I was right. It was pretty awkward. I was panting as we entered the subway car. Kai took a seat beside the window and I wondered if I was supposed to sit beside him or stay ten feet away.

 

Well, he could've taken one of the seats beside a stranger so I couldn't sit beside him. If he took the seat with an empty seat beside him, it meant he was inviting me to sit beside him, right?

 

Right. I told myself as I gingerly sat down beside him.

 

I leaned back and dug my hands into my pockets of my sweater, imitating Kai. He was busy staring out the window at the dark tunnels so I stayed quiet, hoping not to bother him.

 

"I'll tell Jonghee to bring you back a box of brownies." Kai muttered without turning to look at me.

 

I had totally forgotten about those after I heard Sehun's news. "Oh, okay. Thanks." But I'm glad Kai remembered.

 

"Did you like your dresses?" He still wouldn't look at me.

 

"Yes, I did. Thank you for paying for them."

 

"No problem."

 

We went back to silence and I twiddled with my thumbs to pass the time. There was still an hour and a half before our stop so I began reading the advertisements to distract myself from the awkward tension between us.

 

Lip gloss, cars, the new amusement park opening in another town. None of the ads were worth reading so I looked around for a newspaper that somebody might've left behind. There was one neatly folded but it was on a seat far away and I didn't want to get up while the subway train was moving.

 

Kai shifted in his seat and I looked over to see him pulling out his phone. He was probably texting Jonghee about the brownies.

 

I watched a baby across the aisle who was struggling to open a board book in his hands. His fingers lacked the dexterity but his mother helped him after she noticed me looking. The baby was staring intently at the bright colours of the book and didn't notice even when the train stopped and new passengers stepped on.

 

I looked away when a woman stood between me and the baby's stroller so I couldn't see him anymore. Kai was still on his phone, though. From the corner of my eye, I saw that he was staring intently at something. Did Jonghee text back saying that the cafe was out of brownies?

 

At the next stop, Kai left his frozen state and ran his hand through his hair. I could tell he was biting his lip as he dropped his phone onto his lap and looked back out the window. There was nothing interesting outside but I guess he wanted to avoid talking to me as much as I wanted to avoid talking to him.

 

My cellphone vibrated then and I reached into my pant pockets to retrieve it. I wasn't expecting a call since there was no signal in the subways but when I opened my phone, there was a new email...from Kai. I sneaked a curious peak at him but he was still stubbornly staring out the window.

 

My eyes narrowed when I read the message.

 

«talk to me»

 

I wondered for a second if Kai had sent this to the wrong person or maybe somebody had abducted the Kai that I knew and the person sitting beside me was actually a stranger. Maybe that's why he won't look at me...

 

«about what?» I texted back.

 

Sure enough, Kai's phone lit up and he looked down at his lap to check it out. I watched him through the corner of my eye and saw a small smile on his face. He finished typing and my phone started vibrating again.

 

«idk :$ tell me what you're angry about»

 

«how do you know i'm angry?»

 

«lol remember when we were 12 and i threw your barbie across the yard and her head fell off? you wouldn't talk to me for a week. you always give me the silent treatment whenever you're angry»

 

«T_T i.liked.my.barbie. i don't think you wanna know what i'm angry about though»

 

«tbh, idek why you're angry :/ but tell me.»

 

I smirked but then remembered that I was supposed to be mad about something.

 

«THE BOY THAT I LIKE IS GAY T___________T»

 

I pretended to be really sad in my seat and saw Kai jump as he read the message. At first he was motionless but then he frantically texted something back.

 

«@_@ how do you know he's gay??»

 

«he told meeeeeeeee ;-;»

 

«well what did he say specifically?»

 

«he said he didn't want a girlfriend t___T»

 

I had to purse my lips to keep from laughing after Kai noticeably relaxed.

 

«=___= so from that, you assume he's gay?»

 

«YES T_T»

 

«..........are you talking about sehun?»

 

«i don't like sehun O_o»

 

«wtf. then what were you guys talking about at the cafe?»

 

«c_c what do you think we were talking about?»

 

«i thought he was confessing to you :$$$»

 

«wow....awks.»

 

«so what was he saying? looked interesting.»

 

«sehun is gay and he has a boyfriend.»

 

«no surprise :P so who's the guy you like if it's not sehun??»

 

I bit my lip. No, there was no point in confessing if I'm supposed to be getting over him.

 

«why does it matterrrrrrrrr T_________T he's most likely gayyyyyyyyyyyyy OTL time to ship him with sehun or something.»

 

«=_= cmon just tell me»

 

«no, go to sleep or something T___T lemme go cry in a corner»

 

After reading the message, Kai finally faced me just to give me a glare. I pretended not to notice and looked at the subway map. Only a few more stops and then we'd be at the station. There was still a ten-minute walk from the station to my house, though.

 

When we finally did arrive at the subway station, I was the one leading and Kai was trailing behind me.

 

"Oh shoot!" I stopped suddenly on the sidewalk and Kai ran into my back.

 

"What?" He asked in a quiet voice.

 

"I forgot to buy you a present!" I turned around to find him smiling. Most people aren't that happy to hear that they will have one less birthday present. "What do you want for your birthday?"

 

He bit his lip and shrugged. "I don't know. My parents usually buy me the big stuff and I have all the small things I want."

 

I turned towards a convenience store. "Well, that's helpful," I mumbled sarcastically. "Let's go in there. I need some ideas."

 

"If we're going to a convenience store, you can buy me an ice cream."

