A/N: Since most  of this is exposistion I combined the two chapters 

 

Jiyong

 

BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!!!!!

I jolted up in bed, my heart racing.

BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!!!!!

I felt around in the cold darkness of my room for my alarm clock. Only to be blinded by the strip of sun light piercing through the curtain

BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGG!!!!!

I silenced my alarm, reluctant to get out of bed. Spending all night writing music seemed great at the time but getting up for class is such a .

 

I stumble into my small shower. Too cold, now too hot. I gently wash my hair. Its the first semester of my last year in college. I'm supposed to begin the rest of my life soon. Honestly, I'm scared to death. I've had zero luck with internships and I've worked at the same coffee shop since my junior year in high school. Three years ago, my life was so very much together, I had my life all planned out.

 

I would go to school, get the best grades, and have people beg me to intern for them. I guess over the years I got too comfortable with my freedoms. I got pick what class, what time, and in most cases the professor. Getting bored with my new control must have made me lazy with actual studying. Last year I almost even lost the scholarships that worked so hard for in high school and use to pay my rent.

 

ty one room apartment with creaky floors and low ceilings. It feels like a coffin. I guess anything is blessing. Rather than this than with dad. Nothing is the same after mom died. Aneurism. I thank God she didn't suffer but so rapidly, some I love was taken from me. I didn't get to say goodbye. Seeing dad suffer like that....

 

Arg.... I need to stop. I have to start this day on a good note. I'm going to be late. I dry off and style my hair wet. I pulled some clothes out my clothes not too flashy not too plain. I want to stand out but not look I was trying too hard. My hair, still wet, and longer on the left side damped my shirt. Ugh.. its irritating. Hopefully it will dry on the bike ride to school.

 

Down the shaded tree sidewalk, I zoom down to campus on my silver 10-speed. The late summer air is calming as it drys my hair. The ten minute bike I makes me too cognizant of my lack of energy. Good thing I only had one class. Biology Lab 2. I hate science and really hate ones that have to do with bodily things like blood and insides.

 

I check my watch: 9:10. Dang 10 minutes late. I dislike being late. I rush up the stairs to the third floor. I rip open the door to the lab and twenty-nine heads whip around and glare. I give the professor and a apologizing wince. She warmly smiled gestured to the only empty seat. In the middle row at the very end.

The screeching and scraping of lab stools to make way for me was too much. I could feel my feel my face heating up to a million degrees. I took my seat on the right side of a tall boy. I pretended to be focused on my syllabus but I was too embarrassed to focus. Youngbae would love to hear about this. I thumbed through the paper and tried to disappear.

 

Seunghyun

 

I take a strange glee in the fact that I was not the last person to arrive in class. As I stared at his back, I felt bad for the small boy. He looks so fragile sitting there, still embarrassed, most likely. It has been twenty minutes since he sat down and he has yet to look up from the syllabus. I caught a glimpse of his ethereal features. His small almond eyes and deep pink lips were almost feminine. His delicate oval face was framed by wispy curtain of jet black hair on one side. The look suited him.

 

Though he looked too young to be in a 400 level course. He is probably some stuck up smart kid that graduated early.

 

-After class- At the Choi house:

 

I sink back into sink back stiff leather interior of my car. It is warm and sticky, this odd yet calming sensation on my skin. I can not get this weight off my shoulders. Crushing me, suffocating me; I wake up feeling disappointed. Yesterday should have been my last day. I should not be burden with such things, I am only twenty-three.

 

Was I bred only for the aspirations of Mr. Choi? I get stomach sick wondering if my mother was just rung he stepped on on his way to success. Mrs. Choi only bore bratty,lazy daughters. She was already in menopause when Mr. Choi met my mother. Eunjin Lee, mom had just graduated college, she was didn't have much money and wanted to work hard.. I can not fathom the lies he told my mother as they lay between sheets of hourly motels.

 

A light rapping on my window jerks me out of my strained thoughts. Immediately I straighten up as my body stiffens. It is mom with a glass of water. She swung the door open before I could even think to reach my hand out to do so.

 

“Aii, I thought you had fainted...” Her voice is relieved but her face holds stern a concerned expression.

 

“Sorry to make you worry.”

 

“ Here. Drink” she hands me the perspiring glass. Mom takes a handkerchief out of the front pocket of her apron. She dabs my forehead: I was unaware of that I was sweating.

