“You know, the thing about time,” Luhan paused momentarily, “—is that it is so abstract, so biased, that it’s scary."

     He gazed into Sehun’s eyes and he sneered, not at Sehun, but rather at himself, “It’s terrifying yet funny at the same time, really –”

     Then Luhan’s face hardened, as he slammed his fist on the wall, startling the man that Luhan had pushed against the wall with his arms. “It’s unfair, isn’t it? How some people just have too much time on their hands, while some, have to beg for it.”

     Oh Sehun gritted his teeth and scowled, “I have no damn idea what is wrong with you, but freaking get your hands off me you –”

     Luhan shook his head mockingly, giving a dry laugh as he tightened his hold on Sehun, “You –” his eyes softened a little as his eyes settled on the man that frustrated him so much, yet he could not help but to adore him a tad bit more every second. “ –are a perfect example of someone who just didn’t know how precious time is. You simply don’t understand, do you?”

     The eighteen-year-old high school drop-out scoffed jeeringly, “Understand what?” Flinching distinctively as he touched the bruise that surfaced on his cheekbone, Oh Sehun glared at the bronze-haired man whose dark eyes very much irritated the former, “What do I have to understand, huh?”

     Luhan could hardly stand looking at the man who was enticing him bit by bit every second the older glanced at Sehun’s almost-perfect features. Luhan opened his mouth yet shut it once again, as though there was something stopping him from saying anything.

     Luhan could feel his heart squeezing in slight ache as Sehun looked up at him through his unruly bangs, chuckling, “Tongue-tied? Amusing.”

     Luhan detested it all; how Oh Sehun could just nonchalantly ridicule Luhan, how Oh Sehun just blatantly mocked him, how Oh Sehun was so full of himself. But most of all, he abhorred, simply abhorred, how this man could just be so aloof, so disinterested in how they were slowly and painfully running out of time, while Luhan was so, so much, troubled and haunted by the lack of time that he had, the lack of time they had.

     “Don’t eat these stuff anymore.” Luhan simply said, narrowing his eyes when he caught Sehun smirking, giving Luhan a belittling look.

     Waving his packet of Ecstasy tauntingly, in a way that annoyed Luhan a little too much, he scorned in a low, husky voice – the voice that was too attractive for Luhan in the first place, “You mean this?” Sehun rolled his eyes, moistening his lip, causing Luhan to die a little in the inside, before continuing, “Who are you – my mum? Who are you to control me? He emphasized on the word ‘you’ as he leaned on the wall victoriously, not even trying to break free from Luhan’s hold anymore.

     Haughtily, the younger man purposefully agitated Luhan, tilting his head in a way that caused Luhan’s heart to almost skip a beat but then he quickly collected himself as Sehun’s face inched closer towards Luhan’s, causing the distance between the two to be almost minimal. “You are nothing.”

     For a moment, it was as though Luhan found the Sehun that he knew in this Oh Sehun. Just for that instant, Luhan truly let his guard down once again, as his hold on Sehun clearly loosened. But, that mere three-word sentence that Sehun had whispered into his ears softly and so endearingly, yet bringing so much agony to Luhan, followed by a familiar jeering laughter, sent him crashing down once again. How wrong was he that it would be easy this time round.

     His fists clenched up as he felt another urge to punch the crap out of Sehun but as he raised up his right arm, with his left arm still rather firmly holding onto the other man, his fist never reached Sehun’s face again. It was like he couldn’t bear to hurt Sehun. And indeed, he couldn’t.

     Luhan looked towards his left swiftly, trying his utmost best to contain his own emotions as he stared into the eyes of Oh Sehun once more. That caused Sehun to twitch as he strangely thought he caught a glimpse, just a slight glimpse, of hurt and misery in Luhan’s eyes. But no, that did not enable Sehun to give himself permission to sympathize the man. After all, he barely knew Luhan, in fact he had no freaking explanation as to why Luhan was even being a nuisance, trying to poke his into his business. It was as though Luhan just appeared in his life all of a sudden.

     It was as though, Luhan knew him but Sehun didn’t.

     Sehun cleared his throat awkwardly as it looked as though Luhan was distracted for a moment. Indeed, it was a good chance for Sehun to beat the  out of Luhan while the latter was drawn away but Sehun did not – and he did not understand why, he felt no need to anyway.

     “Run.” Luhan calmly muttered, loud enough for confused Sehun to hear as Luhan released his hold on Sehun almost reluctantly.

     Sehun was surprised by the sudden gesture but before he could question any further, he caught sight of two cops approaching the two and without a doubt, he knew that Luhan was telling him to run for his darned life.

     As courageous and manly Sehun had tried to appear as, he was, to put it crudely, a plain coward. For one, he did not dare to ride a swing; for fear that he might fall down. He did not dare to ride a rollercoaster either, afraid that it would stop midair with warning. As for this case, he had no guts to be caught with the drugs that he –

     When Sehun was at a safe distance, he realized that he was no longer holding onto his drugs… and then the next thing he saw was Luhan giving him a quick reassuring smile as he surrendered to the two cops with the packet of Ecstasy – Sehun’s Ecstasy in his hands. Damn it, Sehun was half-confused, half-shocked at the actions of Luhan. Luhan was unexplainable but there was one thing Sehun was sure about – Luhan was a big mystery.

