I slammed my pencil down onto my math homework victoriously as I stood up. Finally, I conquered the pile of homework I'd acquired in school earlier, and now I had the freedom to spend my time however I wanted until Monday rolled around. Fridays were fantastic.

I slipped on shoes and pulled on a white hoodie, then I was out the door and in my car. It took a few tries to start, but I finally got it going and pulled out of the driveway. My old, hand-me-down car was a piece of junk, but it got me where I needed to go, so I loved it.

It took the usual fifteen minutes to arrive at my destination, but it was worth as long as it took. I quickly got out of my car and shoved the key in the lock, turning it sideways to keep my car safe. Shoving the keys into the pocket of my skinny jeans, I made my way up the huge hill as quickly as I could. There were a few times where I nearly tripped over myself, but I managed to reach the top in one piece.

There, on the top of the hill that overlooked my hometown, stood the most gorgeous, amazing being I'd ever had the privilege to call my own. A grin broke across my face at the sight of his glowing smile, his sparkling brown eyes locked on me, the luckiest guy in the world.

I hurriedly closed the distance between us, throwing my arms around him tightly. He let out a breezy laugh and wrapped his arms around my neck.

“I missed you, Himchan,” I said, still not letting him go. I just wanted to be in his arms another moment.

“I missed you, too,” he said softly, running his fingers through my brown hair. “I wish I could see you throughout the week instead of just the weekend.”

“Yeah... Blame my school and parents.” I gave a slight chuckle then pulled away so I could look him in the eye. My gorgeous boyfriend... Seeing him was definitely worth the wait.

“It's not a big deal. What happens, happens.” He smiled. He had such an easygoing personality.

“I suppose.” I stepped forward, pressing my lips to his, savoring the taste and the feel of the lips that always made my head spin. I never wanted to forget the way he kissed, the way he always poured so much love into it. Hopefully, he would stick around forever and keep the feeling fresh in my mind.

“So what do you want to do?” He asked me, breaking the kiss with our faces still close. He took both of my hands in his own hands, staring at me with such a beautiful, happy face. It was rare to see him anything other than happy, but that was quite alright with me. I never wanted to see him unhappy.

“Anything. As long as I'm with you, anything is fun,” I answered smilingly. A sweet, gentle laugh fell from his lips and he pecked my forehead.

“I love you, Jongup,” he said, making my insides melt, just like he did every time he spoke those words to me.

“I love you, too,” I responded, causing his eyes to sparkle with happiness. No matter how many times we said that to each other, it never lost its meaning. It was always just as powerful as the first time we said it.

We spent a beautiful three hours together on that hill. We adventured around the area, talked about life, climbed trees, and chased each other around in a game of tag. We even managed to get lost in the woods for a good while. But it didn't matter, because we were together, and we could do anything and everything we wanted. We could be ourselves and no one could judge us. We were who we wanted to be, where we wanted to be. It was as if we were the only ones on earth.

After all of this, we found ourselves back at the top of the hill. We were exhausted, but the night was still young, and I wasn't going to waste any time with him.

“My dearest Channie, let us not waste these precious moments filled with the songs of the insects around us. This night has not yet come to a close.” I did my best trying to act fancy and proper, standing straight with my chin high. I held my right palm out toward Himchan, the back of my other hand rested on the small of my back. “May I have this dance?”

“Why, yes, my darling Jongup.” He raised his hand, setting it tenderly in mine. “You may.”

I pulled him to the center of the hill and we assumed the proper slow dancing position, then started to spin. I led the dance, since I had more dancing experience, and he followed my lead. At some point we began to quicken our pace, and then we were laughing and gradually running out of breath.

He detached from me and stumbled backward a few steps before falling into a sitting position on the ground, laughing. We were too dizzy to manage even the simple task of walking.

I fought against my dizzy steps to reach the highest part of the hill, where I spread my arms wide and raised my voice as high as I could, yelling with a tone of triumph, “I'm on top of the world!”

Himchan and I both laughed some more before I sat down where I was and he came to join me. With my legs straight out in front of me, I crossed my ankles and leaned back a bit on my hands. Himchan laid his head in my lap, curling up into an adorable ball. We both fell silent as his eyes closed and I simply stared down at the city I called my home.

The bright lights of the town shone just like the stars hanging above my head in the night sky. It was beautiful, but it was no match for the gorgeous boy resting on me. Compared to him, the sight of the town below was nothing special and may as well fade away.

A shiver coursed through my body. The night air was chilly, and it was now starting to affect my body. I looked down at Himchan, who also seemed a bit cold, and he only had a thin jacket.

I gently slid out from under his head so that I could lie with him and we could keep each other warm. I pulled him against my chest and wrapped him in the extra bit of my hoodie as much as I could as we tangled our bodies together.

