Lesson Six

Being a trainee was never easy. Being an SM trainee was jus worse. Every day, without fail, Sehun wakes up, go to school, train until night replaces day, before going back home to do his homework haphazardly and then finally falling asleep. The whole routine would just start up again when he opened his eyes to welcome the start of a new day.

Days start anew, but routines stay just as draining and arduous as ever. It was tiring to follow, that bore little fruit for Sehun to continue moving on. Of course, when you get signed on to debut, your hard works get paid off, but that wasn't easy. Three years into training, and Sehun had already seen much; trainees come and go, having lost that spark to become an idol everyone desired to be.

It's not like Sehun hated dancing - in fact, he always enjoyed learning new complicated dance moves that would awe everyone. But, when you've trained so long with little progress (so far, no one has said anything or done anything that gave Sehun an inkling that he was going to debut anytime soon), it's really hard to gain back that passion you first had. The time where innocence and naivety came first; that everything was going to go smoothly and the way you plan it to be.

Reality was far from it, Sehun realised with time. The one who planned everything was the management. The one who got to judge was the management. The one decided who passed or fail, was also the management.

There were so many trainees who were far superior than him, so many trainees that could sing, dance and act better. Who was he to complain if he never got chosen for debut?

Like a flower through the years, Sehun had withered his leaves, leaving behind only the remains of what was originally a young, blossoming fruit.

As such, a thought that had originally randomly sprung from Sehun's head remained stuck and grew. It did nothing but bad to his mental health; many a times, Sehun would hang back in the practice room studio and do nothing but curl into a ball - hands tucked in, head unseen - and depress by himself. No one could snap Sehun out of it when he was in that state. Not even Luhan's coaxing of treating him to bubble tea for a month helped.

But that was the exact position he was in when Soojung walked in.

"Hey, Sehun oppa." Soojung crept closer to him, fingers lightly brushing his shoulders. Sehun, upon recognising the owner of the voice, looked up to a concerned face and worried eyes. "Everyone's been telling me about you being down all the time and not focusing during practice. What happened?"

It's only then when Sehun realised that Soojung's face was caked with layers of makeup, facial features accentuated to perfection. Her hair, once beautifully jet black, had been through the phase of being dip-dyed for f(x)'s NU ABO promotions (Sehun remembers laughing at her for it, but secretly thinking that any hairstyle would suit her, to be very honest.) and now was dark brown. And now that he noticed, she was wearing her performance outfit. She had probably just finished up with her idol schedule and had just headed back to the company.

She was an idol, with two albums already under her belt. And here he was, still a measly trainee, achieving nothing in life despite being the same age.

That was the difference between them.

"Trainee issues," he muttered. "Nothing you would understand."

"You sound like I've never been a trainee myself," Soojung commented amusedly. "Oh Sehun, just to tell you, I've been in this company far longer than you have, and was already making myself known before I became a trainee. So if there's anyone who can help you with your trainee issues, it's me."

"It's just..." Sehun didn't know where to start. So many thoughts suddenlt clouded his mind. He had so many things to say, yet he couldn't find the words to say it. "It's just that, I feel like I'm never going to debut. It's been three years Soojung. I haven't achieved much. I don't think I've even progressed much from where I first started. Everyone seems better than me. I really don't think..."

"Well," Soojung said slowly, "from my experience, you've improved a whole lot. A lot handsomer too, if I must admit. But; I also admit that there are many others who do perform better. However, if you hold all these inferior thoughts and think you'll never be any better, how are you going to improve? Most importantly, don't you think that you've worked a little too hard to be giving up now?"

At these words, Sehun realised two things. One; Soojung's words made sense, and no matter how impossible Sehun thought it would be, she always had solutions for them. And two; giving up was indeed a waste of his efforts. If he could hold out for three years, why couldn't he hold out longer? Besides, there were still other trainees who had come in much earlier than him and were still persevering on.

"Anyway," Soojung continued, hands scrunched up in her hair. Sehun uncurled and looked at her straight this time. "If you can't even survive trainee training, don't even think about being an idol. Sure, it's fun performing to a screaming audience and being looked at wherever you go, but more than that, the schedules are horrible and you'll tire out easily."

Tensed breaths killed the silence in the air. For the first time, Sehun noticed the dark rings gathering under Soojung's eyes, visible even through all the makeup she's wearing. Her words might be strong, but her body isn't. Sehun recalled a while ago, when Soojung fainted on stage due to exhaustion, how sickly thin she had looked back then. Green veins against pale skin, that clung onto her naturally light bones desperately. He had offered to get some food with her, in fear that she might faint again, but all she did was shake her head and continued surging on.

It was obvious that idol life was eating away Soojung, bit by bit.

But she still flashed a grin at him with a thumbs up, heavily-lined eyes curved into a black line. "But I believe in you, Sehun oppa. I've been friends with you since the day you stepped in, and I know you're the type to put in triple the effort into whatever you do. Don't let me down, okay?"

This time, Sehun nodded, determination coursing through his body. "I'll work hard to stand on the same stage as you, to prove that we are equals. It's not fair if the almighty Oh Sehun doesn't debut."

Soojung winked back, sealing the deal. "Oh yeah," she exclaimed, pulling Sehun closer to her. "I heard that the management's going to establish a new boy group soon. Don't let anyone or anything rain down on your parade, because anything is possible when you believe in yourself, okay?"

A week later, Sehun is called into SM's board room for a discussion, together with Luhan and Jongin. He remembers Soojung's words, and prays for the best.

Hours later, Sehun comes out of the room with a bright smile. He scours high and low for Soojung, and when he does find her, he envelopes her into a tight hug, because yes, his name had been on that list, and yes, he should never call it quits too early.

Now, all that's standing between him and that stage with Soojung was to successfully debut in EXO.

~~~

[A/N] /sobs at my life i am the slowest turtle ever/ ok actually i wrote this chapter out by hand so i took awhile to transfer it onto the computer. i hope you like this! it's basically the turning point, muahaha. this story is going to end in 2-3 more chapters and another turning point awaits c；

some of you might think that learning not to give up is super simple and that it doesn't need to be taught, but to be honest, hen you're faced with such negative thoughts, would you actually think about it? sometimes, it does take some knocking on the head to clear everything up. not to mention, krystal is like, a real life example of a successful trainee, so sehun would definitely take her words into consideration. :)

yup! also, for more sestal love, you can check out my twoshot, and we're back on the road again. that one is more of a slice-of-life kind of feel, and i only write that at night because i only get such feels at night LOL. but if you like this, i'm pretty sure you'll like that as well ^^

and may i take this chance to thank every single one of you. like i wanna all of your faces. this story has been a long way, and my writing style has sort of changed, and i'm a procrastinator, but all of you are still here, and i'm like holy moly how did i get so many subscriber for a random idea that appeared in my head. if it weren't because of all of you i would have given up on writing this, to be honest. but stick around for the epilogue! it's been in my head since day one and you will see the day i write that out!

i shall stop professing loves. comments are appreciated and yes muacks <3 you can always get to me by my twitter at currysauceee too ^^