Things remain the same for Hunhan. Luhan no longer attempt to get close to Sehun anymore. They still do practice together but no words were exchange between them. The older one knew that the more he forced him the more painful it will be for the maknae.

 

He tried to look for treatment for such phobia but there was not much he could do. Was there really nothing that he could do to help Sehun? Luhan was on the brink of giving up.

 

“Luhan hyung, what are you doing?” Kai entered the room looking at his computer screen.

 

“Nothing, I am just looking at our fans comment.” Luhan faked a smile and click away the window that was about philophobia.

 

Kai actually knew what Luhan was doing before he came in. He already knew about the things that were going on between the maknae and the older one. Sehun was having philophobia and Luhan was trying to search for a way to cure him so that they can be together like normal couple. However it was not easy to get rid of a phobia within a short time.

 

It was a perfect chance for Kai to go between them and make Luhan choose him instead. The dancer knew such action was despicable but love is selfish. He could not allow such opportunity to pass by. Neither was he those types of guys who are self-sacrificing nor was he willing to help Sehun to overcome the phobia so that he can live happily ever after with Luhan.

 

He couldn’t. Humans are selfish.

 

Kai turned Luhan’s chair around so that they were facing each other and he held onto both of his hands, “hyung, let me love you.”

 

“What are you talking about Kai? I…” Before Luhan could finish his sentence, Kai stopped him.

 

“I know Sehun cannot love you like what normal people could. But I can. ”

 

“Kai…”

 

“I can hold your hand like this, do skinship with you, hug you, kiss you and comfort you. Luhan, give me a chance to love you. I promise I will cherish you with all my heart. ”

 

Luhan did not give Kai a reply. He also could not leave Sehun alone to suffer from such phobia that will affect the rest of his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The vocalist received a call that his grandmother in China was ill and had been admitted to the hospital. It was very serious and she might just leave anytime. Luhan tried to persuade his manager to give him the permission to visit her but he was rejected. He could not leave now, he still had a lot of schedule that was lining up waiting for him.

 

Luhan returned to the dance studio with a dejected look but he tried his best to cover it up and continued his dance practice with the rest of the members. After a few hours of practicing, they could finally head home and rest but Luhan stayed back continue on practicing. He wanted to tire himself out instead of thinking about her sick grandmother that was waiting to see him for the last time.

 

The long hours of practice did tire him out and he finally collapse onto the floor. He wanted to cry but he remember that his grandmother always tell him that boys should not cry. Luhan held back the tears that were threatening to fall and his heart was hurting even more than before.

 

How he wished that Sehun could be here with him, pulling him into his arms and tell him that everything will be okay. However Sehun could not get close to him at all because of the phobia. Luhan curled up in a fetus position, hoping all the pain will just go away by itself.

 

Sehun was quietly observing Luhan from aside. He wanted to just go over and embrace him in his arms but he could not. His body did not listen to his order. The makane could only stay here looking at his hyung in pain and unable to do anything to lessen the pain.

 

Maybe he could try and approach him. Who cares about the phobia, Luhan needs him now.

 

When he was about to move over to his side, Kai came into the studio. He lied down beside him and wrapped his arms around him from behind. When he turned to look at him, he gave Luhan an encouraging smile. The dancer planted a kiss on his forehead and pulled him closer to his side.

 

These were the action that Sehun wished he could do but he could not.

 

Luhan was grateful that Kai could be here to comfort him, but he secretly wished that it was Sehun instead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Sehun look what I have found!” Luhan smiled happily and showed Sehun the stack of papers that was filled with information regarding Philophobia.

 

The maknae did not show much emotion on his face after hearing the news and he did not look as thrilled as what the older one thought he would be. Did something happened? Luhan stopped in front of Sehun, trying to read the expression he had on his face.

 

“Luhan hyung, you don’t have to help me anymore.”

 

What…? Was the phobia acting up again?

 

The maknae continued on, “Kai is a good choice. You should accept him.”

 

“Sehun…what are you talking about…”Luhan could not understand why Sehun was pushing him away to someone else.

 

“Stop it Luhan hyung, I don’t need you to pity me I can deal with the phobia myself.”

 

Luhan wanted to explain that whatever he did now was not because he pitied him, it was because he loved him. But since Sehun had already given up on himself, there was no reason why he should continue on helping him.

 

The older one threw the papers against his face, showing his anger. He walked away feeling disappointed and left the papers flying around in the room. It was scattered all around the floor, all the hardwork the vocalist had put in went down the drain.

 

Sorry Luhan hyung. 我没有能力去好好的爱你，就让他代替我好好的来爱你吧。

(I do not have the capability to love you, so let him replace me to love you instead.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was time for EXO-M to head back to China once again. All EXO members were sending them off from the dorm as they did not want to create too much commotion by being at the airport with them. Not much word were exchange, they knew that they will meet again few months later. However both Sehun and Luhan knew this goodbye has different meaning.

 

Sehun stood at the back looking at how Kai was holding on the Luhan’s hands in front of everyone. They announced that they were together few days back and the maknae said nothing. He was not in the position to object and the rest of the members were rather supportive about it.

 

The incident had showed Sehun how Kai was much a better choice as compared to him. Since he could not love him because of the phobia he had, the only thing he could do was to wish him all the best with Kai. He had lost the rights to be in love with him from the moment he had the phobia.

 

Luhan look at Sehun for the last time. He could never forget what the maknae told him that day. It was a confession without the famous three letter words. He admitted he was selfish to choose to accept someone who could provide him with all the love he need instead of helping the maknae that he was secretly in love with.

 

Luhan needed someone that can be there for him and Sehun was not the one.

 

Kai gave Luhan a kissed on the lips before saying his last goodbye right in front of Sehun and finally they left. There were many things that Sehun actually wanted to tell Luhan but now it could only be kept inside his heart till the day he die.

 

 

 

Goodbye, my love.

 

 

 

 

 

The worst thing about fear of being in love and falling in love is that it keeps you apart from your loved ones and drives you to a painful solitude.

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