“I thought I’ll be buried 6 feet below on you ant size brain.” smirking at me as he ruffled  my hair.

“Yah! My brain is a lot bigger than ant’s.” pouting my lips on him.

Then we were both silent. I sat on the floor then he sat beside me. I looked at him and that was the only time I realized how much I missed this guy and all the annoyance faded right away. Maybe this was the good side of having that kind of disorder.

“I’m sorry if I acted rudely before. I just wanted to catch your attention.” smirking at his self.

“It’s okay. You’ve introduced yourself but never got a hint, mianhe.” Sighed and turned away from him.

Then, I remembered my mom asked me to go to supermarket. I stood up, “Sorry. I have to go. I almost forgot my mom’s groceries.”

“I can come along.” Stood up straightly and I was surprised on how tall he is.

“Wow – what is your height?” with my lips in an “O” shape.

He chuckled and answered, “182 cm.”

“You can be a model with your height and I bet you’ll still grow taller.” So amused.

“I know. I am a total packeaged.” Then winked at me.

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes but I admit that he’s gorgeous and no wonder why a lot of girls find him hot.

____________

I almost thought of myself as a coordinoona of an idol, with this paragon of simplicity yet stands out more, draws so much attention on us. Girls would either giggle and wave at him and somebody attempted to get his number and to take a picture with him.

As he pushes the cart, I narrowed my eyes on him.

“What’s with that eyes? Are you jealous?” he asked without looking at me.

I rolled my eyes on him and let out a heavy sigh.

“Are you a member of an idol group? You seemed so popular.” Looking up at him.

“Nope. But that’s what you call charisma.” Then winked at me again.

I froze on my place in disbelief. Still, he pushes the cart. “You’re so cocky.” I breathed then pulled my lips in a smile.

 

We went first to the dry section then to the wet section. With my list, I will not forget any item my mom needed. Kkamjong is really a great help,with his height he can reach the unreachable goods for my short limbs.

When we finished, he fetched me to the bus stop.

“Kkamjong, thank you for helping me.”

“You’re welcome. You sure you don’t want me to walk you home?” with so much concern on his voice.

I nodded, “Ne, I can handle myself.” And gave him a smile.

He shook his head and seems he didn’t trust my words. He didn’t let go of the bags, instead he called a cab and put all the grocery bags on the copmpartment.

“Yah! What are you doing?”

“Making sure you’ll get home safe.” Then climbed in the cab and looked at me, waiting for me to get in. I have no choice but to follow him.

“Just turn right on the 10^th street.” He said to the driver.

“You still know my address?” with my eyes widened.

“I have a sharp memory and 10 years isn’t too long for me to forget the directions.” Leaning back on his seat as he fold his arms then looked on the window.

_____________

When we reached our house, he hand me the bags and put some in front of our gate.

“Come in first.”

“Thanks for inviting but I’m going now. And by the way, just call me Jong In, I’ve grown up already.”

He lean forward then pecked me on my forehead.

“Night.” Turned his back at me and waved as he slowly disappear on my sight.

“He. Kissed. Me?”

The memory of my first kiss flashed back. We were both 8 years old, it happened when we we’re playing hide and seek  when he accidentally planted a kiss on my lips when he was pushed by one of our playmates. Glad, I haven’t forget them all.

____________

The next morning,  as surprised to see Kkamjong sitting next to my seat  and murmurs from the four corners of the room echoes but it seems he’s not affected with it.

Hyuna is not in her usual seat,  instead she sitted on the first row.

"Chan and I are going on a concert." spoke on the top of her voice making sure I will hear it.

I can't believe you're such a . I sat on my place and just shook my head as I put down my backpack.

"Really?"

"And you know what, he kissed me too."

Wow... sweet eh, so proud of her trophy. Why on earth Chan would choose her? and she even called him Chan... Grr..

I buried my face on my table.

"Affected?" I heard Kkamjong spoke. Then I heard his chair screeched on the floor.

"Still love him?" Felt more his hot breath on my neck.

"Kkamjong! Will you please stop asking me questions! Please!" As I looked up at him, then I noticed that I overeacted. I put a hand over my mouth in surprise.

"Kkamjong?"

"She called him that? are they close?"

"After Park Chan Yeol..."

Tsk. Tsk. Look what you've done." Kkamjong chuckled on my side as he wagged his finger in front of me.

