten, but you let the boys be whoever they wanted to be. It would’ve been too selfish to control every aspect of their lives, for you thought they were at their happiest since they could enjoy the freedom and opportunities here on Earth. Who were you to ruin that for them? Certainly not someone who profoundly cared for them.

Every one of the boys had at least dated or admitted they had a crush. Even Sehun and Kai, the youngest two. You remembered the era in your life when Kai and Luhan had remained in a relationship for the longest of times and that was when you wanted to bury yourself in a grave. But that almost didn’t hold a candle compared to how many girls Yifan, Xiumin, and Chen had dated. You weren’t accusing them, but dating over seven girls in the past few years really put a toll on your heart, your patience, and your sanity. Hearing them jabber about girls you’ve never met, prattling about how pretty they were or how much they fawned over them. Talking about what to do during dates or needing opinions on how to impress them—

You needed to slap yourself awake or else you would fall right into an abyss.

As if knowing what you were stressing about, Yifan muttered, “I’m sorry.”

You smiled bleakly. “Sorry for what, Yifan? Anyways, I’ll go see all the boys later when my shift is over. I’ll help umma cook.”

Brushing it off won’t help, Aris, Yifan thought with a sympathizing frown. I would know. I’ve done it so many times, but the pain just grows more and more until you finally lose it.

Instead of telling you that, Yifan only stayed by your side as you silently and diligently worked. The heavy silence was stifling, but it was better than being away from you, so Yifan did not complain.

...

That evening, everyone was bouncing in joy over the family dinner that hadn’t been in full attendance for a long while.

The feast was prepared and cooked by none other than you, Eunsun, Kyungsoo, and Suho. Everyone was accounted for—Baekhyun and Chanyeol from their college retreat and Sehun from his extracurricular activity.

The crybabies, Tao and Sehun, shed happy tears upon witnessing how their brothers were all together once again under the same roof. These brothers who smiled handsomely, hugged each other warmly, and joked around as if they’ve never been apart.

The dining table (a different one bought long ago) could seat about ten people if squished together. Chanyeol and Sehun retrieved stools from the garage so that some of them could eat by the high counters.

The noise of merry, loud, and full-spirited conversations filled the air. The atmosphere was light and free, making everyone feel at ease. Food was hastily devoured by eager mouths, the taste of home cooking impossible to describe in words.

You sat between Yixing and Xiumin, who both felt accomplished that they were and proceeded to deviously hog your attention. Unfortunately for them, your attention was divided everywhere—chiding Chanyeol for his poor table manners, laughing at a joke Chen whispered over to you, giving more food to Yixing, and always smiling when your gaze met another’s. For example, you and Luhan, who sat diagonally from you, would glance sideways simultaneously and then your lips would quirk up sweetly at the exchange. Afterward when he would turn away, a distracted look of rapture would slip on to Luhan’s dollish face, his cheeks flushing pink. Sehun would notice in puzzlement and poke his older brother’s cheek, asking what was up with him.

“Tsk, tsk, Yixing-ah,” Eunsun chided lightly, eyeing the said boy. “You’re so skinny. Have you been starving yourself?”

Also worried about his deceptively frail appearance, you fully faced him in concern. That action flustered him, his self-conscious gaze flitting back and forth restlessly. “You should eat more and tone down the exercise, Yixing,” you advised. “I don’t want you to faint if you’re malnourished.”

Sheepish and amiable, Yixing nodded at your prescription then ducked his head away as if to hide. “Y-yes, I understand,” he acquiesced.

“So who’s gonna stay here, and who’s gonna move in with Aris-noona?” Kai asked aloud, risking such exposure of the tempting proposal, although it wasn’t a total secret. All heads whipped over to the tan-skinned male sharply at the reminder.

“I WILL!” shouted Xiumin, Luhan, and Tao, fervid and heated.

“Awww, why do only EXO-M get the offer?” Chanyeol complained, pouting.

Baekhyun also pouted along, but it masked his displeased frown that was worn underneath. “Does noona even have enough room at her place?”

Having heard him, you confirmed, “I have enough space to house about four more people if no one minds sharing a room.”

“We don’t,” Xiumin said hastily. “It’s no problem.”

