June 6

            I was staring outside the window like usual, and the grass in the field looked amazing. It was the most vibrant I’ve seen it this year. I checked the seat next to me and he was there. Kris… From some reason, he looked really troubled today. Here in Vancouver, everyone was happy, like no joke, everyone. I wanted to talk to him and ask what was wrong but let’s be honest here, I don’t have balls for that.

 He looked different today. His hair got highlights. I could have sworn it was just a plain black yesterday. Today, it was still black but with some dark brown pieces of hair layering and intertwining with his color to make it look natural. He styles his hair differently now too. His usual style is a plain look that splits down the middle which usually compliments his oval face. Today, his hair looks like he literally just got out of bed. It had this messy look to it that was definitely styled with some kind of clay or gel. It was weird but I can’t help but think it looked… y. I’m usually not the type of person to know all about beauty but living with my older sister for as long as I have, you learn a few things. I have learned that eating certain foods can make your skin clear up, but that’s common sense I guess. Eating healthily has tons of positive effects on the body. One time, she told me that you can use extra olive oil to remove eye make-up. I’m a girl myself but I guess I’m still in my “awkward phase” as my sister likes to call it.

            I always thought to myself why I liked Kris so much. Was it because of his looks? No, I mean, I guess that’s what initially attracted me to him but it’s been four years, I’ve never felt like this towards anyone before. I never seen anyone so... alluring before. I guess it’s because I’ve never seen him with a girlfriend. I’ve seen him with girls, a lot of girls, but I guess I never heard anything about him having a girlfriend. I’m the type of person that would immediately stop liking a guy once they get a girlfriend. Usually my unrequited love affairs end with the other person getting into a relationship. Maybe this is why I still haven’t had my first boyfriend. It’s because of rejection. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of someone that I like so much to not return my feelings. I’m afraid of them telling me no. I’m afraid of getting hurt. I know that Su Yeon was being mean to me that one day but sometimes… I can’t help but agree with her. It’s the weirdest feeling. What Su Yeon told me really hurt, but I guess it’s not necessarily her words that affected me, it was because what she said can actually save me from one of the most painful situations anyone can face, heartbreak. All my life I’ve just been looking at everyone I’ve been interested in from a distance. Sometimes I think to myself, “What if?” I’m seventeen for goodness sake, why is it so hard?

            “ Chae Rin, twenty-five.” I snapped back into real life. I looked around to see if anyone saw me daydreaming. On the outside I was calm but inside, I could feel my heart beat faster and my face getting red. Aw .

            “Um, I.. um...uh…can you repeat the question? Sorry.” I said sinking into my desk.

            “Number twenty-five on last night’s homework, do you have the answer?” I searched desperately for the answer on my paper. Damn, where’s twenty-five?  , , .

            “Um..... Oh… It’s twenty-five…uh two fifths x times three hundred to the fifth power.”

            “Wrong. You know Chae Rin, if you have any  plans of getting a better grade in my class, I suggest for you to actually pay attention like everyone else here is. Does anybody else have the right answer? Yes you, Su Yeon, go ahead sweetheart.” Wait, are you pulling the grade card here? I have a B+ in this class. A freaking eighty-nine you . I would have straight A’s if I could just stomach how you teach.

            “I don’t really know if it’s right but its two fifths x times two hundred eighty-nine to the fifth power. I don’t get this stuff at all. I tried my best but I probably got it wrong.” This is lying through her teeth.

            “Nope that was right to the tee. Good job. Continuing on to twenty-six, any takers?”

Crisis averted. It’s so hard to pay attention to my math teacher. I mean why would you pay attention to her at all? There’s a reason why her name is Miss Ryler. I’m putting a big emphasis in the Miss. She’s single and she’s what, like in her mid-sixties? I have no idea why, but she hates me. I didn’t even do anything to her at all. I get decent marks in her class but I guess being a decent person towards me is just out of the question for her. Out of all the people I have met in school, she is the one that made me realize that a majority of es never transform into that nice and likable person that people can talk to. They just let go, get fatter, and form wrinkles. Same thing’s probably going happen to Su Yeon. Her pretty little face might be perfect for now but just you wait and see, karma will get you my friend.