6. Yellow

I was strangely feeling like a teenager girl waiting for his juvenile crush to throw little stones to the window's glass. It was stupid how nervous I was to see him that Friday but I couldn't stop reloading in my mind Sehun's words about 'seducing me' from the day before.

Seriously, was he talking for real? Or was he only joking on the cause of me fainting? Plus, had he hinted that we would be meeting the entire summer?

I glanced at the wall clock again, he was late. He never had. I checked again my phone: no messages. My stomach clenched in anxiety.

Was he embarrassed from my earlier behavior? Was he shocked from me having his photos? Was he tired of spending time with me? I had told him that I wouldn't need to paint anymore as the project was nearly finished; had Sehun confused it for a way to tell him to stop coming by?

After an hour I called Lay, not knowing what to do.

"Call him".

I shook my head even knowing Lay wouldn't see me doing it. "I can't! What if.. He has just decided to stop coming?".

"Lu, he's only late. Plus, Sehun isn't the type of just start ignoring you". How would Lay know that? Sehun was young and being stubborn was permitted at his age.

"He.. he saw his photos in my room." I paused clenching on my phone and damning again my self, "I fainted yesterday.. He brought me on the bed".

Lay chuckled softly making me frown instantly: "Lu, call him. He probably had an emergency and couldn't come".

I breathed out soundly seating on the couch, legs folded to my chest.

"Lay.. I like him..".

I could image my best friend's smile on the other line as he answered: "I know".

"A lot.. Far more than I thought possible". I didn't even know why I was admitting those things to him but just saying it out loud made my mind more simple to summarize.

"I couldn't hope better Lu. I like him, he's right for you".

"He's young".

"He'll grow".

My eyes closed as I rested my forehead on my free hand, realizing of how much I wanted to stay with Sehun, talk to him, smile at his jokes, enjoy his food. He never had been just a source of inspiration, he always had been lot more.

"I'm calling .. now".

"Good! Don't worry Lu, fighting!".

I smiled while hanging up and dialing Sehun's number, it was stuck in my memory like in a permanet marker so I didn't even need to search it in the contacts list. The line sounded free and I kept my breath as I heard picking up.

"Hello?".

Had my memory failed brutally? The clear and soft voice on the other line was a girl's ones. A young girl's one: "Hello? Sorry but Sehun can't pick up now".

Ok. No mistakes. Not on the fragment of the number at least.

"Ah.. Uhm, I'll call another time". Was it his way to ignore me definitely? Not even answering his own phone?

"Sure, I'll tell him. You are..?".

Just nobody. "Luhan".

◊

How I managed to arrive at Monday, was a mistery. I had slept around 4 hours in two days: my mind always awake, my heart waiting for my phone to ring. It was only on Monday evening though, after finding Sehun's hat under my coffeetable, that my headeache worsened due to stupid tears that tried to escape from my eyes; I stubbornly took them all in.

What had I done? For him to cut me away for three days, for him to turn off his phone making me feel a complete idiot for calling him again and smash my own phone into the tea kettle.

During that week I avoided lifting my gaze on the coat rack in the entrance, too offended by his hat still hanging there like mocking me. Being a polite person - or probably a masochistic one - I couldn't bring myself to trashing it away so I ended up in front of his high school's huge gate.

Looking anxious around to the few boys and girls dressed in the same stupid yellow blazer he had, I fastly regretted my idea of leaving the hat at the school's secretary but, since it was still lesson's time, I obliged myself on walking straight to the main office to end it as soon as possible.

I had almost reached for the counter with a midaged woman behind when my voice got stuck into my throat.

"Hyung?!".

It couldn't possible be him. I had checked the timetable ten times to avoid meeting him and yet, here he was, with a surprised face staring at me and a thin girl leached around his left arm.

"You know him Oppa?".

I cringed as the girl's voice didn't sounded foreign: she was the one that had picked up his phone.

"Ah.. Yes, he's a .. friend".

