Dear reader.

I don’t know whom you are, where you are, I only know that you are reading this letter. The letter I tossed from the high skyscraper in centre of Soule. Maybe you saw it in the air, when it flowed down to the ground or you just picked it of the street. I’m already boring you, aren’t I? I should tell you what this letter is about before you stop reading. It’s about a part of my life, a really important part, a part that changed me. It was 3 years ago, I was 17 and it was summer holydays. I had everything, well except a lover. Everything was perfect, my father and mother loved me and took care of me, my little brother had me as his role model, strait A’s in school, a best friend, shall I continue? The list is long so I’ll tell you about my best friend instead because he is an important character. His name is Hyukjae, but I call him Eunhyuk. We have known each other since we were 5 years old. Our first meeting is actually kind of cute. After all these years I still remember it so clearly. I was playing outside in the snow when I suddenly heard some sobbing sounds behind the hedge that separated my house and our neighbour’s house. I moved closer to the hedge hoping to see someone behind it. I jumped high into the air but I couldn’t see over. The crying sounds became louder so I ran around the hedge finding a cute little boy sitting in the snow, his snowsuit was light blue and his hat was white with two tassels hanging down on his shoulders. Walking closer I saw that the boys cheeks were full of tears and he had some snore under his nose. I sat down in front of him wondering why he was crying.

   “Why are you crying?” I asked. The boy looked at me and answered with a trembling voice.

   “My snowball lantern just falls apart.” More tears fell from his eyes when he pointed at the snowballs next to him. Wanting to help him I took of my gloves and his cheeks taking the tears away and the snore under his nose.

   “Together we can do it.” I said making him stop crying. He nodded cutely while pouting. Together we made a snowball lantern and when we were done we walked inside and watched Ice Age. When the evening came we dragged our parents out and put a candle inside the snowball lantern and light it. Holding hands we sat next to it the whole evening until our parents called us inside. After that day we became best friends. We were always together; it was really rare to see one of us alone. But one day was different from the others, whenever Eunhyuk touched me that day I felt something weird inside my stomach, I do know now what it was, it was butterflies flying around, but at that time I didn’t. The days past and one evening when we were watching a movie together and kind of cuddling, I realised that I was in love with my best friend. Well you would fell in love with him too if he was lying in your embrace, and you his hair smelling his strawberry shampoo, god I love that shampoo. We were 16 at that time and both of us were popular in the school. I whom was in love with Eunhyuk didn’t flirt with the girls but Eunhyuk had many girlfriends that year. It was hard for me to love him and my heart ached every time when I saw him with those girls, hugging and kissing them. But I stayed by his side as his best friend even if it my heart ached. Slowly I noticed that Eunhyuk started to change, he became distance, avoiding meeting my eyes and we didn’t met each other after school anymore. He was not the cheerful witty Eunhyuk anymore. For many weeks it was like that and it became worse as the days past. Soon I’m actually getting to a really important part in my past, I hope you are not bored yet because it’s a lot more to come, especially sad things. So now I’m going to tell you about the night that changed my life completely. My friend Heechul had this party at his house that Friday night, I was sitting on the black leather couch in the living room watching people dance. I was really bored. I was about to leave when someone sat down next to me, looking to my right I saw Eunhyuk staring intensely at me. He was wearing grey tights and jeans shorts, a blue sweater and a white hat with different patterns on it. The hat had a big blue/grey orange ball on top if it and two tassels hanging down with balls at their end. Those balls were the same colour as the big one but these ones were smaller. Still today I think it’s a really weird outfit to wear on a party but it was cute and innocent, maybe that was the affect he wanted so that I wouldn’t suspect him. I was confused at that moment and I became even more confused when Eunhyuk gave me a drink. I just looked at it, not knowing if I should drink it or not. Feeling his gaze on me I swept the liquid down. It tasted like Coca-Cola. Eunhyuk took the glass away from me and laid it on the couch next to him, he grabbed my arm and dragged me upstairs threw the necking people to a bedroom. Inside he locked the door and sat down on the kingside bed. Not knowing what to do I just stood there, scratching the back of my head, feeling the awkwardness in the air. Then I felt something happened to my body, it felt really light, like if I had jumped of a building I would be just like a feather. My surrounding started to change, millions of sparkling colours appeared on the white walls and the air was filled with jumping shining little balls. I started to jump after them trying to catch them but they were too fast. It felt like the world was so easy, like all my problems with Eunhyuk had just disappeared. I was happy, I really was. I felt some hands on me and then I was lying on the kingside bed. Eunhyuk was above me, staring at me with those intense eyes as before. I opened my mouth to say the truth; all my worries were gone on how he would react.

