‘Annyeong Himchannie, open up and let the most amazing guy in the world in!’ Yongnam chuckled as he wrapped his knuckles against the door, an all too familiar door, the last time I was here was what felt like an eternity ago now, a mop of raven hair popped around the door as half open eyes struggled to make sense of Yongnam’s face. ‘Aish, are you still asleep Channie? It’s the afternoon!’ Channie? As in Himchan? Upon further inspection at the drowsy boy certain features started to become familiar, his still plump lips that parted to let out a whine before rubbing his eyes and widening them, those were what really made me recognise him, especially when they settled on my own orbs.

‘S-Serena…?’ he asked quite clearly in disbelief, I nodded slightly but was filled with the urge to turn on my heels and run, just seeing this one man’s face brought back so many feelings and memories, some of which I wished to forget and some that warmed the remnants of my heart like slow burning coals, ‘My god it is you…’ he mumbled more to himself than anyone else, before I knew it I had been swept up into a hug by the taller being, his slender arms wrapped around me tightly and squeezed me until I felt I couldn’t breathe anymore.

‘Himchan, let the girl breathe.’ Yongnam murmured and tugged on the younger male’s shoulder, Himchan reluctantly slackened his hold on me but only slightly, taking in a ragged breath I looked up at my old friend’s face and was shocked to find clear crystals running down his face, tears. ‘Hey, before the waterworks properly start,’ Yongnam began, ‘is anyone else home, Channie?’ the raven haired boy simply shook his head sending some of the priceless crystals flying from his face. ‘Then let’s get you both inside shall we? I’ll store our groceries here until we’re ready to leave araso, Serena?’ Yongnam asked me with a wide smile, I nodded and shuffled inside with Himchan still clinging onto me. Just as he said, Yongnam made his way to the kitchen and placed our shopping into the large fridge for the meantime, nothing about the house had changed, same furniture, same coloured walls, same everything, apart from the strange omnipresent feeling of a certain sadness, it lingered heavily in the air of the house and was almost tangible.

‘We missed you so much, Serena.’ Himchan sobbed, bringing me back to the current state of my friend, looking up at him I found the jewels still spilling down his cheeks, reaching up I used my fingertips to wipe the glistening droplets away from his beautiful face, he was too perfect for this emotion to flood him and make him cry, he was too perfect to be crying over me.

‘Where is everyone?’ Yongnam asked passing Himchan a tissue, Himchan took the item and wiped his face before inhaling deeply and answering as steadily as he could manage.

‘Daehyun is with Zelo shopping, Jong Up, Youngjae and Y-Yongguk are practicing together at the dance studio…’ So it seemed Zelo and Yongguk were still avoiding each other… Yongnam nodded at Himchan and quickly left to the lounge, allowing Himchan and I to speak in quiet. ‘Say something… anything…’ snapping my head up I realised Himchan had spoken and had directed his speech at me, blinking back my own tears I spoke up quietly.

‘Oppa… I’ve missed you so much.’ I choked out hugging him tightly suddenly, he didn’t react for a few moments but his warm arms were encircling me soon enough, ‘I’m s-sorry, for everything, I can’t-’, Himchan’s strong hands clamped down on my shoulders as he pushed me back a little so he could look down into my eyes.

‘Don’t apologise to me, I, no, we, should be the ones apologising to you, Serena. You didn’t ask for anything of this… But, we’ve all been so alone without you, even Daehyun and Jong Up-ah, we all took your leaving to heart-’

‘N-Nae… Yongnam oppa told me, but… why? I was only really close with…’ I let my words trail off, not trusting my own voice to be able to say either of the men’s names without breaking down again, a small smile tugged at Himchan’s lips and the sight made me want to cry with joy, it had been so long I was sure, that he had smiled genuinely, in fact, how had any of them coped with such a tear and cavern created with my disappearance?

