-04-

Kim Dae Min had wrapped her arm around my shoulders right after the English Language and Literature (since when was she in my class?), preventing me from rushing straight home. I was unfortunate to have an afternoon lecture so by the time Dae Min had ‘abducted’ me into the coffee shop on campus, it was far too dark outside and far too cold. I deemed myself to be a highly unlucky being: if my day started well, it would end badly; if my day started badly...well, it would still end up badly. Everything was a bit of circle in my life and the only thing every decision and road taken would lead to would result in ‘badly’. It was then I began questioning the theory of happiness but I let the daunting thought (which was automatically saved for a pre-bedtime thought which would keep me awake long into the night anyway) go and instead, focused on the rather excited Dae Min.

I had never spoken to her except exchange seldom, communal views on the photocopier in the journalism department that would break at least three days a week. Other than that, Dae Min quietly observed the world around her from the little designated area she sat at, just across from me. But everyone classed poor, little Dae Min as the top extrovert of the college. As I sat and took careful sips from my steaming hot coffee, I wondered whether to brace myself for the unexpected. The highest level of an extrovert I could take was the Kim Jong Hyun level but then again, in my mind, he was classed as the “Extrovert Egoistical Bastard”.

Speaking of the devil, I noticed him enter the cafe with a friend who I vaguely knew to be Kim Ki Bum (or rather, Key) and the Extrovert Egoistical Bastard immediately caught my eye and waved enthusiastically. The smallest, tinniest voice in my mind reckoned Jong Hyun was stalking me but I quickly shook my head and focused on Dae Min- Jong Hyun had taken a seat way too far from us and I was thankful. I realized then that I was talking to myself. But I was safe for Dae Min was not yet staring me like I was weird.

“I know it’s probably not the most suitable of times—“ you don’t say, “—but I really wanted to ask you something and I will be blunt about it,” Dae Min says and the darkness attached to her voice did not match the still bright expression she had. Upon seeing I would not disrupt her, she said, “you and Jong Hyun are dating, right?”

I had choked on my coffee in such an unfeminine manner that some people nearby stared. At the far back, I could pick up the cheerful, stupid laughter and I discreetly glowered at Jong Hyun and his snickering friend.

“I take that as a no,” Dae Min concluded quietly and took a few sips from her drink whilst gluing her eyes to my stained shirt. Her eyes twinkled once then, “or is that a yes?”

“Good Lord, no!” I gasped loudly- a little louder than necessary- and quickly sat down, well aware that my cheeks were burning a deep shade of pink. “What makes you say that? I don’t date, Dae Min, in case you—wait,” I paused, “what’s it to you anyway? We never talked to begin with and now all of a sudden this.”

I stopped and realized I probably sounded like a jerk because the corners of Dae Min’s lips twitched downwards and she was most probably hurt at my bitterness. I had not intended to come out as such person but for the past few days, I began taking out certain silent frustrations on people that did not deserve it or had nothing to do with it.

Coincidentally, or most probably not, my mood had been severed ever since I had received the cold shoulder treatment from...well, from him  less than three days ago. And with bitter, unwanted realization, I knew it was my heart that was not functioning well- it was my whole entire being that refused to cooperate and push through with my mantra of “whatever it takes, I know I can make it through”. Because I couldn’t. I tried to cease the sulking, however, because it took all of my physical power to restrain Ji Sun from being the talk of the country and receiving life in jail because she was simply that close to entering the SM Entertainment headquarters to murder Lay by the time I had caught up with her. Not only that, but Jong Hyun had tried abusing my friendship ties with the EXO members in order to speed up his progress a trainee- oh joy, I frowned when Jong Hyun decided we were ‘friends’ and dropped the bomb of being an SM trainee for five years. Upon hearing it, something within me clicked but I suppressed the wave of anger mixed with reminiscence. 

“I’m sorry,” I offered and gaze down at what was left of the brown liquid, “I didn’t mean to be so snappy. It’s just—“

“It’s okay,” Dae Min chuckled, returning back to her usual cheerful self. “I’d have the same reaction if some newbie tried prying into my personal life. No hard feelings. I like you anyway, Min Ji. You seem like a cool person. Wanna hang out?”

Wow, talk about straight to the point.

“Sure,” I smiled and looked back up at her. “I would like to hang out sometime soon. Maybe after the English paper. I’m so behind with my reading...”

