“I’m being followed.” Key says in hushed tones as he sits down on the couch next to Jonghyun.

“You have a stalker fan?” Jonghyun tears his eyes away from the dreary soap opera he’s been watching for the past two hours and turns to look at Key.

“No, worse.”

“What?”

Key glances around suspiciously, then leans in and whispers, “The number thirteen.”

Jonghyun blinks. “The number thir—” he begins, only to have his words smothered by Key’s hand.

“Shh! Don’t say it so loudly.”

“What are you even talking about,” Jonghyun asks flatly.

“It’s following me!” Key insists.

“How.”

“Do you remember,” Key says dramatically, latching his fingers onto Jonghyun’s arm, “when I said Friday the 13^th was stupid last week?”

Jonghyun racks his memory and thinks. He faintly remembers Key ranting about “silly superstitions” and “I don’t believe”.

“Um, I guess?”

"Well, the number’s been stalking me ever since. I think it wants revenge.”

“Uh huh. Revenge.”

“I’m serious. The other day, I went shopping, but when I went to check out, I didn’t have enough money. Guess how much I was short?”

Jonghyun decides to humor him. “How much?”

“13,000 won.”

“How horrible.”

“I know, right? Then yesterday, when I was folding the laundry, there were six pairs of socks and one lone sock. You know what that means? Thirteen socks. Why would we have an odd number of socks, though? Clearly, one of our socks was kidnapped by the number thirteen."

“Hm.”

“And get this,” Key continues, “this morning, I asked for a dozen bagels at local the bakery. You know how many they gave me? Thirteen instead of twelve.”

“Maybe they just wanted to give you a free bagel?” Jonghyun reasons.

"No way. It’s following me, don’t you see? I’ve wronged it, and now, it’s going to stalk me for the rest of my—oh my God. It’s here again. Do you see that?” Key inhales sharply and points at an English poster on the plaster wall. “13e yourself. Thirteeny yourself? What’s that even mean?”

“I’m no English expert, but I’m pretty sure the 13 is actually a B.” Jonghyun says, turning his head toward the poster and attempting to decipher the foreign letters.

“Be yourself… oh. Well, that was a close call.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little paranoid?” Jonghyun asks, slightly concerned for Key’s sanity.

“What do you mean, paranoid? I’m being perfectly reasonable. It’s following me, I tell you. Following. Me.”

Taemin arrives home from school just a few hours later, grinning brightly and excitedly waving a thin packet of paper.

“Guess what? I got an 87 on my calculus test!” he announces proudly, setting the test on the kitchen counter and pouring himself a glass of water.

“Cool,” Jonghyun says, looking up from his crossword puzzle to give Taemin a thumbs-up. Key, on the other hand, looks completely horrified.

“Good grief. Not Taeminnie, too!”

“What now?” Jonghyun sighs.

“It’s thirteen. Again.” Key whispers nervously.

“Thirteen?” Jonghyun repeats, slightly confused about what thirteen has to do with Taemin’s getting a high B on his calculus test.

“Oh, yeah, well, I guess I missed thirteen points. Whatever.” Taemin shrugs, then leaves with a wave to go do his homework. Key turns to Jonghyun, panic evident in his eyes.

“Holy crap. Now even Taemin’s being targeted. What do we do?” he says, poking Jonghyun’s right shoulder nervously. Jonghyun rolls his eyes.

“Taemin’s fine. I think you’re overreacting.”

“But—”

“Think about it,” Jonghyun cuts in, “even if thirteen does happen to be following you, it doesn’t necessarily mean something bad is going to happen. What’s the worst a number could do to you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll suddenly shrink thirteen centimeters or gain thirteen kilograms or—wait. I feel fatter lately.” Key pauses as a look of horror dawns on his face. “What if I really did gain thirteen kilos?” he considers the possibility for a second, then dashes off to go find their bathroom scale.

By the time Key’s checked his weight on the scale a dozen times and finished reassuring himself that he hasn’t gained more than half a kilogram, Onew’s entering the dorm. He sets down a box of his favorite fried chicken on the kitchen table and unfolds the cardboard flaps delicately. As he examines his meal carefully, however, he frowns.

“What’s up, Jinki?” Jonghyun asks, sitting himself down next to Onew in the hopes of receiving a drumstick. Onew eyes him suspiciously.

“You’re not getting any.”

"Aww, please?"

"No."

Jonghyun pouts. “Why not?”

“It’s my chicken. Geez. Besides, I already got ripped off.” Onew says, sighing. Key, emerging from the bathroom, catches this part of their conversation and dashes to Onew’s side.

"Ripped off?” Key repeats, with interest. He’s been needing some drama to take his mind off that number. “Do tell.”

“Well, I paid for the fifteen piece meal,” Onew explains, gesturing to his chicken, “but when I counted, two pieces were missing. Clearly, I’ve just been taken advantage of.” Jonghyun pats Onew’s back sympathetically, nodding in understanding. Key, on the other hand, lets out a shriek.

“Wait. So you have thirteen pieces of chicken?”

“Yeah, sadly. It’s a shame— wait, what’re you doing?” Key snatches the box of chicken and grabs a wing wildly.

“Saving you,” Key says, his face grave. He scans the room quickly, runs up to the nearest window, and flings the chicken wing out onto the street. A car passes by, effectively crushing the chicken into a flat disk. Key smiles in satisfaction. “Take that, thirteen!” he yells triumphantly. Onew just stares, eyes wide, jaw hanging down in shock.

“Is he okay?” Onew asks, turning back to Jonghyun. Jonghyun shrugs, then points to the box.

“Can I have a drumstick? Kibum got a wing.” Onew rolls his eyes and pushes the box towards Jonghyun in defeat, then stands up to go yell at Key for wasting his chicken when he's already been ripped off.

Jonghyun decides that thirteen is his new favorite number.

Prompt 60: Humor
Word Count: 1002

a/n: Sorry for the lame ending. Anyway, yeah, this really didn't have much to do with the prompt. For some reason, my sources of inspiration never end up being related to what I actually write. I swear the word's in there somewhere, though! :D