With news of Ri Ah leaving for the next semester, Chan Yeol made it a point to spend as much time with her until she left as he could. He would join her when she did homework in the living room or dining room, watch TV with her (even starting a drama that the two regularly kept up with), and take her out to different sights in Seoul on the weekends.

Ri Ah noticed the unusual amount of time she was spending with Chan Yeol after it had been going on for a couple of weeks, and though she enjoyed his company, she found herself spacing out often with him. Their moments of skinship seemed more prominent to her, though they weren't strange coming from Chan Yeol. But while it all seemed normal for him, she found it harder to keep her unusual emotions under check.

"I bet you Suk Jin is going to be out within 10 minutes," Chan Yeol mused with a laugh as he and Ri Ah watched Running Man together one evening in mid-October.

He was sitting too close to Ri Ah for her comfort. Their legs were touching and she could feel the heat from his body against her own. To distract herself from her racing heart, she twirled her ring around her finger.

Chan Yeol gently elbowed her side when she didn't respond. "Don't you agree?"

Ri Ah jumped slightly. She jerked her head from the TV to look at him. "What?" While her eyes were on the screen, she wasn't exactly paying attention to what was going on or what Chan Yeol had said.

"Are you okay? You seem a bit out of it," he worriedly asked.

Ri Ah immediately forced a smile. "I'm fine," she reassured.

Chan Yeol raised a brow at her suspiciously, but shrugged off his skepticism and returned to watching TV. "Oh yeah," he turned his attention back to her with an excited gleam in his eye. "This weekend, how about we go to Myeongdeong? We can do window shopping…or real shopping if you want."

"Um, this weekend isn't good. I'm going home," she reluctantly replied.

"Home?" he repeated, his excitement quickly dropping. "Why are you suddenly going home?"

Ri Ah looked away and stared at the ground. "I just felt like visiting my mom."

Chan Yeol noticed her twirling her ring as she answered, and a heavy feeling settled in his heart. That's right, October 21st was coming up in a few days, and it fell on the Monday after this weekend. "You'll be back on Sunday, right?" Surely she wasn't going to skip classes for Doo Joon's death anniversary, right?

Ri Ah bit her lip in deliberation. "I'm not sure. I may stay a day or two extra. I know I would be missing classes, but I don't have any tests or quizzes, and I know someone in each of my classes that I can get notes from." She gave him an apologetic smile. "Maybe next weekend we can go to Myeongdeong?"

Chan Yeol gave a weak smile and nodded before he turned back to the TV. It was a comedic scene between the "Easy Brothers" of Running Man, yet neither Chan Yeol nor Ri Ah were laughing.

Early Friday evening, Chan Yeol was the one to take Ri Ah to the bus station. "You better come back," he said with a pout.

Ri Ah managed to smile at how he looked like a puppy being left home alone. "Don't worry. I'll definitely be back."

Chan Yeol sadly looked at the ground. "If you're not back by Tuesday, even if it's late," he shifted his gaze to meet hers. "I'm coming after you." Ri Ah didn't respond. She didn't know how to as she stared back at him, slightly agape. Chan Yeol could sense her discomfort and tried to pass off his words as a joke. "I mean, you can't abandon your pet, right?" Ri Ah uneasily laughed at his joke and nodded.

Her bus was called for boarding and after bidding Chan Yeol good bye, she turned to leave. Chan Yeol watched her retreating back with a longing look. "Even if I can't be number one in your heart as a man, at least I'm number one as your puppy." And as reassurance of his statement, he took out his phone to reread the text she had sent on White Day.

My puppy is always number 1 in my heart ^_^b

A few hours later, the bus arrived at Ansan and Ri Ah was greeted by her mother waiting at the bus stop. Since she had informed her mother before hand that she was coming, unlike the previous year, Mrs. Lee had gotten off of work early to pick up her daughter.