     Watching Luhan from a distance as he was being handcuffed by the two cops, Sehun caught the older seemingly scrutinizing Sehun’s jeans’ left pocket. As the brown-hair teen fumbled his left pocket to find an egg, as strange it was, he was not surprised. He knew exactly the purpose of the egg. What baffled him was, the owner of the egg. It was evident that the egg was stuffed into the left pocket of Oh Sehun’s jeans to rub against the bruise on Sehun’s face – a mismatch to Sehun’s flawless face, but what bewildered Sehun was that, the owner of the egg, was the one who inflicted the blue-black bruise on Sehun’s face in the first place – Luhan. Holding onto the egg that felt peculiarly familiar to Sehun for no apparent reason, he allowed tongue to run across his lips as he shook off the little tingling feeling in him.

~~~

     “Chocolate milk tea?” Sehun’s eyes widened slightly as he twisted his head to the source of the voice to find the twenty-two year old Luhan resting his weight on the counter of the bubble tea store, flashing a perpleng smile at Sehun.

     “I thought you – the drugs?” Sehun’s words became incoherent.

     Luhan laughed, “I’m much better than that.” Despite Sehun being questionable about how Luhan managed to get away scot-free with the drugs –Sehun’s drugs – Sehun did not probe further. After all –

     “I owe you one.” Sehun said, causing Luhan’s lips to curve upwards unknowingly.

     However, the next few words that Sehun uttered out caused Luhan’s hopeful heart to drop once again. “But do not expect me to listen to you or be grateful to you in any way.”

     Letting out a bitter laugh, Luhan did not allow his smile to falter. “… So chocolate milk tea?” Luhan thought that he saw Sehun’s face brightened up a little but then darkened again.

     “I don’t like chocolate. Chocolate is for girls.” Sehun snapped as he ordered his drink.

     Sehun wince a little when Luhan’s left shoulder rubbed against his right as Luhan stood beside Sehun, whispering into his ears tenderly, “What a coincidence. I like Taro milk tea too. We have a lot in common, don’t we?”

     Making a face, Sehun crossed his arms and stepped back a little, leaving a comfortable distance for Sehun between the two, “I would kindly appreciate it if you shut up now.” With that, Sehun left the bubble tea store, only to have Luhan crossing his path. Sehun stepped to the left, but Luhan blocked him again. “Get out of my way.” Sehun growled impatiently, “It will be best if you never bother me again.” It seemed like Luhan’s pleasant smile faded a little as he silently shifted away, his hands reaching out, as though he wanted to stop Sehun from leaving, but never touching Sehun. Sehun asked me to not to bother him.

     Sehun strode along the pathway, holding the milk tea in his hands. He never liked Taro-flavoured milk tea. In fact, he was about to order the chocolate-flavoured one, but Luhan ruined it all. Sehun was curious as to why and how Luhan found out about his favourite drink, but he was not planning to find out, not at all. He found no need to find out; it could just be mere coincidence.

     Sehun took out his iPod, stuffing the earphones into his ears as he crossed the busy road. All of a sudden, he was hastily pushed forward by a certain someone. Pulling the earphones out of his ears, Sehun came face-to-face with Luhan.

     “What –”

     “Are you ing crazy? You almost got knocked down by that damn car!” Sehun was alarmed, not because he almost got knocked down by a car, but because of the fact the Luhan just screamed at him – Sehun thought that Luhan would never use profanities despite his eccentricity. As much as Sehun was turned off by how Luhan was getting on his nerves ever since the first time they met when Luhan just pinned him against the wall, very much astonishing Sehun, Sehun had to admit that Luhan was rather amiable – apart from times when he simply went berserk for no reason, uttering nonsense that were just absurd to Sehun.

     Sehun glanced quickly at the car – which by now, had stopped by the sideway, and then at Luhan. No matter how much Sehun detested Luhan, he had to acknowledge the fact that Luhan did somewhat save his life.

     “Damn, you’re bleeding.” Sehun bellowed as he saw blood gushing out of Luhan’s knee. He got hurt because of me. “I’m going to bring you to the hospital.”

     “No.” Luhan grabbed Sehun’s wrist and yanked him back. “Just, just stay safe… and don’t die.” Sehun did not understand what Luhan meant but he took it as one of the times when the older demonstrated his eccentricity and total weirdness. “You don’t know how many times I’ve had to experience the agony of losing you.” What Sehun did not know, was that Luhan had softly muttered out this simple sentence had much meaning within it, and contained so much torment. All I want is for you to be safe, Oh Sehun.

~~~

     “Stay still!” Sehun yelled as they sat on a bench at the nearby park – after Luhan strongly objected to being sent to the hospital, with Sehun treating his wound. A cheery smile appeared on Luhan’s face. He enjoyed every single moment with Sehun, every single moment.

     “What are you smiling at?” Sehun scowled, unable to comprehend why this man in front of him seemed to rarely lose his smile even when he was in pain.

     Cheekily, Luhan ruffled Sehun’s hair, for that second; it was as though they knew each other for a long, long time, “I’m happy.”

     Sehun could feel the contours of his lips slowly curving upwards; it was as if Luhan’s cheerfulness had rubbed off on Sehun. “What are you happy about?” Sehun questioned as he delicately treated Luhan’s wound.

     “That we had more time.”

     Sehun’s raised an eyebrow, “You and your  about how precious time is again.”

     Luhan was about to speak out when Sehun gasped out of the blue.

     “Why are there so many scars on your leg?” Sehun furrowed his eyebrows in a way that reminded Luhan of the Oh Sehun that he knew personally – the Oh Sehun that he loved so freaking much.

     Luhan laughed, “This,” he pointed to a long ugly scar on his right leg, “was from twenty years ago.”

     “When you were like what – two or three years old?”

     “Nope, when I was twenty-two.” Sehun eyes widened to the size of saucers, causing Luhan to chuckle heartily.

     Luhan moved on to lifting up his shirt, revealing a scar on his lower abdomen. “This was from forty years ago.” Sehun’s face then changed into a look of disbelief. Luhan pushed up his fringe, revealing another permanent scar on his forehead. “And this, I can’t really remember when was this from – I think about sixty years ago?”

     The younger rolled his eyes. “You think I’m stupid? You are not even born then! And, you looked like you’re just twenty-plus!”

     “Twenty-two.” Luhan commented, much to the annoyance of Sehun. Little did Sehun know that everything that Luhan said – none of it were lies.

     “Come on, let’s ride the swing.” Luhan pulled Sehun to the swing by the playground (something that Sehun dreaded so freaking much) even though Sehun was reluctant to do so.