I extended my arms and buried flatly my face on my table. Nana you're so stupid.

"I told you, just call me Jong In but you're stubborn." whispered on my ear and chuckled again.

___________

Hours passed so quickly and it is lunch time. Now, I am alone on my place and rumors are starting to trend.

"Alone?"

I heard a familiar voice and shot a glare at her. I smiled at her and said, "It didn't matter. I was born alone and I will die alone." I know she was pissed off, but she still sat in front of me.

"Know what, Chan's really a good kisser. Thanks for breaking up with him." gave me a wicked smile then winked at me. This girl really getting on my nerves. I felt sudden goosebumps as an arm slid down on my shoulder and kissed me on my cheek. Who can this be?

"Sweetie, does this girl bothering you?"

Oh shoot! Kkamjong?

Hyuna and I are both surprised to see Kkamjong on my side. One wrong move, my lips will touch his and that will add more commotion in the cafeteria. Hyuna stomped her foot on the floor and turned her back on us. As soon as Hyuna disappeared, I grabbed his hand and put it down to his side.

"Sweetie?" Rising an eyebrow on him. When did I gave him a permission to call me that way? 

"Your welcome my sweetie, you don't have to thank me." he winked and smiled crookedly at me. I didn't thank him!

Does his eyes always got a dirt whenever he's in front of me? Winking became his habit and that habit is starting to kill me bit by bit.

"Eat by yourself. I'm out of here."Took my bag and left him alone.

"Bye sweetie!" Kkamjong shouted. I could really see at the back of my mind how he grins and enjoys my misery. 

"Kim. Jong. In." I hissed, as I stomped my feet. Now, all their eyes are on me.

______________

Yuhoo! Weekend shopping palooza. Hyuna was supposed to be with me but we're not in good terms, so I'll be with me, myself and I. As I walked out from the gate, Kkamjong was leaning on the wall, running his fingers on his perfectly tousled hair,

Black leather jacket + white inner shirt + denim pants = model Kim Jong In.

"What are you doing here?" I spluttered as I shook away the daze this guy gave me.

"I thought of asking you a date." as he slid down his hands on his pocket. A date? 

I blushed but fought a smile, " Next time, no showing off. It hurts my eyes. I'm in a hurry, I'm going to Dongdaemun." Turned my back at him but grabbed me by the hand.

"Then, I'll come with you. By the way, you're beautiful." pulled up his lips to a very soft smile.

"Thanks." as I scanned myself again. I just wore my knitted cream lousy long sleeves, denim short and wear my favorite brown boots and let my black straight hair fall. Of course, I am beautiful.

 

It took us 1 hour and 30 minutes to reach Dongdaemun and as usual KKamjong gets the attention. As we walked inside the mall, he took my hand and clasped his hand on mine tightly. I looked up at him with disagreement but he insisted.

"Hold on tight. Don't give me a hard time finding a lost girlfiend. Arasso?" Smiled crookedly at me.

"Girlfriend? Before you called me sweetie, now girlfriend? what's next?" With my eyes widely open in protest.

But he just shrugged and put a finger on my lips, "Shh.. let's go." pulled me more to his side and looked at me with a sweet smile.

Never imagined I'd be so easily attached and comfortable to him again despite of the 10 years separation from him, nothing changed.

 

On the female section, I yanked him towards the dresses and followed rolling his eyes on me. As I picked my dresses, I heard the sales ladies giggling and he even entertained them. Kkamjong is such a chick magnet. I took varieties of dress: Polca dots, plain black, neon and denim - just wanna try different.

But as soon as Jong In saw my handpicked dresses, he took it from me and put it back. Then took his choices.

"Tsk. Tsk. You don't really have a sense of fashion." smirked at me as he gave me the dresses he chose.

I scowl at him and tried all of it - Kkamjong picked right.

"Are you done?" knocking on the door.

"Ne." then opened it.

His eyes grew with his mouth slightly open then a wide smile painted on his face. "You're perfect."

My face went red-hot and spluttered," T-thanks. I-i'll change now." As I shut the door on his face.

 

On the counter, I had my clothes on my arms then gave it to the cashier.

"How much were all of these?" Jong In asked as he pulled out his wallet.

"Jong In, don't. I have my budget for these." as I held his hand, stopping him from pulling out his money.