 

“It's the height of summer and you are wearing long sleeves.” She shakes her head and pushes her soft black hair streaked with silver out of her face. Mom knows that a lecture is useless, exposing my body was just something I didn't do. I finish the glass and give her a weak smile.

 

“Diner is down stairs. I know you have a lot of work to do so we can talk later.” She seemed hopeful She returns to the main house.

 

I slid out of the coupe. The air in the garage is swirling with the smell of food. I am not in the mood to eat. I descend the stairs to my own wing of the house. I see the small table is gently set for one. My mother's dainty touches to the table setting is inviting. The way the napkin is folded and placed just so. My mother presents her meals as she were serving a fine restaurant. I know she takes a great time to prepare things like this because she lonely.

 

I am suffocating, I am being crushed.

 

There is a small package on the counter. I pick up the note attached TO: Mr. Seunghyun Choi From: Dad. My stomach knots as I crumple the note and throw it into the trash followed by the package.

 

I just want to be numb.

 

Jiyong

 

I am sitting at a gray concrete table at breakfast alone when Youngbae glides over on his skateboard.

 

“What's up Ji?” He says causally and plops down in the seat next to me.

 

“Nothing,” I take too long to reply. He picks up on it immediately. Bae is good at picking up on the little things.

 

“I'm not going to f-”

 

“I just really don't want to be in bio class!” I could feel my face getting hot. Am I over reacting? “ I was ten minutes late the first day. Class had already started....” I bury my face in my hands.

 

“Well what will you take instead?” He asked his teeth and rolling his eyes.

 

He's right. This was my last year and I had to complete four levels of a single science for my degree. .

 

“Guess I'm stuck.” I sighed and slouched back in my chair. I checked my watch: 9:50. I didn't want to be late again so I began to gather my things.

 

“I gotta go.” I explained desperately.

 

“So early?”

 

“ Yeah. I do not want to repeat of last class.” I offered my left-over sandwich to him. Youngbae snatched it and threw it in his bag.

 

“See ya,” I moaned, my back already turned and scurried off to lab. I rushed up to the fourth floor. I was elated to know I was one of the first to arrive. I even beat the professor.

 

After class was settle and the role was called.

 

“Gather your things and line up against the wall. Today you will be picking lab partners.” She pulled at black hat from under the podium. “Needless to say....if you pick your own name then fate has cursed you and you will die in seven days.” Awkward silence. The professor smiled bitterly. "Put it back and pick another." As a she went down the line the pair clumsily joined and the rows began to fill up. The black hat was offered to me. I fished around in the sea names. I grabbed a folded, white piece to printer paper .

 

I called out “Seunghyun Choi!” My lab partner swaggers over to me. Choi has a masculine face and milk chocolate brown hair. He was carrying only his textbook and spiral notebook.

 

As he stares me down I feel an inch tall. Who does this guy think he is? Dressed like an late fall Banana Republic mannequin. I led us back to the our station, once again the middle row at the very end.

 

He doesn't even say hi to me. He just causally leans on the stool, legs crossed at the the ankles and arms folded. Choi just kept his eyes forward, as if he were trying not to make conversation. Stuck up ... Honestly why am I fretting over this? I don't care if he likes me or not. I just want an A in this lab.

 

I try to push all my thoughts about him to the back of my mind as I attempt to listen and take exact notes. Team work blah blah blah, work place like laboratory experience yadda yadda yadda....

 

We receive our fist prep Dissection 101. Reason why I regret taking biology #876. I take a deep breath as I place the paper in the correct folder to be highlighted and noted later tonight. My head is hanging on my head, distraught as class is dismissed.

 

I get to work at a quarter till 11. I have to prepare the Cafe De Charmant Fin for the lunch-time rush. I love the smell of coffee, I imagine that it is the smell of unicorns. At the back of the french-like shop there was small door that read computers. This place also used to be an internet cafe. No one uses those computers anymore but Seungri , the cashier, on his break.

 

I walk in the back to the kitchen where the owner Frank and his wife Ellen are finishing up the sandwiches and pastries. Frank graduated college with my mom and dad. Though, they don't speak much now. I greet the two and pass back to the office and clock in on the computer. I change into my white button-down shirt. I slip my maroon apron over my head. Pinned to my apron is a gold name tag in raised letters reads: Jiyong Kwon: Assistant Manager.

