i am starring at myself..... looking at the mirror... Yunho dragged me to the boat... we are fishing as he wanted too... and last night... i had sleep with him... i had lost my ity... and most importantly... i made love with a man... him... somewhere in my heart there is a shame evolving.... but some other part... i am happy.. what is it??? this feeling...  i let him do it to me.... argh!!!.... and shamefully... i am the one who seduce him... who make the first step... open myself to him...why??? i am blinded by the emotion... by the thought that i will not see him again... that he will send me away the next day....what should i say... i m really disappointed that he said he give in... dont want to chase anymore.... do i really do this just to attract his attention to chase me????  he had poisoned my mind..... his crazy theory... why anyone want someone else to chase and him..??..

"Jae... u still mad at me..?  or u mad at ur self. ?"

"mm.. i think both... why did u trick me like that.... that is really cheap.. "

"if i dont do it... u will never give in .... i want to make u mine... with whatever way... and forcing u is the last solution, i dont want to use it.."

"u turn me upside down... that manipulative way of u... "

"i hurt ur pride didnt i?"

"mmm..."

"u know what u look like now? like a confused child... trying to get home.. searching for a road.. "

"what are u try to say?"

"i am saying... u want to submit to me... u really like to surrender to me.... when u do it... it is u... !!! why u make this so hard... just admit it"

"what... !!! are u saying i really like to make u me ??"

"yes!! u do!! u like having with me, u like being , and u like it rough!!"

"why do u always putting it that way... i...i...."

he walked toward me.... the boat is having unstable movement for a while.... he is really in front of me..... i am backing of.... he look like devil to me... when i see him like this... i am really become panic... what if he just torn my shirt and me.. i couldnt imaging how painful it will be... i dont have any escape path.... we are in the middle of the sea... and he is almost sticking at me... pushing my body to the wall..... he trapped me with his hand.. blocking me from moving anywhere else....

"y...y...yunho... w..w....what are u... trying to.. do..?

he smirked at me... there is a gleam of wickedness in his eyes...

"y..y...yunho.... w..w...e cant... i...cant..... la..st night..... s..still..hurt"

"where it hurt..... here.."   he cares me ..... my .. and brushing his thumb down there..

i felt powerless.... fragile ... it is like i will crack any moment....

"why u are afraid jae.... i will tied u down.. and u until u admit it.... do u think i cant?.. i can do it and will do it if u didnt follow what i said by yourself.."

the word tie and just snapped me up.... i tried to struggle.. his leg is pinning me to the wall...and he kissed me.. holding me as his captive..

fragile inside... i am not who i really think i am... and he is not the Yunho that i know... had his anger for 4 years had made him like this...

i went back to  years before this.. i am walking... in the company..

"who is that?"

"why... is he beautiful?"

"ah do u said he, a guy?"

"yeah... that ing beautiful guy... i bet... he is ing everyone here to make his way up"

"really... then he must be such a gifted .... "

"i think he should just put himself in the brothel.. he look dirty... "

"did he has any pride.. using it to climb up... i heard he sleep with the japanese also... the top management"

"really??... ah... he is using anything he can ... that s why he really happy to be with yunho... he is enjoying it.."

"he is a fake.. hypocrite... he said he is straight... they said he seduced yunho... "

"yea... he try to make a good guy to be like him.. a freak.. "

they tried it one day... try to me... pinning me down ... and touching me everywhere... and i struggle... as hard as i can...  and run for my life... and that is not the only occasions... it happened... many times...many person...tried... that is way i hate the thought... the term beautiful boy... they are calling me... they think i want it.. i am a seducer... they think i wanted to be ... to be harassed... and it make me panic when someone is touching me like that... only no one had succeed.... until last night...

they are saying things at me... accusing me of what i am not.... and i will prove that i am not like that... i am not a gay.... but one day... i really felt like that... yunho.. ah!!! this is confusing... conflicting thought... creeping inside me....... and yunho is kissing me harder...