Once we were comfortable, I shut my eyes and smiled to myself. I treasured every second we spent together. Himchan was, hands down, the best thing that ever happened to me. I loved him with every last bit of myself that could possibly love. And he loved me back. That was the best part.

x-x-x

Someone called my name... A boy, but it wasn't Himchan. It was familiar though...

I reluctantly opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was a pink-haired boy standing over me, his brown eyebrows furrowed in concern. That would be my best friend, Zelo.

The second thing I noticed, and the one that saddened me most, was that Himchan was no longer next to me. When did he leave? He didn't even wake me to say goodbye...

“Hyung... Why am I finding you here again?” Zelo asked me softly, crouching to my level when I sat up. His worry-filled eyes locked with my sad brown ones.

“I come here to see Himchan...” I answered in a slight mumble. “But every time you come here, he disappears...”

His eyebrows furrowed even more after I spoke, and there was a long silence, where his gaze dropped to the grass beside me. Confusion grew inside me with every second that passed. What was wrong with him? Was it something I said, or was it just because he had found me on this hill again?

“I know it's hard for you to deal with, hyung...” He spoke so softly when he finally broke the silence, but I still didn't know what was going on. “But you can't come back here to run from it and pretend that it never happened.”

He returned his gaze to me and I gave him a look that indicated I was lost. What was he talking about?

“You know that Himchan is dead. It's been that way for almost a month now...”

I just gaped at him in shock. How could he keep saying that? How could people keep telling me that when I knew that Himchan was still alive? It was a cruel joke they were trying to play on me. It wasn't at all amusing.

“Stop saying that, Zelo! Just stop!” I snapped, getting to my feet. I wasn't going to sit here and listen to him tell me my boyfriend, whom I just spent the night with, has been dead for a month. It was ridiculous. “Himchan is very much alive! I just saw him last night. We ran around, we danced; we spent the whole night together. You can't tell me he's dead!”

Zelo rose to his feet as well. “You're only imagining things because you can't face his death. He died in a car accident... Please, hyung, please just accept that...” He begged with a pleading tone and facial expression.

“Accept that? It's a lie!” I shouted at him before heading to my car, walking as fast as I could. I wanted to get away from Zelo. I wanted to get away from everyone who was telling me that my boyfriend was dead. How could my family and all my friends do this to me? Were they really that heartless?

“Jongup, wait!” Zelo called from behind me, running up to me and whirling me around. I glared at him, full of anger and hurt. “Just come somewhere with me first. Please.”
 

I would have said no, but... The look in his eyes, so full of concern, compelled me to go with him. I didn't like making him worry so much... So if this would help, that was fine with me.

I nodded, then fixed my eyes on the ground as I walked to the passenger side of his car, which was right beside mine. He got in the driver's seat, and then we were off.

“Where are we going, exactly?” I questioned, looking over at him. I couldn't figure out where he wanted to take me.

“You'll see when we get there,” he answered. That didn't help at all... Where would he want to take me? His house? Or... Therapy? I didn't need that...

My thoughts distracted me from paying attention to where we were going, and before I knew it, we were parked in front of a cemetery.

My stomach twisted instantly at the sight. I didn't want to be here. Not at all. I hated this cemetery...

Zelo looked over at me and unbuckled his own seat belt, then mine. “Come on, hyung. I just want to show you something.”

I shook my head violently, sinking into my seat. I wasn't going in there. No way.

Zelo sighed and got out of the car. He wasn't going to let me stay in here, was he?

He walked around the front of the car and opened my door, reaching in and grabbing my arm before I could move away. He pulled me out of the car after a short battle, closed the door, and locked the car.

“Okay, now come on,” he ordered with a tone that didn't allow me to protest. Reluctantly, I followed him through the gates. After that, just putting one foot in front of the other became such a task. My legs felt so weak and I didn't want to get any closer to what I knew was coming.

When the dark marble headstone came into view, my heart began to sink deeper with every step I took toward it. Why did Zelo have to do this to me? Couldn't I just stay on the hill forever with Himchan?

Zelo stopped in front of the stone, then turned to me. I was taking my sweet time getting over to him, but eventually I stood beside him, staring off at something to my right. Zelo, on my left, placed a hand on my shoulder. Immediately, tears erupted from my eyes. I just couldn't handle this... That's why I didn't go to his funeral...

“Jongup, just look at it. Just once,” Zelo said in a gentle voice, rubbing circles into my back. “Look at it.”

I closed my eyes and turned my head, bracing myself for what I was going to see. After a moment of building strength, I opened my eyes slowly to view the marble headstone, then brought a hand over my mouth to hush my sobs as rivers poured from my eyes.

Kim Him Chan
April 19, 1990 - June 18, 2012
May he rest in peace.