Convalesce

"Hahahaha"

Sounds of laughter filled my small room. “Did you see the look on his face?” I asked, falling back onto my bed.

Yuri nodded. "Priceless." She snorted out a few giggles, before lying down next to me.

I huffed, "This is what he gets for cheating on my best friend." Silence. I didn't have to look to know the heart-broken expression took over her face. Rolling onto my stomach, I bumped heads with her. "Yah! Stop thinking about that jerk-face." I waved a pinky in front of her face. "Best friends forever?"

A smile broke through, "definitely." Yuri confirmed, hooking her pinky onto mine.

I.

Tiffany-unnie told me there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and hope when she found me sitting alone in my dead, dark apartment. “Yoong-ah. Please stop this. You’re only hurting yourself by denying what has happ-”

I scoffed at her as she the lights. I blinked a couple times, temporarily blinded by the brightness. “There’s nothing to deny. My best friend slept with my boyfriend.” I lashed out, she cringed.

Choi Siwon was my boyfriend of three years since our college graduation, at one point I thought he was my soul mate, my one and only. Back then he was perfect, handsome, tall, smart, romantic, chiseled face and had a body to die for.

"Guess who?" A pair of large calloused hands covered half of my face, I giggled.

"Hmmmm, Siwon oppa?" I answered mischievously, knowing exactly who it was.

Using one of his hands, he pinched my cheek. "Is that who you're thinking about?" From the sound of his voice, I could tell he was bitter and probably scowling. I nodded, liking the idea of him being jealous.  "Yah!" he retracted his hands. "I guess I won't give you your gift then."

"Gift?" Turning myself to face him, I sat up straighter and pouted. "Where?" Did I mention I' was a er for gifts.

Siwon hesitated as if debating with himself whether or not to get revenge for my earlier actions. I made a puppy face.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a star necklace. The corners of my mouth upturned into a bright smile and reached over for it. Leaning in, he whispered into my ear. "I'll be you're wishing star."

"Yah!" I pushed him away roughly. My face betrayed my actions with a grin. "Why are you so cheesy?"

Now all of that was gone. Recently, I've always had a feeling, a sixth sense, you could say, that he was hiding something for me. The constant glances at his phone, sudden cancellation of dates and a new found need for privacy, all the signs were there. I was just in denial back then. I didn't want to believe- flashes of my best friend, Yuri writhing underneath a pounding Siwon flooded my mind suddenly.

On June 30^th, I went to my lovable boyfriend’s apartment to cook him some dinner. Apparently, he caught the flu and wasn’t feeling so well, so he had to cancel our date. Seeing as it was our anniversary, I thought I could cook my famous kimichi soup to make him feel better.

That was exactly two days, 3 hours and forty-one minutes ago. I haven’t seen the cheating bastard or my ty best friend since the fateful day that tore my whole world apart and I didn't plan to either. Somewhere in between then and now my friends found out about them, hence why Fany was here. I groaned as three more of my friends showed up. Couldn’t they tell I just wanted to be left alone? “Yoong.” Jessica-unnie sat down and patted my head, “you okay?”

Of course not. “Yes.” I forced a smile. Weak. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Causally, I pushed the home button on my phone, nothing. For a millisecond my heart wrenched in pain.

Sica cast a worried glance over to Fany, “listen honey I know that-”

“Unnie, stop.” I interrupted harshly, giving both of my friends a stare. “I’m fine, there’s really nothing to talk about.” Yeah, right.

“Denial.” I heard Fany mutter under her breath.

“Denial?!?” I snapped, jumping up from my seat. “What is there to deny? Siwon was secretly banging Yuri as I gullibly believed every one of his lies! None of you” Using my finger, I pointed at all my friends. “knows what it’s like for me, so STOP saying it’s going to be okay or I'll get better because from where I am standing, it’s not happening. My brain keeps replaying the scenes over and over again, and my heart…my heart feels like someone had just stabbed a knife in me.” My chest heaved up and down as I gasped for air. “And you.” I whirled around to face Tiffany. “Unnie, I’m not your patient so stop telling me what to do. Not all people have go through the stages. I’m not in DENIAL, I’m just angry, like any normal person would be.” I bellowed out, letting my emotions take over.

