Okay, I’m back. While I was drinking my chocolate milk from the café a memory from when Henry was 8 years old played in my mind. I remembered that I was sitting upstairs doing my homework, I think it was math. Henry came into my room asking me if he would be like me when he would grow up. I chuckled and putted him on my lap, hugging him, and asked him why. He told me how great I was in school and that my parents thought of me like the perfect son. He felt like he had this big pressure on him, that he must be just like me else our parents wouldn’t love him as much they loved me. I told him not to worry, that they would always love us equally, that he would just be himself. Nodding his head he jumped from my lap onto the floor. He gave me a quick hug before sprinting out from my bedroom. After that little talk he was happier, no worries at all, just fooling around all day long. I was still a role model for him, but I guess only at the school part. Okay back to the drugs, before you get bored. So after three weeks of taking drugs my father asked me if I was okay, he thought that I had changed. I stammered out that I was just wanted go back to school, which was so not true, but he believed me. One more week had pasted and I was in my bedroom lying on my bed still tasting the bitter taste of coca cola in my mouth. The feeling of harmony slowly faded away as the seconds flew by. I heard the front door getting slammed shut and fast steps up the stairs. When my bedroom door flung opened I stood up abruptly staring into my mother’s furious face. At that moment I was scared, really scared. Like a mouse being trapped in a corner by a big cat. Her facial expression showed it all, I was a cockroach. I sat down on the bed again burying my head in my hands.

   “You were perfect. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING?!” She screamed the last sentence at me. I didn’t know what to say, how to explain.

   “I knew from the start but at that point I thought that you would be strong enough to quit, but you haven’t even tried. You are pathetic.” She spit the last word out in disgust.

   “I want to out from this house, I don’t want your filthy drugs near Henry. I want you to leave and never come back because you are not my son anymore.” When she said that my world just fell apart. My perfect little world was over. Everything was gone and I knew whom to blame. A plan was formed in my head when the desire of sweet revenge grew stronger inside of me. I lifted my head up and looked at my mother. Her eyes were empty when I said that it was okay that I understood. I packed some of my stuff and left without looking back because I was lost, lost in my self. Feeling the adrenaline pumping around in my body I started to run to the place were I could start me sweet revenge.

It’s hard to write this, because it’s something I feel ashamed of. Lets just say that I turned into this coldblooded person. Not even caring if I would hurt someone on my way to the revenge that I desired. My plan to get there was that I would first ask Heechul where he had bought those drugs, that went well, and then ask that person if I could peddle some drugs for him in return of a favour. That person was freaking scary, he had this weird eye that was twitching all the time and that disgusting smell that came from him was just awful. Well we made a deal and he said that he would contact me in three days. Under those three days I spend in cheap motel, worrying about the future. My money was almost out and I had no person to go to. My only close friend in school was Eunhyuk, and the rest of my family probably had been threaten by my mother. So I was on my own, no one to go too. After three days of depression and drugs he called me telling me to go this kind of warehouse. He waited for me outside. I was telling my self that I wasn’t a monster, that he deserved this when I followed him inside. I was a fool, because I am a monster. We came into this dark room and he told me to look in the window that was on the right wall. I stepped in front of it, staring down on the dirty floor on the other side of the window. A boy was lying there, curled up into a ball shaking. Under the dirt and blood on his face I saw fear. A door opened and a man all dressed in black walked inside the room towards the boy. With a light kick in the stomach the boy woke up from his trance. The man leaned down in front of the boy holding something in his hand. The object made a huge impact on the boy; he threw him self towards the object but the man in black was too fast. The boy started to beg on his knees in front of the standing man. The man hit him across the face with his fist; blood was dripping down the boy’s face. But the boy didn’t give up. After a while the man gave him the object and left. The boy pressed the object to his arm before letting it go. When the object landed on the floor I saw what it was. It was a shot. A smile was formed on the boy’s lips when he laid down on the floor again. It broke my heart knowing that I did that to him, it still does. I left the building with tears running down my cheeks. My tears were falling rain. He was just like me; I made him just like me. I made the person I love the most like me, my love Eunhyuk. I didn’t look back. I just kept walking. But I didn’t know where too. My legs just kept on moving until they were so numb that I fell on my knees, scratching up my jeans and my skin. I don’t know how long I sat there, but for me it felt like forever until someone carried me inside a car. I passed out after that, but when I woke up I was lying in a bed. My sight was blurry and my head was thumping, like someone was hitting it with a hammer. When my sight was clear I looked around the room, a familiar person sat on a chair watching me.

   “So you finally decided to wake up huh?” He said chuckling. His name is Sucre, or that’s what he told me it was. He was the guy that Heechul bought those drugs from. After that day I worked for him, kind of. He got me a place to stay in return of selling some drugs. School started again but Eunhyuk was nowhere to be seen. He had just disappeared, and that made me sad. Knowing that it was because of me. I started to hate my self. Every heartbeat was painful when the only thing I wanted was it to end. A piece of me died everyday as I was waiting for Eunhyuk to come back. Sometimes I stood by the school gates waiting for him coming running towards me with a gummy smile. But he never did and he never will be. I turned 18, and then 19. Every time I walked on the street or was outside I searched for Eunhyuk in the crowd. I never found him. My search for forgiveness was the only thing keeping me alive but no more. I know now that Eunhyuk will never forgive me but the thought of his smile makes the tiniest hope in my broken heart. Did you know that it’s actually my birthday today? On my 19:birthday I said to my self that if Eunhyuk hadn’t forgive me then I would end my misery on my 20:birthday. Maybe you already figure out that I’m going to take my life? Well I have nothing in this world anymore, nothing to live for. Eunhyuk is gone and my family kicked me out. I can’t live with my self anymore. Every breath is painful. I just want it to end. That’s why I’m at a skyscraper now watching down on the cars and people passing by. It’s a nice café up here with a balcony outside where I am. No one is inside the café at this hour and weather, all these black clouds on the sky. My time comes to an end. So I guess that I should say my goodbyes. If you ever find my beloved Eunhyuk can you tell him that I love him and that I am sorry for what I did to him. For you my reader and stranger I thank you for reading this letter even though you could just have thrown it away. Goodbye from me Cho Kyuhyun a lost soul. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please read!

i'm going to write one more chapter for those who wants a happy ending. For those who wants a sad ending this story ends here so thank you for reading this short story.