     Sehun shook his head violently as he stood rooted to his spot. “I-I will pass.”

     Luhan knew this would happen – the Sehun he knew was afraid of swings too. “I will teach you how to ride the swing.”

     Before Sehun could react, Luhan pulled Sehun to the swing with so much strength that Sehun could barely resist. “First step: smile.” Luhan grinned at Sehun, so contagious that Sehun could not help but to smile slightly too. “Good! Finally, you’re not all grumpy and gloomy anymore.” Despite Sehun frowning a little at what Luhan had said, the smile stayed on his face somewhat longer than expected.

     “Second step: Hold tight and brace yourself, alright.” Sehun thought he was just like a puppy, following Luhan’s instructions and not knowing why on earth he was even doing that. “It’s going to get wild now! Raise your hands and say ‘Weeeeeee’!”

     The next thing Sehun was looking at was the blue clouds on the sky as Luhan pushed the swing higher and higher up. It was as if Sehun was high enough to touch the skies. Without even realizing, Sehun had raised up both of his hands. “Weeeeeeee!” Sehun did not notice that his fear of swings had seemed to disappear in an instant. He felt safe, perfectly safe, with Luhan pushing the swing he sat on. He felt assured, very secure, that he was riding a swing – something he was so, so terrified of. The most amazing of all, he did not know why.

     As he pushed the swing upwards, Luhan gazed at Sehun and unknowingly, tears ran down his face at the familiarity of this scene. However many times he had experienced the same joy, the same happiness, the same pain at the same time, he could not help himself, he just couldn’t. He wished he could.

     Luhan never expected himself to fall in love with anyone. He could not. Ever since Luhan was old enough to think for himself, he knew he was out-of-place. He never knew why though. He never understood why he would never fall sick. He always wondered why he could always recover from wounds faster than others. When he finally found out why, he was unsure if it was something he should be rejoicing about or something he should be ashamed about. Luhan had never been a social butterfly. In fact, he had little friends. He could not comprehend why he never seemed to be able to converse well with others; he had no idea why he just could not mix well with other humans. It was only when he turned twenty-two that he found out why.

      He was meant to be out-of-place. He did not belong right from the beginning. To put it nicely, he was immortal. Yet, at the same time, he was a monster. When he was twenty, he realized that he had enormous strength that scare the few friends that he possessed away. When he was twenty-one, he found out that he preferred the dark more than the sun. He hated sunny days.

     When he was twenty-two, that was when a sorcerer – he could not remember his name, how and when exactly they met, told him that he was fated to be this way. Luhan never knew the true identity of his parents until that day. He would have never expected himself to be half-demon and he wondered, if there was a demonic side of him. If there was, would there be one day when he would just explode and released that demonic side of his. The first time he had an outburst, turning into a monster that he never wanted was the very day he met the old sorcerer whom he killed when he went maniacal and accused her of being a lying .

     Luhan did not want to believe any of the sorcerer’s words, but he had no choice but to accept this fact as he could not find a plausible explanation as to why he just couldn’t die even when he used any drastic methods to kill himself. He felt terrible to be different and abnormal. He couldn’t stand looking at how humans laugh and play, running around like it was perfectly normal to do so because it was a constant reminder to him that he could never be the same. He couldn’t take it that whatever he did, it would just be abnormal because that’s what he was. He was just like a ticking-bomb that might just become a monster one day and he dreaded for that moment.

     He couldn’t remember when and how he got to know this brown-hair boy but he could recall every single emotion and feeling that engulfed him at that point of time. It felt normal. It was the first time Luhan experienced true comfort. He was comfortable with Sehun.

     He would never forget the happiness that he never felt before but reached him whenever Sehun was with him. Sehun made Luhan became just like any other human who fell in love. Sehun made Luhan human. He made Luhan feel normal. When Sehun told Luhan that Luhan was never out-of-place, that Luhan was just different and special, Luhan smiled – for the first time. Sehun taught Luhan how to smile, how to be happy.

     Whenever Sehun smiled, Luhan could not help to beam too because Sehun’s smile was the most beautiful thing on earth. Whenever Sehun laughed, Luhan found himself laughing heartily along with him because Sehun’s laughter never failed to send his heart fluttering. It was as though he found a positive energy in Sehun – the sunlight that Luhan would be willing to be under.

     That was when Luhan realized he had changed, because of Sehun. How his detest for the taste of milk tea turned into the direct opposite as he uncontrollably fell in love with milk tea when he saw Sehun sipping the milk tea – it was chocolate-flavoured. He fell in love with everything Sehun loved, and he wanted Sehun to love everything he adored too.

     When Luhan brought Sehun to a park to ride on the swing, the horrified look on Sehun made Luhan want to protect him, keep Sehun beside him even more. As he pushed Sehun up higher on the swing, it was like their hearts were interlinked. Sehun’s endearing smile as he raised his hands up high, Sehun’s beautiful laughter whenever the swing swung upwards, they were all that mattered to Luhan. Luhan felt complete.

     “Luhan?” Luhan snapped out of his thoughts when Sehun innocently called out to him. It was that exact innocent look that made Luhan fall madly in love with Sehun in the first place.

     “Hmm?”

     “I should go now. It’s getting late.” Sehun muttered as he walked away but was stopped by Luhan.

