The moment Kyuhyun heard sniffling when he walked past his room; he stopped swiftly in his tracks and turned upon his heels. Cautiously, he pressed an ear against the door. It was thin, the wood of the door, and he could hear muffled sounds inside the room. There was the squeak of a chair being dragged across the wooden floorboards, followed by some rapid typing, silence, then a soft whimper. It went quiet for a while. Worried, Kyuhyun gripped the cold, silvery doorknob before he pushed open the door gingerly.

The room was dark, but the light emitting from the computer screen illuminated the stark, indifferent face of the figure seated in front of it. 

Curled up into tight ball on top of the leather seat with his legs tucked in under his chin, Kyuhyun could see Sungmin's eyes glazed with the tears that had not fallen, reflecting of the light from the screen, his light pink lips trembling. The blonde's hands were still on the keyboard, stiffened and frozen in possibly, mid-type. 

It took his eyes some time to adapt to the sudden change, as he shuffled on slipper-clad feet towards the black mound that was his bed. He tried to move as soundlessly as possible. His hyung obviously still needed some space and he was not going to shock him suddenly and risk triggering an outpour of sudden emotions to which he was unprepared for and had totally no idea how to deal with. 

If Sungmin had noticed him enter, he would have spoken up, but seeing as he had said nothing meant Kyuhyun had successfully entered the room undetected. Slowly, he sank down into the smooth, soft comforter, running his fingers across the dainty silk as he gazed at the man in front of him. The latter had shrank further into his ball, his arms hugging his legs closer to his body, head buried between his knees. 

Kyuhyun surveyed the situation in front of him apprehensively; he ought to be comforting Sungmin as the good boyfriend he was supposed to be, but he just wasn't good at consoling. Perhaps allowing the other some alone time would be better.

"I know you're there." A raspy voice piped up. “You should have just said you were coming in. I’m not going to go all PMS on you. Not yet at least.

He watched as Sungmin attempted a weak smile at his feeble joke, as he pulled his legs out from underneath him and stood up shakily. Then, he sat down next to him on the bed, before they lay down together and he leaned his head against Kyuhyun's firm shoulders as his hands searching for the regular comfort of Kyuhyun's own thin ones. 

"What’s wrong?" Kyuhyun asked, although a little awkwardly, kissing their intertwined hands mildly.

He felt the grip tighten on his hands, but the smaller man still said nothing. They remained like that for while, in silence. Kyuhyun did not wish to force Sungmin into revealing something he did not wish to speak about. He would rather have him take his time, before he confessed himself.

Expectedly, Sungmin finally spoke up, his voice sounding incredibly strangled. "...I ruined it didn't I? The comeback."

"Why would you say that? Of course you didn't."

"I had to leave the formation, and had almost crashed into one of the members as I moved backwards, which very did nearly ruin our comeback. It was such a close call.”

“Actually, I thought you were rather brilliant. You thought on your feet. I couldn’t have done that.”

“That’s because cause you are perfect on stage.” Sungmin replied indignantly.

“You’d seriously believe that?” Kyuhyun said, shocked.

“We perform on the same stage. Plus I’m pretty sure I’m not blind.”

“Then I dare say you haven’t been noticing all the choreography mistakes I have been making ever since debut. There were so many of them, I have long since lost count. ” Kyuhyun said thoughtfully.

“It’s because they were unnoticeable. See, my point made. Mine were noticeable. Yours weren’t. Why won’t you just accept my compliments?”

“Why won’t you just accept mine?”

“If this is how you usually console people, never do it again. You’re really terrible at it.”

“You love me for it.”

“You’re snarky, stubborn and a brat. I don’t know why I love you.”

“It’s because you find me a hot piece of .” Kyuhyun threw in a rather flighty toss his non-existent long hair.

“Did you just… toss your hair?”

“So what if I did? You like it? Hmm?” Nudging his boyfriend, he wriggled his eyebrows.

“Kyuhyun, stop it. That is disgusting. I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight. Too traumatized. And I do not think you are a hot piece of . Perhaps a cold piece of bacon?”

“Bacon is delicious.” Kyuhyun said thoughtfully.

“What are on earth are you implying?”

“That… I’m yummy?”

“Oh God.”

“Don’t you find me delectable?” Kyuhyun his lips in an almost seductive way.

“Ew.”

“That’s not what you say most of the time.”

“You… Ugh… I… I just can’t fight with you anymore. Please shut up now, for the love of everyone.”

Kyuhyun complied, but with a wicked grin on his face. His grin was wiped off when Sungmin smacked his face with the back of his hands- on purpose, he knew, though Sungmin continued to insist his innocence - and promptly snuggled into his side. He turned to face Sungmin, as he brought him closer to his chest.  Gently, he the sleek blonde hair, before he kissed the top of his head. "Jokes aside, believe me, you did great, really."