"135,000 W, sir." the cashier answered him.

"I'll pay cash, here. Sorry Nana but I insist." handing the money to the lady and smiled at her. Now, she made the poor girl blushed 10 times.

"Ma'am you're boyfriend is so sweet. How I wish to have a boyfriend like him." the cashier giggled.

"H-he..." Jong In in.

"She's so lucky to have me." then winked at me, putting an arm on my shoulder.

 

After paying, we went out from the stall. Then I felt his arm touches my lower body as he wrapped his jacket on my waist.

"Wrap this on your waist, you have blood on your short." He whispered to my ear. I turned sligthly to look and he is right. I tied his jacket on my waist.

"Do you have your sanitary napkin?" he asked.

"I know I have. I'll check." but  to my surprise, I haven't bring even one. I shook my head then said, "I'll buy you, just wait me here." But I grabbed his hand and said, "I can buy by myself." as I felt blood rushed on my cheeks. I cannot let him buy a girl's necessity.

"No. Just wait me here." then he walked away. Hard headed Kkamjong. But he is sweet, isn't he?

 

After 15 minutes he came back with a pack of napkins. "Here. Changed now." still catching his breath, handing me my napkins.

"Gomawo." smiled at him as I took the napkins from him. Then I noticed something.

"What happened on your arm? Where did you get those bruises?" much concerned as I pull up his sleeves but he shrugged it off.

He smiled at me, "Don't worry. The fangirls now are so wild and harsh, you know." Arrogant Jong In comes back.

"Woo~ so cold here... neeed to ccchannge..." pretend I was trembling, wrapping myself with my own arms.

___________

I wore the dress we just bought - cream florid dress that he picked for me. As I walked towards him, I saw him biting his lower lip as he fight back a smile.

"Am I dead now? Or an angel has just fallen from heaven?" took my hands and clasped on mine.

"So much honeyed words eh." raising an eyebrow on him. But he just stared at me with his tired looking gorgeous eyes.

"Let's eat." pulled me to a cake shop on the other side.

I feel so protected and comfortable with Kkamjong's side. If this was the continuation of my abrupt lve story with him, plese don't let me forget all that I am feeling now - especially him.

I ordered 1 slice of strawberry cheesecake while Jong In have a chocolate cake. We just ate on time, 'coz as soon as the cakes laid on our table, my stomach rumbled that made us both laughed. I ate my cake, let the icing melt on my mouth and even the well of my spoon. Jong In gazed at me, resting his chin on his fist.

"You eat like a child. Another slice?" smiling thinly at me. I shook my head with my spoon still on my mouth hanging. Strawberry, you'll be the finale. In a blink of an eye, my strawberry just disappeared.

"Yah! I'm saving that for last." pout my pink lips on him as I saw him chew my fave strawberry.

"Wait, you have an icing on your lips." diverged me.

Jong In took a tissue to wipe it as I remained stationary on my seat.

My heart throbbed violently as Jong In used his lips to wipe the excess icing on mine. Feeling his plump lips press soflty on mine and do the wiping for my innocent lips.

"Now its clean." winked at me again.

"You've already stolen 3 kisses from me!." I fumed.

"Correction. It was 4. Our childhood kiss is included." smiling crookedly at me.

"You have your hands." I protested.

"They're numb so my lips have to do their job." winked at me as he make a flying kiss to me. Kkamjong, you're killing me softly.

___________

Outside Dongdaemun, there was a stage set up, lightings and monoblock chairs arranged. What's the event?

 

"Hello everyone. Sorry for butting in but I just want to take this chance to confess to someone I really want."

 

Kim Jong In? I did't noticed him disappeared on my side and now he is making a scene. I walked toward the stage. By-standers and the staffs seemed interested and gathered in front of the stage. 

"Okay Romeo, just five minutes." a middle-aged man that looked like the director permitted him with a thumbs up.

I gestured him to go down but he just smiled at me and took the microphone. I facepalmed and just shook my head in shame.

"Jung Nana, I really want you since we were kids. Nana, can you be my girlfriend?"

Cheers from the crowd got louder and somebody pushed me and the director even led me up the stage. My heart now frantically throbs and anytime would jump out from my chest. Jong In took my hand and the atmosphere choke me. He leaned closer until we were few inches from each other's faces. His breath give me more shivers down to my spine.