   “I love you Eunhyuk, more then a friend. I want you as my lover.”

   -I know- was the only answer I got before he kissed me roughly. I don’t remember much after that, just a few glimpses. Like how I was above him kissing his milky white skin on his neck. I’m scratching his back when he hit my prostate over and over again. Actually I’m happy that I don’t remember much, but unfortunately Eunhyuk has to live with that memory. The next thing I remember was when I woke up in the morning in my own room. I didn’t know how I got there and I still don’t know. Memoires from the night flashed in my mind, I was so shocked that I couldn’t move, I didn’t know what to feel, what to think. I needed answers, and I knew how to get them. But I was scared. Scared to face him. I don’t now how long it took for me to have the courage to walk over to Eunhyuk’s house. I knocked on his door with a trembling hand hoping that he wouldn’t be home. My legs were shaking, tears wanted to fall. Even though it just took a few seconds before he opened the door it felt like an eternity for me. When I saw him in the doorway the tears fell down. He looked so cold, so far away. His eyes were blood burst and his hair messy. A simple white t-shirt and a pair raged jeans supplemented the –I hadn’t slept- look. 

   “Why?” I asked. My lower lip was shaking.

   “Why? Because you love me you freak. I hate you and I wanted to humiliate you, hurt you. I don’t want to see your face ever again, so stay away from me you freak.” He answered before slamming the door shut hard. I yelled and hit the door with my fists repeatedly before I clenched my heart and sank down on my knees crying it out. When all my energy was spend, I collapsed on the porch. I don’t know how long I lied there, but when I crawled my way back home the sky released its tears for me. Soaking wet I went to the bathroom. I stood under the warm beam for hours, feeling the hot water pierce my skin hoping it would ease the pain. It didn’t work, nothing did. I tried to watch TV, listen to music, counting math, gaming, eating, singing, exercising, reading, sleeping, fantasize and much more. But none of them worked. I became so frustrated so I completely destroyed my room, even my computer. Luckily for me my parents and my little brother were gone for the weekend, or else they would have killed me. At that moment I just wanted to feel good, be at peace. Suddenly I remember the drink Eunhyuk gave me last night, how I felt so happy with no problems. I wanted that feeling. I wanted this pain to go away. Without more thinking I left my home with tons of money in my pockets to Heechul’s house. It took like forever to convince him to let me buy the drinks, but eventually he did when I started to threaten him with the cops. He was so scared that he let me buy his whole stack and that was a lot. I got like eight 2-litre bottles. It was insane and cheap, just like Heechul. Later on when I was sitting in my destroyed room I was hesitating. I knew it would be stupid to drink it, that I should just throw it away and forget about it. But then I remember Eunhyuk, and his cold sad eyes. What he said to me was the trickier. I grabbed one bottle and took a gulp. The effect came quicker this time, but it was not the same as before. I didn’t feel as happy and the colours wasn’t that sparkling. But the pain disappeared from my heart, and I could finally relax. After that day I became a drug addict. 

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Heeej =)

so here is the first chapter ^^ i hope you liked it, if you don't understand a thing in the text just ask me ^-^ 

i saw a fancam from SS2 and Eunhyuk has this really cute clothes, i just have to made him wear it on the party x) i think i'm going to see that fancam now so bye ^^