“Juggling between work and social life?”

“More like, work and sleep. It’s never easy but it keeps me busy.”

Kim Dae Min turned out to be a more entertaining person to have around. Throughout our coffee, I mostly sat and listened to her tell me about her oddities which, against the common judgement of a normal person, I found fascinating. The thing about Dae Min that had really gained my attention was her dislike towards circles and things that had no sharp corners.

“See?” she said as she pulled out a book of notes, “even my writing is sharp.”

Indeed it was. Her letters did not grave graciously like I had expected them to when I first met Dae Min. I had taken her to be a very feminine girl that was very in love with floral patterns and pretty pastels and all the lot because that was what she mostly wore. It had surprised me to see even the letter “o” was written in such way that it was made out of lines rather than a normal circular line. I was thoroughly fascinated, I realized.

“I also suffer from Nyctalopia.”

“So then how—?”

“I’m not severely blind in the night, Min Ji, thanks very much,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

The same wide smile returned to Dae Min’s face and she shook her head as we both pulled up from our table, collecting our bags as the cafe was nearing closing time at around nine o’clock. “It’s okay,” she assured, “a lot of people think that night blindness is a really bad thing but I’m not offended. In fact, I quite like it.”

I blinked. “You do?” My voice had come out shakier as we stepped in the cold air outside.

Dae Min grinned. “Of course. You do realize you are now obliged to walk me home right?”

I did wish to complain and throw all the blame on her for keeping us out so late but I held back from it as I realize she, too, lived in the student accommodation. After bidding her goodbye, I took the stairs up to the fifth floor and fiddled around in my bag, searching for the keys in the dimly lit corridor when loud voices from behind my door caught my attention. Flinging the door opened, I was welcomed to a fuming Ji Sun and Kim Jong Hyun.

“She won’t be doing—“

“But, Ji Sun, please—“

“Kim Jong Hyung, I said no. Oh.” Ji Sun paused then smiled at me. “Hello, Min Ji. Do you mind telling this person to kindly step out of the apartment before I tear him apart?”

My eyes flicked from Jong Hyun to Ji Sun then back at him. “What are you doing here?”

Ji Sun’s eyes turned sharply to Jong Hyun and she crossed her arms tightly against her chest. Sighing, I kicked off my shoes and slipped out of my jacket. It was not a new sight to witness Ji Sun and Jong Hyun arguing and bickering at each other; I had grown used to the idea that their only communal interest was hating each other. But, as they say, there is a thin line between love and hate. I snickered to myself- a bit too loudly- and this caught their attention.

“What?” I mumbled and walked further in the shared apartment. “You still have to tell me what you’re doing here. You’ve not been invited.”

“You’re my subordinate—“

I rolled my eyes. “Can you not? I’m not working so technically, you’re Jong Hyun and I’m Min Ji. Besides, you’re not that much of a boss considering you’re only in charge of the entertainment column. Now,” I took a deep breath and stood next to Ji Sun, staring him down just like she was, “what are you doing here?”

Jong Hyun, too, crossed his arms. “For your information, I need you do to some overtime.”

I side eyed Ji Sun then, “am I getting paid for it?”

He flashed a smile and Ji Sun seemed to be nothing but outraged. “If it all works out according to plan.”

Ten minutes later and after convincing Ji Sun I would be back home safely as quickly as possible, I stepped out of the apartment, following after Jong Hyun. My gaze had not one bit softened but remained a frustrated glower as I slid into the front seat of his two-seat Audi car. Jong Hyun rarely drove and thus, I’ve rarely seen the car but as I fell back into the cushioned leather seat, I realized that the internal and external care for the car was probably worth more than my annual expenses. I despised Jong Hyun more than ever then. The overtime pay had better be good because he sure had plenty of money to give without feeling sour.

“Do you mind?” I sighed at last as I crossed my arms and stared ahead. “I would like to know what I’m signing myself up to here.”

Jong Hyun looked at me briefly before he trained his eyes back to the road ahead. “I need you to get me an interview. And if this works out, I swear I will not be tight on the cheque I’ll be signing to be rolled into your bank account.”

As appetizing as the idea was, I was still sceptical. “Can’t you get the interview set up yourself? You have more connections than I do and besides,” I looked at the time displayed on the dashboard, “who exactly is awake at ten in the night?”

