C'est La Vie

Blue || Lies || Stay || Forever || Time Machine || Mistake

"Yeahs, that's what she requested and I agreed." I shrugged.

"But, it's two months we're talking about here. TWO MONTHS!" Jinri cried and threw her arms up frustratingly. "Who knows if she would be up to something or not."

"She won't and even if she does, I will not budge." I glared at her. It's a fact that I liked her, but that didn't mean she has the complete right to rule over my life.

"A-Alrights..." Upon seeing my glare, she cringed and nodded timidly. "I'll wait."

I stared at the wedding ring on the table as she sat on my lap, nuzzling my neck.

******

Five years. A short or long time? In the past, it would be a short one I guess. We were just like any couples, bumped into each other, became friends, good friends, couple, stepping into the cathedral, and finally, creating a family of our own. She was a beauty, and now, still is. The long, wavy, silky brown hair that cascades down her shoulders, her curvaceous body despite being a mother of one and that alluring smile of her that makes every guy's heart skips a beat. All these, are soley mine now. Yes, are. But soon, it will be a were.

I questioned myself a couple of times on my decision, but the answer remained unchanged. The fourth year, it was as if our love had faded and the fire, the passion that kept our marriage going, was extinguished instantly. I didn't see her beauty anymore. Just her demerits. All that was left, was fatigue. Was vexing. We quarrelled almost every night and well, the office became my only sought of refuge. Maybe it's because of my long stay in the office, I got to spend more time with Jinri, my secretary. An understanding, pretty, y, young woman. Of course, she became my 'soulmate'. I was smittened by her. Totally.

Our relationship was a fast and hot one. In a month's time, I spent almost every night in the office or at Jinri's house. Anything was fine with me, as long as I could avoid Yoona. Besides, I was having a fun time anyway. Finally, I decided to end it. I thought Jinri was the girl. Like you know, my 'supposed-to-be-but-came-late-girl'. One night, I returned home early. Much to Baek Hyun's surprise.

But not to Yoona. She went straight towards our bedroom, knowing that I would follow her, which I did. As I looked at her back, I was lost for words. I didn't and couldn't voice out. At that very moment, I seemed to have lost my voice. We didn't fight. Nor did we quarrel. Simply because, we knew each other's thoughts.

Months passed, and unknowingly, it was our fifth anniversary. Jinri was getting impatient and I had no choice, but to finally break the news to her. Shockingly, she actually agreed. But with three conditions. I left the last condition out when I told Jinri. It's only two months I thought. It's not as if a kiss on the cheek would change anything. That's one thing that I was totally clueless about.

******

I scribbled and threw the paper away for the thousandth time. The ball of crumpled paper landed in front of Jinri's feet.

"Did I just step into a battlefield?"

"If you're not here to help, then I suggest that you back off." I snarled.

"I'm here to make you feel better~" She smiled and her lips seductively.

All of a sudden, my anger seemed to have steamed out. I smirked and got up, drawing the blinds down. That's the thing about Jinri. She always knows how to please.

******

If Hugs were leaves, I'd give you a tree.

If Kisses were a tree, I'd give you a forest.

If Love was water, I'd give you the ocean.

The first letter ended up like that. I didn't have the time nor the energy to think of anything and hence, I let Jinri did the job for me. I handed the letter to Yoona when I returned home in the morning. In less than a minute, she looked up again, shaking her head.

"I'm telling you to write about our past. If I wanted this, I could easily get it from the internet. Much better ones in fact." She smirked. "I think you can do better than this."

That remark brought me back to our college time. The time when we were competitors...

"Better luck next time, Kwon. Mr Second~" She smirked as she held her Chemistry paper in front of me.

"I'm going to beat you next time, Im. Just you wait."

"Forever ready. Forever waiting~"

"You still have a thing left undone." Her voice snapped me out of my own thoughts.

I looked at her in confusion and it took me awhile to realise where she was driving at. I rolled my eyes and pecked her cheek unwilling. Still, she smiled.

"Appa is kissing Umma! It's been so long ago!" Baek Hyun witnessed my 'kiss' and exclaimed excitedly, with his mouth full of rice.

Indeed, it has been long...

