[I sincerely apologize for my appalling sense humour in this one-shot.]

“No more…shak-ing…like that”

“AGAIN!”

Kris closed his eyes whilst he huffed in frustration. It was the 56^th time for goodness sakes. They were almost finished with recording the track History…apart from the small adlib in the EXO M’s version.

The music director only sighed, signalling him that it was time for a break, since it didn’t seem like shouting at him would make things any better. (Especially as Kris was known for his temper.)

He angrily took his headphones off before exiting the soundproof room. Marching towards the lyricist, he asked why the words ‘no more shaking like that’ was a part of the lyrics and what it had to do with the rest of the song. Not like any of his other English lines made any sense, like ’my heart be breaking’ or ‘my pain be creeping’, but ‘no more shaking like that’…just made him want to hit someone.

It was…RIDICULOUS. How Chanyeol managed to pull it off was absolutely beyond him.

Somehow, that phrase alone sound slightly erted and he felt that his image would deteriorate before he even officially debuted.

“What? The lyrics weren’t like this before.” The lyricist took a look at the sheet of paper in front of them.  Kris’ jaw dropped opened at the fact the lyrics were changed.

Changed; I repeat:

CHANGED!

The horrors expressed on his face were more horrifying to be seen than to be felt. Yet, all the female staffs outside were too blind to see that. Still flailing their arms about, screaming how beautiful he was. If he smiled at them, he knew that they’d be making shrines and worshipping his face, so he tried to keep his icy image on.

“It must be my new student. I asked her to edit things she thought were appropriate. After all she’s fluent in English, Mandarin and Cantonese. She’s young too, so both I and the Korean lyricists placed her in charge of the English for both songs.” He swallowed hard, as he chose his words wisely.

“Where is she?” The lyricist seemed to have shrunk to the size of a pea as he noticed how Kris’ eyes burned with anger.

----

The door slammed opened and she simply stared at him in a dull manner. Fiercely he marched towards her with threatening eyes, but she seemed to be rather calm about it; scarily calm, in fact.

“Did you do this? The English lyrics, was it you?!” He pointed to the sheets of paper, slamming it onto her work station.

She blinked apathetically at him, and he too stared deep into her eyes. He tried to read them; was she staring because there was something on his face? Maybe she just fell for him like all the other girls. Shallow. Then again, could he possibly blame them? He was, indeed, good looking in many aspects.

“If you think I’m handsome, just say it, I’m used to it. Now, stop staring!” The girl didn’t seem to hear as she continued to gaze into his eyes.

A long silence daunted between the two. The silence had its way of erasing Kris’ anger since he focused more on observing the define features of the girl before him.

That was…

…until…

“Buffalo.” The word accidently escaped from whilst she pointed at him. He was a very angry buffalo; she concluded. When he barged in, it felt like a herd of buffalos were headed for her.

“B-buffalo?”

She paused again, realising what she just said to him. She was a little bit like a turtle, he noted. Slow and dull.

“I-I was helping my friend online with history right now, and we were talking about buffalos, then you entered like a…” Unconsciously, she began to ramble whilst attempting to explain herself. She took a glance at him who was obviously unimpressed. “I’m in d-d-d-danger…” she whispered to herself, before quickly changing the topic. It was clear; the girl before him was an antisocial outcast.

“Who are you and how can I help you?” She forced an awkward grin onto her lips. He simply twitched.

W-

Did she? She didn’t, right?

Who?

WHO?!

His eyes widened like two bowling balls, ready to devour her alive. “YOU DON’T KNOW WHO I AM? AND YOU’VE BEEN WRITING MY SONGS?!”

“Correction: EXO’s songs. Now, which member are you? You know it is rude to barge in here without introducing yourself.” Her indifference in behaviour provoked him even more.

“It’s even ruder to call someone you don’t know a buffalo. Do you realise how insulting it is?”

“Chill, it slipped. It’s not like you look like one.”

“Then why?”

“You seemed like one.” Her reply had the power to raise his blood pressure to the roof. Inside his mind he could imagine himself crushing her below his buffalo feet.

‘I am well mannered, and I shall not insult her back by calling her a turtle alien. Kris, calm – blue ocean…BLUE!’ He mentally tried to council himself.

