elloericaa.tumblr.com

follow me, know what's up, that's what's up.

Woohyun pulled up to his old, dingy apartment complex. The complex was nothing special. It was old and cheap, that's all that mattered. The apartment was the best he could do after his and Ara’s elopement. Through the interior rearview movie, Woohyun looked at Julia. She was asleep and her baby carrier was strapped in tightly with two pairs of seatbelts. Woohyun sighed.

“What am I going to do with you?” asked Woohyun.

Woohyun got out of the car and took Julia with him. He carried her carrier up the stairs to his apartment, trying not to shake it too hard. In his back pocket, the adoption pamphlet stuck out, weighing down on his mind and body. Woohyun pushed his apartment door open as he pushed away the thoughts of the pamphlet.

His apartment was just as he left it: boring, bare, and completely filthy. He wasn’t able to clean because he was too busy caring for Ara’s upcoming delivery. Ara. Woohyun’s eyes clenched shut. His grasp on the carrier’s handle tightened. Thoughts of Ara began to flood his mind as tears of sorrow flooded from his eyes. It was only yesterday that she was running through this very apartment calling his name lovingly.

“How could you Julia?” Woohyun cried, looking down at his daughter. She was still peacefully asleep.

Woohyun placed the carrier on the only table in the one bedroom apartment. He didn’t want to touch her, and he didn’t feel the need to. Julia was fast asleep, so why should he disrupt that? He already knew of the hours of sleep that Julia would deprive him of.

Hovering over Julia’s carrier was a picture of Ara. The black and white picture of his wife taunted him, reminded him of his loss. Woohyun took the picture off the wall and held it in his arms. His eyes began to imagine her slender figure squeezed in between his arms. The smell of her strawberry shampoo began to drift around him. Her cooing voice spoke in his ears, telling him inaudible words.

“What?” Woohyun asked as he opened his eyes. But she was gone. He should have known. The picture on the table smiled at him. Woohyun slammed his fist on the table. Surprisingly, Julia didn’t wake.

“Ara, are you resting in peace?” Woohyun asked, while holding the photo in between his hands. “Why can’t R.I.P mean return if possible instead?”

As Woohyun got up to pull the crib Ara bought out of the closest, Julia began to cry. She cried and wailed. Her screams of need and attention echoed through the apartment, making every life form feel uncomfortable.

And it was like that for days.

In the middle of many nights, Julia’s wails echoed into Woohyun’s room. Every night, the cries forced Woohyun out of bed and into the living room, where the lone crib waited. In the middle, his baby girl shouted for attention.

“Shhh, I’m here,” whispered the father.

Woohyun picked up his daughter and carried her in the darkness. She continued to cry and all Woohyun could do was rub his eyes in frustration. She wouldn’t stop. He just waited till she tired herself out and then put her back into her crib.

Woohyun was frustrated. He was exhausted. He was depressed. Woohyun had no one to take his emotions out on. No matter how much Woohyun resented Julia for Ara’s death, he could never show it to her. He was a part of her. Even if he was still undecided on giving her up for adoption, Woohyun still loved her

So instead, Woohyun would take out his resentment on himself. He’d force yells and cries as he did mundane chores like washing dishes. He’d break down as he scrubbed Julia’s bottles and listened to her break out in cries.

“AH! SHUT UP!” Woohyun would yell.

Of course, no one could hear and Julia did not understand. So, the crying continued, from both Woohyun and Julia.

Woohyun couldn’t take it anymore. He was struggling. He barely made it by with Ara, how could he make it with Julia? Without support, Woohyun would never be able to raise his daughter right. He would just be ruining Julia's life by keeping her. Julia could be with another family; A family where the mother was there, and the father could support both of them, without letting either of them lose their lives.

“I’m sorry Julia,” whispered Woohyun, “If I could support you, I wouldn’t have to do this.”

Woohyun left the kitchen, and walked passed the crying Julia. He went into his bedroom and opened the bedside drawers to find the pamphlet that he’d kept hidden for weeks. Slowly, he sat down on his bed, eyeing the pamphlet sinfully.His need got the best of him and he began to read it. He read it throughly and promised himself that he’d call the number tomorrow.

“All of this is for you Julia,” he said to himself, “This is what’s best for you. You’re mommy would think so too.”

Woohyun left the pamphlet on his bedside table to attend to the crying baby in the living room. It would be one of the last times that he’d have to do that.

Ara, I wouldn’t have to do this if you would R.I.P – Return If Possible. 

well here is the second part of the story. the last part is coming up.

i may write an epilogue, but that's still up in the air. 

sooo, not many of you know this, but this was originally written with a YouTuber in mind as Woohyun. He is somewhat famous, and he does feature in many famous YouTuber's videos. If you follow the YouTube scene then you may know him. If you can guess him, you get a gold star! lol. (I'll toss in some karma, while I'm at it. lol.)

well, thanks for reading, subscribe, comment, enjoy? (: