I feel like my life is a big fat lie… Oh, well. It is.

***

Jongin's POV

'Listen, son. I know that you don't like this idea but it's great opportunity for our company. For us, our family and even you,' the old man spoke for the first time, breaking the silence that accompany them from the moment they sat in the car.

Jongin still looked out the window, not daring to look at his father because he knew that when he will do so, he will talk back to him. And that was something he didn't want. His father indeed was short temper person. He could be calm now but one inappropriate word could make him boil.

'We need this fusion. Our company is no longer on top. From the moment when the rumor about my bad condition spread we started to lose investors. I'm sick and people don't trust me as they used to. They think that as soon as I die my company will fall and they will lost all of their money. And that's why we need to make you trustworthy in their eyes and then announce that you will be taking over the company.'

'And this marriage is going to do this? Make me trustworthy?'

'Of course! Even if you are already good in what you do they think that your mind is only filled with thoughts of having fun. Single men are just not successful in this field. And on top of that, she is from the wealthy family that owns three hospitals in Seoul with the best plastic surgeons from America. And her dad is one of them. He is half american and she also was born in America. That for sure will affect our overboard investors. This marriage will bring us huge benefits,' he looked at his son expression that showed no emotions.

He wasn't one of the fathers who make their child obey them, no matter what. He loved his son and wanted his happiness that's why he wanted more to convince him to this marriage than just make him do it.

'Me and your mom also met because of the arranged marriage. And we fell in love with each other. I believe the same will happen to you. Look on the bright side, son,' he continued. 'She is well educated, pretty and compared to the others we could choose, she is young. I think you wouldn't like someone like Ha Jungra who doesn't have the look and is over 30.'

Mr. Kim could hear his son chuckle a little.

'No, dad. I wouldn't.'

'Than let's go and meet the Lee family,' he said as the car stopped in front of the fancy restaurant.

***

Your POV

I just sat there listening to my parents talking with his. I’m still amazed how they can put on a show of a perfect family. Their words, their smiles, their gestures. How you can see affection in their eyes when they look at each other and when they look at me. That look that I never experienced when we were alone. With no one watching us. But I was also part of this show and needed to play along.

Money. This whole thing was about money.

“For the first time you will be of a good use” – these were my dad’s words when he came back from the party. I didn’t feel hurt or offended by his words. How could I? I'm used to them. And it’s not like I loved him or he loved me in the first place. Funny, huh? Parents are supposed to love their children no matter what. But I have never experienced that. Even from my mother. Why? Maybe because I wasn’t their real child. They didn’t love each other either, so that may also be another reason. I sometimes wonder if they even have feelings or money is the only thing they care about.

Yes, I was adopted and that is the ugly truth that never came and never will come to light. No one knows and no one will know.

But after that party, when I first time heard that my parents met the Kim family there and they decided about the marriage, I felt a little happy. I felt rising hope that I will finally lead a normal life. That I can have someone to love and who will love me. Who will show me some real warm feelings that I got to see in films or could read about in books. Not those that my parents pretended to have. I felt like I don’t need to pretend anything anymore. That actually I can be happy. I felt like someone reached for my hand to take me out this misery.

And now I’m sitting here looking at my future in-laws and my husband-to-be not feeling a bit of happiness. I somehow did at first, when I saw how good looking he is. But now, not knowing why, I have this heavy feeling in my stomach. They are nice to me so far, so why am I like this? Is it about his expressionless face or cold stare? Maybe.

'We will leave you two alone for a short while so you can get to know each other better,' I heard Mr. Kim say.

They left the room and awkward silence appeared. I didn’t know what was I supposed to do. It was the first time I met someone for arranged marriage and my parents never told me how I should behave or what should I say when I will be alone with my future husband. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t think about anything. I looked at him. He was still finishing his food so I decided to just copy what he is doing. I took the fork in my hand but when I looked at my plate it was empty. I felt more and more nervous not knowing what to do.

'What do you think about it?' he asked and once again I was surprised how manly his voice is.

'About what?'

'This whole marriage thing.'

He didn’t look happy at all. He actually looked like this situation is too bothersome for him. Well, it’s understandable.

'Well… I…,' I started not exactly knowing how to answer when he interrupted me.

'I will tell you now so you won’t put your hopes up high: this is just a marriage for business matters that will bring benefits for our both families. No feelings are involved and never be. So don't give me that look ever again because it makes me sick.'

That was the only thing I heard from him before our parents came back since I didn’t dare to speak to him again. And he also didn't say a word. I somehow felt hurt. With these few words he crushed all my hopes for having a normal life. Ever. I knew I couldn’t escape this marriage. How would I? If I told my parents that I don’t want to do it, they would laugh and say that what I think does not count. And if I disobeyed stronger, my dad would beat the crap out of me, like he always did. Just my one bad grade was the good enough reason for him for beating. But he knew where to hit so I could hide my bruises easily. He is a doctor after all. The funny thing is that after the beating he even brings me aid kit saying what should I do to not make bruises form or how to make them less visible. No, it was not like caring when you scratch your knee and your mum puts ointment on it to heal better. It was an order for me to do so.

***

Once again I’m sitting at the table and food is getting cold. It’s almost eight and he didn’t came back home from work. It had been two months since we are married now and every single day looks the same. When I wake up he is already gone. When he comes back it’s really late and he just goes straight to his bedroom and goes to sleep. We don’t even have the chance to talk. After his cold words when we first met I didn’t dare to say word to him. And when I did his answers and cold eyes always made me not continue the conversation.

And yes, his bedroom. We don’t sleep together. We don’t even sleep in the same room. It's sad but what can I expect? He doesn’t love me. And to be honest I don’t love him. We are just pretending a relationship. When I come to think of it, from bad situation of being a puppet for my parents and playing a role in their performance I’m now in a worst situation where I’m putting a performance. I became exactly like my parents that I hated. I didn’t want to pretend anymore, yet I’m pretending even more. As a daughter I just needed to look good, behave good and have good grades. But now I need to pretend emotions, I need to pretend that I’m happy. That I’m in love.

I felt my eyes got teary. I didn’t want life like this.

In that moments I heard door opening and I felt a little happy anyway because I spend whole day alone at home. I thought about my current situation once again and decided to do something that I have never done before. Welcome him home.