Our hidden memories still linger
Cause you're still in my room

SHINee - In My Room

Sunlight peaks into my quiet room and I slowly open my eyes. Vision blurry, slowly becoming clearer with each blink. I looked around the room without moving my head, then slowly got up. A pulsing migraine shot the very second I sat up straight and then I decided it was best to lay back down in bed. It's been a good three days since I decided to get into bed and stay, with the occasional eating and showering here and there.

Bedridden.

Sick.

Lonely.

Whatever the matter, I just did not want to get out of bed. Visitors came over every now and then to check up on me, but I pretended like I was fine because I felt like there was nothing anyone should worry about. Nothing.

Did this have to do with what Kris told me? Probably. I wouldn't know. I tried to forget, erase it from my head and go on like everything was normal.

Obviously that didn't turn out so well.

I hadn't seen him since. I don't know where he is.

I don't know where Krystal is, where Baekhyun is.

No one.

I've stayed in my room, blinds closed and music loud.

I've lost connection with everyone for the rest of the month. I felt so alone and trapped. I didn't know how to take it all in. It was... hard. And it still is. I haven't said anything to him since. I miss him.

But then I don't.

I'm trying not to. It's hard.

Everything is so... difficult.

I turned my phone on for the first time in a long time. I looked in the upper right corner and found that the battery was low. Suddenly, my phone blew up with missed calls here and text messages there.

JULY 6 6:30 AM

Hey early bird.

JULY 6 1:42 PM

...Hello?

JULY 12 9:25 AM

Are you there?

JULY 17 4:12 PM

Nayoung?

JULY 18 6:56 PM

Are... we no longer talking?

JULY 25 12:35 AM

I...

JULY 27 3:46 AM

Sorry.

JULY 29 4:04 AM

Thank you... for everything.

JULY 29 4:05 AM

I guess.

Kris Wu, Kris Wu, Kris Wu.

Why...

I wanted to call him and tell him that it wasn't him, it was me. That all the assumptions he's making are absolutely false. That I DO like him, but...

I can't.

Because apart of me will want to stay by his side until the end of time. And I'll become so attached that...

Well, I guess it's too late for that.

I sighed to myself and covered myself with cold blankets.

A knock.

"Nayoung?"

I turned my head toward the door.

"Come in."

My mom came in with oranges and green tea.

"Hi honey" she smiled gently as she set the portable table down near my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"I..." I began while slowly sitting up, "I don't know actually." I picked up the green tea and blew on it to ensure the safety of my tongue and lips. "How are you feeling?"

"Never mind me, I just want to know if you're okay. I heard what happened. Kris came over and... explained everything to us" she looked off into space, then slowly returned to me with the reassuring smile of hers. "He'll be okay."

"How can he mom? Sooner or later, he'll forget everything. He'll forget you, me, his family, and that's the absolute worst! What's the point of living if you can't re