I promise this will be the last one... Hehehehehe. Enjoy.

Review by FallingArrows.

Title 4/5
While it’s not something that catches me personally, I do like it, and it has that wonderful sense of mystery and suspense that just makes it pop out that little bit better than other fanfic titles. I also like how you’ve used her full name instead of her normal name; contrary to popular opinion, I find that the use of a full name makes it much more suspenseful. Maybe it’s because whenever I got into trouble with my parents, they’d use my full name and then I’d know I’d be in big trouble. Anyway, enough with the life story; I like your title, it does catch me eye with its length and it creates suspense. With the use of the word ‘secret’ it instantly stirs the readers’ curiosity and makes them want to find out exactly what that ‘secret’ is. It’s not entirely unique, as I’ve seen titles around like that however (but not necessarily Amber’s secret). Overall, well done.
 

Poster & Background /10
N/A
 

Description & Foreword 7/10
It’s mediocre at best. The description is very plain, and while it does make me want to find out exactly what Amber’s secret is, the description drags it down a little. It does nothing to spice up my want to read this story, and the structure of it is kind of strange. With the line: “Amber Josephine Liu or better known as Amber, the main rapper of f(x)” it just feels like it isn’t complete and a wobbly beginning does not inspire me to continue reading. I think you should change it so instead of:

“Amber Josephine Liu or better known as Amber, the main rapper of f(x). From the outside world she is just a tomboy among many beautiful girls in the KPop industry. Everyone regards her as 'one of the guys'. But is that really the case? Let me take you to see the real Amber Josephine Liu.”

Make it:

“Amber Josephine Liu or better known as Amber, is the main rapper of f(x). From the outside world, she’s just a tomboy among many beautiful girls in the KPop industry. Everyone regards her as 'one of the guys' but is that really the case? Let me take you to see the real Amber Josephine Liu.”

With the addition of commas, contractions and conjunctions, it makes the description flow better and easier to read. Try lengthening shorter sentences with the use of these to make your sentences flow smoother. While it may not seem like a big difference, or even an important one in your eyes, it does affect the narration of your story. Just a thought.

Your foreword is fine. I found that it fits nicely with your title and your description and does it job in making me want to read your fanfic. It has some grammatical mistakes which I’ll point out later.

Your author’s note ruins it a bit for me. They always seem very unprofessional and totally ruin the awesome vibe your story had going. While it’s not a big issue, it is irritating to find pointless author’s notes scattered everywhere (especially at the end of your chapters).

All in all, it’s well done, but could use a few improvements.
 

Characters 7/10
They’re well done actually. It’s easy to be able to relate to them and they develop well in your story, especially Amber. The only thing I can say, is that they aren’t too explored in this story which is a little disappointing but I can understand since this story is much shorter compared to others. I personally liked Krystal’s character, but I found that you dwelled on the minor characters a bit too much (and especially since this is a shorter story) and that took away some of my interest for this story. Honestly, I don’t particularly care about the other characters except for the mains of Amber, Krystal, Minho and Kris, save for a few others. I understand that it was a unique author’s tip of finding out about past, but I didn’t really care for it all that much. Maybe it’s just me. than that, they were showcased well and there was an obvious difference between each character and this made them stand out in a way that was memorable. Good job.
 

Plot 7/10
Although it’s one of the most over-used and clichéd plotlines in existence, I did enjoy it. It was clear and precise, and easy to understand. You left your readers hanging until the very end, and even though I nagged about it before, the flashback (well, not really) to the other suitors and their confessions left me clueless as to who Amber will choose. I expected Kris, what with all the little clues and hints and all scattered around, so it was quite a plot twist at the end when she chose Minho instead. I’m disappointed with this part though because you didn’t really explain much; she stated the fact that she chose Minho, and didn’t really describe and explain or dig deep into her heart to pull out her innermost feelings and so on. It decreased the endings’ tension for me, and that slightly ruined my enjoyment of this fanfic. Other than that, I like how you haven’t kept it completely the same from all the other clichéd plotlines (i.e. the many suitors chasing after the one girl) but it still wasn’t entirely original and I couldn’t help but to criticize that. It was well-thought it and well written, maybe just a little more thought into a more interesting and unique plotline can really make your writing stand out!
 

Originality 5/10
Not entirely original because of points stated above.
 

Flow 4/5
Your flow is quite good actually. Time doesn’t skip or drag on too badly, but some of your sentences are a little clunky and that does detract from a story’s flow. Use some of the tips I suggested in the description and foreword section on how to make your sentences more ‘flowy’.
 

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary 23/30
You have problems with tenses and grammar in dialogue, mainly. Try not to skip from past to present tense; drill it into your head whilst writing. I MUST KEEP IN PRESENT/PAST/FUTURE TENSE x100. Also, reading your fanfic aloud to yourself really helps with finding tenses that are wrong. I see that your fanfic is mainly in past tense, so here are few examples of where you have gone wrong (I trust you’ll be able to find the rest, just look thoroughly through your fanfic!):
 

Instead of: And with that, Amber cannot do anything but to groan once more.

It should be: And with that, Amber couldn’t do anything but groan once more.

PAST TENSE PAST TENSE PAST TENSE!
 

Instead of: Krystal just sighed and looked at Amber who is still lying on bed with blanket over her head.

It should be: Krystal just sighed and looked at Amber who was still lying on bed with blanket over her head.

Sighed and looked are both past tense words, so make sure you keep everything else past tense too (i.e. is should be was)!

You also have problems with grammar in dialogue. After something is said (and doesn’t end with a question mark or exclamation mark), you use a comma instead of a full stop if the following sentence is an attribution to the dialogue. For example:

“Stop, please,” she cried out.

The sentence after the dialogue (she cried out) is an attribution or continuation of the dialogue, since it’s telling us how the dialogue was said, and therefore a comma is used instead of a full stop.
 

Instead of: "I think I'm suppose to be one saying that." Krystal replied.

It should be: "I think I'm supposed to be one saying that," Krystal replied.

Go through your fanfic and fix this. It’s a big problem that needs to be fixed immediately!

Also, make sure you use the right contractions.
 

Instead of: You're popularity is international okay?

It should be: Your popularity is international okay?

You are popularity, doesn’t make sense. The popularity belongs to Amber, so you use ‘your’.
 

Your vocabulary is great; some advice would be to grab a dictionary and find interesting words to add and change around, instead of re-using clichéd and over-used words.

Other than this, your overall grammar/punctuation/spelling/vocabulary was pretty good. Just remember to keep it all in past tense if you can and to remember the dialogue rule!
 

Overall Enjoyment 7/10
Surprisingly, I did enjoy it. I’m not a fan of Amber or f(x) so it was interesting to get to know these characters as how you’ve used them in your story. Is this how they are in real life? Or is it the complete opposite? I may never know, but I do like your characters. The plotline wasn’t the most original thing I’ve seen, but it was nice to read and along with the help of your flow and good style of writing, I was able to enjoy this fanfic. Well done, and keep writing!

~

Mark: 64/90 = 71%