But instead of going straight home, Mrs. Lee lead Ri Ah to the restaurant she normally worked at, claiming that there was someone who wanted to meet her. Ri Ah was confused by her request and no matter how much she asked, Mrs. Lee wouldn't reveal the mysterious person.

They arrived at the restaurant and Ri Ah looked around to see that it was fairly empty, save for one gray-haired man sitting with his back to the door in a corner booth. With an affirming nod from her mother, Ri Ah cautiously walked towards the stranger.

"Excuse me," she called to him before she could see his face, causing the man to turn around. Ri Ah gasped at his familiar face. It was Song Ho Jin, Doo Joon's maternal grandfather who had gone to the states after news of his grandson's death. "Harabeoji," she whispered in disbelief.

[Note: Harabeoji means grandfather. I will change how Ri Ah has addressed him in previous chapters…eventually.]

Grandfather Song stood up and warmly smiled at her. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" He opened his arms up to her which Ri Ah gladly ran into for a tight embrace. He pulled back to look at Ri Ah's face more closely. "You've grown prettier." Ri Ah softly smiled back. His eyes drifted to her hands by her side where he noticed a ring around her finger before he returned his attention to Ri Ah. "I'm sorry we have to cut this meeting short. But I was wondering if you could come by tomorrow and help me with a few things."

Ri Ah readily nodded at his request. It would be like old times when she visited his house after school was over to assist him with things around his house.

Ri Ah arrived at the gate of Grandfather Song's old home. It had been two years since she had last opened the familiar wooden gate with the crack that ran down the middle. The garden she used to tend to was brown and dead from neglect. But she still remembered that particular day when she came over from school and was working on the very same garden that was lush and green at the time. A voice shouted his presence to his grandfather, Doo Joon. He stood right where she was standing now, at the foot of the gate.

"Ri Ah, you're here," Grandfather Song greeted at the front door.

Ri Ah smiled and greeted him back before she entered. Having only arrived back in Korea a week before, much of the house was dirty from dust that had settled. Ri Ah quickly began her task of dusting the furniture while Grandfather Song was in his room, cleaning. Music played on the radio to help liven the mood.

Ri Ah was now sitting on the floor of the living room at a table, wiping the plates and dishes from the kitchen clean while Grandfather Song sat across from her, working on making something that Ri Ah couldn't see because the materials were on the ground, under the table. They made conversation as they worked on their tasks.

"Your mother has filled me in on most of what has been going on with you since I left," he began. "You got accepted into S University with a scholarship. You're going to be studying in England next semester. And you've managed to make quite a few close friends in Seoul. They even took you all the way to the mountains for your birthday." Ri Ah bashfully smiled to herself as she continued to polish the dishware. Grandfather Song's eyes travelled to Ri Ah's ring. He stared at it with a wistful gaze. "Have you…found someone special in Seoul?" Ri Ah's hands stopped working and she looked up at Grandfather Song curiously. "A young man perhaps?" he clarified.

Ri Ah's jaw clenched and she quickly turned her attention back to the work at hand. "Harabeoji, you're just like the gossiping ahjummas, asking me if I've found a guy," she tried to joke.

Grandfather Song sighed in disappointment. It wasn't that she hadn't found someone that upset him. Her avoidance of his question only ascertained his suspicion of something that had risen when he had met her the day before.

He pulled out something from his pocket and placed it on the table. It created a small clanking sound against the wood that made Ri Ah give her attention to the object hidden underneath his hand. He slowly retracted his hand and her eyes widened to see a silver ring on a chain. Doo Joon's promise ring.

"He was wearing this, when they found his body," Grandfather Song explained. "That rascal. When he asked me for such a large sum of money the summer before he left for college, and wouldn't tell me for what, I was hesitant to give it to him. Who knew he was buying a ring…or rings," he said, his eyes on Ri Ah's finger.

Ri Ah stood frozen in place as she continued to stare at the ring on the table.