All he replied with however was a smile. I could do nothing but sit in the seat, secretly enjoying the comfort of the car and the warm atmosphere along with the occasional upbeat music from the radio. Jong Hyun signalled right and the soft humming of the engine died. I looked around, trying to make out some sort of familiarity in the dimly lit car park but I saw nothing and instead, inched forward to gaze up and—

“What in the world are we doing here, Kim Jong Hyun?!” I snapped, unable to tear my eyes away from the SM headquarters that towered high up.

Jong Hyun grinned. “You’re getting me an interview, of course.”

“With who?! You train here, not me. You know people here, not me! This is absurd, I am not doing it.” With that final statement, I dashed out of the car quicker and shakier than I had expected to be. In my mind, the still fresh memory of that burning, hateful glare surfaced and I winced as long, slim fingers wrapped around my wrist, causing me to nearly stumble.

“Hey, hey!” Jong Hyun said, his voice a little higher and very surprised. “What’s wrong, Min Ji? You’ve been acting so odd ever since a few days ago especially when it comes to this company! I mean, I know the music might not be to your taste but—“

“I don’t care about the music and I’m sorry Jong Hyun but I can’t afford to fail university. I have an English paper due tomorrow midday to finish and I’m not even halfway through. I don’t know what you want but—“

“Hey, easy, take a deep breath, Min Ji, come on, relax...” he muttered and released his grip on my wrist when he was sure I would not be scurrying away. “All I want is an interview with someone I’m not particularly close to yet and you’re my only hope.”

I knew what he wanted, it was pretty obvious and my thoughts and heart raced. Kim Jong Hyun was asking me for an interview with EXO and all I could think of was Kris Kris Kris. Kris and his bitter words, Kris and his cool demeanour, Kris and his newly developed hate towards me. I crumbled inwardly and the weight of my small, insignificant world seemed to have fallen on my shoulders. Sighing, I held my hand out, demanding his phone.

“Oh, no, no,” Jong Hyun grinned, pushing aside the previous petty quarrel. My knees trembled as he let the weight of his arm drape over my shoulders and this was the most inconvenient thing in the world because Jong Hyun was so close and we were making our way inside Kris’ company. “I think they’re up there practicing. Whilst you talk to them, I’ll go pick up some papers, okay?”

So now he was leaving me alone as well? Yet, regardless of how many times I tried to remind him that this was his column and I was nothing but a beginner, Jong Hyun insisted I could ‘charm’ my way up until I would become a very good writer. I secretly admitted I was flattered but did not let it show as I continued the already lost argument but telling him I probably had no intention of becoming a journalist to begin with.

“It’s too much freelance work,” I muttered desperately and tugged really closely behind him whilst trying to fight him back down the corridor. Loud music was echoing from the very last door and I began shaking quite visibly. “I need a secure job so please, Jong Hyun, please do the talking.” And then, if possible, I dropped even lower in terms of ego, “I’ll do anything you want me to but please stay here.”

Jong Hyun turned to me and sighed. “Would you cooperate if I let you talk to only one of them and their manager?” He pressed his lips in a thin smile and I wanted to apologize but I didn’t- I had no reason to. “Please, Min Ji, you have to—“

“Min Ji, what a great surprise to see you here!”

I turned to the same end of the corridor we previously walked on and saw Lu Han, approaching with a small smile on his baby face. I breathed a sigh of relief and my smile was broader than I thought. I bowed my head in greeting and Lu Han did the same, taking notice of Jong Hyun and greeting him also. Lu Han dabbed at his forehead with a tissue.

“What brings you here, Min Ji?”

“I’ll let you to it,” Jong Hyun muttered and excused himself as he walked back to the lifts.

Lu Han looked back and then caught my eye. “He’s a trainee here. Quite a good one at that,” he remarked. “You two are friends?”

I nodded. “I guess so. We met at the beginning of the year when I started working for the magazine.”

Lu Han smiled, a sincere smile. “I’m really happy for you, Min Ji, you’re doing something you like, right?” He chuckled and I wondered if Lu Han was aging backwards- I was envious of him too to an extent. “I really missed you.”

“I missed you too, Lu Han...” I sighed and kicked at the floor lightly with my shoe. “I know this isn’t the most convenient of times, but could I ask you for a favour, Lu Han?”

The quicker you get this out of the way, the quicker you can go away.

“Sure,” Lu Han blinked in surprise. “What is it?”

