I turn for the hundredth and ninety-sixth time (I don’t really know if that’s true, I lost count). I can’t stop thinking about the morons and what they said. First, they’re betrayers, especially Tao. Second, Kai and Baekhyun –who I thought were sweet as honeysuckles except the fact I don’t know what honeysuckles are but they sound sweet – are real life jerks. Third, Xiumin and Luhan are exactly what I thought they were; rude imbeciles.  And fourth, - considerably the most shocking thing I heard all night- that Kris lives with Chen and their parents are dead.

The only good thing that happened at the café was Haewon scored herself a man; a very smart and cunning man. Later that night, Suho came back with the boys’ orders. One by one, he placed them on their table. A loaf of whole-grain bread. A slab of raw meat. A block of swiss cheese. A head of lettuce. And some tomatoes. “Your sandwiches.” He said as he tipped his cap. I mentally high-fived him in my head. The boys left after trying to pick a fight at him and throwing some bad words. He, on the other hand, acted like he didn’t do anything wrong.

Before we left, Suho asked for Haewon’s number. In which, Haewon blushed and turned to us for some help –which I refuse to give- then blushed harder then handed Suho her phone to key in her digits as he did the same. I noticed that Suho’s cheeks were turning pink also. What a couple.

Now Kris lingers in my mind. What if he finds about his friends? That they actually hate him. And what is this thing about Chen and Kris living together? Ugh. I get up from bed and head to the kitchen. They say when you can’t sleep, warm milk is the remedy.  I take the carton out of the fridge, pour the milk into a glass, ignoring the spilt splatters and slide the glass in the microwave oven. Set the time, and then a thought enters my mind. I read somewhere that a Japanese legend says that if you can’t sleep at night it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream. Am I…? No, right. You gotta be kidding me. That legend must’ve just meant to be a joke about the lonely girls who can’t sleep at night because of their hormones. Right?

The microwave oven makes a ‘ding’ sound, indicating that my milk is warm and ready to be gulped down by a sea monster. Acting as though I really am a sea monster, I stomp my slippered-feet and push the button to open my microwave aggressively and snatch my glass. “You’re mine now white substance.” I say in a deep voice. “Say hello to rennin and hydrochloric acid.” And bring it to my lips, hungrily swallowing the content. I put the glass down in the sink -meh, someone else will wash it for me- and continue to stomp my feet as I walk to the TV room. I turn on the TV and guess what’s on? America’s Next Top Model. Wanna be on top? My favorite!!

Some girl is like, shaking her booty shamelessly in front of Tyra’s face while Tyra’s like “ooh girl you’re nasty, get away from my face”. Then the screen turns black. I guess something bad happened there. I change to the cooking channel, because I’m hungry but I can’t eat because it’s in the middle of the night and I’m watching my weight because I’m fabulous like that. Hot Guys Who Cook is on. Oh yeah, this is what I’m talking about. Hot guys and food. Can things get any better? It can, apparently, when suddenly my idol comes walking in to the kitchen. Oh my god, Adam Lambert! And Harry Styles is tagging along behind him, with Nicki Minaj tagging along behind him. What a surprise! My three favorite people in the world all in the same kitchen!

Henry Golding is making Squid Ink Risotto. Did I hear squid ink? As in, the ink of a squid? As in, the melanin liquid that squids shoot out when they try to run away from their predators? Ewww..

“Did you know that an iron chef made Squid Ink ice cream in a squid Iron Chef battle?” An unknown female voice suddenly says.

“Who said that?” I get up and look around. It’s pitch black. I try to remember if Mom said anything about having a staying guest tonight. Nope, she didn’t say anything about a guest. Then who’s this?

“I did, silly.” The unknown person (I hope) giggles.

What the? Who is this? There’s an invisible psychotic in my house! She’s going to kill me by drowning me in squid ink! And no one will know who did it! NO! I won’t die in a bucket full of ink! NO WAY! I’m too fabulous for that! “Who are you?!” I shout.

“Well, if you really want to know…” she lingers, for an added punch of suspension.

A female figure appears in front of me magically. “I’m Do Kyungseo.” Woah what the- How – What- Heh?

“Who are you?” I try control my voice because it feels wrong shouting at the person standing before me. Her eyes are…how do I put this? Large. Like, they’re threatening to come out for her eye sockets. And she’s dressing a little bit too weird for me to comprehend. She has an oversized t-shirt on with a really freaky picture of a wolf with its eyes bleeding, and she has a black cat on her head. How can I see this, you ask? Because she’s shining and golden glittery fairy dust are hovering all over her. And she’s short. Like, shorter than I am.

“Well, I’m Kris’s mom, of course.”

What…..? She said what now?

“Excuse me?” I look at her questioningly.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Haemi.” She holds out her hand for me to shake. Umm, how about, no. Ain’t no way am I gonna touch that hand. She might’ve just touched some raw squid on her way here. Speaking of which, how’d she get in here?

I look at her hand and back at her face and back at her whole form. This is wrong.  This is not real. Then I notice; she has a tattoo on her upper thigh. Okay, that’s it, she’s officially a serial killer.

Wait, “How’d you know my name?” I ask and back away from her.

“Well, I have my own resources.” She says and laughs a high-pitched laugh while covering .