 

I've only had the position for a few months but I had was already doing this stuff long ago. Deciding shifts, placing orders, making sure the cashiers' drawers were balanced. The official title did come with a pay raise: $10.75! I re-wipe the tables and set the house coffees to brew.

 

While I straighten the counter the morning cashier Kat directs my attention the door of shop. Outside Youngbae is clumsily flirting with a girl. He almost swings his skateboard into an innocent pedestrian. The girl has finally had enough and walks away. I cringe, my heard hurts for him, to be so attractive and talented, Bae has never had much luck with the ladies.

 

He sighs and walks in. Kat and I direct our attention else where before we think he notices.

 

“I saw you two!” He say frustrated.

 

“Sorry, I just wanted to witness your first successful pick up” Kat snorts. She teases him like Bae is her kid brother.

 

He looks at me for defense. “She didn't look your type anyways” I muster and Kat and Bae look confused “Not enough up top.”

 

Kat loses it and Youngbae walks away.

 

“Don't dwell on it too long. The rush is about to come and I got started late” I yell to him. “Kat clock out please”

 

Few moments later Seungri comes in already dressed seconds before his shifts starts. Today his panda eyes look extra dark, he looks exhausted.

 

“Are you okay?” I didn't want to call Kat back for another shift.

 

“Yeahhhh....” He squeezes out as he stretches.

 

“Late night studying? It too early for that Seungri.”

 

“New girlfriend actually. Late night though”

 

I raise my eyebrows. Typical Seungri. For a greasy freak, he had a new girl every week. How does he have time for all that?! I can't fathom the amount of money he spends on dates.

 

From eleven-thirty until one there is a steady stream of customers. Back and forth I go between making drinks and severing sandwiches and pastries. Everyday the same old routine. As the amount of customers slows down I notice my body is more achy than usually. Working forty plus hours during the summer break must be finally wearing me down. I send Seungri on break and he immediately heads to the computer room. At least some one is putting that room to use.

 

“Did you know that girl?” I ask Youngbae just to make conversation.

 

“I sit behind her in Composition.”

 

“She's cute.”

 

“But she has a boyfriend. Already.”

 

“Don't worry the right girl will come your way. You wont even know it. Since you wont need to chase her” I wanted to give him so hope, he has been striking out more and more.

 

“I'll just have to trust God” He sighs and wipes a spot that isn't there at a table. “ How as biology class?” He changes the subject.

 

“Uhhh. We got lab partners”

 

“Oh really?”

 

“I got some bored Gucci model-looking guy. He was so rude.”

 

“What did he say?”

 

“It what he didn't say that was rude. He never said hi or even ask my name!” I was getting frustrated all over again.

 

“Did you try introducing yourself?”

 

“No.” How could I be so dumb. I didn't even try. “He was be so cold” I defended. “I was l-”

 

“Excuse me” I small voice came at my back. a customer. I whip around and there is a short girl with big eyes and tired face looking at me.

 

“What would like today?” I smile.

 

“Does Seungri work here?” She says nervously. This must be his new girlfriend but she didn't look his type.

 

“Go tell Ri that his girlfriend is here.” I tell Youngbae and he goes to the computer room.

 

“I'm not his girlfriend!” Confusion filled his face. If this girl wasn't his girlfriend then what did she want. She couldn't have been an ex, she didn't seem wild enough for him. Which means she probably wanted drugs. It's only a rumor that he sold but I wouldn't put it past him. Having all those chicks must get expensive and minimum wage job can't cut it. Well, just as long as he didn't bring them in here, what he did off the clock was non of my business.

 

Around three I take my break. I grab a sandwich from the fridge and head to a park. I love this town there are so many parks with lots of kids. With the leaves anticipating changing colors it all so picturesque. I settle my self at a bench and munch on the sandwich as I watch the kids play. I must look like a creeper. I spot the girl with the big eyes that came in earlier she gets in a black coupe.

 

 

 

Seunghyun (the next night)

 

Marie could have been beautiful but her drug abuse only allowed her to be only pretty. I met her at St Maria Fortunata Viti Hospital. I was playing chess with another patient and she flipped our table table over. I just got up and walked away half way grateful because I was losing anyways. I asked a nurse's permission to smoke outside and sat a wooden bench enjoying the outside's quite.