I wasn't going to listen anymore, he looked as wanting to say more but I didn't let him. Without a word I shoved his damn hat on his chest and stormed out of the office, feet stomping with not enough force onto the pavement til the exit gate.

◊

"Luhan! XI LUHAN! openthisingdoornow!".

I sighed and stood up. I surely didn't wanted trouble with my neighbors for the fuss Lay was doing out of my apartment's door. He stomped into my flat half yelling to me in Chinese, words rolling onto each others, my ears shutting him off after an instant.

"Are you even listening!?".

Lay looked at me frowning before glancing around, taking in the pile of drawing and photos hoarded into a corner of the living room and the dozen of dirty teacups - my source of nourishment for the past days - on my counter.

"What the HELL happened? Your phone is off from a week, you don't answer mail or anything!". He was staring at me visibly irritated with his arms crossed upon the chest; Would it be better to find him intimidating?

I sighed and shrugged: "My phone broke". Into a pot of boiling water, but surely he wouldn't react well to that particular.

"What happened Lu?".

I was tired, tired of searching an answer for that question myself. Tired of feeling stupid for having actually fell for a high schooler and for believing that a guy like him could had even the slightly interest in me.

I didn't cried. I wasn't really the type to drown in my own tears but, headache was killing me already.

Lay understood my mood just looking at me and, sighing, he hugged me soflty, telling me that everything would adjust eventually. I didn't wanted to believe him but my heart thought otherwise. That night became an improvised sleepover: Xiumin arriving with a big smile and a blue pillow under his arm, Lay mocking him for the entire night about it.

◊

The famous wedding would take place in two different setting, starting with the little church in which I was with Kris.

I was nervously adjusting my white dress shirt into the pair of plain grey jeans I had on when Kris patted my shoulder reassuring me; He was sure that I would do good without problems but I was utterly worried of deluding him; my self esteem wasn't really high those days.

The past week I had got all the time I wanted to think, to clear my mind on what was going on, on why Sehun was desappeared, on what I had done wrong. But I didn't. I didn't think, I didn't analize. The stupid dark stain in my haert had been completely neglected, bringing me to be only angry. With myself for not understanding and for being a coward. For him for just having brought me into that mess.

My eyes focused again, throught the camera, on the face of guests into the little chapel: I wouldn't say that everyone looked happy. Wasn't it cruel from them? Shouldn't they had a happy and relaxed face on? Like in one of those aburdly disneyian portait of magical wedding?

Where were the applauses, the tears, the love? Where was the love? I could see it only in the groom's eyes. Dark orbs filled with surprise, expectation, happiness, hopes and love.

From when I was that mawkish? I scoffed silently for my own thoughts and approached Kris on the other side of the central nave.

The ceremony was almost finished and I had spotted a little aisle on the side, five or more stairs higher than the rest of the church that could give me a new angle for photos.

"Hyung, I'll go up there to take some shots from above".

He nodded smiling, presumably happy for my initiative: "Yes, good idea".

It wasn't as high as I hoped but I got to take some pretty shots. To tell the truth, I wasn't exactly thrilled about taking photos for a marriage but it was like a first try of what could be my future. Kris had told me that every photographer needs to start from something and, often, it's a wedding.

I was still lost in my thoughts while looking around the small place throught the lens when my movements froze out of shock. l had almost dropped the camera as Sehun's face had appeared into the focus.

What was he doing here?! And in his school's uniform too! His bright yellow blazer reclaiming attention from some of the guest in the last lines.

I gulped down not knowing how to react: Why was he there? Why had he remembered this place? What did he wanted?

Fastly, I returned to Kris trying to hide behind the crowd; he glanched at me puzzled and motioned to the church's door.

"Why the kid of the photo is here?".

"I'm sorry..Really.. I don't know why he's here..".

I threw a glance at Sehun and noticed that he was looking at me, a hand waving briefly to me.

I was so embarassed and angry! I was working, how could he think of coming there?

"Go to him now before we leave for the restaurant". I was sure Kris would be pissed but he sounded calm and unbothered.

"Ah. Yes, I'm sorry.. I'll be right back". After a short bow I turned around and marched to the door.