“You know what, I. Don’t. Care. I just wanted to ask you why you changed the lyrics to ‘no more shaking like that’?! You know English, right? Do you have any idea how awkward your English is in this song?”

She took a look at the lyrics again, finally giving a more humanly reaction; she finally appeared surprised.

“How did this happen?” She asked herself blankly, causing him to flip.

“H-how? HOW?!” He grabbed onto her collar, pulling her closer to him. “You ask ‘how’? Did you know HOW I suffered this morning due to your incompetence? You…YOU!”

“Oh, I remember!” Her palm covered his face as she pushed him away before brushing her clothes as though he’d dirtied them. “Basically I was talking to a friend of mine online and we were talking about this video of a dancing cat that went viral. It was shaking it’s really awesomely! So we were discussing about that, but because I was editing the lyrics, I didn’t reply to him. He kept nudging me, so I said ‘no more shaking like that’, as you know…a joke. But I think I might have misplaced that line into the lyrics. It fits though!” She smiled optimistically.  

“Oh, and the grammar; they were originally correct. Well, I intended them to be correct, but I was working on this along with 11 other things at 2.a.m, so…this happened, but don’t you think it’s cool? I mean, it’s original and artistic. There are no other lyrics like this one.”

He chuckled at her explanation, and then the chuckle turned into maniac laughs. “I must have gone insane.” He sighed to himself.

“Maybe I should’ve included you into the song What Is Love. You know: I lost my mind.” She sung dramatically, irritating him to his core. She was insane, there was no doubt about it, and it felt like her insanity was contagious.

Slowly, he turned away making his exit. He felt as though he’d explode if he stayed there any longer. She called after him, because he seemed a bit pale, but he merely ignored her.

“I refuse to talk to this crazy person.” He muttered to himself, feeling the symptoms of instability crawling to him.

“Kris, you came to see 师妹(Meaning: a female junior of his)as well?” Tao waved.

The girl saw this, and thought of going out to greet Tao, but Kris slammed the door on her just as she was about to step out, hitting her directly on the face.

“Duizhang! W-why?!” Tao exclaimed, but Kris remained expressionless as if all life had been out of him.

“It’s ok, Tao.” He hugged the magnae of their group. “She’ll be alright. She just needs to stay in there until people from the mental hospital arrive. We cannot afford to let her loose into this world. I cannot allow you to socialize with such person. We must…”

“Die buffalo…die.” A low haunting voice could be heard behind the door, sending shivers down their spines.

The younger’s panda eyes widened. Hastily he pushed Kris from the embrace.

“Oh, what are you going to do? Perform some of your mutant ninja turtle tricks on me?!” Kris sniggered, to which Tao gasped.

“You just…She’s going to kill you! Run for your life!” He dragged his leader as far away as possible before she had the chance of catching them. “I must protect you, Duizhang! She may be a junior, but without you, EXO M is nothing. I cannot let you die!” Kris couldn’t keep up with Tao’s crazy speed and ended up tripping with his face flat on the ground.

“Huang Zi Tao!” He screamed, causing the younger one to jerk back in fear. “Why did we run? What would she do? Tear me apart like a buffalo and use my tongue as a hairbrush?”

Tao’s face went pure white as he nodded to that idea. “Now that you mentioned it, I believe it’s possible.” Tao looked around cautiously before sitting down next the leader.

“Y-you know the turtle well?”

“Basically, the story goes like this. Eighteen years ago…”

“I want the SHORT version.” He growled; eying him up and down impatiently as he finally sat upright. If his life was on the line, he needed to know what the girl was capable of. Maybe he was right….maybe she was a mutant ninja turtle…in disguise.

“Okies, so we trained martial arts together in China.” Kris stared at the younger one in astonishment. Kris’ power wasn’t flight…HE WAS PSYCHIC! However, his moments were short-lived as Tao didn’t seem to pick up his feeling of achievement expressed on his face. ‘Tao, read my face.’ He thought inside, whilst the younger continued.

“She was an orphan who got adopted by our master. She trained diligently through the years, but she was never allowed a weapon in her hand.”

Silence.

Tao glanced at Kris and vice-versa.