******

After receiving that 'challenge', I felt that my fighting spirits was ignited again. I was determined to leave her speechless. Thus, after two weeks, I found myself sitting in front of my desk, thinking of the letter's content. I threw my head back against the chair and let loose a deep sigh, rubbing the bridge of my nose tiredly. Luck wasn't working its wonder. It was as though she was forcing me to recall. To recall about the past that we once shared, the wonderful memories that we once created. The moment I closed my eyes, her smiles and laughters filled my mind and ears.

"Dinner at my house?" Jinri came in and smiled. "I just bought a new lingerie~"

"I'm busy tonight." I replied coldly and continued to scribble on the paper.

"Come on, with those stupid letters again? Seriously, these few weeks, you had been doing nothing but writing all these! It's ridiculous!" She gave an exasperated sigh and picked up a piece of crumpled paper, before dropping them down again.

"Recently, I have the habit of doing ridiculous stuff. Now go. I'll lock the door later." I ignored her whinnings and replied, using my authorative tone.

With a shout, she stormed off and banged the door. Hard.

******

Are you an onion? Cause you always make me cry.

I mentally cursed myself as Yoona read the letter. I only gave a simple nine-worded letter despite keeping myself awake for the entire night. She was bound to mock at me. I was wrong.

"Your letter is improving compared to those that you wrote initially." She looked up after five minutes and gave me a gentle smile. I swore my heart just skipped a beat.

"I don't know if you would like this gift or not... I'm sorry if this isn't to your liking. I should have make the effort of getting something you like, instead of making something, thinking that all girls like handmade stuffs from their boyfriends." I stuttered and ruffled my hair nervously.

"Oppa. Are you an onion?" 

"What? Why?"

"Cause you always make me cry..." She looked up, tears in her eyes as she threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

I leaned in and planted a kiss her cheek. Even the kissings were getting more comfortable.

******

As days went by, the letters became increasingly meaningful. Most importantly, I found myself smiling after writing each of them. The time spent with Jinri was also getting lesser. It was till a point that she started her constant whinnings and naggings. So much for being understanding.

If I'm a broom, I will sweep you off your feet.

"In a month's time, we would be graduating from college and stepping into the working world..." We were lying in a field, enjoying the night. The sky was covered with a blanket of twinkling stars.

Personally, both of us like star-studded nights. We beckoned that as one of the most wondrous works of our marvelous loving Creator. No words can describe the beauty of them. Having a clear view without clouds but just stars and the moon is a deeply humbling and enriching experience. That's why we usually go on star gazing alot.

"Yeahs..." I smiled as I stared at one of the million of stars, wondering if there would be anyone up there that was staring back at me too.

"Have you ever wonder what you would be? Like, if you could turn into anything in the entire world, what would you want to be?"

"Hmm..." I thought for awhile and a playful smirk played across my face. "A broom."

"What?" This got her attention as she sat up, looking at me like I had lost my mind or something.

"So that I could sweep you off your feet~" I wrinkled my nose as I pinched hers.

That's it. I'm calling it quits.

******

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!" I looked at her tiredly, watching her screamed at the top of her lungs. I definitely made the right choice of coming to her house instead of settling it in the office.

"I said, let's break up." I repeated for the nth times, keeping my tone even.

"I heard that! But... WHY!"

"I'm wrong. Utterly wrong."

"About?"

"Yoona. I loved her and now, still do."

"What about me?"

"I'm sorry. I was blinded momentarily."

"That's all you have for me?"

"Is there anything else I could say?"

"SCREW YOU KWON JIYONG. MAY YOU BURN IN THE HELL!"

She gave me a stinging slap and banged the door right in my face. Guess I deserved it.

******

Just one more day. One more day to the deadline. I wasn't going to divorce already. But neither am I going to tell her. I was going to give her a surprise. I had done so many wrongdoings. It's time for me to atone for my mistakes. To patch things up. No matter what it takes, I'm going to be a dutiful and loving husband and father from now on.

By now, every morning, Baek Hyun is waiting in our bedroom excitedly, waiting to witness our act of affection.

"I'm off to work. See you later, my dear~" She was still asleep as I whispered to her.

"Be safe..." Her voice was a feather, a thread.

"Be happy..." I kissed her on her lips.