"Can you be my girlfriend?" he repeated as he look at me with his most soulful eyes.

"Say yes!"

"Yes!"

As the crowd chanted repeatedly for a yes answer on us. Then, I burst, "Yes."

"Yes?" he verified. I nodded at him and said. "I said yes."

The crowd gone wild with cheers and applause. Felt like earth starts to eat me but I felt happy too.

"Wohoo~ She's my girlfriend now! Wohoo~!" Kkamjong wrapped his arms around me and pumped his fist in the air happily.

_____________

"I may die now." Jong In murmured on my side as he rest his head on my shoulder.

I shrugged him off, "Stop talking about death." glared at him and ruffled his hair.

"But I'm serious. He can take me now. An angel is already beside me." as his voice softens.

He slept on my shoulder with our hands locked on each others. I can't explain how gald I am now. The feeling I am having right now is truly for him and I wish this happiness would last.

_____________

Kkamjong frequently absent on our classes and sometimes he would skip classes. The whole class knew that Jong In now is my boyfriend - even Hyuna, but after she found out about it, she seemed to change, be aloof and quiet. Does she still dates Chan Yeol? Chan and I are just friends now and what I'm really bothered is the reason of Jong In's absence.

One time that I've asked him, he just smiled at me and sidetracked me. Something about him had change and I don't feel good about it. So, the other week I've asked the university secretary to give me his address but when I reached their house,nobody's home and their neighbor told me that they're on the hospital.

I felt an ache on my chest and got worried after hearing it so I decided to go to the hospital that their neighbor said.

I don't like the atmosphere of hospital. for me, only sadness and death lingers on it and I don't want the feeling it gives me - its nauseous.

I don't know where to start and what to ask but I proceed to the front desk then saw Kkamjong's mother and I'm sure about it. She's with a doctor and they went inside the elevator.

Just a try and hoping it won't work, "Annyong, may I know the room number of Kim Jong in?" Don't answer me. No room please. He's not here. But she answered me, "Room 402." My face fell down.

 

My heart starts to skip its beat - what happened to him? I walked in the elevator to the 4th floor. My knees are shaking as I walked closer to his room. The air felt heavier as I heard someone's talking. i leaned forward to the slightly opened door and heard his mother crying.

"He only has 3 months left."

"I-is there any possible medical procedure to do?"

"Bone marrow transplant might work but he has a 50-50 chances to survive."

I don't want to listen anymore. I leaned on the wall ans I cover my ears, avoiding to hear more of those silly jokes. This can't happen. Tears welled on my eyes.

"Where is he now? He should stay in his room."

"He is on the rooftop."

Rooftop? Though my knees shook and my head swoon, I still pushed myself to run to the rooftop. I don't want to believe it. Please tell me they're wrong.

When I opened the door, I saw Jong In sitting on the bench on his hospital clothes. My whole body trembled. Don't cry Nana. Please. I walked closer until I'm just few inches from his back.

"Why did you kept this from me?" I bit my lower lip as I try to fight my tears back. He didn't look at me, "I'm sorry for being selfish." His voice was already weak.

I walked in front of him and saw Jong In - pale and weak. He is ill.

My lips trembled as tears escaped from my eyes. "Hey, I'm still alive. That's the reason why I don't want to tell it to you." Trying to sound brusque and didn't dare to look at me.

"I have the right to know. I am your girlfriend." I squealed. Gnawing my lips until I hurt my lips and bleed. He stood up and reached out for my face. He pressed his thumbs on my cheeks, wiping off my tears. "Tell me they're wrong. It's just appendicitis? Ulcer? Asthma?.."

"Leukemia. Acute Leukemia."  staring down at me.

The word sank in to me. If this is a nightmare, please wake me up. Someone punch me now.

"I'm dying." he continued as he tried to smile at me. But it just worsen my feelings now.

"I need air." as I put down his hands from my waist and darted out.

_____________

I didn't expect that I'd bumped Jong In's mother. "Nana?" her eyes are red and puffy same as mine. But, I know it's much painful for her to accept the fact that his only son is dying.

I cannot hold it back. I threw my arms on her and began crying again on her chest. She patted me on my back and said, "Let's talk inside." gestured me on Jong In's room.

