DONGWOON’S POV

“What do you think were you in your past life?”

“A king who wasn’t able to find true love.” And until now.

I could feel the looks my hyungs are giving me after I gave my answer to that question. I just gave them my silly smile then they knew better than to ask me about it.

How long has it been? 4 years? 5 years? Things around us has changed, for me especially. I have changed styles a couple of times, changed hair color and hair cut, went to different countries. But have I really changed? My heart, has it even changed a bit and moved on? I knew very well the answer to that was a resounding no.

“I saw her the other day. She seems pretty fine. Better, actually,” my high school friend told me over the phone when they accidentally met in the supermarket. She was doing better.  So I was really the only one dwelling in the past. But of course. How could she be dwelling in the past when she was the one who ended everything between us? She said she had dreams in which I don’t have a part on. I always hoped that she was just lying. That someday, she’ll come out in the open and tell me she didn’t mean even a single bit of what she said during that night. But it doesn’t seem to be the case. Every word she said were stuffed with truth, making everything hurt even more.

It’s not that I’m not contented with the things I’m having right now. I have BEAST hyungs with me, and the thousands of B2UTYs out there willing to support us in the end. I was in the place I wanted to be in. But it was before I met her. If I were to choose between all of these success, or her, it would still be her. She meant more than any of what I have now. But holding on to her would be selfish. Seeing how the things were right now, I guess we were where we should be… are we? Am I?

“Dongwoon.”

“Doojoon hyung,” I said as I turned back to look at him.

“Still thinking about it?” he asked as he stood beside me in the terrace.

I nodded weakly. If there was someone in the group who would know me best, it was Doojoon hyung.

“You love her that much?” he asked.

I just sighed heavily.

He looked down, as if checking on something. “Seems like there are no fans around. Go somewhere you could pour those feelings out. It will help. Or would you want me to go with you?” he offered.

“No, hyung. I think I’ll do well on my own. Thanks, hyung,” I said.

He just smiled at me and rubbed my shoulder before leaving. “Don’t be out too late. We don’t want Saehun to know. He’ll beat you in the morning if he finds out,” he said.

I laughed. “I’ll go and come back silently.”

I went to my room to get a jacket and a back-up nose mask, in case some fans show themselves.

I rode my Purple Psyduck. I had no place to go to in mind so I allowed myself to just keep on peddling. Just go where the wind brings me to. But unknowingly, I found myself getting off from my bike at the Han River. I wonder if the water in this river is filled with people’s tears. For me, it is. This is where my tears are buried. Together with a part of me.

I slowly walked to a bench. I was going to retreat when I saw a figure but it just looked so familiar. Painfully familiar. And there was only one person who could make me feel that way. I wanted to go and leave. But my heart knows how much I’ve longed to just even hear her voice, look at her eyes…

And the fountain show started. The last time I watched this with her, I was still holding her hand in mine. If I had known that it would be the last time I’ll ever hold and have her next to me, I should have held on tighter. Tight enough to allow the feeling to linger, even though she’s not there anymore…

“So how have you been?” I asked. I instantly regretted asking that question. The answer would do me no good. But I guess I’d wanted to hear that she’s fine from her herself. Maybe only then could I go on with my life. Or maybe not.

“I’ve been doing extremely well,” she answered. “And from the looks of it, you seem to be doing very well, too.”

She’s doing well without me. That heart-wrenching pain. I feel it again. Not any lesser than the one I felt that night. I seemed to be doing very well… She really doesn’t see my heart.

I wanted to look at her, see the beautiful eyes I fell in love with. And maybe check if I this little hope in my heart could be nurtured once I see she really wasn’t okay. That maybe, she still needed me in her life, like how much I still need her now…

“You’re happy, right? I’m happy, too,” I heard her speak again even before I could look at her.

There goes my heart. This is all pointless. I’m the fool who keeps on holding on even when I know I’m just holding on to air. The fountain stopped. As it did, I promised to stop, too. It’s over. All over.

“It’s over now. I just waited for the fountain. I’m leaving now. It was nice seeing you again, BEAST’s Son Dongwoon,” she said as she left.

But is it really over? Am I really holding on to just air? Can’t I fight for my happiness just this once? If I chase after her, will she allow me to take her away? “_________-ah,” I finally said as I mustered up the courage.

I tried to search for her eyes. She didn’t look happy. Was she really unhappy by the though of being with me? Will I allow her to have this sorrowful eyes just because I was too selfish enough to think of just my own happiness? I can’t. I can’t do that to her. I sighed. Maybe I’ll just bear this all alone. Like what I always did. She’s happy now. That’s enough. That should be enough…

“Be careful on your way home.”

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[A/N] Unedited so forgive the mistakes. And sorry if it was sad. The song is sad. So... ;___________;