They shrank back, probably terrified by my raw feelings and not know what to say. I almost felt sorry. “Look,” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “why don’t you guys just go home. I’ll be fine.”

“But-” Sooyoung protested.

“I just want to be alone…” I trailed off, my voice barely a whisper.

“Alright,” Sunny concluded as she pushed the other unnies. I shot her a grateful smile. “You’ll call us if you need anything?”

“Of course.” I nodded and waved them off with my hand. Shutting the door once they were all gone, I sighed in exhaustion. I was alone again. Flicking off the lights Fany had an hour ago, I went back to my sofa, where I had been occupying for the last twenty hours. With a click of a button, my cell phone screen lit up. 0 messages. I waved my cell phone in the air, wondering if it was because I didn't any signal. Nope, that wasn't it. I dropped the phone next to my side and laid back.  Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I instructed myself, trying my best to empty my mind.

Even before entering his apartment building I had a tingling sensation as if something bad was about to happen. Like most times I just laughed and scolded myself for being over imaginative. What could possibly happen? A few minutes later I was standing in front of his door. I stopped when I heard noises. This time it wasn’t just the sensations, my heart dropped.

"Unnn"

II.

Money can't buy everything. Fact. One I've been personally been proven to be true. Not that I bought Siwon off or anything. But still as the founder of Korea's biggest matchmaking company I think most men would find it as an appealing bonus compared to someone like Yuri, who worked under me, earning the average wage.

Click, click, click.

My heels clicked against the office floor, announcing my entrance to all my employees. All heads slumped down pretending to work. I snorted at their ignorance, as if I didn’t know they had been gossiping about me earlier. Luckily for them, I didn’t have time for them today. I strutted past them, making sure to give them each a hard stare. You had better be working. Right when I walked past the coffee room, something caught my eye, to be more precise it was more of a who. “What are you doing here?” I snarled, menacingly stalking towards the object of my anger.

“Yoong-” Yuri, yelped and jumped in surprise. “I’m-”

Piah!! My hand connected with her face. “The nerve.” My lips curled in disgust. “What are you doing here?” I repeated my question. Just from the sight of her caused me to remember that fateful night. The way his hand subtly brushed her side, much like he did with me, as they synched together in one rhythm.

“Umm.” Cradling onto the cheek where I had attacked, her eyes began water. “I’m here to work.” She mustered out a weak smile, I frowned. Was that all she had to say? After all she'd done?

“Work? I don’t think so.” I knew people were watching, no, staring. But I didn’t care I wanted her gone, out of my sight forever. And if that meant humiliating myself in front of everyone as well so be it. I wanted revenge.

“Please Yoong.” Her hands gripped tightly onto mine before I could pull away. “Let’s talk about this somewhere else.” Yuri’s eyes shifted to my office that was in view.

“There’s really nothing to talk about so please leave before I call security.” I attempted to retract my hand but she only clutched on tighter. "Yuri let go." I demanded. She shook her head. Knowing exactly how stubborn Yuri could be when she was set on something, I did the only thing that came to mind for her to let go. Piah! I gave her another slap on the cheek with my free hand. Like any other person her hands flew to her new wound. Serves her right.

“Yoong.” She hesitated. “Please, you know my father is-”

“You should have thought about that before you and Siwon decided to screw each other.” Tears streamed down my ex-best friend's face. I blinked. “And it’s Miss Im.” I added on as she fled the small coffee room. For a moment I found myself longing for her to come back and maybe fix our broken relationship. But reality hit and I sneered at my naive thought. Who was I kidding? There was nothing left between her and me.