We sat on the couch as I saw Jong In's bed, I felt uncomfortable and sick - felt like dying already.

"You knew it." she still manage to spoke so calm unlike me, still sobbing and sniffing in front of her.

She took my hand and caressed it with her soft hands. "It was too late when we found out about his cancer, just a year ago. We're in America when he was diagnosed but when he found out that you are already in the Seoul, he decided to flew back to see you. He even convinced the university president just to enter on the same university as yours. This might be too hard for both of us to bear but it was also hard for him. He sacrificed for his happiness. He accepted it and we must learn to accept it. Just be yourself in front of him. Be strong. Seize every moment with him. Is that okay with you?"

Though tears are streaming down on my cheeks, I nodded at her and pulled my lips to a smile. Seize every moment with him.

_________________

The other week I went to the hospital to visit Kkamjong. With fruit basket on my hands, I poke my head on the open door to check if he is awake. He is reading and resting his back on the headboard.

"Annyong Yeobo." I greeted him on the top of my lungs and wore my biggest smile for him. This isn't pretense, It's the least I can show him.

"H-hi!" he muttered. 

I put down the basket on the table beside the window and stood beside his bed.

"Are you taking drugs?" narrowing his eyes on me.

I waved my hands in front of him, "Anio, you're enough as my drug." then winked at him, imitating his habit.

He rolled his tired-looking eyes on me, "So, you're addicted with me, huh?"

I rolled my eyes too then shrugged, "Well, I guess so."

I grinned at him then we both chuckled. I took a chair and sat beside his bed then I rested my face on my palm and gaze at him.

"I'm melting." he smirked then shook his head slowly.

"I just wanted to memorize every details of my Kkamjong. Don't push me away,okay?" still gazing at him. Though it hurts to see him in his worst condition, I still don't want to forget the "Face of my life".

"Just don't drool." he smirked at me.

"Yah! You're ruining the moment." I pout my lips on him.

Then he put a hand over his mouth as if he was about to throw up." What do you feel?" stood up and put an arm on his shoulder.

"I feel nauseous. I. Think. I'm gonna. Blow up." as he clutch his stomach.

I grabbed the basin on my side and put it in front of him. Then he blowed up, I rubbed my hand on his back, "Throw it all up. You'll be fine." As I fought back my tears. Nana, be strong.

Hearing how he suffers and smelling the air of the room also make me feel nauseous but I have to endure all of these.

 

Kkamjong never showed up in school. Visiting him in the hospital became a routine for me. I want to be with him all the time. I don't want to waste any seconds with. It's already 1 1/2 month  since the doctor said that he only have three months to live. I forbid myself to look on the calendar and stopped counting days and weeks - it will only worsen my agony.

________________

After class, before I went to the hospital, I stayed first on the rooftop - my favorite place in the campus. I sat on the floor and wrapped my arms on my knees as I buried my face on it. This is just the time and place I can be true with my feelings and cried as long as I want.

Then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Chan Yeol on my side.

"A beautiful girl like you shouldn't cry." smiled tadly then wipe my tears with his index finger.

"Why are you here? Hyuna might get mad at me if she saw you with me." as I sobbed and rest my chin on my knees.

"Hyuna isn't really my girlfriend." he muttered on his deep husky voice. I looked up at him in confusion then he continued, "It's just a pretense but I made a wrong move and lost a chance to have you back."

"Y-you didn't kissed her, do you?" faltering.

"I didn't. I never thought that it would be my worst decision ever. I'm sorry." sincerity was in his eyes.

There was silence.

"He's sick." I broke the silence.

I know Chan yeol just turned his eyes on me. "Is that why you are crying out a river?" his voice filled with sympathy and concern. I broke down in tears. He wrapped his arm on my shoulder and gently pressed it.

"Let it all out. I'm just here for you." rubbed his hands on my back.

I'm sorry Kkamjong if I wasn't so strong but I'm trying.

 

Chan Yeol went with me in the hospital. As we reach Jong In's room, we saw him being feed by his mother.

"Hi." Chanyeol waved his hand at him then Jong In smiled at him.

"Umma, Nana. Can you leave us for a while? Just a man to man talk." 

Mrs. Kim nodded and so did I. We walked out and let the two talk. As I walked out, I let the door slightly open. I know eavesdroping is a no-no but I cannot stop myself for doing it then I leaned closer to hear their talk.

