Chen enjoyed the feeling of alcohol sliding down his throat. There was something about the slight burn of it that was soothing in a slightly painful way.

It wasn't like he drank to get drunk, he just needed to get away from everything every now and again. And if it took a few drinks to relax him enough to forget the troubles of everyday life, then he was fine with that.

He frequented this particular bar almost every weekend because he liked the atmosphere of it. It was loud and crowded which made it easy to get lost among the masses of people whether it be on the dance floor where bodies pressed into one another or standing along the counter, elbows bumping with your neighbor. It was also rare to see someone there multiple times. He liked this because he was spending his time there to get away from life, not to meet new people that would bother him.

He surprised himself when one Saturday night one particular person caught his eye. He had taken to watching the people dancing, wondering who they were, who they were with and who they were going home with. Amongst the crowd of young people one man stood out among the rest because he wasn't dancing with anyone. In fact, the crowd had spread out, almost leaving him in a perfect circle. He didn't seem to notice the eyes on him as he danced, moving with the music in a way that Chen had never seen before. His eyes were closed and he seemed entirely lost in the movements of his own body. It almost seemed like he could be a professional dancer.

Chen had never felt so immediately connected with another human being before. It was almost as though strings were pulling him towards him, but glue kept him to his seat. Something in the universe must have made this other man feel the same way because when the song ended, when he stopped moving and when is eyes finally snapped open they immediately met his. And they didn't move. Not until Chen managed to stand on unsure legs and march right over to this stranger. Not until after he gave Chen a shy smile and placed a hand on his hip and pulled him close. Not until after the next song started and they moved together to the beat and his eyes shut again and Chen found himself following. The voice that whispered in his ear was as smooth as its owner's movements.

"I'm Lay."

~~

Chen had never expected to meet someone who could make him feel so alive yet could almost knock him dead with little more than a look and a light touch. Lay was something entirely unexpected but Chen felt as though he had no choice to welcome him. He was like a ball of fire, a ray of light when all else was dark. No matter how down Chen felt, how miserable and alone he was, Lay brought life back into him.

And really, how could he turn away a man who kissed in a way that made his world spin and his knees go weak?

It was scary, really, how quickly they became attached to one another. As much as Chen relied on Lay to bring light back into his dreary life Lay clung to Chen like a lifeline. Almost as though he was afraid of losing him. Their friends, who quickly became intermingled, would always make fun of them for holding hands or linking arms.

It wasn't as though they could just let go though. They needed to be connected, to keep that chain of life going. Being apart just wasn't an option for either of them. Chen became as much a part of Lay as Lay a part of Chen. And, even Chen would admit, Lay tended to be the rock of their strange relationship. Always strong, never weak.

It was only after the first time that they made love that Chen really got to see Lay exposed and vulnerable. There was something about looking into someone's eyes after they had given all of themselves to you that revealed so much about a person's soul.

What Chen was surprised to find there in Lay's brown eyes was a kind of sadness he had never expected. Chen was finally seeing Lay's soul and it was sad, lonely and scared. Almost as though he was afraid of losing something.

~~

Chen couldn't find Lay. That was the first sign to him that something was wrong. Lay always waited for him to get home from work and greeted him with a kiss...or occasionally a little something more. But the apartment that they had started to share six months into their relationship was empty. Not a single light was on and there wasn't a sound to be heard.

He called out for Lay, but there was no answer. As he frantically searched the apartment he passed by Lay's wallet and key, setting out on the kitchen table.

So he hadn't left the building.

Chen wasn't sure what it was  that made his feet start walking out the door and up the stairs. But as he went he couldn't help but feel the need to hurry. To run, to get to the roof faster. There was something up there he needed to get to, something that wouldn't wait.

When he finally did reach the roof and get the door open he found Lay.

He was standing on the edge of the building looking down at the streets below.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" Chen shouted over the roar of traffic that could be heard twenty stories below them.