“Unless one of you would like to be fired like Ms. Kwon there, I suggest getting back to work!” Tapping my right foot impatiently, I watched as they pitifully scurried back to their desks. Honestly, they were so useless.

~~~

Plopping myself in my comfy chair, I fiddled with my cell. Once again, nothing, I caught myself in a mid-sigh in disappointment. My face scrunched together. I wasn't even sure- "That was kind of harsh, don’t you think?” Kyuhyun, my right hand man, questioned as he barged into my office.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “An eye for an eye, she got what she deserved.” I leaned back into my chair, already feeling fatigued. “And I didn’t take you to be the type to watch drama.”

“I don’t.” I sent him a peeved look as he casually took a seat across from me. “You were too loud.”

“Whatever.” I scoffed. “You can’t honestly believe that I would keep someone who has no moral compass around.”

“And you firing her because of personal matters is…?”

“Until you are my boss, you have no right to question my actions, and if it wasn’t for you, requesting that I show up at the office, she might still have her job for another few days.” I snapped back irritably, who was he to tell me what to do. “Where’s the paper you absolutely needed me to sign anyways?”

“No paper.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Just wanted to see how you are doing.”

I arched up a brow. “And how am I doing?”

“Like crap.”

I retorted back mercilessly. “Screw you.”

“It’s been over a week already don’t you think it’s time-”

“If you’ve got nothing else, then I’m going home.”

With my announcement, he seemed rather disappointed. “Already?”

“I’m tired.”

Kyu rose up and blocked my exit. "Before you go, you want to tell me why the sad look at your phone?"

Damn. I cursed, I had been hoping he hadn't seen that, but who was I kidding. He was Cho Kyuhyun, an obnoxious psychologist who notices just about everything. "No, not really."

"Were you expecting a call?" I shook my head vigorously. "Or maybe a message?" My posture stiffened. He was good. Of course he was good! That was why I hired him. "From your sudden change of attitude I would say you're either waiting for S-"

"I don't want to hear it." I cut him off abruptly before he could utter out his theory. Kyuhyun opened his mouth, I jabbed a finger into his chest. "Don't analysis me like a patient."

“Alright…”

III.

I shook my head and turned the door knob. “Surp-” my word was cut off short by the sight in front of me. There laid my boyfriend on top of my best friend, . My keys clattered onto the floor.

I jerked awake at the sound of the thunder that clapped loudly outside my apartment it’s just a nightmare. I comforted myself, it’s just a nightmare. My eyes shifted to the photo album carelessly thrown on to the floor during my sleeping state. I took a big breath in. Looks like it’s wasn't a dream after all.

Gingerly picking up the album, I sat back down on my disorganized bed and leafed through the pages. I stopped when I found a picture of him and me a picture of when we first started dating. Using the tip of my finger I traced through our happy smiles and wondered. What happened? We used to be happy.

Flipping to another page I felt my stomach lurched. It was a picture of her, him and me. For a brief moment I wondered if there could have been anything at all I could’ve done to prevent them from having an affair. Maybe I if spent more time with him, maybe if I didn’t tell Siwon to send her home or maybe-

A knock on the door dragged me out of my thoughts. I drew in a breath and waited, hoping that whoever it was would leave. I was feeling sluggish and in no mood to entertain anyone. Very soon, several more knocks were heard, I groaned. Why couldn’t he or she leave? Whoever it was had to be pretty determined. “Alright, alright hold your horses.” I grumbled under my breath as the knocks increased in speed.

Whoever it was, was going to get an earful from me. I swung the door open, my voice stuck in my throat. "Wh-" My heart skipped a beat faster.

"Hey." Siwon breathed while scanning me up and down. I did the same thing. There were dark circles under his eyes, unlike his normally neatly combed style his hair was tousled, seemed like he hasn't had a good rest in a while. I released a sigh of relief at the revelation at least he was in the same state I was in, a wreck. "You look awful." He remarked. Suddenly, I felt very conscious my physical appearance or lack of decent clothing or makeup. I tucked some hair behind my ear.

I glared at him and swung the door shut. Only to be stopped by his foot jamming in the door. "What do you want?" I grumbled.

"To talk."

I wanted to bash him in the head for giving me such a simple answer or at least step him on the foot so I could close the door. "So talk." The words slipped through my lips faster than I could fully process what I was saying.

