Today, Myungsoo had decided to come to school early again. He put on a gray hoodie, put a few pens in his pockets, grabbed his phone which had earphones permanently attached to them and started walking. He sniffed a bit. He may have kind of caught a cold because of the whole raining and carrying Eunjae on his back fiasco from yesterday. He sighed. He knew being nice to people wouldn't do him any good. He spotted her sitting on the bench again and couldn't help but smile a bit. He wondered why she's always so early. She had her head down and she was sleeping. 

"Good morning, sunshine." He said, sitting beside her and ruffling her hair. She looked up a bit with her sleepy eyes and she rubbed them. She yawned.

"Morning!" She said, giving him a small smile. He noticed that her nose was a bit red.

"Caught a cold too, huh?" He asked. She nodded.

"The rain just had perfect timing." She said. He nodded.

There was a small silence until she decided to admit something.

"You know, although we're having these.. 'conversations' I don't know if I can really call it a conversation because.. well-- it requires very little talking."

Myungsoo chuckled and leaned back.

"I know. But compared to everyone in the whole school, not including Sungyeol, you're the only person who I'm actually making an effort to actually talk to." He admitted.

Oh.

What did I just admit.

Holy .

No.

"I mean--" He tried to take it back, before she cut him off.

"Yeah, I can see that." She said smiling. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Don't get too arrogant." He said. 

"Why though? Why do you actually make an effort for me?" She asked, nudging him a bit in a teasing manner.

"Because you were so annoying when I wouldn't talk to you?" He answered. "And it seemed like you really wanted patbingsoo." He continued. "And you wouldn't leave me alone."

 "Is that all?" 

"Pretty much." He answered. "Oh, wait." 

She looked up at him.

"You solved a rubix cube. That was cool." He said. 

"Thanks." She answered and leaned back. He looked at her and for the first time, he really did look at her. He has never looked at any other girl in their school for more than 3 seconds and he's known all of them for years.

Eunjae's eyes are brownish and her skin is really pale. Her wavy, brown hair goes way down to her slim waist. Her lips were really pink and her face seemed flawless. See, here she goes with not even trying to look attractive yet she is and I don't know what to do again, he thought exasperatedly. It's only then that he realized that he's been staring at her for way too long.

"What are you looking at?" She asked. He shook his head hurriedly.

"Oh, really?" She asked. "Am I that attractive?"

Myungsoo rolled his eyes. Only God knows why I've decided to talk to this girl when I was doing so fine by myself.

He reached into his hoodie's pocket and grabbed his phone. He put one earphone into his ear and the other one in hers. It kind of felt like he was supposed to do that all the time now. Since she does like the song.

That particular song played again and she started humming along to it like it's been her favorite song for years. He smiled a bit. It's nice how a song that he wrote with one of his best friends could make someone happy. 

"Hey." She suddenly said, while she started doing this air guitar thing.

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Did you have a girlfriend? This song-- it's about a girl." She said.

"Oh. That." He said softly. Talking about it would bring back so many memories. Between their band, their leader, his girl. 

"It's fine.. if you don't want to talk about it." She said, noticing his discomfort. 

He took a moment to breathe before speaking. "Not me. Our leader had a girlfriend. He composed the song. I just-- I finished it when he couldn't." He managed to get out.

--

I just finished it when he couldn't.

She wondered what that meant. Should I go ahead and ask him or would it be too much for him to take? She took a deep breath. I guess I'll never know if I don't try.

"What do you mean by that?" She asked softly, hoping he wouldn't walk out on her again. He inhaled, as if he was actually going to say something but there was nothing but an awkward pause and a shaky exhale that came out of his mouth.

"I get it. It's too much." She said. "It's okay. You don't need to force anything out." He nodded his head and stayed silent for the next, oh, I don't know, but to Eunjae it felt like around 10 million years.

Well, she guessed it couldn't have been more than 10 seconds but it felt like 10 million years since his aura turned all gray and the mood dropped 180 degrees.

She decided to turn her head and look at him and she saw that he had his face in his hands. She panicked a bit wondering what to do. She didn't think he was crying since she couldn't hear any sounds and his body wasn't shaking at all. 

She awkwardly put a hand on his shoulder. He didn't push it away, he didn't move at all, he just let her hand stay there. She rubbed his shoulder comfortingly for a bit.

"It's okay to have feelings, you know." She said. "You don't have to hide your sadness all the time. It's not healthy."

He didn't move at all. But she figured he was listening since his other earphone wasn't in his ear anymore. She put hers down too. 

"I wanna tell you something. You don't need to say anything back. I just think you need to hear this." She said. He didn't move an inch. She just took that as a sign to continue.