     “Sehun, don’t ride the swing without me, alright?” As confused as he was, Sehun simply nodded and left. There was a sinking feeling in Luhan’s stomach. Sehun was supposed to hug Luhan and kiss him goodbye, just like last time, but he did not.

~~~

     Sehun tossed and turned in his bed, sweat trickling down his forehead as images flashed through his mind.

     “Sehun.” He tried shaking away the voice calling out for him but he could not. It was a nightmare he could not get out of.

     “Sehun.” His face scrunched up as blurry images in his mind haunted him.

     Sehun saw himself in the dream. He could not recognize the dark figure in his nightmare but calls of his name rang in his ears. The calls were endearing, yet disturbing at the same time.

     “I told you not to ride the swing without me, didn’t I?” The dark figure said. The familiarity of the figure’s voice scared Sehun but he could not determine the  owner of the voice.

     He saw himself blushing as his cheeks turned into a shade of light pink. There was a bruise on his forehead.

     “Now, you’ve got a bruise on your forehead. Don’t you know how much it kills me to see you hurt?” The tenderness of the voice felt foreign yet intimate to Sehun. Then Sehun saw it. He saw the dark figure taking out an egg, rubbing it against Sehun’s bruise carefully as though Sehun’s forehead was a newborn baby – so precious, so vulnerable. Sehun then knew who the dark figure in his dream was.

     Sehun woke up, startled. His head throbbed with pain as he rubbed the temple of his head. The dream was scarily life-like and it frightened him. He shivered slighty when he realized the night lamp at his bedside was switched off. He was a man with much fears and one of which – was that he could never, never sleep with the night lamp off. Hastily, he turned it back on. I must have forgotten to on it when I went to sleep. He staggered into the kitchen to get a warm drink – he needed to calm down. Then his eyes caught sight of a packet of Ecstasy of which Sehun had thrown into the bin before he went to sleep just because –

     “Don’t eat these stuff anymore.” Luhan simply said.

     As the image of his dream pestered him, Sehun spitefully took a pill a consumed it – he needed to forget. He should not listen to Luhan anymore.

     “Why the hell did I even think of changing for the better? I shouldn’t let a mere acquaintance change me in any way.”

~~~

     Luhan greeted Sehun with great spirits the next day at the doorstep of Sehun’s apartment, only to receive a frown on Sehun’s face. That did not wipe off the smile on Luhan’s face. Sehun taught me how to smile. It’s time for me to teach him too. Luhan raised an eyebrow when Sehun acted as though he did not see Luhan and continued walking away.

     “Sehun-ah?”

     “Don’t act all close to me. We don’t know each other that well.”

     “But yesterday –”

     “Nothing happened yesterday.” With that, Sehun entered the lift and hastily shut the lift doors. As he entered the lift, a packet of pills dropped from his back pockets onto the ground. Luhan knew exactly what it was.

~~~

     “Why did you still eat these?” Luhan yelled as soon as he caught up with Sehun. He had run all the way down to catch up with Sehun as he picked up the packet of Ecstasy that irked him so damn much.

     It was as if Sehun had gone back to his old self as he smirked, “Who are you to ing tell me what to do? Whatever happened yesterday, I had flushed it down the toilet bowl with  so you don’t come crapping to me about how you know me do damn well.”

     Luhan felt as though his heart was slowly being eaten up with every single word that Sehun had spat out. He felt torn.

     “The drugs could kill you.” Luhan’s face was expressionless although he swore he was dying a little in the inside every single second.

     Sehun laughed – no, it wasn’t the laughter that Luhan adored. “So? I could die for all you care so just get out of my damn life.”

     Luhan felt suffocated by the words Sehun had spat out as though they were nothing. Did Sehun really think that his death would mean nothing to Luhan?  Luhan could hardly breathe – he could not control himself anymore and so, he exploded.

     “Do you think I wouldn’t want to get out of your life? Do you think it’s that easy? Every lifetime, I tried to let you go without showing any pain. I tried!    Practicing how to keep on a smile even when I’m all messed-up in the inside, do you know how difficult it was to love you? All I hope for is that you don’t die  so that we could just have that little more time!” Luhan choked, tasting the saltiness of his own tears with them running down his face without warning.

     Luhan never thought his bliss was so short that it would be agonizing. Perhaps, he was not meant to fall in love because he was the weird one. Fate seemed to mind the fact that Luhan was in love with a human – a crime he should never commit because he had no right to. Sehun was taken away from Luhan earlier than expected. It was as though it was a sin for Luhan to fall in love. When Sehun abruptly died in a car accident, Luhan wanted to die. But he could not; he would have if he could. He was immortal and at that moment, it was the worst thing on earth – having eternal life while the person whom you love all you life would no longer be by your side. Luhan remembered himself shaking the lifeless body in his hands in despair when the accident occurred. He needed more time. He could recall every detail, every emotion he felt then and there, and every pain – Sehun’s last words to him – If only we had more time.

     He cried for Sehun’s life, but it was pointless. From then, Luhan lost the warmth he cherished so much. The sunlight of his life was gone.

     Maybe, fate wasn’t that cruel after all. Luhan had the chance of loving Sehun every lifetime. Yet, it seemed like a joke was played on Luhan as every lifetime, he waited for Sehun to finally grow up – eighteen years of waiting, Luhan thought it was worth it. He learnt to get used to spending days without Sehun as he waited for the day when finally he could love Oh Sehun all over again.  As long as I could love him, it’s all worth it. Happiness indeed comes with an attachment, Luhan had to suffer the pain of Sehun forgetting all their past memories, but that was alright because Luhan did not mind. He was contented to wait for Sehun.

     Every lifetime, Luhan began his chase for Oh Sehun, trying to look for traces of just a mere bit of memory of the two yet realizing that the memories of Luhan and Oh Sehun would only remain in Luhan’s mind, etched onto his heart while they were completely erased in Sehun’s. Sehun was like a deep scar in Luhan’s heart, so deep that it was impossible to go unnoticed.

     Every lifetime, Luhan experienced the pain of having to be rejected by Sehun – it was recurring. He pursued Sehun, yet met with numerous denials every time. Sometimes, Luhan would wonder if he was too persistent in his pursue for Sehun. Yet, every time, he could not control himself – he needed Sehun in his life.

     Every lifetime, Luhan had to face the torment of losing Sehun again and again. He tried, he tried to keep Sehun from every danger, every hazard possible but every single time, he would fail – terribly and painfully.

     “All I ever wanted was that we could have more time. Just a little more time.” Luhan finally broke down.

     As much as Sehun wanted to hug Luhan, comfort Luhan who looked so vulnerable, he stopped himself. “You’re deranged.” Sehun still heartlessly left Luhan.