‘That’s true, for you maybe, but for all of us, you became part of our dysfunctional family, you were very much a part of our lives as Yongguk and Zelo were in yours…’ I winced at the names and wanted to sob in despair as a relentless shiver seized my spine, Himchan murmured an apology before hugging me once more. ‘Why did you come back?’ he asked quietly. Why did I come back? I didn’t even know myself, maybe, maybe it was because I still loved Yongguk and I had never stopped, maybe, somehow my heart had still kept functioning even with the various pieces missing, it had never stopped pumping the toxins of love around my aching body, maybe, that’s why I was here.

‘I’m not quite sure myself… I think, I think it’s because I still…’ the words wouldn’t form and refused to leave my mouth, sighing I buried my face in my hands when suddenly another pair of arms were wrapped around my body, slightly warmer than Himchan’s, as if the owner had just finished a work out, the arms were also slightly bigger than Himchan’s and squeezed me gently, my heart began racing at the possibility of who it was, I dared not even think of his name.

‘You came back…’ came the soft whisper, sighing in relief I knew the voice was too high to be his, but never the less I knew the owner, Youngjae. Turning around a small gasp escaped my lips as I looked at the young male, like Himchan he no longer had the silky long blonde hair, true it was still blonde but half of it had vanished, in its place was a buzz of blonde to the right of his head and to the left was a long mop of the blonde silk. He looked… older, different but still the wise Youngjae I knew. His eyes were softened with glistening liquid as he looked down at me, a large smile plastered his still chubby face and warmed my heart even more.

‘Nae, oppa.’ I smiled back at him, enjoying the feel, ‘Well, I came back to see Himchan-ah…’

‘Ah, jinja?’ he asked with a frown, I nodded simply in response, ‘Why only him? Didn’t you miss me?’ he asked a little teasingly. I nodded a couple more times and hugged the cuddly bear tightly.

‘Nae, oppa, I missed you too.’ He nodded happily and hugged me back tightly before swinging me around once making a short but still existent laugh escape my lips. Almost instantly the rooms suffocating atmosphere lightened at the sound but Youngjae froze momentarily and I sensed Himchan tense up slightly as well, had I made a mistake? Already?

‘We haven’t heard that sound in so long…’ Himchan sighed joining Youngjae and I in a now apparent group hug, sighing in relief I let myself relax a little for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, letting myself enjoy the love and warmth from the two men I had come to know so well, squirming a little when Himchan squeezed too hard I smiled again when the black haired ulzzang blushed faintly, reaching up slowly I touched a few of the strands on each boys head as they simply raised their eyebrows and waited for me to speak.

‘What happened to your lovely blonde locks?’ I asked laughing gently, Himchan pouted and Youngjae chuckled softly.

‘Himchan’s suits his but my one is a little drastic.’ Youngjae laughed again running a hand over the buzz side, I nodded in agreement before speaking again.

‘True but it still looks good, oppa.’ I reassured Youngjae, just then Yongnam decided to make a reappearance and stood beside Himchan, his hair I noticed was normal, chocolate brown and styled messily but still very handsome, it suited him well to say the least and reminded me of Yongguk’s hair from his ‘Never Give Up’ days with…

‘Everyone has new styles,’ Yongnam stated, tagging onto our conversation, ‘for the comeback of course. Jong Up and Daehyun have pretty normal ones, brown and blonde and just brown, whereas-’

‘I have bubblegum pink hair, and Yongguk has purple and black hair.’ Snapping my head up I froze, that voice… I knew that voice, the last time I heard it it had been crying out my name into the empty night in vain, hearing it now again made my blood run cold and the fires which were slowly repairing my heart to dwindle. ‘That’s what you were going to say, right hyung?’ Zelo said once more, ‘If you turned around Serena you’d be able to see it a lot better.’ He muttered, biting back a whimper of despair I willed my lead limbs to function and turn me around, slowly, very slowly, I came face to face with the maknae once more.

‘Zelo…’ I breathed, the snarl on his face morphed into a smile, a longing one full of hurt before crumpling into a slight frown as tears sprang from his eyes.

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