Taeyang stared  blankly out of the window of his posh hotel room, the vast city view below unseen by his dark eyes. Normally a breathtaking sight, it seemed dull and truly meant nothing to him tonight. He couldn’t share the moment with the one he loved, so what was the point? Taeyang sighed heavily, as though the weight of the world sat on his heart, and he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. There was the feeling as though he should do something, anything, to shake his body and mind from its misery, yet he could not find the will to move his body on his own. Images of his blonde angel haunted his mind and the thought of never knowing his touch as more than a close friend disturbed something deep inside him. 

 

A soft knock to his room door stirred him from his thoughts as he mustered some strength to turn and see who it may be. ‘Probably one of the members..,’ he thought to himself, sighing heavily and schooling his darkened features into something more presentable. Upon opening the door he felt the air rush out from his lungs, his heart dropping immediately at the sight of the member he both dreaded  and yet longed to see. Daesung stood at his door, the angelic eye smile planted firmly on his handsome face. Taeyang gripped the handle of his hotel room door like his life depended on it. His muscled arm visibly shook from the effort, and he was thankful that all of this was hidden behind the door that he now leaned upon.

 

“Youngbae hyung! Seungri is passed out cold but the rest of us are headed out to grab something to eat. Do you wanna come?”

 

The invitation was tempting. Far too tempting for Taeyang to deal with at this moment in time. He could see himself at dinner now. Daesung, Seunghyun, and Jiyong would be gathered there joking around and enjoying each other’s company, while Taeyang would try his best not to stare at the one he loved. Though he already knew every dip and plane of Daesung’s face better than he knew his own, he would be able to do nothing but stare. Especially when he was smiling the way he was now. Oh how he loved that smile. Taeyang would do anything to keep that smile on his face.

 

“Hyung? Are you ok?” Daesung’s voice seemed to float out of nowhere, startling Taeyang out of his vision. Hearing his voice again, Taeyang realized he had taken far too long to answer and shook his head to try and clear it.

 

“Umm..I’m going to pass tonight. Hyung is too tired…and I want to be up early to exercise first thing in the morning.” It wasn’t a complete lie. The concert had taken it’s toll on his body and his heart that night. He had given his all with each and every number they performed, his own personal muse moving in sync with him and the others. Daesung had looked perfect, sung perfect. It had always made Taeyang smile and fueled him with energy when he saw how well Daesung interacted with the fans. They couldn’t help but love him…and neither could he.

 

“Oh..” sighed Daesung heavily. Disappointment briefly flickered through his eyes, puzzling Taeyang for a moment, before that gorgeous smile returned and he pushed his way into Taeyang’s room. 

 

“What are you-”

 

“I’m going to make hyung some of the herbal tea that I bought you for when we first started the tour.” Daesung stopped just inside Taeyang’s room, fully taking in how dark it was, the only light in the room from the dim glow of the city below. Without uttering a single word, Daesung crawled across Taeyang’s bed to far side of the bed, switching on the small lamp on the nights stand. Taeyang stood there motionless, watching as Daesung immediately scanned the room for something, locating the item near the dresser by the far wall before he yanking it onto the bed and into Taeyang’s view. It was his suitcase and within moments the younger male had it flipped open and was rifling through the contents.

 

‘He needs to go…He needs to stay. Please go away Daesung. Never leave my side! It hurts so much to have you this close and not be able to really have you.’ Taeyang’s mind was reeling from Daesung‘s close proximity, an internal battle raging through him. His mind was screaming for Daesung to leave, while his heart and body cried out for him to stay. Blissfully unaware of the war going on in the man behind him, Daesung continued to search through Taeyang’s suitcase and shouted in triumph upon finding his quarry. The contents of the small silver tin rattled in Daesung’s hand as he shook it lightly while smiling.

 

“But, I didn’t pack that..” Taeyang managed to drag out. His mouth wasn’t working as well as he wanted to, which could be counted as a good thing because he wasn’t entirely sure what would come out if it was. Daesung’s presence continued to be spell him the longer he was near him, Taeyang could feel the warmth of the other male from his place near the door and it made his body ache.

 

“I packed it while you were talking with JiYong about the tour,” Daesung beamed proudly as he stood and headed toward the small kitchenette area to prep the water. Taeyang tugged his hands through his increasingly longer hair and decided it needed to end here. There was no way he could survive the domestic scene of Daesung making tea for him after such a long day. It was far too close to the fantasies he had of them together as true lovers. 

 

“I’ll do it myself after a shower, Daesung. Just go ahead and have fun with the other hyungs.” He winced at the tone of his own voice. It was far harsher than he intended and he averted his gaze from Daesung’s, unable to forgive the action.  

 

“Oh..alright, hyung. I’ll leave this for you then.” The hurt was evident in Daesung’s voice, shooting pain through Taeyang’s heart as he cursed himself inwardly. Unable to lift his head, he waited until he felt Daesung pass by, shutting the door with an audible click once he was safely out into the hall. His heart was screaming out in pain as he slumped heavily against the door, clutching at his chest with tears stinging his eyes. Leave it him to be unable express himself even the slightest bit about his feelings towards Daesung. He had panicked. When it came to anything else, Taeyang was always sharing his thoughts or feelings about different topics with Daesung. Why when it came to the most important topic of his life, was he so pathetic about bringing it up?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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 Forgot I could do this! Keke~ o//o Thank you so much for reading and to my first subscribers I just want to bake you all chocolate cake<(^_^)> The next chapter should be finished and typed up soon(yeah I'm writing it oldschool :P). Hopefully, it won't disappoint! I can't wait to see where the story leads myself. =)