~~~

     “Ready? Go!”

     “Wait- no! I’m not ready yet!”

     Sehun twitched distinctively as he encountered another nightmare once again – it had been five days.

     The dark figure was there but this time, the scene was slightly different. In the figure’s hands was a Rubik’s cube while Sehun held onto a timer in his hands. The dream was vague as usual, but Sehun could sense the closeness of the dream – it was as though he experienced it himself.

     Sehun walked out of his apartment wearily and spiritlessly. He had pretty much no sleep the night before after he woke up from another dream that could not be removed from his mind no matter how hard he tried to.

     “What are you doing here?” Sehun was inevitably shocked when he spotted Luhan outside his apartment, waiting for Sehun to leave his house. He thought that Luhan would not bother him anymore since the former had not seen Luhan harassing him lately. What was truly unbelievable for Sehun was the object that Luhan held in his hands – a Rubik’s cube.

     “I just thought we should go out and… I don’t know, perhaps go to the park and ride the swing?” Luhan rubbed the back of his neck shyly. Sehun was tempted to, but he was unwilling to let himself to be so easily controlled by Luhan, so easily wavered by Luhan.

     “Good try but no.” Sehun pulled a long face as he strutted away. Then a man appeared. Luhan knew that man all too well and he guessed Sehun knew that man too. Luhan hated the fact that the dark-skinned man had came along once again.

     “Kai?” Sehun’s tone was a tone of surprise but Luhan could feel the way Sehun’s voice had somehow softened and that made Luhan burn with anger. It was always Kim Jongin that ruined it all.

     Luhan remembered him. In the next lifetime they met, Luhan thought that he could easily get Sehun to be with him. They were meant to be, weren’t they? But boy was he wrong. Luhan waited for eighteen long years, only to suffer the pain of seeing Sehun with this particular man whom Luhan detested so much. No matter how much Luhan tried to convince Sehun that he was always meant to be with him, there was no way Sehun would believe him.

     Desperation made Luhan came on strong with Sehun – harassing Sehun in any way wasn’t what Luhan planned but that was all he could do then. Despite so, that only caused Sehun to be disgusted by Luhan’s every behavior. Sehun hated him and that torn Luhan apart. However, what anguished Luhan the most was that he wasn’t even given the privilege to watch Sehun in painful silence because before he knew it, the person he loved for all his life – Oh Sehun, died in front of his eyes again and Luhan could not do anything for him. Luhan was in no position to do anything for Oh Sehun – Sehun did not love him.

     “Why are you here again?” Luhan could not help but to be infuriated by the estence of Kai despite the fact that he had nothing to do with the past lifetimes of Sehun and Luhan. Kai knew nothing and he should not be blamed.

     There were moments when Luhan really despised himself for being so insecure and weak. Yet, the mere sight of Kai just made Luhan lose total control of himself and Luhan just seemed to lose his sanity whenever he saw Kai – a reminder of the countless misery he had to go through. He felt threatened. He was afraid that he would lose Sehun again and losing Sehun wasn’t part of his list of priorities.

     “What the hell are you talking about Luhan? Kai is my friend and I don’t think he’s obliged to explain to you the reason for his estence, is he?” It hurt Luhan, it really did. It was obvious, really, that history would just repeat itself and Luhan will just lose Sehun to Kai once again. Sehun made it too darn obvious that it pained Luhan. But no, there was no way Luhan would just give up like that. How could Sehun just forget about me, about us, that easily?

     Luhan fixed his gaze on Kai, twitching slightly at the well-built man. It’s all his fault.

     “Was he the one who taught you to eat those damn drugs?” Luhan was annoyed by how Sehun appeared to be so attached to Kai. Luhan was angered by how Sehun had practically embraced the fact the Kai had came for him. Why wasn’t Sehun that excited when I came?

     “So what if he is? Seriously, just get out of my life. Stop haunting me – Kai, let’s go.”

      It was ironic. In the third lifetime Luhan began his chase for Sehun, Luhan became a drug-dealer just because of the fact that Sehun hated drugs. It was stupid of him but he wanted Sehun’s attention and so he knew the exact way to do it. Indeed, he attracted Sehun’s attention by being a total who Sehun very much abhorred. He didn’t mind, not one bit. He just wanted Sehun to look at him. But then Kai came along. Luhan regretted what he did then. Sehun hated drugs. Why would he fall in love with a drug-dealer? Little did Luhan know that it would be the exact opposite this time round. It was as though the world hated Luhan – he never got what he wanted.

     Luhan was tired, he really was. Again and again, he had to suffer the pain of Sehun leaving him. Luhan really wondered if he was the one who brought so much unfortunate to Sehun. Sehun never lived past eighteen. It was as if, Luhan’s love for Sehun jinxed him. However, Luhan never could give up on Sehun – it was simply too hard.

~~~

     Sehun walked beside Kai, but he could not keep his mind off Luhan. He could not explain the weird feeling in his heart whenever he saw Luhan. He could not understand why he kept dreaming of Luhan when Luhan – who was Luhan to him? Sehun barely knew the former. He could not comprehend why there was a sense of familiarity whenever he was with Luhan. He could not find an answer for the smile that appeared on his face when Luhan beamed at him with that angelic smile. Most of all, he never figured out the reason for all these.

     His life was perfectly normal until Luhan appeared in his life. He was totally contented with his life until Luhan came along and made him more confused than ever.

     “Sehun?” Sehun snapped back into reality when Kai stopped in his tracks and good-naturedly called his name. As much as Kai was a rebellious kid, Sehun shared one of his best moments with him, but that was until he went riding the swing with Luhan – Sehun had no idea why he kept thinking of Luhan.

     “If I tell you that I am going to Japan to study, will you follow me?” Sehun forgot all about Luhan when he heard the words that Kai said.

     Sehun was about to reject – although he cherished Kai a lot and he once had a tiny crush on Kai, he could not just leave everything behind. That was when Sehun realized, he practically had nothing in Korea. What could be holding him back? Luhan.

     Sehun could not find a possible explanation as to why Luhan resurfaced in his mind –

     “Yes.” Sehun concluded that he needed to leave Korea – get away from Luhan. Luhan, this man had brought too many changes in his life and Sehun needed to make things right again. Sehun needed to get Luhan out of his mind. He did not want to suffer sleepless nights over the bronze-haired man whom he barely knew.