And I launched into a short explanation of how Jong Hyun had really wanted an interview with EXO, who were quite a hot topic even amongst the female (and some male) students in our campus. Not only that, but it was in our department’s interest to get such a good thing in the next issue- the governors of our institute would raise our budget, thus allowing us for a broader reach for better stories. When I was done, Lu Han rubbed at his neck but kept smiling.

“We’re really busy now but I think I can put a word forth to our managers,” he smiled, “I’m sure we can get some time for an interview as soon as possible so your issue won’t be delayed. Will you be the one interviewing us?” I did not fail to catch the slightly worried gaze he threw and immediately masked away.

“I’m not sure actually,” I pressed my lips in a tight, small smile. “I only do really petty things like layout adjusting and looking through content before sending off the final copy of our pages. I’m not that great, Lu Han.”

He did not emphasise more on the offer and instead, he said, “I’m really sorry for last time.”

I really wish you wouldn’t apologize, I wanted to say but did not want to come across as a jerk so I simply nodded and told him it was okay and it was not his fault and it no longer mattered anyway.

“Are you and that Jong Hyun guy dating?” Lu Han asked all of sudden.

I cringed. “No, I’m not. Lu Han, I swear I’m no—“

“You broke him, you know that, Min Ji?” Lu Han said, his voice softer and quieter. I looked down, avoiding his gaze. “I—It’s not the most convenient thing to say and I’m sorry but... We were hurt when you didn’t come but Kris was devastated. He was really hopeful. He had his eyes on the door the whole time before we were called to the stage. You got the ticket right?”

I mustered up the courage to look back up and I nodded shortly. As delicate and careful as Lu Han’s voice was, his words cut through, adding more salt to the wound and I felt like the lowest person on earth.

“So then why didn’t you come? I wanted to see you there. I wanted you to see us on that stage and cheer for us.”

“It’s not as easy, Lu Han, and I’m sorry—“

He sighed and threw his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “It’s not me you should be apologizing to, Min Ji. It’s him. It’s Kris that needs this more than I do. Because I forgave you. You’re my friend and I care for you.”

“T-thank you,” my voice broke.

“You should really speak to him. Kris... He’s hard to deal with I know... But Min Ji, he’s broken. And it’s been a while since I last saw him in this state, even worse, if possible.” Lu Han began walking back towards the studio after giving me another warm smile and a quick hug. “Kris is in the lobby. He’s heading out to buy us dinner and if you hurry, I’m sure you can catch him.”

I was alone in the corridor that was lit lowly but very nicely as though offering comfort for the drained artists and trainees after a vigorous, demanding practice routine. Shakily, I stepped inside the waiting, empty elevator and the seconds seemed to drag by as the floors were decreasing. In those seconds, even time seemed to be against me but I did not know if I wanted to arrive in the lobby quickly or slowly. The doors slid open quietly and I cleared my throat quietly, my eyes darting across the lobby. Jong Hyun was already there, talking with who seemed to be Ki Bum and I guessed the both of them trained together.

“Min Ji!” Jong Hyun hollered but not only Ki Bum looked back; Kris, who was about to walk out seemed to have temporarily stopped on the spot.

I ignored Jong Hyun’s normal overenthusiastic wave and dashed out of the building after Kris. The night air was awful and my eyes stung but I was not sure whether it was because of it or the tears that lined my eyes. Kris was casually walking and I made a beeline towards him. Gathering up every ounce of courage within me, I called out to him.

“C-can we—Kris, can we t-talk?” I stuttered dumbly and my fingers folded into a tight fist, my nails hurting my palm but I did not care for it at the moment. We were too far away from each other and I wondered if he had heard me at all for he kept walking. As I was about to call out to him again, shaky and tearful and feeling completely low, Kris stopped. Then, painfully slow, he turned around. His face was stoic, emotionless, beautiful and I missed him because we seemed to be in parallel worlds yet again.

Kris raised a curious eyebrow then, “do I know you?”

I was falling. Not physically but I was being torn apart so cruelly. Kris looked at me for a few more seconds, a few more desperate seconds in which I wanted to do nothing but cry despite myself, before he turned around and continued down the street as though nothing happened.

As though I didn’t happen.

Author's Note: This was a bit longer than I had expected but I did not want to cut out anymore of it than I already did. Hoped you all enjoyed it. :) Thanks for the comments!