Lay had no answer. His eyes didn't waver from the ground.

"Lay!" Chen shouted again, this time moving closer and reaching out to take Lay's hand. Still, Lay didn't move. He was frozen on the ledge being held to life only by Chen's hand.

Chen gave up on words, tugging Lay backwards and toppling them over. As they hit the ground Lay broke, crying as Chen held him.

Sometimes death is the easy answer when you know life is going to become too hard.

~~

The symptoms began to only really appear about a month later.

Lay had noticed them earlier of course, and in turn so had Chen. But to the outside world he still seemed perfectly fine.

It was a form of muscular dystrophy. Something that Lay had known he had since the time he was ten. He was lucky, he said. Most people developed it before the age of five.  It had only been a chance new treatment that had allowed for him to live as he had for so long.

Lay knew it was over. Knew that the end was coming and it was only going to be a downhill spiral from that point onward. In time, Chen learned that too, if only because he saw it in Lay's eyes.

Lay never spoke of his disease. He never talked about how it was affecting him, how he knew that it was going to kill him within a matter of months. How he knew that before that he would lose complete control of his body. He didn't want Chen to know how scared he was. How ready he was for it just to be over.

He wasn't afraid of dying, but there are things worse than death. And for Lay that thing was not being able to dance. It defined who he was. It was what he was. Without it, his soul had already died.

Chen understood though, and he never left. When Lay would reach for a glass of water and knock it over he would simply clean it up and get him a new one. When Lay couldn't tie his shoes for himself anymore, Chen did it for him without a spoken word. When he started having trouble walking he would let Lay lean on him to get around the house.

They waited as long as possible to get him to a hospital. It wasn't like there was anything they could do for him, really. All they were doing now was waiting for him to die.

Chen spent as much time by his bedside as he could. He would hold his hand, his hair and when the doctors weren't looking he would press small kisses to whatever inch of skin was closest to him. He wasn't letting go...he wasn't ready to let go. Lay had only been with him for such a short period of time that it felt so cruel that God was taking him away so fast.

"Hey Chen?" Lay choked out as the simply sat together one night, not saying anything.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember when we first met? In that bar?"

Chen smiled at the fond memory. How could he ever forget the night that light came back into his life?

"Of course," he muttered, moving to sit on the bed beside Lay.

"I want you to do me a favor. I want you to remember me like that. I want you to remember me dancing and alive, not like this."

There was a pain in Lay's voice that broke Chen's heart. It was time, they both knew it. It was time to say goodbye. Neither of them was ready to do it and neither wanted to either but there are times when life doesn't give us choices. We are dealt the cards we get and we must make the most of what we have, even if that isn't a lot.

They didn't utter a word, just sat curled together on the bed with their hands entwined and their hearts out in the open. Eventually the nurse came in to tell him that visiting hours were over and he had to leave.

He had to leave.

Chen didn't know where he found the strength to climb off that bed after pressing a chaste kiss to Lay's forehead. He wasn't sure how it was his legs carried him to the door where he paused to look back to find Lay watching him.

"And Chen, know that the light in your life comes from your own heart, not anybody else's. You just needed some help to find it."

With no response to those words Chen turned and stepped out of the room, his feet mindlessly carrying him down the hallway towards the lift that would take him down back to his old life. One without Lay.

There were no "I love you's" and there were no goodbyes. They didn't need them because there were no words for it. It was understood that they loved one another. It was understood that they would never meet again. At least not in this life. Instead there was only hope. Hope in that Lay wouldn't hurt anymore. Hope that Chen could find that light within him and live a life that Lay should have lived beside him.

Grammar errors and silly mistakes are inevitable. I am tired and my English likes to go crap on me at times (yes it is my first language but there are moment when I can't speak it at all...like when waking up from surgery.) If I made anybody cry, I'm sorry (not really >.<) but seriously I cried writing it so....we can blubber together over my depressing mind...