“So, then, who’s the fourth person?” wondered Luhan, his brows scrunched together as he noted the uneven number of people. He and the other two who already called dibs pointedly stared at the unspoken three—Yifan, Yixing, and Chen.

Yifan was hesitant as he inwardly debated. Yixing looked bashful and timid as if unsure whether or not to decide. And Chen was peering at his undecided older brothers with an uncertain, searching look.

Finally, Yifan sighed resignedly and addressed Yixing and Chen, “One of you can have the spot.” It hurt to give up precious time and proximity with you, but it was noble of him to be unselfish and giving.

“Really?” Chen asked, looking astonished. “You don’t want to live at noona’s apartment?” But then again, Yifan was a self-sacrificer, perpetually watching out and considering his brothers before himself.

“Um...” Yixing flickered his wide, unsure gaze between you and Chen, obviously stuck in a bind. “I’ll...stay. I have your old room, anyway,” he concluded, the last part spoken to you. He honestly didn’t mind having privacy and being alone, but if you weren’t there, he was dreadfully lost.

“Daebak!” Chen cheered, high-fiving Xiumin over the dinner table victoriously. “I get to live with noona!”

You laughed at the display of childish triumph and then announced, “Alright. After everyone has their fun for today, you four will grab your stuff and we’ll head over to my apartment.”

Kai gnawed on his lower lip furiously, rankled. I am not jealous, he thought fervently, trying to convince himself otherwise. He even began to madly chant the sentence in his head. I am not jealous. I am not jealous. I am not jeal—

“What’s up with your angry pouting, Jongin?” Kyungsoo whispered, interrupting the younger one’s mental rant with an all-knowing grin.

Fished from his inner tirade, Kai blushed knowing that his feelings were easily read. “I-I—it’s nothing! I wasn’t pouting! No way!” Luckily for him, no one else heard his panicked outburst due to the din of conversations and clatter of silverware on plates.

Kyungsoo chuckled, his round eyes twinkling, but he let the subject go. “Okay, but don’t act so obvious next time.”

“Whatever,” Kai mumbled, embarrassed and glum. He poked at his meal, his appetite gone.

Half an hour later, dinner ended on a good note. On dish duty was Yixing, Suho, and Eunsun. After clearing out and wiping down the table, Kyungsoo had joined Chen, Baekhyun, and Tao in the living room where they were absorbed in watching a drama on TV. Yifan had gone upstairs to check on his belongings, which he had previously neglected to unpack before. Chanyeol, Kai, and Sehun had disappeared into the game room, entertaining themselves over video games. Occupying a spare couch, Xiumin and Luhan were conversing in Chinese, their topics consisting mostly of sports and job opportunities.

From the hallway where you silently stood leaning against the wall, you smiled affectionately at the lovely family scene before you.

They never change, do they?

Deciding to get some fresh air, you quietly went upstairs. Ambling down the hall, you crossed over to the window that was nearest to your old room—now Yixing’s—and slid it open. A crisp, potent scent sailed into your nose as you stepped out onto the familiar roof platform.

“This scene never gets old,” you sighed in relief, your body soaking in the alleviation as it loosened in relaxation. The sun was nearly gone in the horizon, the last few streaks of gold and orange sunlight vanishing into the dark navy canvas that was the sky, which was numerously dotted with tiny, twinkling stars. The cool nighttime breeze blew by, playing with the stray ends of your hair and leaving a trail of goosebumps on your exposed skin. Having forgotten to wear a jacket, you huddled near the wall, your crisscrossed arms tucked against your chest and your legs curled up protectively against your body as closely as possible. Letting your eyelids fall halfway down, you reflected on today’s events.

My brothers—my boys—are all back safe and sound. They are one again. It’s great that they all look happy and healthy and lively. I couldn’t be happier. Well, it’s more accurate to say that I’m more relieved and thankful. It was hard to let EXO-M move to China for so many years, but I got over it, managing to only allow myself to be anxious rather than fearful until I saw their faces again.

Then you reflected on more than just today and the previous years. Way farther than that.

None of them have shown any signs of remembering anything about their past. I guess the spell worked...exceptionally well, then. Although, I do wonder what would happen if they were into a situation that strongly reminded them of their past. But...so far, I’ve seen nothing of the sort. Their bodies and minds scarcely react. Even so, memory loss or not, they still have that impulsive urge to cling to me like when we were little. Only this time...I’m just their dear older sister.