 

"Take care of her."

"Don't talk like your dying."

"'Coz I am. I only have 1 1/2 months left and soon be leaving her."

"Tsk. You made her your girlfriend then you'll leave her like that?"

"I don't want it either. but I wouldn't ask you this if I'll be getting well soon. Selfish might sound but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her..."

"You love her. That's enough to entrust Nana on you. Don't make her cry or I'll pull your leg when I'm dead."

" I promise. I'll take care of her."

 

I almost slammed my back on the wall after hearing them talk. I held my chest as I felt my heart hammered and pounded. But I never let a tear to fall. Two minutes later, ChanYeol came out.

"Get in. He's waiting for you. I'm going." Tapped my shoulder as he walked away.

I entered his room and saw him smiling warmly at me like nothing happened. He patted his bed on his side, gesturing me to sat beside him.

I gave him my sweetest smile I could wore and sat beside him. He held my hand and felt the coldness of it.

"Let's go out next week." he breathed out. I tilted my head and looked up at him.

"Don't tell me you'll gonna refuse your boyfriend's death wish?" he whispered on my ear that gave me shiver. Not because of his cold breath but because he even tease me and sound so natural talking about death.

"Why would I refuse you? Sure. Next week." as I tipped his chin and gently touch his cheek with my cheek.

I'll do everything for you Jong In. If that's what you want, I'll do it.

 

_______________

 

This will be very different and special date for both of us. his mother fetched us in our dating place - Lotte World - his choice. He's supposed to use a wheelchair but he refused because for him it would ruin his image.

I remembered the last time I've been here - a day before our family went to Philipppines. Happy and sad memories flashed back but it doesn't matter anymore. What matters now is him. I clasped my hand on his and looked at him.

"Let's go." he said in a weak voice and pulled me toward the magic castle.

"H-hey~careful. We might both tripped." jogged cautiously after him, heading the castle.

He turned around, "As long as we're together, it's fine." then winked at me.

With his grip on my hand, I can tell how weak he is now but he forced his self to look strong and make me feel that nothing's wrong with him.

The magic castle was filled of people of all ages. For that moment, it felt like I was a real princess, so magical, so youthful. I hope that a genie would pop out and grant me my wish but they're only fantasy - inexistent, my wish is far from possibility.

"What are you thinking my princess?" slightly bumped me on my shoulder.

"Hmm~ I wonder where would my prince take me." tapping my chin with my index finger.

"Somewhere magical..." he stopped

"To my HEART." tapping his chest with his free hand.

I rolled my eyes but it made me smile and melt my heart on his cheesiness.

 

We walked around the castle, take pictures and watch people as we walk hand in hand. Then we stopped for a while outside the castle. He is tired. I know but he didn't want to tell me.

"What's next?" asked him excitedly.

"Gyro drop?" moving his brows up and down on me. 

I smirked at him, "You really want to die early, huh?"

He pinched me on my cheeks and said, "Just kidding. Aigoo, my Nana is so cute."

 

We went to the nearest snack bar and ate burger. I gaze at him as he eat. He's wearing a white long sleeves and a gray bonnet to hid his almost balding head, dark circles around his gorgeous eyes, cracking pale lips with a very pale complexion - too far from the Kim Jong In I've seen.

He stopped and I startled, "Why did you stopped?" I asked him.

He looked at me with his most peaceful eyes, "Nothing. I just remembered our promise when we're kids." 

I blinked several times trying to recover the memory, "Promise?"

"That we will watch the sunset together. We haven't done that before." smiled thinly at me.

He reached out his hand on mine, "Can we?"

I nodded, "Of course."

 

We went in Seokchon Lake. a very beautiful and serene place. We sat on a bench where we could witness the beautiful sunset and there's only 2 hours left before the sun drowned on the horizon. Silence enveloped our surrounding as we gaze on the sparkling lake with our hands still locked on each other.

"Are you regretting on saying yes to me?" he mumbled.

I shook my head, "No and I will never regret being with you. Why did you asked?"

"I'll be leaving you soon. I've caused you a lot of heartaches. I've been very selfish. I'm sorry." his voice cracks.

"I might be forgetful but not regretful. I love you and will always love you, remember that. And I know, time will come that we'll be together soon. You'll wait for me, right?" I pursed my lips and hold back my emotions.