"But of course, he was raised to never expect money without working, so he agreed to pay back the money I lent him by doing odd work around the town. He managed to pay off half before leaving, promising that he would pay the rest when he returned…But, as fate would have it, he never did."

Ri Ah bit back a sob as she recalled the day she found out about his death.

Grandfather Song continued with his speech. "I guess, though, in a way, I did get my money back, with this ring." His glistening eyes were now on the metal on the table, a reminder of his deceased grandson. "But, no matter how I thought about it, I wasn't satisfied with this collateral. That kid…he promised me money…not a ring. My own grandson went back on his promise to me," he said bitterly.

Silent tears streamed down Ri Ah's face now.

Grandfather Song took a deep breath to calm himself down. "That constant reminder made my stay in America unbearable. I went to console my daughter of her loss, and instead, I ended up being more of a burden by not eating, not sleeping, and being a constant crank." He looked down at the ground as he remembered his pitiful and childish behavior.

"But one day, I happened to be at the park because I was fed up with my daughter's constant nagging to eat. I walked around aimlessly by myself, not caring that I had forgotten my cell phone and didn't know a single word of English in case I got lost. I arrived at the lake, where I saw a large group of people standing at the edge and sending off some kind of glowing paper boats. But they weren't laughing or smiling. They had sad, nostalgic looks on their faces. A few were even crying, and I didn't understand why. I walked closer and as I did, I overheard someone speaking in Korean among the group. So I took my chance and asked the family what was going on."

Everyone gathered here lost a son, daughter, brother, sister, cousin, mother, father, friend, in a recent school shooting that took the lives of 20 children and 7 adults. After a devastating loss like that, we can only find peace with ourselves if we know that our beloved ones are at peace. These paper lanterns are a Japanese tradition, to remember the deceased. And by sending them floating off in water, it helps guide them to rest.

"It's selfish, isn't it?" Grandfather Song asked with a bitter smile. "These people, who lost someone close to them in such an inhumane way wanted to assure that the person they loved was at peace, while I, almost two years later, was still hanging onto my grandson, keeping him from leaving this world peacefully."

Ri Ah's tears were flowing freely now.

He pulled out the craft he was working on under the table. It was a paper lantern. "I tried it one day, letting him move on. And it helped. Knowing that he wouldn't feel restless because I couldn't let him go, it put my heart at ease, and I was finally able to move on."

He looked at Ri Ah with a warm smile and teary eyes. "That's why, I'm giving his ring to you." He pushed the metal closer to her. "And this." He pushed the lantern he had just made towards her. "I've let him go, and you need to do the same. Before you go on this adventure to England, don't keep holding onto him any longer. Let him leave this world in peace."

Ri Ah was sobbing uncontrollably as she grasped the chain on the table with shaky hands and held it close to her heart.

Ri Ah arrived at the tree, their tree, with the lantern in hand. She placed it on the ground before pulling out the metallic box from the squirrel hole and taking a seat on the ground, her back against the bark. Her eyes were tired and puffy from crying as she opened the box. She picked up the tie Doo Joon had given her on the night of his graduation.

"They say that you’re supposed to give your uniform tie to the person that means the most to you. For me…that’s you.”

She grazed her fingers along the cloth of the tie, her tears returning at the memory. Was she ready to let go of him? Could she let go? Is that what he wanted?

As if in answer to her question, a gust of wind came and blew the tie out of her hands. With a gasp, Ri Ah quickly stood up, her hand outstretched as she tried to reach for it. But as the tie flew further away from her, she didn't take a step forward to catch it, and her hand slowly returned back to her side. With tears silently falling down her cheeks she stared at the cloth flying towards the sea, farther and farther out of sight.

Ri Ah stood on the edge of the beach, the lantern that Grandfather Song had given him in her hands. She placed it down on the sand in front of her and took out Doo Joon's ring still on the chain before placing it on the lantern. Slowly, she reached for hers on her finger, ready to untie the reminder that was long overdue. With one last look at the engraving in the ring, ‘YDJ ♥ LRA’, she placed it on top of his.