 

I gave him an incredulous look. "You want me to buy you an ice cream for your birthday?" 

 

He nodded but I shook my head. I ran ahead and already saw some possible gift ideas. I could get him a big box of his favourite snacks or buy him a bumper sticker or get him some car magazines.

 

I stopped in my tracks as a bald, stout man stood in my way. I tried to step around him but he followed me with his creepy smile. In his hands were a stack of flyers and he eagerly handed me one.

 

"You should visit my place sometime, miss." The man shoved the paper at me and I took it hesitantly. It was an advertisement for a brothel.

 

"No thank you." I replied politely and back away. The man decided not to follow, much to my relief. I saw that there were actually a few of these men stationed around the convenience store. I turned around and saw Kai with a smug expression.

 

"Yes?" He asked as if he knew I had a request.

 

"I'll buy you an ice cream if you get me to the convenience store without any of these guys approaching us. Oh, and if you tell me what I should get you for your birthday."

 

Kai deliberated the offer. "Fine, I can do the first thing. No guarantees on if I'll know what you should get me for my birthday."

 

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Quick, they're gonna look over soon."

 

"Okay, stay close beside me." Kai's arm fell around my shoulder and he shuttled me towards the door of the convenience store. Whenever one of the middle-aged men came close, Kai gave a glare and they immediately backed off.

 

I walked like a rigid board under Kai's arm. I was thinking he was going to just drag me by the arm so we'd get there quick but he decided to make us look like a couple. How can he just do this to a girl?

 

I shrugged his arm off the moment we stepped inside the store and walked straight to the freezer. I opened it and pulled out a strawberry Melona bar for myself.

 

"Grab me whatever's the most expensive." Kai leaned his elbow on my shoulder as I looked for the most expensive ice cream bar.

 

"Usually, I'd be peeved but this is part of your birthday gift so I'll let it go." I pulled out a fudgesicle from some foreign brand and close the freezer. "So have you thought about what you want for your birthday?"

 

Kai poked my cheek and I looked up to see him lazily staring at me. "I just paid 600 000 Won for your dresses and you get peeved about buying me ice cream for my birthday?"

 

I giggled and nodded. "Of course." I craned my neck and saw the stationery section behind Kai. I weaved around him and browsed through the colourful papers. Ooh, I could use these to make him a colourful card.

 

Kai followed and leaned his chin on my shoulder. "What am I going to do with origami?" He played with one of the sheets.

 

"I don't know...hang it in your room." I frowned and elbowed his chest. "Stand up by yourself. You're heavy."

 

Kai groaned but took his chin off my shoulder. "But my back hurts."

 

Well, I guess present shopping can wait. "Again?" I asked as I walked to the cash register. I paid the clerk with exact change and turned to Kai to give him his ice cream. "There's a park nearby. You can sit on a bench there."

 

I swung Kai's arm around my shoulder and led him outside. This time, the men with the flyers didn't even look our way.

 

At the park, Kai collapsed on a bench and winced. The sun was beginning to set but I couldn't just leave him here. He looked like he was dying.

 

I sat down beside him and rubbed his back. He closed his eyes and put his head on my shoulder. I noticed his fudgesicle was just sitting by his fingertips so I reached over and helped him open it. I put it into his hands again and he began gnawing at it. As he chewed, his eyes opened and I took that time to open my own popsicle.

 

"You already had a sundae and now you're eating a popsicle. How are you going to eat dinner?"

 

I turned to look at him but he stared straight ahead. It was easier to talk to the top of his head. "I don't think I'm going to be eating dinner anytime soon if you can't even get up. Do you want me to call Jonghee or Jongsuk?"

 

Kai groaned and waved his popsicle in the air. "Just give me ten minutes."

 

"Okay."

 

We spent the next few minutes eating in peace. I finished after Kai and took his popsicle stick from him.

 

"Sit up," I ordered as I stood to throw away the garbage.

 

I walked back and found him staring at his hands. "You know I'm not gay, right?" He asked and looked up at me with an expectant face.

 

My eyebrows rose at the comment and I put my hands on my hips. I nodded slowly and said, "And?"

 

Kai shook his head and stood up. "Just wanted to let you know."

 

I walked behind Kai, examining his tall figure as he walked with his hands in his pockets again. Maybe I should get him a pair of pants with deeper pockets. Or maybe I should get him a haircut; it was starting to cover his eyes.

 

"Kai, are you sure you can't think of anything you want for your birthday?" I asked after catching up to him.

 

"Hmm...can you cook?"

 

I nodded. "Sort of."

 

"Okay, then cook me breakfast someday."

 

"But that would require me waking up at 6 to cook and then get to your house." I complained.

 

Kai snickered. "Exactly. Besides, it's my birthday present. Sacrifice a little." He swung his arm around my shoulders again and pulled me close to his side. "Let's get you home and away from these guys." He said as we passed the men with flyers again. I didn't complain when he didn't take his arms off even after we passed the men.

 

I still kept my mouth shut as we approached my house and I realized if I were to cook for Kai, I would have to cook for his siblings too. I bit my tongue. It's Kai's birthday. It is for Kai's birthday.

 

---

 

fmlllll guuuys, I realized a few days ago that Kai's birthday is in January, not in the summer @___@ And you know what?? It's like, two days before my friend's birthday. And it's not just any friend omfg. It's the friend that this story is based on. omg whyyyyyyy. Can somebody shoot me already T__T My friend and Kai weren't supposed to be that similar OTL