A dry, humorless chuckle bubbled from your throat, then you sighed glumly as you ran your fingers through your windblown hair. At night, it was as if your eyes had blended into the dark setting, the light in them dim and distant.

Twelve years... I can’t believe it’s been twelve whole years. I feel very...old. You examined your pale hands. Hands that labored so much in their life. I was cheated ten years of my life. Ten years that I never got to live. So it feels like I’ve only been alive for seventeen years, which is my true age. Ugh, I have to admit, skipping into puberty was awful. Your lips twisted into a rueful smile. But everything I’ve ever done to get here was worth it. We’re all grown up and perfectly well.

Lifting your chin, you peered up at the brilliant night sky contemplatively.

Years later, I still wonder. Is my family back home doing well?

In your head, you conjured up different scenarios your real family might be stuck in. So much of your fabricated assumptions were full of grayness, smothered in depression and loss and dread. Unanswered questions ran through your mind, haunting you with their existence. It’s been tormenting you for years under your brave, unconcerned façade.

Did Father ever receive my letter? Is he well? Is Onew king? Are all my brothers—Jonghyun, Key, Minho, and Taemin—still together? Are they safe? What’s the condition of SHINee? Are they coping alright without me there? Because...I miss them terribly to the point where I feel like they’re not real anymore. Was it all a dream?

No. You knew for certain it wasn’t a dream, because when you concentrated the slightest and held out your fingers, wisps of blue-white magic would flutter into existence, furling away like coiling snakes from your fingertips.

I still possess my magic. Something no human on Earth should have. I’ve hidden it for so long that I barely recall the last time I needed it.

It was a good thing that your magic faded soon after, for a certain someone found you relaxing lonesomely on the rooftop again. This very person was well-educated in the fact that you loved it up here and would often escape here without telling anyone.

“Hey, noona!” Baekhyun chirped, beaming as he climbed out onto the platform and steadied himself carefully before inching closer to you.

“Hey, to you, too, Baekkie,” you responded genially.

Plopping down next to you, he frowned at your lack of warm clothing. “You’ll catch a cold if you’re not wearing a jacket.”

You hugged your bare arms, goosebumps evident on your skin. “I’m fine,” you assured him. “It’s not that cold.”

“But still, noona, you have to be mindful of the weather,” he insisted, concerned no matter what when regarding your health. Without warning, he shrugged off his jacket and draped it over you.

Now it was your turn to frown. “Baekhyun, you need it more than I do.”

“No, I don’t,” he retorted, giving you a reassuring look. “I’m a healthy boy.”

You reached up to brush aside his slightly wavy fringe, his smooth forehead thoughtfully.  “Liar,” you murmured. “One time you caught the flu and looked awful. You kept complaining how you felt dizzy and wouldn’t stop throwing up. Your fever was really high, too.”

Baekhyun became sheepish, flushing a rosy color at the cool sensation of your stimulating touch. “That was just one time!” he protested, but couldn’t deny it.

You rolled your eyes. “And then Chanyeol and Sehun contracted the flu, too. Now that was a handful to deal with.”

“It was their fault. They wouldn’t stop fussing over me,” muttered Baekhyun, remembering how Chanyeol and Sehun had fretfully hovered over his bedridden form. Baekhyun had accidentally let loose a huge sneeze, and thus the other two boys had contracted the sickness.

You laughed sweetly, a beautiful, refreshing sound that made angels envious. “Then you know without a doubt that they care.” You gave Baekhyun a significant nod. “You know, you missed the sunset.”

Baekhyun pouted. “Drat.”

“How about we stargaze instead?” you suggested, just to please him.

And he was pleased. He brightened positively. “Stars? Can you show me the constellations and galaxies?” he begged. “You took astronomy in college, right?”

Seeing his interest and enthusiasm, you smiled compliantly and patted the space between the two of you. “Sure. Why not? Let’s lay down.”

Lying on your backs with your legs stretched out, you and Baekhyun had a broad view of the inky night sky. Baekhyun was partially snuggled up against your body, tucked in the welcoming crook of your arm, and you let him do so without a single complaint. As you explained whatever came to mind, you pointed to the different stars and specific constellations—only the ones that were visible to the eye—and rattled off their names and any mythological stories about them. Fascinated, Baekhyun wore an amazed look and listened in wonder. Soon enough, he seemed to have dozed off, having spent so much of his energy paying attention to you as you spoke in your soft, alluring voice. His head of light brown hair slumped onto your shoulder, using it as a pillow.