She returned with a 'Mmhh' sound and drifted off to sleep again. That was the most natural thing on earth.

******

I ended the letter with a fullstop and sealed it with a kiss. I slot it with the bouquet of flowers. White lilies. Her favourites. I smelt the flowers and let out a smile. She's bound to like this.

"I'm home~" I threw the keys onto the counter and said cheerfully.

I was met with a still silence. An awfully cold silence. She should be at home at this hour. What happened to all the sizzling sounds of the pans, the aromas of the food? I looked around the house and spotted her in our bedroom. She was lying in the bed. Without moving an inch.

I looked at the table and saw a piece of paper. I picked it up. It was her writings. I felt the blood leaving my body. I couldn't move, as much as I wanted to.

To my Dearest Hubby:

I guess this is the last time I'm calling you this? I'm sorry for torturing you for the past two months. You must have think that it's ridiculous of me asking you to do such things when I had already agreed to divorcement right? Well, to be honest, I don't know what had gotten into me too. Maybe, like you say, I'm stubborn. The stubborn Im. I didn't want to let go without a fight. I wanted to haunt you. To make you feel the pain, the regret. However, I didn't know that I would be the one in pain. The one to regret... Your letters, your kisses... All these, it made me ached, it made me want... I'm sorry for not being strong enough to fight for you. I knew you had been with Jinri for awhile, but I chose to keep mum. I wanted you to turn back, I don't want to lose you. But, looks like heaven wants me to give up too... I wasn't depressed about contracting brain cancer, I was depressed that the time spent with you and Baek Hyun was getting lesser and lesser with each day. I just wanted to save some beautiful memory between the both of us and to create some loving memory for Baek Hyun. Trust me, divorcement was never to my liking. Nor to my acceptance. I loved you, Ji. I still do. And I always do. Now and Forever.
So, take me back, will you? Or, is it too late?

Love Always,

Yoona.

I looked at her lifeless body and the salt of my soul started bleeding as it poured from my eyes. I dropped to my knees beside her, the bouquet of white lilies that I was holding, became an irony suddenly. The letter that was wedged between the flowers, fell to the ground...

To my Dearest Wife:

I hope this is not the last time I'm calling you this. This is the last letter already, isn't it? The last letter of atonement, but, I'm not ready to say goodbye yet. These two months, I had been writing letters after letters, telling you about our past. It was suppose to be a torture, but as I continue writing, I actually enjoyed it. I was reminded a lot about our pasts. The pasts that we had. Our fierce competitions in school, our love tiffs every fortnight, our affection for each other... Every bits and pieces was pieced back together and I found out that, I can't live without you, Yoona... Youngbae and Daesung were right. I'm a hell of a lucky guy. To have met you, to have fallen in love with you, to have a wonderful family with you. Yet, I took all these for granted. I got tired, I got bored, but I never once did cared about your feelings. I was just trying to get your attention, your love. Jinri was just a smokescreen. A smokescreen that blinded me. I didn't want this divorcement at all. I was practically out of my mind. Now, I promise, there would no longer be those love poems. I would put all those into actions. I would prove to you that I'm worthy of your love, your commitment. I loved you, Yoong. I still do. And I always do. Now and Forever.
So, take me back, will you?

Love Always,

Jiyong.

She knew I would regret. She gave me the chance to turn back. She guided me with a path. She had it all planned out for me. Despite of my reluctance, she did everything for me. Kisses, they were all meant for Baek Hyun. To tell him, that his father, is a loving husband. Letters, they were all meant for her. To tell herself, that the Kwon Jiyong she knew, was still here. He had never once left her side. The love, the affection, he once had for her, was still here..

This is life. Humans would only treasure things after they had been taken away from them. Because of my foolishness, I lost my wife. I lost the love of my life. I lost that someone who would do anything for me. I lost the direction of my life. The thought of her, facing the last moment of her life alone, made my heart twist and turn, leaving permanent, fresh scars on the walls of muscles.

People make many mistakes throughout their life. But this, without a doubt, the biggest mistake that I had committed. If only I hadn't had a change of heart, if only I hadn't signed that paper, if only I had told her my decision earlier... If only...

Yoona, it's never too late. There isn't a need for me to take you back because you had never once left my heart.

If only, you could take me back...