 

“What is your problem?” Screamed someone from behind. I glance over my shoulder to see the brown-skinned girl who just ruined my chess game, standing with her large eyes wild and fist clinched.

 

“I have a problem?” I turned my problem.

 

“ I just messed up your game!”

 

“You did me a favor. I was losing any way.” I scratched the bandages on my arm.

 

“Oh...” She says, almost sweetly. I hear her feet crunch into the gravel towards me. She sits close and gives me a sideways smile. “What are you in for?” She makes it sound like jail. I hesitate if it wasn't obvious by the white binding on forearms then why bother asking.

 

“I dropped a bunch of molly and drowned all my cats” She said plainly. I laugh and immediately feel bad.

 

“I tried to escape my fate” I roll my eyes and raise my left arm.

 

As I sit here now and watch her roll a joint on my counter, I can not believe she the same angry girl I met a few months last year. I guess I would consider Marie my friend but I do not feel the closeness that I assume friends should have. I have spent my life running and pushing others away. I realize that war in my mind against fate is not worth the battles.

 

I have tried out running Mr.Choi's plans for me. That is not what I want for my life. How could someone who is dying be so compassionate-less? Even when he is dead he still wants to be selfish. Everyone just plays along like it is some game to be won. So easy for Mrs. Choi and her daughters to give in to him when they will just be taken care of for the rest of their lives.

 

Their family caused my mom's name to be a scandal. When Mr. Choi's indiscretions were brought to light by a blabbing nurse, they threw my mother under the bus! Called her a gold digging . This made sure no man would ever go near her, she could never find another dignified job. He has to take care of her.

 

I just want to feel numb.

 

My mother deserved better. For her I will no longer fight my fate.

 

“ I'm done!” Marie chirped.

 

We sit on my screened in patio and and share the joint. I can feel my head get heavy and my body begins to relax. I stare ay a squirrel jumping from limb to limb in the big tree in my back yard. I wonder if that squirrel had a family; a squirrel wife and some little squirrel babies. I giggle at the image of the personified squirrel family

 

I feel so good.

 

Marie is up dancing and laughing to herself. Her dark hair and black dress swirl in the warm air, she looks like an omen. I cover my face and laugh at the thought. When I look up Marie had piled herself at my feet. She hoists herself up one her knees and get too close to my face.

 

“Are you okay?” she giggles.

 

“Yes. I am fine. I feel good”

 

“What were you thinking about?”

 

“Squirrels” I laugh really hard remembering the picture of the squirrel family. I pull Marie into my life.

 

“Squirrels huh...”

 

“Yes. The squirrel had a wife and some little squirrel kids. It was so cute. They lived in a hole in a tree and at nuts together!”

 

“Awwwww.....” She giggles into my neck and kisses my check. I hold her face in my hands and peck her lips. She leans in and kissed me deeper, as I her dress time goes out of sync in my head. should always be loveless. No one is imputing feelings and they is no attachment. There are no promises and sweet words and cuddling. Risk less is all it should be.

 

 

When Marie leaves I shower and hope to sober myself up. I rub over the thick pink scars on my legs and I am careful not to bump the one that have not begun to heal yet. I dry off and put band aids on the one that look like they would bleed again. I open the bottom drawer to the vanity and reach for the box cutter tapped to the top, it is still there I am relieved mom has not found it.

 

I get dressed in pajamas and there is a light knock at the door. Mom. I open the door for her even though it is not locked.

 

“Marie stayed late?”

 

“Yeah. She had some issue with her grandma. She was upset, I had to talk her down.” I hated lying to her but I came easy.

 

“How was diner?” She smiles. It was hidden in the microwave. “ You didn't eat?” I guess she noticed that the dishes were not in the sink.

 

“It is in the microwave,” I wanted to eat it before bed.

 

“I'll leave you to it then.” I lean over and kiss her cheek and she pats my head and leaves.

 

I eat a small portion of my diner and flop into bed before my thoughts flare up. I curl up with a plushie and drift off to sleep. 

 

 

 

 

A/N: This 8 pages single spaced, So I'm sorry if it feels too long. I really happy on how it turned out my first chapter. Feed back would be awsome and thank you for reading. I hope you stay for the whole story.