You chuckled fondly at the sight of his innocent, sleeping face. Making sure not to disturb him, you carefully adjusted his position so that he was now fully draped with his jacket that he had originally surrendered to you. Tilting your chin, you planted a tender kiss on his smooth forehead.

“Silly, I won’t get sick because I’m more than just healthy,” you whispered against his warm skin. He sighed contently in his sleep, enjoying your company even when unconscious.

Not uttering a single word, you lifted your index finger and cast a simple spell, one that would handle and maintain body temperature. Such a spell was useful for situations that involved the drastic changes in weather. All you had to do was concentrate the slightest to secure it.

Then, feeling warm and snug, you also dozed off, the tiniest of smiles laced on your lips.

...

“Now, where did that daughter of mine sneak off to?” Eunsun mumbled to herself thoughtfully as she trudged upstairs. “She’s supposed to get ready with the boys to drive them over to her place, but I haven’t seen her since dinner ended. That silly girl, wandering off on her own again.” Nearly an hour has passed, and Eunsun had yet to locate her adopted daughter. The other boys were also wondering where their sister had disappeared off to, but Eunsun (forcibly) ordered them to sit tight so she could find you herself without causing a ruckus. After all, those sons of hers would go bananas and uproot the Earth’s crust just to search for you.

“Now, if Aris-ah wanted a quiet place where she could think to herself without being disturbed, then...” Eunsun trailed off when she spied a window that was pried ajar and left unattended. A lightbulb lit up over her head as she shifted gears and crossed over to the window. She poked her head out of it and scanned the nearby area.

“Oh, I guess Baekhyun found her first, not me,” Eunsun said softly in amusement, seeing that you and Baekhyun were blissfully napping on the roof. It was a very peaceful and loving scene. “Maybe I’ll let them sleep for a little bit longer. Knowing Aris-ah, she wouldn’t allow Baekhyun-ah to catch a cold.”

Humming a sound of merry confirmation, Eunsun her heels and traveled back downstairs, bringing news to everyone that they should wait just a tad longer.

Waiting has been no problem to them anyways. Well, sometimes. Even patience has its limits, especially when it concerns you, Aris-ah.

...

A while later, you and Baekhyun were dutifully woken up from your refreshing nap by Eunsun. She reminded you with a great amount of emphasis of how much time had passed, which generally meant how long everyone else had been waiting. Aghast by your own thoughtlessness, you hurried downstairs and apologized fervently to Xiumin, Luhan, Chen, and Tao—the four boys who were temporarily moving in with you—for losing track of time. The four boys already had their essentials packed and ready to go.

“Don’t be a nuisance to noona,” Kai advised them, pinning them with a warning glare.

Xiumin made a disgruntled face. “Just because you’re taller and stayed around her longer, doesn’t mean you can boss me around. Remember, bud: I’m your hyung.”

“Don’t worry, Kai. I’ll watch over these rascals,” Chen promised with a joking wink.

Luhan rolled his eyes at the irony and bluntly stated it aloud, “You’re a rascal, too, ChenChen.”

Chen bristled defensively. “Hey! Don’t use that nickname! It’s embarrassing.” He mumbled that last part under his breath.

“EXO-M are always spoiled more by noona,” Baekhyun muttered glumly as you and the other four slipped on your shoes at the entrance hall.

Having heard the low complaint, Kyungsoo poked his brother’s cheek. “Aren’t you the one who just spent time with noona alone?” he accused, intentionally pointing out the obvious with a raised brow.

Baekhyun whipped his head away bashfully, ignoring Kyungsoo’s smug look as a fierce blush painted his cheeks and ears a vibrant apple red. “N-no, I wasn’t!” he objected heatedly, which was an easily detectable lie. Poor him.

“Are you sure you don’t me to drive all of you there instead?” Suho asked you while Xiumin opened the front door.

You gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “No, we’re fine. But thanks for the offer, Joonmyun.”