"What are you doing here!?". I was really angry, I had walked past Sehun at the door and pulled him behind the corner, out of the view of the guests.

"I wanted to see you! I couldn't contact you, you desappeared Hyung!".

I snorted in disbelief: "I desappeared?".

He sighed taking a step closer to me but I backed away.

"I'm sorry. Really, my dad took away my phone, I had exams and he wanted me to.."

"You can stop. Right now I'm working, what the hell were you thinking of coming here?!?".

"It was the only way to see you! I could come only now!".

My fits clenched around my camera: was he busy? Doing what? That busy to don't even have time to answer a ing phonecall?

"I don't want to see you". It was half true as I just wanted to take him out of my mind. It was half false as my heart was doing a drum concert on his own.

However, my words seemed to be effective as he looked taken aback.

After some instant in total silence, I sighed and stepped towards the church again: "I have to return to work".

He stopped me from a shoulder as I turned around, the warmth of his fingers crawling to my skin through the fabric.

"Wait..".

After pushing his hand away, I failed on walking away as his hand closed around my wrist and obliged my body to turn.

"Why are you so thin?".

My anger worsened due to him pretending to be concerned, that frown on his face confusing me for seeming too real. I started trying to pull away without much success. Sehun pulled me more, his finger still blocking my arm: "You aren't eating enough again! You can't starve yourse..".

"Stop it!", hissing, I managed to free my wrist, "it isn't your problem at all!".

◊

Why the week had to start? Week meant five day with no work, few lessons and too much free time.

On Wednesday I was on the verge of going crazy: In the next days I would have to hand in my final project but the photos were abandoned on that same pile from two weeks before, my mind refusing to watch them, my brain shutting off at the thought of reviewing them. I had to do it though. And I would. The day after.

I practically run away from home, finding excuses to be busy outside, to face that thing later, to think about Friday's deadline later.

My feet brought me to a busy city street not that far from my flat; Randomly walking into a store, I got lost into the infinite sections and corridors. I bought some carrots, bananas, black tea and a pack of rice. I didn't even remember the last time I had cooked rice but it ended up in my bag - mostly because the packaging was really well done -.

I stayed out til late afternoon, dinner time rolling past me without really bringing hunger to me, the park of my block emptying gradually. I stared at the leaves on the grass, dew already claiming their surface as the sun settled down. Eventually, I took the way back home, my tall complex of building visible from the other side of the street.

The plastic bag in my hands crumpled noisy as I searched in my pocket for the keys, feeling strange of having gone out without my bag but with only some money and the key in my pants. Even my camera was at home, neglected on my cupboard.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, pale face staring at me with dark bags under his eyes: no doubts that Kris kept asking me if I was feeling ok, I looked really a mess. And, even if I strangely liked the hollows of eye's bags usually, mine were just too much; I seriously needed to sleep.

I surely didn't expected what I found out of the elevator though. Half choking on my own saliva, I stared at the seating figure waiting onto the stair next to my apartment's door. The yellow blazer, messily folded on his knees, fell down as he stood up abruptly after seeing me.

What was he doing there?

"I.. Hi..".

I frowned and shook my head: "Why are you here?". I walked past him and reached for my door, keys tingling in my hand, my heart throbbing furiously another time.

"Have you already eaten Hyung? Can.. Can we eat something?". I could only ear his voice, giving him my back was easier than facing him.

"I've already eaten". I didn't expected him to believe me, neither to just shut up and reach for his backpack on the floor.

"I.. Sorry. I shouldn't have come..".

I turned around and frowned as he desappeared into the elevator, the red light starting to count down the floors.

I cursed not knowing if I was more stupid for having sent him away or for starting to run down the stair, trying to stop that stupid elevator. What had happened? It was already late in the evening, why was he still in his school uniform? He hadn't returned home? How much had he waited?

As I reached the front door of the building, I spotted his figure in the street, wearing the idiotic yellow jacket while walking slowly away.

"Sehun-ah! Wait!". Maybe I was a bit hungry. A bit.

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