~~~

     “Luhan.” Sehun unfeelingly approached the man who was still standing on the exact same spot from when Sehun and Kai left. Sehun could not comprehend why he took the initiative to talk to this man but he still did. I’m only telling him just so he won’t waste his precious time to come find me again.

     When Sehun saw Luhan’s delighted face with the usual smile plastered onto his face, Sehun felt guilty. Despite not knowing the reason for Luhan’s likeness in him, Sehun knew that Luhan somewhat liked him, or rather was very much obsessed with him.

     “I’m leaving Korea for Japan.” Sehun hesitated for a second, “… with Kai.”

     Luhan was doubtlessly surprised, Sehun could tell from how Luhan’s eyes widened and how his mouth fell wide opened. The two stared at each other for a prolonged period of time as silence ensued. Neither of them broke the gaze but the emotions released from Luhan’s stare sent agonizing messages to Sehun yet it would never be reciprocated.

     “Why?” Luhan eventually broke the painfully beautiful silence that embraced the two by speaking up.

     “You wanted me to quit drugs, don’t you? I’m going to change for the better… with Kai. Shouldn’t you be happy about that, huh?” Sehun’s tone was one of coldness and heartlessness. It contained so little emotions that it hurt Luhan more than ever.

     Luhan would never permit that to happen. If Sehun were to leave him in any way, Luhan would only allow death to take him away. Luhan would never let Sehun go, much less with Kai.

     “If so, I’m going to kill him.” Luhan’s smile vanished. His face turned dark, he looked scarier than ever. His gaze turned into a sharp glare as he snarled, lips twitching, “I will kill Kai if you’re bent on leaving with him. I had enough of him. If he were to prevent me from even watching you from afar, he deserved to die, that bastard.”

     Sehun’s eyes narrowed, “You’re crazy.”

     Luhan laughed in a way that made Sehun shivered a little, “You think I have no guts, don’t you? I lived long enough to be unafraid of anything.” It was a lie. Luhan could be unafraid of anything… except for losing Sehun.

     “Please, Sehun… don’t go.”

     Sehun looked away. He was so damn heartless. “You have gone mad. You… you don’t make sense at all!”

     Luhan’s eyes were b with hot tears that were threatening to fall any second. His heart felt so much pain that it was as though someone stabbed him a million times in his chest. “Is that why you… why you didn’t return my love? Because I didn’t make sense and sound like a complete psycho so you didn’t want to be with me? Why? Why do you have to be so damn rational, Sehun?”

     Luhan shut his eyes in agony. He thought he was immune to all the pain after so long but no, he could never be relieved of the pain. “Don’t, don’t hate me, Sehun. Don’t be so cold to me. It’s…” Luhan could no longer continue with his words as he Sehun’s face, only to have his hands be shoved away by Sehun. …It’s the worst feeling ever.

     With hopeful eyes that yet hid so much excruciation beneath it, Luhan could only wished that time would just stop then. Perhaps then, Sehun and Luhan could just stay like this forever and Luhan would be contented. Time is all he needed.

     “How could I not be repulsed be you when you’re just… so delusional? I mean – I don’t even understand a word that you’re saying!”

     “What if I tell you everything?”

     “What –”

     Luhan smiled at Sehun weakly, beginning his story – their story, “I had never expected myself to fall in love with anyone…”

~~~

     “You’re just talking crap.” Sehun shrieked, although there was a little part of him that believed every single word that he said. It was so strangely familiar and it just explained the absurdity in Sehun’s dreams. Yet, it did not make sense. It was impossible.

     “That’s how your mind tells you, isn’t it? Have you ever asked your heart – how did your heart feel when I tell you all these? What did your heart tell you?” Luhan pointed to his heart and then clutched onto it as if he was suffering from not only emotional pain, but physical pain.

     Sehun searched Luhan’s eyes for a few seconds – it was filled with anguish and despair, “I’ve already decided. Don’t bother me anymore – don’t bother Kai.” With that, Sehun slammed his apartment door right in Luhan’s face.

     Luhan’s heart ached, it truly did, every single time Sehun mentioned Kai’s name. Luhan was desperate. He wasn’t sure what his definition of ‘contented’ was, but he was rather positive that through these years of waiting repeatedly, his contentment had been slightly altered. Perhaps, he became greedier and his desires grew bigger. “I will kill Kai.”

~~~

     “I will help you carry this.” Kai smiled at Sehun as he carried Sehun’s luggage bag. That smile – it reminded Sehun so much of Luhan that it made Sehun giddy.

     “It’s okay.” Sehun tried to get his bag back but Kai refused and grinned at him.

     “Don’t. I’m glad that you came with me – I’m really happy.”

     Happy.

// Cheekily, Luhan ruffled Sehun’s hair, for that second; it was as though they knew each other for a long, long time, “I’m happy.”

Sehun could feel the contours of his lips slowly curving upwards; it was as if Luhan’s cheerfulness had rubbed off on Sehun. “What are you happy about?” Sehun questioned as he delicately treated Luhan’s wound.

“That we had more time.”//

     Sehun shook off the image of the two riding the swing in the park hastily. He should really forget whatever happened between them. Luhan was a lunatic – Sehun was positive about that. Sehun should never believe anything he said.

“That’s how your mind tells you, isn’t it? Have you ever asked your heart – how did your heart feel when I tell you all these? What did your heart tell you?”

     Sehun stopped in his tracks, causing Kai to stop in alarm.