It was spellbinding, the way you said any of their names so lovingly, how the very word would fall right off your tongue and be caressed by your lush lips. That action itself was casual and somewhat habitual, but the effect was impossible to break free from. All of the boys would be entirely and helplessly captivated. Like right now, for instance, Suho felt dazed and self-conscious as he stood there dumbly, trying to find his verve again.

“Uh, yeah. Drive safely, then,” he managed to say. He felt like an abandoned puppy as he stayed back and watched you leave. You gave him one last smile for the day as you shut the door behind you.

“Bye!” Eunsun hollered out the window she had cracked open. Everyone else followed suit as they either yelled or waved their goodbyes. Gear shifted to reverse, you pulled out of the driveway backwards and expertly entered the road. Then you shifted gears again and drove away out of sight.

By the window where he stood, Kai sulked as he gazed sadly at the road. Every day is like this, he thought miserably. Watching you leave and waiting for you to come back. It’s unbearable, but at least I know for certain that you’ll always come back. But still, I miss the old days when we were all together.

...

If driving, it only took ten minutes to reach your destination—your apartment. The neighborhood was safe, and there was a convenient store around the corner to supply you with essentials.

Your apartment was located on the highest floor—the sixth floor. Luckily, the elevator was empty, so with all the suitcases and packs carried along, you and the boys swiftly traveled upstairs with ease.

“Here we are!” you sang as you unlocked the door.

Your apartment was livable based on the more-than-decent conditions of its structure and utilities, nothing peeling apart or poorly inoperable. Your furniture was plain in design but provided the coziness needed. Upon entering the threshold, there was a bit of space where you had a shoe rack situated against the wall. Past that was immediately the living room, which dominated a significant portion of the left side while the leftover space on the right side was the dining room and the kitchenette in the far back corner. Across the living room in the back was a small hallway that led to the moderately-sized bedrooms—three in all, since you hadn’t bothered to make an office/study room. However, there was only one bathroom, so that had to be shared amongst everyone. On the furthermost wall were double slider doors flanked by drapes—a veranda.

“Cute,” commented Tao, beaming appreciatively. He liked your neat, comfortable home. The decorations were few in amount, like the evenly aligned artwork hung on the walls and the fuzzy rug on the floor. The walls were painted a soft azure blue, bordered by white trims. The flooring was tile in the main area, whilst the bedrooms had beige-colored carpeting.

“Go on and pick your rooms and roommates,” you urged with a playful, encouraging grin, even making the motion of shooing them away with your hands.

Excited, the four boys rushed off like horses racing across a field. Calls of who got which room or which bed echoed loudly down the hall.

Their childish energy sure was something to admire or be envious of. Deciding to give them time to sort themselves out, you went over to the back double doors and slid it ajar so that you could step out onto the veranda.

“Ah,” you exhaled, relishing the feel of the outdoors. The night was still cool and pleasant, enticing you to fall asleep right there. Resisting the urge to, you plopped down onto a patio chair, sinking into the seat languidly.

Somehow, you felt...exhausted.

Is it my mind or my body? you thought, assessing yourself speculatively. Lately, I’ve been sleeping more and keep losing my appetite. It’s not that I’m sick, but rather...

Touching your forehead, you frowned, not sensing anything amiss by evaluating your temperature. I never have fevers since I can avoid them using magic, and I’m sure I don’t have a headache... So what’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m just physically unhealthy or out-of-shape? Ah, no. That can’t be. I’m always active.

You pursed your lips into a thin, troubled line. It’s highly possible that it’s my body...maybe because of those spells I did long ago. The symptoms are finally catching up to me, then? That doesn’t bode well.

“Aris?”

You broke free from your worrisome mulling and glanced up to see Luhan approaching you. As if a reflexive action, you threw him a warm smile in greeting, erasing any evidence of your dreary pondering.

“Hey, Luhan, when do you just call me ‘Aris’?” you questioned with a teasing lilt to your tone.

Belatedly realizing his mistake, Luhan blinked rapidly and blushed a delicate pink, his resemblance to a painted porcelain doll uncanny. “I-I’m sorry!” he blurted out, covering his mortified face as he took your teasing a little too seriously to heart.

His thoroughly distressed and flustered expression made you burst into giggles. When those giggles subsided, you waved a placating hand at him. “Ahahaha, no, no. I was joking, Luhan. Don’t worry so much. I don’t mind if you address me without honorifics.”