“How’d you get in here?”

“You silly girl. I don’t get in, I pop in.” she laughs that rich-pretentious-lady laugh again.  “Kris didn’t mention that you were a silly head.” She giggles. Wut?

“Who are you? And what are you doing in my TV room?”

“I told you, I’m Do Kyungseo, Kris’s mom.” She puts on a nice face. “I’m just here to drop by, though. You see, I live in Fiji Islands now-“ she says and motions her hand to the TV –which is suddenly displaying a moving image of the beach and calm waters “and my boyfriend is waiting for me to make him some spicy coconut salad.” A shirtless tan man appears on the TV screen, holding two large coconuts. “Yes, that’s him. Isn’t he adorable?” She says dreamily.

“I will see you some other time, Haemi. Goodbye for now.” She says and waves goodbye. Then she jumps into the TV screen. The screen fades to black.

I open my eyes in pitch darkness. I’m in a laying position on the couch. The TV’s showing Guy’s Big Bite, which means it’s still on the cooking channel. Which means, I fell asleep while watching Hot Guys Who Cook (how was that even possible?). Which means, that the encounter with ‘Kris’s mom’ was just a dream. Thank God.

I gotta lay off the chocolate bars.

I turn off the TV and get up to continue sleeping on my bed.

I wake up, still in bed, and think about last night. Now I'm really confused. Did Adam Lambert, Harry and Nicki Minaj really come on Hot Guys Who Cook or was it also just a part of the dream. And why did Kris’s mom come into my sleep? And please, dear brain, if you want to make ‘Kris’s mom’ legitimate, please be more logical. I mean, hello? She’s like, as tall as an oompa loompa, sure she’s the mother of a 10-foot-tall giraffe. And, the Fiji Islands? Where did that come from? And that gorgeous boyfriend. As if. Kris’s mom must be at least 40. That hot guy was like, 22!

But still, the things she said play around in my head.

 “It’s nice to finally meet you, Haemi.”

“Kris didn’t mention that you were a silly head.”

“I will see you some other time, Haemi.”

“my boyfriend is waiting for me to make him some spicy coconut salad.”

Okay, maybe the last one is sort of irrelevant… but I’m hungry right now! Don’t judge.

What did she mean by finally meet me? And Kris not mentioning me being a silly head. And she will see me again.

She heard of me before? Kris mentioned me? She will see me again?

Huh, what am I even thinking? It was just a dream! For all I know, Kris not only didn’t mention me being a silly head to his mom, he never mentioned me at all!

But still… the thought of Kris talking about me to his mom, beaming whenever he mentions my name, blushing here and there whenever he talks about my special points.

I let out a sigh (and regret it instantly because wow! my breath stinks). Someday, he will do all of that. Maybe, someday. 

Wait, didn’t one of the boys say Kris’s parents are dead? 

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A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHA I WARNED YOU!!! OTL.

 I tried 

I am sure after reading this I'll lose a couple of subscribers who didn't expect this. I'm planning on making this half normal, half crack. Meaning, I will update normally and crackly alternately. Next chapter, you can expect something a bit more off-crack. I sound pretty sane right now, right? 

SADFGHJKL:LKJHGFDSADFGHJKL:LKJHGFDSADFGHJKL: I am not sane guys! What did I just write? Adam Lambert? Nicki Minaj? America's Next Top Model? Rennin? Hydrochloric acid? (Yes, I take up Biology, wut?) Golden glitterry fairy dust? Squid ink ice cream? Fiji Islands? Spicy coconut salad? Sea monster? 

And guys, yes. Do Kyungseo is who you think she is. 

ASDFGHJKL:":LKJHGFDSASDFGHJKL:: I TOLD YOU I AM INSANE! LOOK AT THE TIME! IT'S PAST MIDNIGHT! DO YOU THINK MY BRAIN WOULD WORK LIKE A NORMAL FUN-LOVING 16 YEAR-OLD'S BRAIN? ohmygod i just called myself fun-loving. what is that even?

Now guys,

Expect more normality, because I'm posting random EXO pictures that I randomly pick on tumblr.

That is Kris when it's full moon and he turns into a werewolf.  (credit as tagged)

That is a panda named Tao, who's lips are feeling itchy. (credit: leuhans)

That is an angel who loves to wave using fake flowers. (credit:wooyoung)

This is Chen who forgot to shave last week. (credit:kpopmustaches)

That is Do Kyungsoo a.k.a D.O a.k.a The Boy Who Forgot He's Human

This is Sehun who is too fabulous to hold his own water bottle, therefore, handing it to his personal butler, Grampa Suho. (credit: kyung-soo)

This is Kai whose hormons are really unstable. I suggest you decline. (credit:as tagged)

And one of these might be you right now. 

And this is me.

OTL Sorry, haha. I want to take this small space for some sanity. I would really appreciate if you criticize but only if it's constructive for me. A normal comment is also highly appreciated. Opinions do matter. Rainbow monkeys belong to me. Also, really sorry if your browser crashes because of the gifs. And sorry for the pictures that are longer than the actual update. OTL. 

Remember guys, 

THANK YOU!

Oh yeah, and just so you know, squid ice cream does exist.

Youu be the judge of that.