He nudged Kris with his elbow.

“Why was that?” Kris sighed. The downside of being the eldest; always have to satisfy their social cues, but they all ignored his.

“I knew you’d ask.” He smiled cutely. “She is…scarily strong. She can kill you with a bare fist. I remember…” Kris leaned in closer, showing full attention to his story. That girl must’ve been very violent. Maybe she almost killed a gang, or maybe she was a delinquent and fought with the police. Maybe…

“She ripped my panda bear to pieces at the age of five!” Tao sulked with teary eyes. “She was only five and she ripped my panda into so many pieces until it was unidentifiable.” Kris whacked him on the head which finally made the poor boy cry. “It was my favourite panda bear!” Tao continued to sulk whilst Kris just rolled his eyes.

-

She stood by the printer, ready to collect her paper, when suddenly Amber from f(x) arrived and took the sheets first.

“W-what is this?!” Amber laughed out loud then quickly hiding behind the young lyricist before anyone saw. “Did you do this?” The female rapper turned the page around, showing Kris’ head photoshopped onto a buffalo. Various doodles were also added, giving him thicker eyebrows and a swirling moustache.

“It came out better than I thought.” She spoke monotonously. “I really don’t see why you like this person so much.”

“How can you not like him? He’s handsome, considerate and perfect. He’s everything a girl wants.”

“All girls want a buffalo?” She asked innocently, to which Amber just furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. It wasn’t the first time she was lost by the lyricist’s words; she had a rather strange mentality. “I disagree with the ‘considerate’ thing. Which strand of his hair is considerate? Tell me? I can’t see it.”

“Did something happen? You’re not usually like this. You’re often calm and quiet. You don’t talk about people.”

“I am…very angry.” She stabbed his face with her marker, yet her facial expression remained unchanged. “That conceited buffalo. Who does he think he is? Chanyeol oppa didn’t have a problem with my lyrics; I don’t see why he made such a big fuss about it. So unprofessional.”

BOOM!

A pounding throb could be felt at the back of her head.

“I’m sorry, in case you don’t know; I’m also an unprofessional basketball player!” Kris scoffed, with a rather amused tone of voice.

“You jerk.” She exhaled heavily whilst her fists clenched. Amber swiftly made her leave as she sensed a world war brewing in the air. 

“Jerk? You know there are girls out there who’d even roll on the floor for me.” Kris walked up to her with is arms crossed like a real .

“They must all be buffalos to roll on the floor for a buffalo like you!” For the first time, her voice raised as she glared menacingly at him. He looked at her with a soft expression, one which somehow showed…sympathy? “You shouldn’t have your hair like that. It’s fuzzy like a buffalo!”

“How long haven’t you talked to people? Can’t you insult someone properly? This hair, do you know how long and how much it cost for this hairstyle? It’s style.” She let out a mocking laugh before storming off in rage, not wanting to engage with the fight any longer. Why was she so bothered about him anyways? She never cared about how others treated her, so why did she care then?

Nothing made sense.

----

To celebrate EXO’s success in the prologue albums, SM decided to hold a party for all the artists and staffs. Alcohol was permitted to those who were 18 or above, so the children had to have orange juice and milk in one corner whilst the ‘adults’ enjoyed their beverage.

Kris took a sip of his drink whilst glancing at one girl in particular; the one who kept calling him a buffalo in the most unflattering way possible. The one who often dressed like a slop, but tonight she was actually dressed for the occasion as she wore a casual black top with a pair of denim shorts. Maybe not exactly sophisticated, but it was still better than her usual baggy clothes he supposed.

Unknowingly, he was already on his fifth drink when she came towards him.

“So, you’ve got a stomach like a buffalo too?” She smirked teasingly.

“What has the poor buffalos done to you that you must use them to insult me? And are you trying to challenge me? Let’s settle this once and for all. See who can drink the most before passing out. The one who stays until the very end can do whatever they like to the other for a week.”

“You already look slightly tipsy though.”

His lips slanted seductively as he called for a round of drinks, and the two commenced their battle. All the other artists and staffs had left apart from the two who were still enjoying their battle. After the about the twentieth round, Kris dropped on the floor in defeat.

She sniggered at him. “Rolling like a buffalo.”

