Lacking Inspiration

I sat in my practice room staring at my music frustrated. I was great at the sax but recently progress had been slow. I no longer had to worry about notes or rhythms. My “problems” were more complex. Breathe from my diaphragm and articulate more smoothly. This took time and it was discouraging to me especially when I was the one encouraging myself.

My parents thought that my music was a waste of time. Honestly, if my grades weren’t up to their standards I probably wouldn’t be able to play a single note. They would pull me out of here faster than the blink of an eye.

Over my dead body… I thought.

Music was the only thing that kept me sane lately. I worked hard at my studies because that was my obligation, but my music was my passion.

Then suddenly, a gentle acoustic guitar rang from the room next to me. It was him. Yixing, the school heart throb, or Lay as they called him. I knew him and he was a close friend of mine at one point. He was gentle and kind, just as his music was.

They say that the music a musician plays leads straight in to their emotions. Lay seemed to have this down pack. Every time I heard him practice I could feel his kindness through his music. The more I heard him, the more I felt I knew him. Sometimes I felt I knew his music more than I actually knew him.

I sighed, looking up in to the wall as if there was a window that allowed me to see him play. I laid my instrument on my lap and ignored my practice just to hear him for a bit. Lay always wore a serene expression when he played his guitar. He genuinely loved to play. That is what he and I had in common.

Except lately, I feel that I don’t understand music as much as when I started. Before, I played so carelessly and happily. Now, I’m not content with anything I play despite the fact that I’m 10 times better than when I started.

What has happened to me?

The sound of Lay’s guitar danced around my ears. I was content listening to him. Once again I looked down at my instrument and frowned. Why should I keep practicing when all I will do is ruin the beauty of his music? With my thoughts as my enemy, I packed up my music and decided to leave.

Either ways it’s not like I’m going to make much progress today anyways…

“Rae,” a gentle voice called moments later. It was only until that moment, when I was putting up my instrument, that I noticed Lay was no longer playing. I looked up and saw his gentle figure smiling softly at me.

“Oh Lay… what brings you here?” I asked, closing my case and standing up from the ground.

“You’re leaving already?” He questioned. I shrugged lightly and nodded.

“I just don’t feel I can play right now.” I admitted, feeling a little embarrassed for telling him. Still he gave me an expression of understanding.

“Well, I came to ask for a pencil. You know me. I’m always forgetting things and I can’t seem to remember where I put my pencil.” He informed me. He scratched the back of his neck, gazing at me with a flustered expression.

“Oh sure no prob,” I answered. Just as I opened my bag to hand him a pencil I noticed that he had one lying on his ear. “Actually…” I started. I walked up to him closely. He eyed me carefully analyzing my every move. I felt nervous for some odd reason. Either ways I gained the boldness to pull the pencil off of his ear. “…you have one right here.” I told him softly.

He also seemed a bit phased by this. I quickly put some distance between us as I handed him the pencil.

“Oh, thank you!” He exclaimed taking it from me. I merely nodded for fear that my voice would crack if I said anything. “Umm… not that it’s my business or anything, but I hope you get inspired to play again soon.” He told me, just as I had turned to pick up everything to leave.

I assumed that he was going to leave when I turned from him anyways. I wondered if there was something that he wanted to talk about.

“You’ve heard me play?” I questioned. He rubbed the back of his neck again. Did I make him nervous?

“Well… I always have the practice room next to yours. I really like your music.” He complimented. I was a bit taken, a little happy, and a little saddened by the remark. Taken back because I thought he barely even noticed me, happy because he liked it, and sad because I feel I’ve lost the heart to play the same.

“I’m glad someone does.” I remarked, sighing and gazing down at the floor.

“What do you mean?” He questioned. I shook my head quickly. I was taking up his time. There was no reason for me to rant to him about my missing passion for music.

“Umm nothing, I should get going.” I told him, making my way near to the exit. He was standing there as well nodding.

“Okay… umm we should talk more later.” He suggested. I smiled at the gesture.

“Umm yeah, well you know where to find me.” I reminded him. His parents were close friends with mine and he has been to my house plenty of times. That is why we were so close when we were younger. Then as we grew up, we put some space between us.

“Yeah, I’ll try to come by some time.” He told me. I nodded and soon I departed from the practice room. I wondered if he was going to stay true to his word or just forget, which is something he did often. Either ways I knew I wouldn’t be mad at him simply because I had been charmed by Lay. From his music to his forgetfulness, I couldn’t help but feel he was perfect.

When I went home I was surprised to find that my parents weren’t there. They left me a note letting me know that they, ironically, went out with Lay’s parents. I shrugged and decided to take advantage of their absence.

I took out my sax and played as much as I could. I freestyled it and belted out things that would be considered inappropriate in my music class. Then when I had enough fun and decided to take out my sheet music, I heard faint clapping from behind me. I turned to find Lay in my living room.

“That was entertaining.” He complimented with a gentle smile on his face. I felt a blush creep on my face as he said that.

“How long have you been there?” I wondered. He shrugged wearing that same calming expression. He took a seat on our couch.

“I’m not sure, but it was nice to hear you play like that again.” He stated a small smile appeared on his face. I sighed and put down my instrument.

“Thanks I guess,” I muttered not knowing what to say. He frowned and turned to me.

“My parents are gone. They told me they went out with your parents.” He restated. I nodded.

“Yeah I didn’t know until I got home.” I added, trying to avoid dead silence.

“Well I thought I would come by. I knew you were going to be alone, but I didn’t know you would be practicing.” He told me, with a chuckle. I looked down embarrassed and traced the crevices of my instrument.

“Yeahh…well you know, I can only play when they are gone.” I told him. He nodded.

“So is that why you aren’t playing as much anymore?” He questioned as he sat near where I was standing.

“It’s not them… I’m just… in a funk,” I replied. He chuckled as I finished that statement. I could tell that he was amused.

“A funk? Well you love your music don’t you?” He asked. I frowned at him. “Don’t you?” he repeated. I shook my head slightly, knowing full well that I would have to explain myself.

“It’s just hard y’know… it’s not jazz or freestyling. That is easy. This is classical music… it’s hard and I feel like no matter how hard I try…I can’t hear myself in my music anymore.” I explained, hoping that he didn’t think I was a complete loon afterwards.

Then he did something odd. Lay stood up, walked over to me, grabbed my sax, and took off my neck strap. Lay grabbed my wrist while looking in my direction.

“Come with me.” He told me, quietly. I felt a knot at my throat and my heart was beating unrhythmical manner.

“u-uh… where?” I stuttered. He smiled lightly at me.

“A place that inspires me,” He assured me. I nodded lightly and before I knew it we were out the door

So this will be one of my longer one shots... so be prepared exotics XP I will give you more magical unicorn! XP enjoy!