♚ Milky-chan | Lingering Memories
♚ ARTS OF ROYALTY — reviews & graphics!
Title: Lingering Memories
Author: Milky-chan
Reviewer: XiaoZhen
Title: (4/5)
The title is not appealing. It’s relevant to the story, but it’s just that. It didn’t really grab my attention; adequate but too plain.
Description and Foreword: (6/10)
A lot of writers are still mistaken on what to write under description and foreword. First, what you've wriiten for the description is more suitable under the section of foreword. Description is a short summary of what the story is going to be.
Example:
Jieun has been in love Wooyoung for the past nine years. Will she ever move on and find her happiness? A story about memories, life, hatred, survival, and of course, love.
The current description you've written, if placed under foreword, would be more appropriate. It gave a slight peek of what the story is going to be about, and thus, it'd excite your readers. And after which, you can put your author’s note, credits and other stuffs. I'd always advise writers to make the font of author’s note and beyond smaller, but since your current font is already small and you divided them quite neatly, it looked good enough.
Originality of Plot: (10/20)
An overused plot - unrequited love, falling for a best friend, and dwelling about it for very much too long. Unfortunately, it did not come out as an unexpected plot or surprise for me.
The plot itself is boring. The fact that it is IU-centric was perfectly fine with me, but you dwelled on it so much that every chapter was almost identical. It’s like you’re repeating the same thing over and over again. The emotions were the same, the problems were the same, and you dwelled on that too much that it became boring. I think it’d be much better if you cut it shorter. Simply put, your story is flat. Even during the (when the IU, Wooyoung, and Suji met), it didn’t provide the kick for your readers. Perhaps, you could bring in some other elements for the story.
What puzzles me most is that the story is actually very IU-centric, so why did you even have to change the POV from third person to first person during the flashbacks? I find the inconsistency rather pointless.
Mechanics (Vocabulary, Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling): (22/25)
Your mechanics are fairly decent. I think it ought to be expected since you hired a proof reader. However, you tend to be inconsistent with your tenses, where there were u
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