Is this normal?  Mean what can I do.. am I falling for her.. maybe just infatuation.. but these thoughts.. they never leave.. If there is a primer on being a fanboy, I could’ve grabbed a copy and orient my self, but alas there is none.. I try to ask but I think it’s too embarrassing..  I believe there is some principles guiding these boys.. but I can’t seem to grasp it.. Maybe there are unwritten laws for proper decorum..  I tried to find out.. I observed some fanboys and their activities.. and I tried my best to understand them..

1. observe personal space

I ran to meet you for lunch, I took a seat next to you and I accidentally touched your hand.. those soft skin on mine sent shivers down my spine. Then you moved a little as you muttered “personal space” I felt embarrassed and moved a little to the other side.. you continued eating without talking to me… I felt dejected.. Why can’t I sit next to you.. close enough to smell your strawberry shampoo.. close enough to hear you breathe.. close enough to see you closely.. I ate in silence..

1. be polite, greet when you meet.. no bashing

we walked together to our next class, our hands brushed a little. I blushed.. we met a couple of freshmen, they bowed and greeted “hello Kyuhyun-oppa”. I smiled and replied “hello”. They seemed happy to hear me reply.. I looked at you.. you were a little mad.. I didn’t know why.. I smiled but you frowned, said “enjoying your life with all those girls.. flirts”  and walked away. I tried to catch up but with those long legs of yours, you sure walk fast. I was nearly out of breath when I finally caught up, that’s when I realize you stopped to greet the Chinese Prince Hankyung. You smiled, I frowned.. damn I’m so jealous! Why don’t you greet me like that? Why don’t you give me your sweetest smile?

1. be generous… share

When the classes ended I ran to the music room and lock myself in. I would hide from the rest of the world especially from those girls that want to devour me whole. There I daydream of how our wedding will be. You’ll be very pretty all dressed in white while I hold your hands tight. You’ll knock on the door, which always pull me back to reality. You’ll enter and sit by the piano. You’ll play the piano and let me sing. Your melody harmonizes well with me.. it’ll bring me back to my dreams.. one day I’ll hold you in my arms as I gently sing you a love song…  but the song will end and my dreams will crumble like sand castles at the end of the day. I’ll leave silently for I’m afraid the tears will fall when I dare to speak. I keep this rendezvous to myself.. and no one will know.. just you and i..

1. respect Privacy, no stalking

And there it was.. the end of the day. I purposely left my math book for I know you’ll hand it to me.. being the caring self you are. But if you din’t then it’ll be ok.. I finished it anyway. And so there I wait near the flight of stairs.. you sure take your time. But then my little sister approaches me out of the blue.. she said she had a problem  with this guy she’s been dating.. I rolled my eyes and spat.. “wookie what now?” she replied with.. “I think Henry is cheating on me!” I bit my lower lip and my fingers curled into a fist.. “let’s go” I beckoned and we’re off to kill that boy. I felt I was being followed but I didn’t pay much attention until I heard someone dropped something from behind the curve. I left my sister to check it out. I saw a book, it bore your name and so I yelled at my sister to go ahead and just meet up there…  I ran to follow you.. but damn you’re so fast.. but then again luck must be on my side for I finally caught up and saw you.. with that boy my sister liked.. maybe she’s right.. her boyfriend had an affair.. it was you all along.. I walked away in disbelief.

1. fantasize.. infatuate.. but never… ever.. ever expect too much

I opened the book to answer the assignment. I knew this book wasn’t mine.. but I need to answer it.. or else Zhou Mi will fail.. she’s not dumb.. it’s just that she’ll have no more time to answer them tomorrow..  So I started browsing the pages and found a small slip of paper.

“I look at you and my heart beat faster

I took a deep breath and heard a ;little laughter..

I close my eyes, my visions are you..

I force a smile.. because you haven’t got a clue”

And at the back, written in bold letters..

Cho Mimi