His eyes grew in size and gaped, apparently as surprised as I was with my reply. Siwon fidgeted and cleared his throat, "Can we talk inside?"

"No."

"Alright." He ruffled his hair, a nervous habit of his. "It was stupid... idiotic of me to throw away what we had for someone who is incomparable to you." His hand reached for mine, I wanted to slap his hand away or at least pull away but I couldn't move. I was paralyzed. "When you walked away that day I realized you were the one. You're the love of the life, the sun that brightens my day, you've been, are my everything. So please forgive me and give me another chance." he begged, falling onto his knees. My heart softened, I had always been a er to his sweet talking.

By some cruel fate or blessing I was reminded of exactly why we were in this situation in the first place. It was his fault. Why? Wasn't I good enough for you? Did I not love you enough? Was it because she was ier than me? Questions of his infidelity evaded my brain yet I could only croak out one. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long since the affair started?" I wondered if it's been days, months, or even years. Either way this was the moment of truth.

"Oh..." his eyes darted away from mine, I glared at him in turn daring him to lie. "A little over seven months." He admitted his voice barely above a whisper but I heard him loud and clear. His words were like knives to my heart.

My eyes blinked repeatedly, the all too familiar angry feeling returned.

Bam!

I slammed my front door shut, thankful that since he was kneeling there was no foot jamming my door. Too tired from my confrontation I laid on the ground wondering where our relationship had gone wrong.

IV.

“Yoona!” Siwon jumped and held his hands up signifying peace. “I can explain.”

I kinked a brow skeptically, waiting for a answer. He gaped, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, but nothing came out. “That’s what I thought.”

"Yoong." A voice called out my name while shaking me in attempt to wake me up. My eyes squinted opened to catch a glimpse of the perpetrator, Sunny. I groaned and rolled out of her reach.

"Go away." I mumbled from under the pillows.

"Not until you eat something." She tucked at my comforter. "Oh no you don't, you haven't eaten or left this room for days." I grunted back like some sort of cave man. "Yah! Get up you lazy bum!" Sunny yelled impatiently as she gave me a kick in the behind for added effects.

"Lee SoonKyu, just let me sleep." I pulled the comforter she had snatched minutes ago back, I wasn't nicknamed Him Yoona for nothing.

"Im Yoona!!!!" She shrieked in anger at my incompliance and me saying her birth name. Even with my back against her, I could tell she was glaring heatedly at me. Seconds later the grip on my blanket loosened. "Fine, just rot in bed why don't you." She huffed out bitterly while slamming the door behind her, leaving a huge bang in her wake.

I sighed in guilt. She had meant well and was a good friend, but ever since my fateful talk with Siwon I've been feeling sluggish, tired all the time and...depressed. I chuckled at the thought of me admitting being depressed. Fany would be happy I was at least going through one of the stages. Rolling over to my night stand I reached for the all too familiar digital device. Click. My mobile screen brightened, zero messages and no missed calls. From your sudden change of attitude I would say you're either waiting for S-  Kyuhyun's theory suddenly echoed in my head. My lips curled into a frown. Maybe...he was right- NO! Why was I even thinking of that jerk-face?

It didn't take long before my eyes felt heavy while I was heading to dreamland again.

I spun around my heels and ran as fast as I could towards the elevator. I didn't want them to see the tears that were forming in my eyes. They had humiliated me enough; I didn't need to humiliate myself with tears in front of them.

I jabbed at the downwards button and cursed for the elevator to hurry up before-. It was too late, without looking I knew Siwon was running to me. I sniffled back the tears I had wanted to shed so badly. "What now?" I attempted to growl out which only came out as a whisper.

"I'm sorry Yoong." He apologized breathlessly. "I've made a mistake-"

Ding!

I trudged my way from the bathroom to my bed. Even depressed people have certain needs they can't ignore. Who knew a walk from the toilet to the bed could be so tiring? I thought as I fell, limbs spread apart, onto my bed. I took a breath in and then breathed out. In, out, in, out, just waiting for drowsiness to kick in. Before I could, I heard a voice outside of my bedroom. A burglar? Highly doubtful with the security in the building.  My ears piqued up, listening for a hint as who it was.