Ri Ah struck a match to light the candle in the center before pushing the lantern towards the water, the waves immediately taking it over from her hands. Her first love had departed from the world, and it had taken her nearly two years to let him leave peacefully. But as Grandfather Song had described, finally letting him go, she did feel at ease. She breathed in the night air with a renewed freedom and sadly smiled out at the sea.

"Good bye, Doo Joon Oppa," she whispered as she watched the light flow farther out into the water, guiding him to peace, and her to acceptance.

Author's Note

So much I want to say about this chapter, but feel free to skip over to the last paragraph if you don’t care…or just skip this whole note all together…

I don't know how many of you know about the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, but it was a very tragic incident that happened a little over a month ago in the U.S. that resulted in the death of 20 children, 6 staff members, and the killer's mother. The idea of someone having the mentality to be able to kill innocent people, let alone small children, really is just...over my head and unbelievable. But I'm not going to go into my thoughts and emotions on this because you guys probably don't want to hear it.

The only reason I mentioned this is because it's kind of what I was referring to in this chapter. I don't mean to glorify the incident whatsoever, but I did want to somehow incorporate it in my story as a way to remember these deaths because it really left an impression on me. I may not have known these people or children, but I think most people would agree that their hearts went out to them regardless, because to someone, they were a brother, sister, child, spouse, mother, friend, etc. And the idea of any of my own family or friends being taken away from me, in that way especially, really scares me. Yes I get annoyed with them at times, but I do love them and appreciate that they are there for me when I need them. Okay, going to end this emotional rant now because I'm tearing up thinking about this.

Phew, taking a deep breath to calm down.

Alright, so Ri Ah is finally closing the Doo Joon chapter…chapters…>_> I'm sorry for dragging this out so long. When I planned when she would get over him, I didn't know at the time that the stuff in between would take this long. Speaking of her getting over him, is it pathetic that I made up the tie thing just so that it would be the "sign" that would let her know it's okay for her to let go? Yes, it's the "sign" I was referring to from my note in chapter 45. Seems kind of lame now that I've reached this point, but since I already said I would do it, I kind of had to go along with it.

Also, I wanted to explain some of the symbolism I tried to incorporate in the last chapter that I don't think I did a good job of getting across to you. Regarding Hye Ri's advice about loose ends, it was a hint that Ri Ah would be moving on from Doo Joon before she left for England. The bit about Kang San wasn't random. He was one of the "loose ends", but he was also there to parallel Ri Ah's situation. While he was hung up on someone that was more of an infatuation, Ri Ah is hung up on someone that she did love at first, but over time was holding on to more out of habit and respect than anything else. And while Kang San is developing feelings for someone his age and more appropriate, Ri Ah is "starting" to develop feelings for Chan Yeol. When Kang San is forgiven for "cheating" on Ri Ah and he feels "emancipated" from his guilt so that he can freely like someone else, the idea is similar to what Ri Ah has to do for herself with letting go of Doo Joon. So yeah, basically I was trying to hint that the Doo Joon story was finally going to be ending soon.

I guess since I had to explain what I was trying to do, I didn't succeed with the parallel…actually I've put in some other symbolism in this story that I don't think you guys noticed, which just means that I have a lot to work on in my writing -_-

And because most of you who have commented on the last couple of chapters have expressed your disappointment in my choice to have Ri Ah go abroad, I wanted to help alleviate some of your concerns about Chan Yeol. Highlight if you don't care about slight spoilers:

It's true Ri Ah is going to be gone for four months, but I'm not going to focus on her time abroad. Like I mentioned in my note in chapter 74, this year focuses more on Chan Yeol and Ri Ah's individual development. Therefore, while I focused quite a bit on Ri Ah so far this semester, next semester will focus more on Chan Yeol and his growth. And the remaining chapters until Ri Ah's departure will highlight more of their moments together.

January 20, 2013 10:51 PM