"Yeah, at ruining the comeback. The netizens confirmed it.” Sungmin shot back as he clutched at a fistful of Kyuhyun’s navy blue V-neck.

“Stop saying that!”

“What can I say? I’m not lying.”

There were dark spots on his shirt now, and he could already feel the wetness seeping into his skin.
 

Tears.

“I want to be good enough, like you. You’re always so popular with the ELFs, you and Donghae, everyone else.” There was a muffled sob. Soft, but Kyuhyun had heard. And it broke his heart to know that Sungmin was crying.

“You are incredibly popular too, ever since comeback. Have you the truckloads of fans you are getting. Ruining people’s bias lists over and over again.”
 

“But… The netizens -”

“Who gives a damn about the netizens? Don’t let them bother you, just do what you want, and enjoy the process. These few haters have nothing better to do with the huge amount of time in their hands, and they just seek to wreck and ruin idols. Don’t believe what they say even for a minute. You are great, okay? Just keep trying.”

"I'm always trying, but I never succeed. Ever since debut, I've always been trying. Even when I thought I had failed, when I was took out of the small group, I kept trying. Why can't anyone see how hard I'm trying? I want to stop trying, I'm so tired."

Horror shot through his body as Kyuhyun realised what Sungmin meant. Rolling away, he sat up abruptly. Shocked at the sudden movement, Sungmin straightened up too.

"What are you trying to say?!" Kyuhyun grabbed Sungmin's shoulders and yelled. “How can you say such thoughtless stuff like that?!”

"Kyuhyun, I'm not-"

"Stop trying?! You want to stop trying, you want to die?!"

"I… I don't mean -" Sungmin stuttered in nervousness.

"I know perfectly what you mean! Don't even deny it. Would you like it if I had stopped trying? Do you want me to stop trying? Shall I stop trying now? Do you want that?" 

He had not realised that tears were already running down his face in despair. The horror, the shock, that Sungmin even thought of dying was overwhelming. They trickled from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks, as he wiped his them away roughly with the back of his hand. 

"Kyu, no! I... I just-"

"Do you think I'm not tired too? Trying isn't easy, of course it isn't! Hyung, I've been trying since I was young too, even when I entered SJ, I still had to try so hard. You guys hated me so much back then, and the only reason you all ever fully accepted me was because of the accident!"

"Kyuhyun, no, don't think like that! We do love you!” Sungmin tried to say, comfortingly gripping Kyuhyun’s arms, before the latter shook them away.

"Only because I nearly died. And you all felt guilty about it."

"We were fully prepared to accept you already, but you wouldn't let us into your heart!"

"Why would I let someone, actually, PEOPLE, into my heart when they were the ones who despised me and detested me? How could you have expected me to trust you guys back then, when all you people did was talk behind my back about how incompetent and a let-down I was?"

"Please Kyuhyun, we never hated you it's just-"

"The ELFs did too. They hated my guts, only finally accepting me due to my accident. Even then I did not stop trying! I’m still trying, with everything! There's the fans out there, the fans who love us unconditionally.  There's our members and there's you. I don't want to stop trying, because if I stop trying, it's not just me who's going to be a victim, everyone is going to get hurt. Many people care, even if some don't, and I want to keep trying for those who do."

“So, won't you keep trying too?"

Sungmin lowered his head sombrely before a dry sob exit his mouth and the dam behind his tears finally broke. Those clear, crystal-like tears trickled and dribbled down his cheeks in a seemingly never ending stream. His cries were raspy, breathy, desperate and torn. The sheets were crumpled up beneath his fingers, as his tears dripped and stained the navy blue silk underneath him, turning it a shade darker from the wetness. 

The maknae tugged his distraught boyfriend towards his chest, and wrapped his slim arms around his waist. Reassuringly, he placed a small peck on Sungmin's forehead, then to his nose, and finally, his chapped lips.

They stayed that while for a while, hugging, and mutely crying out their insecurities and fears. 

Moments later, when they had both calmed down, and the crying had stopped, Kyuhyun spoke again. "You are going to keep trying?"

Nodding, Sungmin smothered his nose into Kyuhyun's neck. "I'll keep trying. For the fans, for the members, for you."

Kyuhyun smiled, his face brightening up, as he brought the palm of Sungmin's hand to his lips, then stared right into his boyfriend's chocolate brown eyes. "And I'll try with you too. Together.”

“Oh and before I forget, we were talking about how delectable I am?” Kyuhyun suggested.

“There’s no need to talk about it,” grinned Sungmin as he leaned in to kiss the other.

============

End.