"No, she's still in bed, she barely touched the food I made yesterday." My brows creased together at recognizing the owner of the voice, it was Sunny-unnie again. On another note had it really only been a day? It felt like at least a month has passed since she stormed angrily out of my room.

"I'm worried Min, she hasn't really eaten anything since a few days ago. At this rate..." her voice became more distant probably from moving to another part of the living room. By some unknown reasons a few seconds later I found myself pressed against the bedroom door hoping to hear more of her conversation. "It's been three months now, it's not like her not to bounce back."

Pause. "I know this is a more serious matter but I wish she would find a way to get over it already." I heard Sunny say, I frowned. From the way she was saying you would think I was depressed on some boo-boo not a heart wound. I shook my head. She didn't get it, I couldn't just snap away the feelings, I needed time. "Yeah, I'm going to leave now...I think I might drop by Yuri's today to check up on how she's doing." My heart quickened, breathing suddenly became hard as I swung the door open.

"What do you mean you're going to Yuri's house!!?" I yelled out, surprising Sunny into dropping her phone.

"Yoong, you're awake." She stated the obvious.

"Explain." I demanded. My chest heaved up and down in rage at the thought of my former best friend.

"Y--yuri's still a friend." Sunny stuttered. "I heard she's not doing-"

"A friend? A friend?" I shrieked hysterically. "Is that what you call a ? A friend?"

"No, but-"

I giggled bitterly. "Would a friend lie to you? Would a friend steal your boyfriend? For over half a year no less? Would a friend do such a cruel thing when she's been cheated on before?" I cried out as my hand smashed into a lamp, smashing it into pieces.

Sunny gulped and reached over to me. "Listen you should calm down-"

"I'm the victim here! She doesn't deserve kindness! She deserves nothing but the worst."

"I know it hurts but everyone makes mistakes. Yuri deserves a second chance." Sunny reasoned.

"And what about me? Am I just supposed to pretend nothing happened? Just go back to the way things were? Hmmmm?" I questioned, Sunny remained silent. "Second chances? Would it even be called a second chance if she's been repeating the same mistake for over half a year? She could've stopped after the first time."

Sunny glanced off to the side and sighed.

"Leave." I coolly instructed, causing her head to jerk up in surprise.

"Yoong-" She protested.

"When Sungmin cheats on you with Yuri, you can tell me she deserves another chance." Her face turned several times paler. "Until then I'm going to ask you to leave." I walked over to the front door and waved a hand for her to leave.

Sunny nodded her head feebly. "I'll come and-"

Bam!

I slammed the door in face. Leaning against the door, I slumped onto the floor and cried my heart out. I cried for loss of love, loss of best friend, loss of happiness, and loss of sanity. This was all their fault. Had they been able to control their desires none of this would have happened.

I spotted the painting Yuri had given me as a house warming gift. I glared at it with a newfound hatred and walked over to it. In one swift motion I took it off the hanger and smashed it into the floor.

Crash!

The sound of glass breaking cut through the silent air. I took in a deep breath, somehow that felt reliving; I imagined the sound to be something similar to the sound of my heart breaking. My eyes darted all over the room for more objects that had any association with them.

Crash! Crash! Crash!

"Do you plan on breaking all of your furniture?" My head snapped over to the door I had slammed in Sunny's face. There stood Cho Kyuhyun leaning against the door frame with a slight smirk.

"What are you doing here?" My hands loosened its hold on the flower vase in my hands, letting it hit the floor.

Crash!

"To check up on you" He replied back as if it was the most obvious answer. "And it seems you have gone nutso."

"Whatever." I scoffed while snatching another item to break. By now I just wanted to break something it didn't even have to do with them.

In less than a few strides he walked in front of me and put his hands over mine. "I would love to join your pity party and all but considering you'll probably regret destroying your overly expensive furniture's I'm going to have to stop you."

My eyes narrowed into a thin line. "Pity party?" I spat out, disbelieving the words he dared to speak.

"Isn't it? You've been wallowing in self-pity for months. Get over yourself!  You're boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend. So what? Others have gone through the same ordeal or had it even worst, they all got over it so why don't you?" He spoke harshly.