Behind the cover of his hands, Luhan tentatively peeked through his fingers and searched your face for any lies, but all he saw was sincerity. Hope and relief shone in his doe-like eyes. “Re-really?” I’ve been referring to you as ‘Aris’ in my head for so long. It seems...natural for me to do that. I don’t know why—it’s just instinctive.

After you nodded in honest encouragement, Luhan calmed down, almost glowing in elation at your proposal. He moved to sit down on the patio chair neighboring yours. Before him was the spectacular view of the city, with its high buildings, twinkling lights, roaming cars, and hustling people. It was nice to observe, but it wasn’t exactly beautiful enough to admire forever.

“Have you finished unpacking?” you inquired conversationally, hoping that you didn’t look as tired as you felt.

“Er, yes...in a way,” Luhan replied after a moment, hands clasped as he fiddled with his thumbs. “Zitao is organizing his accessories, and Minseok is making sure his clothes are all neat. Chen is like me, lounging around after unpacking. I think he’s going to get ready for bed soon, though.”

Shifting your gaze elsewhere, you calculated the time in your head. “Hmmm...it’s almost ten o’ clock, isn’t it? Wow, then it’s getting late. I sure took a long nap earlier, huh?”

Luhan’s ribbon-like lips curved up, but his smile was slightly smudged with bitterness. “Yes, you did. With Baekhyun, nonetheless.”

“He actually fell asleep first,” you remarked, a tender expression softening your angelic features. “It was a nice moment...”

You shouldn’t have said that aloud. Luhan felt a twinge of prickling jealousy, thinking how it was so unfair that Baekhyun had ‘alone time’ with you. Technically he was having his own ‘alone time’ with you right now, but compared to then, it wasn’t as...cuddly.

To change that, he reached out with his long, lean arm to deliberately take your hand in his warm one. His sudden boldness made you blink in confusion, but you immediately recognized how he craved for your attention and affection, just like when he was younger.

As if reading your thoughts, Luhan quickly and sheepishly faced the other direction, away from your all-knowing gaze, the redness of his rosy cheeks deepening in intensity.

“We haven’t had a private talk like this in a long time, right, Luhan?” you asked him gently, whilst rubbing your thumb soothingly across his prominent knuckles. Doing that elicited goosebumps to rise along his forearm.

Luhan swallowed feebly, feeling more nervous than he ever did in his entire life. Only you could do this to him—make him unbearably weak in an effortless instant. “Y-yes,” he peeped.

Since the patio chairs were close enough, you leaned in near and rested your head on his slender shoulder. The proximity allowed your fresh, sweet scent to completely disorient Luhan. Your warm breath grazed his collarbones. Your soft, glossy hair tickled his ears, but he didn’t dare budge.

He loved it.

He loved being with you.

He loved you.

Such a proclamation took no time for deliberation to understand what he felt for you.

“You’re still that little boy who persistently clings to me,” you murmured faintly, the rapid, musical beating of Luhan’s heartbeat luring you to sleep. “So sweet...and cute...and pure...”

Enraptured, Luhan listened to your every word. And with every word spoken, the tempo of his heartbeat accelerated faster and faster. If anyone else had spoken those simple words to him, he wouldn’t have reacted as frantically, but if that person was you, then...you could control his entire world and more.

“My Luhan...” Those words that escaped your lips were barely audible, but with Luhan as hyper-aware as he was now since you had stimulated his senses, he had heard them. Somehow, it echoed and lingered in the air as you eventually submerged into oblivion.

The Luhan with you now was different than the one you were actually thinking of—the one you had whispered for.

Fundamentally, Luhan was the same person, but you had separated him—and his brothers—into two halves, labeled as before and after. Or, in a similar fashion, as past and present. They were unaware that you occasionally disclosed tidbits of their real selves—because their past selves relatively sounded similar to their present selves—for they believed whatever you told them. In their point of view, you were the beginning and center of their lives. Nothing would change that.

“I’ll always be your Luhan,” he whispered back, voice thick with devotion and love. Careful not to jostle you, he raised his chin and kissed your temple. He let his lips linger there as he murmured, “No matter what, Aris.”

You were mine before. You were mine then. You are mine now. That has and will never change.

...