"I know that something probably happened in your past that made you become like this. It's not that there's anything wrong with you, it's just-- I know you're not a robot to act so numb and dull all the time. I know something probably happened back then. Something really hard for you. I know life kinda and all and I know sometimes it's hard to trust people. I know that a lot of people don't care about what you have to say. I know what that feels like, I think most of us do. But-- there are some people out there who might just be willing to listen. Maybe you don't want help or advice but, maybe all you need is someone who can listen to you." She said. She took a glance at him again and he still had his face in his hands and he still hadn't moved an inch but she figured he was still listening. She took a deep breath and continued.

"I don't know.. what happened between you and your band or whatever or whoever may have hurt you.. I don't expect you to tell me about everything that happened right now since we've only known each other for barely a week. But.. I know I'm not much and you probably see me as just another shallow high school girl like all the rest of the girls in this god damn school and I don't know if I'm any different from them, but I do know that.. I know how to listen. That's the only promise I can make. I can't give advice, I'm not very good at comforting or being a good friend or person but I know how to listen. You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to.. Just know I'm here. I'm not any help, I guess, so I'm sorry for that but I'm here." She said. "I'm right here."

She looked at him when she finished talking, his face still in his hands. But she noticed small whimpers coming from him and his shoulders moving up and down. Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh no.

"Are you crying?" She asked softly, rubbing his back. He didn't answer. 

"I didn't say all that to make you cry, I'm sorry." She said.

She was met with silence once more and she sighed.

"Come on." She said desperately, putting both her hands on his shoulders and rubbing his back. "It's gonna be alright, you big crybaby."

He still wouldn't show his face so she sighed loudly and checked her phone. 7:02 am. School starts at 8. There's still so much time... Oh well.

"Come on, it's almost 8. Do you want people to go to school and see you crying so early in the morning? It's gonna create gossip, you know." She said, still rubbing his back.

Slowly, he removed his hands from his face and he sat up, turning his head away from Eunjae. But she saw it clearly. The sadness she always saw in Kim Myungsoo's eyes.. it's all clear now. 

He sniffed a bit and she tried to say something to ease his pain.

"I'm kidding, it's only like, 7:03." She said. He glared at her and she smiled at him.

"See, now there's the Myungsoo I know." She said pointing at his glare. He looked away from her and smiled as much as he could. She sighed and grabbed a handkerchief from her pocket. She wiped his cheeks with it and he looked at her with wide eyes.

"Don't look at me like that. You look like a pink mochi." She said. She successfully wiped all the tears although his eyes and his face were still red and he was still silent. 

"Talk." She said. He shook his head.

"Why not?" She asked. He shrugged.

"Okay, so I'll talk to you with my voice, and you're gonna answer me with body language?"

He chuckled. 

"Don't be so dirty." Eunjae complained. He looked at her. His eyes were still red and puffy.

"That was nice." He said.

"Nice?" She repeated. He nodded.

"What was nice?" She asked.

"The whole dramatic speech." He said. He took a deep breath. Deciding that after all she said, she deserved at least a tiny explanation. "Sung Joon.. our leader.. he's gone." He said his voice wavering again.

It took her awhile to process the word gone. What did he mean by gone? Gone as in he left the country? The city? Or gone as in.. he left earth?

"He passed away." He said softly, looking down. She looked at him and he wasn't crying but.. he was trying his best not to.

"I'm so sorry." She said, looking down as well. This guy has been so emotionless the past few days with a poker face permanently stuck to his face but now... only after knowing me for a few days, I'm the first person in the whole school excluding Sungyeol probably, who has seen him break.

His breaths were shaky and even his hands were shaking and he looked a bit nauseated.

Damn it, Eunjae. Who cares if you're awkward, he needs this.

She reached forward a bit hesitantly but nevertheless, put both her arms around him and hugged him as tightly as she could. 

"Don't do that." He said softly, but his actions rejected his words, as he buried his face into her shoulder. She didn't let go though.

He didn't hug her back, he didn't say anything at all. There was only the sound of his soft crying and she felt her uniform sleeve getting wet from his tears. He was the only guy who has ever cried in front of her, the strong and almighty Kim Myungsoo. But she wasn't going to judge his emotional strength based on that, though. She had no idea what this guy had been through and what made this emotionless guy who barely cares, cry like this. But from that moment on, she decided.. She will be there for Kim Myungsoo. Whether it means she has to sit in silence and let him be sad, if she has to hug him all night until he stops crying, if she has to listen to him talk for days on end, it doesn't matter. She has to be here for him because she didn't think he'll let anyone else in anymore, anyway. 

--

"Myungsoo, you're home. How was school?" 

A shrug. "Fine."

And honestly, he wasn't sure if he meant that or not.