     “What’s wrong, Sehun-ah?”

     Luhan liked to call me that too.

     “I’m sorry, Kai. I don’t think I can go with you anymore.” Sehun snatched back his luggage bag hurriedly and ran out of the airport, leaving Kai behind, confused.

     Sehun did not know the reason why he did that. Maybe, it was what his heart told him. He wasn’t sure whether he had any special feelings towards Luhan but something in his heart told him that he would definitely regret it if he did not head back. His mind constantly told him to be rational and get back to Kai, but his heart told him otherwise. It was a battle between his mind and heart – he chose to believe his heart.

     How did my heart feel when he told me all those?

     Sehun could barely sleep the night before. It was not because of any nightmares that bothered him. It was that he could never shake off everything that Luhan told him. Truth or not, Sehun could not determine. However, he could not deny the fact that his heart fluttered, his heart ached, his heart skipped a beat, his heart squeezed when Luhan told him everything that just didn’t make rational sense yet his heart chose to believe every word of it.

     Sehun took out his phone and texted Luhan – Luhan had given it to him before they bid farewell the day they went to the park.

// I’m coming back. I don't know why but... I followed my heart. //

~~~

     Luhan held a knife in his hands. He could feel his demonic self taking over his humanity. He could feel his monstrous self coming out any time soon. He headed for the airport – that’s where Kai would be. I will take him away from Sehun. He would remove Kai from Sehun’s side once and for all.

     All of a sudden, Luhan dropped the knife. His sharp eyes caught side of Sehun running out of the airport. Why Sehun was doing that, Luhan did not know, but all Luhan knew was that he would never let Sehun run away from him anymore.

     His demonic self finally surfaced and he did the thing he never wanted to – he hurt Sehun. “I’m sorry, Sehun-ah.” He sneaked behind Sehun and he did it – he knocked Sehun out cold. “I would never let you leave me. We had too little time.”

~~~

     Sehun’s eyes fluttered open, only to see the white ceiling – it was his own apartment. He wanted to get up, yet he could not. He struggled with all his might, only to have the rough ropes that restrained his movements leaving red marks on his pale skin. He was disoriented but then he realized there was only one person that would be insane enough to do such a thing. “Luhan! Let me go! You ing let me go!”

     Sehun calmed down when the door creaked open but when he saw Luhan, he lost control again. “Let me go, you bastard!”

     Luhan looked weary. “If only you know why I did all these, Sehun-ah.”

     Sehun refused to listen to anything that Luhan said. All he wanted was to be freed.

     “Sehun, you know I’m not crapping. Didn’t any part, any detail of our story, trigger the hidden memory in your heart? Didn’t your heart feel something?”

     Sehun was silent for awhile. “…Yes.” Sehun was not lying, yet he could not help but to doubt if he made the wrong choice coming back. Luhan was delirious. Sehun’s reply made Luhan doubtlessly surprised. He had expected Sehun to rebut him flat-out but –

     “You remember, Sehun-ah? You remembered everything?” Luhan was truly happy. It was as though he found his sunlight again. His eyes brightened with hope. Maybe, this time round, time wouldn’t be an issue anymore.

     “Sehun-ah, you never knew how much pain I had to go through. There, there just seemed to be too little time. I had waited so long, just to be with you. Yet, we never had enough time. You know how terrible it was, for me to watch you die again and again through lifetimes?”

     Luhan stared longingly at Sehun, only to see the red marks on Sehun’s wrist.

     “Are you hurting, Sehun? I don’t want you to be hurt.”

     It pained Luhan to see Sehun being hurt or injured in any way. He had witnessed far too much of Sehun’s death to stand Sehun getting hurt again.

     “…Yes.” Sehun’s reply was somewhat curt but Luhan did not mind.

     Almost hurriedly, Luhan untied the ropes which constricted Sehun’s movement.

     Never did Luhan expect the man he loved so much to deceive him. As soon as Sehun was freed, he shoved Luhan almost roughly onto the ground as he ran out of his apartment. Sehun was terrified. Luhan was almost like a monster then. He thought that Luhan, no matter how delusional he was, would never do something so terrible as to hold him captive. He shouldn’t have followed his heart.

     Rubbing his wrists as he ran aimlessly – he had no idea where he could run to, he only wanted to get away from Luhan. Luhan scared him so much that the mental image of Luhan himself was frightening.

     “Sehun-ah!” Sehun cringed at the voice that called out behind him. He knew it was Luhan and he was intimidated by it. Sehun was fast, but Luhan was faster. Slowly catching up, Sehun’s legs could hardly carry him any longer.

     Sehun stopped close to the edge of a slope – damn, there’s nowhere to run anymore. He turned around to face Luhan, whose face was wet with tears, hurt by the betrayal of Sehun. “Get away from me!”

     Luhan took one step forward. “Why Sehun, why? Why do you want to give up our time? We have so little time, so little!”

     Sehun took one step back. “You are deranged. You are a monster!” His breathing became quick as he felt a piercing pain in his heart.

     “No, I’m not. Why do you hate me so much, Sehun?” Luhan took another step. He did not understand. Why can’t Sehun just accept with him? Why must Sehun make everything just so difficult?

     “You are! You tied me up and you said you can’t bear to hurt me?” Sehun carelessly took one more step back. His head throbbed with pain as images ran through his mind and voices rang in his ears. “Sehun-ah.”

     Luhan was slowly losing control. He could feel it. He could feel the ticking-bomb in him close to exploding and then, he would just succumb to his demonic self once again. Why is it so damn unfair? Why is it that he had to go through so much pain just to experience the love that he deserves?

     “I- I hate you!”

     That did it. All Luhan wished for was that Sehun would not hate him. It hurts more than anything. Luhan felt as though he was being ripped into pieces by the three simple words that Sehun had snarled out so easily.

     His demonic self was released again.

     “But I loved you so damn much!” Why can’t everything be easy for once? Luhan charged forward, losing all the sanity that he possessed.