His words felt like slaps to the face. "You jerk!"  Forgetting my previous activity I started hitting him as hard as I could.

As my beatings became weaker and slower, Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "It's okay to hurt, but you can't push your friends away or hurt yourself in the process."

That was it for me. Tears flowed free down my face. "Noo..."

"Shhhh." He patted my back comfortingly. "It's not the end of the world, there are still plenty of fishes in the sea."

V.

In most Korean dramas it's been perceived that when a man does something wrong to make the woman run away, the woman secretly wishes for the man to chase after her, beg for forgiveness then happily ever after. I had to admit a part of me did want him to chase after me however the bigger part, revengeful and hurtful side wanted him to stay as far as possible.

I hurried onto the elevator and jabbed for the close button but I was too late, he already got in with me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He repeated over and over again while I shook my head. "Please don't leave me."

My eyes fluttered shut to keep the tears at bay. In those few seconds it felt more like hours as I relived my memories of Siwon.

Ding!

We arrived to the ground floor. "I'll think about it." I whispered, briskly walking out of the small compartment before stopping to add on. "If you'll never see Yuri ever again."

Sipping a cup of macchiato, I watched students wonder across the university campus. Life was so simple back then-

"Yoong."

"Oppa." I uttered with a small smile on my face as I stood up to greet him. Siwon nodded, returning my smile and sat down.

"How have you been?" He asked politely starting a small conversation.

"Good. You?"

"The hospital's been keeping me busy."

"That's good." I answered back absentmindedly. It was strange to sit in front of him and chat like old friends. No, not friends, more like an acquaintance, someone I used to know.

"So ummm what brought you to call me? Did you want..." He trailed off, fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat. 

It was strange to see the normally charismatic Siwon to at a loss of words. Rather than savoring this moment like I would have a few months ago I decided to be a bigger person. Plucking a small box out of my purse I place it in front of him. "Here."

His jaw dropped.

"I've thought about it and no. The path Yuri and you choose for me has defined me. Sure, we were once great but that's all in the past. We can never really go back to what we once were, too much has happened for that. I know if we got back together there will always be a part of me questioning myself where you are, who you're with, what you're doing. Doubts will always be on mind. I don't need that. Neither do you." I explained my decision. Sometime after that arrogant head Kyu talked some sense into me, I've reached clarity of what to do.

"Bu-but," he sputtered, protesting against my reasoning.

"In every relationship there needs to be trust. Trust is not given, it's earned. Honestly, at this point I don't think I could give you any of my trust." My blunt confession effectively shut him up. I pushed the blue velvet box over to him. "It's a beautiful ring, whoever gets it will be very lucky." I walked over to Siwon and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you for all the wonderful memories, I'll always cherish them." With that I made my way towards the other side of the room.

Coming out of his stupor, he blinked a couple times. "Yoong." He called out, I turned towards him, waiting for him to continue. "You've changed."

I chuckled lightly. "Good thing I hope."

"Definitely a good thing." He confirmed with a broad smile.

I nodded my head in acknowledgment and continued my way towards another table. "So did I pass?" I stopped in front of a booth.

Putting down the newspaper he had been reading, Kyuhyun gave me a smirk. "Congratulations Ms. Im you have officially passed your stages of grief."

"Thanks."

Out of nowhere he pulled out a certificate, probably for me passing. I rolled my eyes as I reached for the paper. "Took you long enough though." The evil man added on.

"Yah!"

Yes, things were starting go back to normal now. I've somewhat have successfully passed through the stages of grief. I've made peace with my friends whom I've all lashed out at. As to Yuri, well I've made sure her father wouldn't be harmed by our little feud. During my last stage of acceptance and hope I've realized despite the hurt I felt towards Siwon and Yuri there's nothing I would change about the course of events because I've turned to a better person. Even Siwon said so. Like F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, "Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss."