A/N

Inspired by 'All My Heart' by Sleeping With Sirens.

There's so many things that I could say. But I'm sure it would come out all wrong.

     Kim Jonghyun wouldn’t dare try to talk to that glorious piece of heaven that sat across him whenever he was studying at the library. Every day he would be there with a laptop in front of him on the table, eyes reflecting the screen and making them glow. Jonghyun would often forget his purpose for sitting there every day after school (then he’d remember that he was there to forget about studying and then mentally applaud himself for doing such a good job on that thanks to that beautiful boy sitting across the room).

     Sometimes Jonghyun would follow the boy when he would get up. Whenever he did it was either to go to the bathroom or to go upstairs where the young adult fiction novels were. It was marginally creepy and the only thing Jonghyun had acquired from following the boy was that he had a thing for teenage romance novels. 

     Jonghyun liked to question his very own existence sometimes because not once did the other boy ever accidentally glance at him. Even when he’d sometimes look up from his laptop screen to spontaneously examine the room his eyes would never fall or look past Jonghyun. He’d always sigh at the thought of not being acknowledged.

     The second floor of the library was where the study rooms/areas were as well as more computers. There was the reference section and at the very back was the young adult section. Jonghyun never went upstairs once because he had come to the conclusion that upstairs belonged to (a) the tutors and their students and (b) the sociable people who liked to ‘study’ in their excessively large groups. Jonghyun liked the second floor on weekends because it was always refreshingly quiet. When he sat down and opened his textbook he looked up once just to check how many people were around and he saw that all too familiar, flawless face sitting in the corner of the young adult fiction section.

     That’s when the boy finally looked up at him. It was like he knew Jonghyun was staring. With a shake of the head, the boy looked away.

     Embarrassed, Jonghyun really forced himself to become engrossed with his studying but decided that all the texts about things he’d never utilise in his near future were making his head ache and slammed the textbook shut loudly and just stared at it for the next forty minutes until his mum came to pick him up.

    The next Monday was just how it was on every school day. The boy never looked up from his laptop once and the feeling of sorrow from not being acknowledge settled in Jonghyun’s heart once again. Jonghyun got up and walked over to a shelf of books behind where the boy sat and pretended to browse through the selection but in reality just wanted to be close to the boy and see what was so interesting on his computer screen. Jonghyun took the time to check the nametag on the boy’s bag to finally find out the gorgeous creature’s name. ‘Kim Kibum.’ Jonghyun smiled and walked closer, holding a book in front his face to hide his identity, and peered over at Kibum’s computer screen.

     It was only a word document consisting of one paragraph and Kibum was staring at it intensely.

‘The other day he was there upstairs. He was wearing this grey hoodie and it was zipped all the way up. He seemed really mad because of the way he slammed his textbook shut. He also seems like the type who wouldn’t be interested in me at all. For the first time since I’ve seen him, our eyes met. Staring into them, I realised how beautiful they truly are. I wish he would look at me with a type of love in his eyes.’

     Jonghyun silently gasped and then retreated back to his table.

You've got something that I can't explain. Still I try and try and let you know.

     Jonghyun stood behind Kibum, pretending to wait to use the computer, and managed to catch a glimpse at what book Kibum was reserving. Then he came up with an idea.

     Jonghyun sat at a table upstairs with two people who he didn’t know. They didn’t talk to him anyway. In fact, nobody at that table knew each other, so Jonghyun felt comfortable sitting there. Jonghyun carefully watched as Kibum made his way to the young adult section.

     Kibum skimmed quickly through all the books until he found the one he reserved. He quickly studied the covers and the blurb at the back and thought that he’d read the first few pages or so for the hell of it since he had time to kill. He opened it and a slip of paper fell out. It looked as if it had been ripped out of a notebook. It was blank. He shrugged and then dropped the slip of paper on the floor. He watched it float delicately and then land next to his shoe. He saw writing on the other side of the paper and, curious, he read it.

     ‘Kibum.

I’ve been watching you for a really long time (I know, that sounds really creepy). I’ve always dreamt of talking to you, wondering how beautiful your voice must sound. I wish I had the courage to talk to you but I’m always intimidated by how unbelievably attractive you are. I can never think of the perfect, non-creepy thing to say or even write to you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I really like you.

 - Kim Jonghyun’

     Kibum smiles unconsciously, book slipping away from his hand. It drops to the floor and Kibum doesn’t bother picking up and re-reads the note once more, making sure that it was really his name on at the top. He wondered, though, if Kim Jonghyun was the person that he himself had been interested in for a while. He looks over at him and their eyes connect again. Jonghyun smiles and then looks down at his textbook. That’s when Kibum knows it’s him.

     A few days later, Jonghyun comes back from the bathroom and finds his textbook there and grimaces. He wishes it would disappear. Or be stolen. But who the hell would steal a goddamn textbook? He’s surprised to find a pink envelope between the pages his had bookmarked with his ruler.

     He tries to neatly tear it open but ends up ripping the entire envelope. He takes the letter out and reads.

‘Kim Jonghyun,

I can’t believe it’s really you. I can’t find the right words to scribble onto this letter. I really wish I could’ve talked to you earlier. I really wished that you had showed your feelings for me earlier too. Maybe we could’ve been together right now. Maybe, as you’re reading this, you could’ve actually been holding me in your arms already.

 - Kim Kibum’

     A series of knowing glances and love notes were exchanged over the course of two weeks until Jonghyun finally gathered enough courage to corner Kibum on a Saturday in that corner of the adult fiction section.   

     Kibum looks up from his book, eyes full of anticipation and patience and a smile forming on his lips.

     But Jonghyun doesn’t say anything. The smile on Kibum’s lips gradually fades and Jonghyun exhales loudly like he had been holding his breath for much too long. “God, this went down so much better in my head. By now I would’ve asked you out already.”

     Kibum smile widens again as Jonghyun struggles. “So, um, I don’t want our entire relationship to be on paper. So, like, you know, I was thinking that maybe—I mean, you know, if you have the time—then we could, like, do that thing that…people do when they like each other.”

     Kibum waits until he says it.

     Jonghyun drops to his knees and holds Kibum’s hands that lay limp on his lap. “Kim Kibum, would you like to go on a date with me?”

     Kibum nods feverishly with a grin. “I’ve only been waiting to hear those words for the past three months or so.”