“What?” He groaned as he stopped rolling to take a look at her. It was obvious that she was tipsy, but she wasn’t drunk yet.

Carefully, he pulled himself up to the table. He tried to focus on her, but the alcohol was really getting to his head.

“Why aren’t you like the others?”

“I’m not a buffalo?” She laughed childishly and he just shook his head.

“It’s like you don’t even see me.”

“I don’t like you. I don’t like conceited buffalos.”

“But I like you.” He leaned forward, caressing her pinkish cheeks as he continued to whisper into her ear. “Why does it have to be you that treat me like this?” He pushed his lips onto hers while his hands ran on the side of her body.

Like always, she didn’t show much of a reaction – just staring at him dully. When in reality a mixture of feelings boiled inside her.

----

Luhan, being the sensible one who didn’t drink that much, went to open the door when he heard the doorbell – ignoring the possibility that it could be a fan girl behind it.

He opened the door tiredly.

“Special buffalo delivery. No charge.” He heard. He didn’t even have time to rub his eyes as a body was thrown towards him. Luckily, he caught their leader, but…

…he didn’t manage to escape from the devastating vomit that was literally poured onto him.

“Eurg! Duizhang, seriously?” The face of the group moaned as the scent of his insides invaded his nostrils. “This is…” Involuntarily, Luhan also threw up, but because Kris clung onto him, he had no choice but to vomit all over him.

“Have fun.” She waved kindly, as she finally picked up from Tao that it was a ‘friendly’ gesture to make before leaving.

-

The next morning, Kris couldn’t even move.

“Where does it hurt?” Tao climbed onto his bed, scanning his body for any disjointed limbs or fractured bones. “I can’t believe you didn’t take my advice and actually fought her.”

“I don’t recall fighting though, but I think I remember her punching my stomach.” His face cringed whilst he rolled to the side to get in a better position so it wouldn't hurt so much. “It’s mainly my left foot and stomach.”

“Either way, lesson learnt, okay? You never fight with a girl, and you most certainly do NOT fight with one that knows martial arts.” Luhan giggled. “Especially when you were drunk.”

“And you must also never fight with one that is also responsible for your lyrics.” Chen laughed whilst he distributed the new lyric sheets to the members. “I think she dedicated the lyrics to you.”

Kris scanned his lines. Everything seemed to be fine…apart from one line in particular which seemed to stick out like a sore thumb. It was highlighted…just for him.

“R-roll…like…a…buffalo. She…I…roll…oh my God.” He murmured incomprehensively.

-

“What the f-“ He bit his tongue, trying his hardest not to swear at her. “…fuffalo.”

“The word is ‘buffalo’ Mr B.” Once again, he was met with her indifferent attitude.

“No more! Why?! Do you have something against me?! No more shaking like a buffalo!” He yelled, not knowing what had just came out his mouth. A sly smirk to appeared on her face.

“I like that.”

“What?”

“Shake like a buffalo.”

…

“What?!”

“You said it yourself. Whoever lost to the drinking battle has to do whatever the other says for a week. Now shake like a buffalo.”

…

…

…

“You are a despicable mutant ninja turtle.”

“But you like it.”

Suddenly flashbacks of their kiss appeared in his mind, causing him to blush fifty shades of red.

“Bless, buffalo is all shy, but I have no sympathy. Now shake!” 

Author's Note: Thank you to my amazing 29 subscribers and all the encouraging comments!

But I'm really sorry. Did I disappoint you guys? I'M SO SORRY! >_< My comedy skills are poor D: *off to change genre to romance...?*

And well....I didn't think so many people would give this fic so much attention *coughs*

PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!! *bows*

Anyways, I think I said I'd do Chen next, but there are a few change of plans...because I've already thought out the plot for Luhan, whereas...Chen...I have the idea...but it's undeveloped and also, I've decided to make a long EXO fic. >_>

Here's a teaser:

It's going to feature all the couples in my one shots, kinda like a sequel to them~ And Luhan and Chen's stories...may be in the fic, or I might seperate them into one shots too *shrugs* suggestions?

Are you guys interested?

PLEASE LET ME KNOW?

tee hee~ thanks ^_^

//ShadowYin