He released my hand and nod at me as he cupped my face with both hands and looked into the depth of my eyes, "Will you let me kiss you once again?" He uttered.

Then I nodded as I slowly closed my eyes. He pursed his lips on mine and I kissed him back, as our lips moves in synchronicity. I don't want to stop even it'll leave me breathless. I hooked my arms on his neck as he wrapped his hands on my waist. Let the time stop. Please. Let me be with him a little longer. Then I didn't noticed the tears rolling down on my cheeks.

"I love you Kim Jong In."

"I love you Jung Nana."

He pulled away his face and touch my cheeks.

"Promise me, you'll never cry again. Be strong for me and live life like you've never been hurt. I want you to be happy. Bring sunshine with you wherever you go. Arasso?"

I stared at him and simply nod, still my lips trembling.

 

We leaned back on our seat and watch as the sun slowly sank into the horizn, painted the sky with dark shades of red and orange then there was black all over us.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I asked chmely.

"It is. Even more beautiful with you by my side." as he smile at me like an angel. Then the sky is now filled with millions of stars as the moon starts to shine brightly above us. I felt the wind blew and gave me goosebumps.

 

Jong In leaned on my shoulder, "I'm sleepy."

"Sleep then." I said as I stared at the dark sky above.

"Sing for me. Please." Almost a whisper.

"Okay. But don't expect that it'll be good." giving him a warning.

"Of course. I am not expecting too much from you. I know how ugly your voice was." He said in a very arrogant manner then chuckled at me. Typical Jong In.

I hissed, "Funny~" then he close his eyes.

"Close your eyes and relax." then I start singing my favorite lullaby...

 

nuneul gamgo deuroyo jakgo gipeun sumsori
-I can hear even with my eyes closed , the small and deep breaths
maeumnotgo swioyo ine mannayo
-Just Rest, and we'll meet inside 
jageunjageun kkumne-eum
-The small small dream
soriomneun bamne-eum
-In the quiet night
jogeumjogeum utgo inne joheun kkumeul kkunabwa
-Dream a good dream with little little smiles
negen kkumiji noreul baraboneun ironpunggyong
-It's a Dream for me when I see you in a Scenery of my dream 
goulgateun nimoseubi negen jonbuya
-Like a Mirror, your reflection is my everything
hosugateun noyepumi naye jibiya
-Your product, like the Lake, is my shelter 
jaljayo jajang naye saranga
-Sleep well, hush, my love
jaljayo jajang naye saranga
-Sleep well, hush, my love

 

As I ended the song, his hand slowly release mine. I looked down at him. He's sleeping. His eyes were closed with his lips slightly pulled up to a smile. He's like an angel on my side.

Then, I felt my heart just skipped its beat as I no longer feel his breath. My heart hammers nervously and starts boring holes on my chest. I held his hand and it was limp and cold. I shook him by the shoulders, but he didn't open his eys.

"Kkamjong-ah, don't play tricks on me." tears were starting to welled on my eyes.

"Kkam-jong. Don't do this to me. You're. Just. Sleep-ing. Right?" still shaking him. My hands were trembling. My head felt heavy and my knees felt weak.

"I-it's cold here. Let's go. Home-Now." I spluttered on my words and gulped the lumps on my throat but no respond from him. Tears stream down on my cheeks unstoppably. I wrapped my arms around him and felt his lifeless body on my trembling arms.

He is gone.

He left me.

He is dead.

PRESENT

I know you can see me from there. All the memories filled with your laughs and smiles will always be in my heart. My Kim Jong In, I love you and miss you so much but I won't cry from this day on. I've promised you, right? I'll be happy like what you said.

I took out my iPhone, plugged my earphone on my ears and played a recorded voice.

 

Annyeong my Nana.

I've already eaten you're fruits and did what you always remind me. (pause)

I'm happy that with all my hardships, you're always beside me and remained strong.

I'll be your most good-looking guardian angel. 

Always smile my angel.

I love you. Mwuah! Bbuing~Bbuing~

 

"There you are. I know you're here." someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and saw ChanYeol.

"Shall we go?" he asked me and offered his hand. I smiled at him then kept my iPhone and earphone on my bag and took his hand.

 

Goodbye my Kkamjong. I will never forget you.

Fin