     “Why are you like that, Han?” Sehun thoughtless went backwards and then it happened.

     Sehun forgot that he was on the top of a slope. Luhan’s human self awakened when he saw Sehun rolling down the slope.

     No.

     Luhan wished it was all his pure imagination.

     No.

     Luhan hoped that he was just dreaming.

     “Nooooooo!” It was not his imagination. It was not a dream either.

     It was high – the peak of the slope. The slope was long, but not as long as the time Luhan waited painstakingly for Sehun. It probably hurt for Sehun to fall – Luhan did not want Sehun to be hurt.

“What are you smiling at?” Sehun scowled, unable to comprehend why this man in front of him seemed to rarely lose his smile even when he was in pain.

Cheekily, Luhan ruffled Sehun’s hair, for that second; it was as though they knew each other for a long, long time, “I’m happy.”

Sehun could feel the contours of his lips slowly curving upwards; it was as if Luhan’s cheerfulness had rubbed off on Sehun. “What are you happy about?” Sehun questioned as he delicately treated Luhan’s wound.

“That we had more time.”

     Time seemed to stop –

“Now, you’ve got a bruise on your forehead. Don’t you know how much it kills me to see you hurt?” The tenderness of the voice felt foreign yet intimate to Sehun. Then Sehun saw it. He saw the dark figure taking out an egg, rubbing it against Sehun’s bruise carefully as though Sehun’s forehead was a newborn baby – so precious, so vulnerable. Sehun then knew who the dark figure in his dream was.

     –but not the thoughts of two interlinked hearts.

The next thing Sehun was looking at was the blue clouds on the sky as Luhan pushed the swing higher and higher up. It was as if Sehun was high enough to touch the skies. Without even realizing, Sehun had raised up both of his hands. “Weeeeeeee!” Sehun did not notice that his fear of swings had seemed to disappear in an instant. He felt safe, perfectly safe, with Luhan pushing the swing he sat on. He felt assured, very secure, that he was riding a swing – something he was so, so terrified of. The most amazing of all, he did not know why.

     “Sehun-ah!”

     Luhan rushed down the slope to see Sehun’s head bleeding profusely. Luhan’s eyes glanced around to see blood on the tree beside Sehun. There was blood everywhere. Sehun’s breathing became short and it was as if he could hardly breathe. Luhan did not know what to do. They had not had enough time together. Sehun could not die – not yet.

     “I need to send you to the hospital.”

     “No.” Sehun breathlessly stopped Luhan. “Just spend this last moment with me, Han.”

“No.” Luhan grabbed Sehun’s wrist and yanked him back. “Just, just stay safe… and don’t die.”

     “Please, Sehun. It’s okay – you don’t have to believe me.” Luhan choked on his tears, “I don’t mind if you hated me. You can think that I’m a lunatic, just don’t throw me away again. Don’t leave me here. Just – just let me send you to the hospital.” I can’t just lose you like this. Not so soon.

     Luhan was close to breaking down into sobs and then Sehun’s last words did it. “Han, if only we had more time.” And then Sehun’s breathing stop, his heart stopped beating too, it was as though the time stopped for the two too as they were separated once again by death.

     Sehun remembered. Only the Oh Sehun that Luhan knew would call him ‘Han’.

     Oh Sehun got back that piece of memory that was rightfully his.

     Beep. Luhan heard his phone beeping. He had ignored it earlier when he was too preoccupied with Sehun – keeping Sehun by his side. Then he realized – only Sehun had his number. Why had I ignored it? His hands trembled as he took out his phone.

// I’m coming back. I don't know why but... I followed my heart. //

     All Luhan could feel is heart being shattered into pieces – it was so painful, but it was no different from the torment he felt every lifetime. He felt like dying – yet he could not. Maybe this was his retribution. Again and again, he brought misery not only to himself, but also the man he loved more than anyone in the world. Lifetime through lifetime, he forced Sehun to accept the irrational. Recurrent and recurrent, he hurt anyone, even Sehun, just to relieve the love that he yearned for. It was all my fault. If I hadn’t transformed into such a demon, Sehun would not have died. If I just could let him go with Kai, he would not die so terribly. It was me, it was me all along. Caressing the dead body, Luhan laughed bitterly.

     “Sehun-ah, you know, the thing about time, is that it is so abstract, so biased, that it’s scary. When we don’t need it yet, we had plenty of it. When finally we need it, we just had so little of it that it hurts so damn much.”

     Sehun left the world, cradled in the arms of Luhan. The cold body of Sehun was warm to Luhan – it was the warmth that he wanted.

     “Sehun-ah.” Luhan cried as a permanent scar appeared on his knee.

“Damn, you’re bleeding.” Sehun bellowed as he saw blood gushing out of Luhan’s knee. He got hurt because of me. “I’m going to bring you to the hospital.”

     “I will love you for eternity.” The scar was a permanent reminder of every lifetime they went through. Luhan traced his fingers along the long scar. “The reason for this scar will remain forever in my heart but I will give you permission to forget about it… until the next lifetime when we love again.”

     Luhan held Sehun’s hands, fitting his fingers into that of Sehun’s. “Look, the gaps in my fingers are meant to fit into yours – and yours, into mine.” He smiled feebly at the man who brought pain and happiness in his life yet he never once regretted having him in his life.  He leaned down slowly, bringing his lips to the cold lips of Sehun as they sealed the lifetime with their kiss.

     “I will wait for the next morning… when I am given the chance to love you again.”

~~~

     There’s too little time, but I’m willing to wait for you, Sehun. I’m willing to wait for the recurrent. The wait for you to grow up, the chase for your precious heart, the denial that you never failed to give me and then back to the recurrent when the cycle repeats again to the wait – it’s all worth it.

     Sehun will die, but Luhan never will.
     However, Luhan can wait – he will wait.
     He will wait for the next lifetime to love Oh Sehun all over again.
     And the next… and again… and again…