The Meaning of Our Lives

Super Junior + SHINee

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I FEEL SUPER BAD FOR NOT UPDATING!!! I have been so busy with mid-tests, teaching, grading. The students in the Korean class I am a tutor for all decide to visit me at once to study. One girl even showed up at my dorm. (I am slightly creped out she knows where I live…)

Anyway, here is Chapter 4 of The Meaning of Our Lives! It’s nothing great. It’s more like it’s just there…

.::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. SARANG .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::.

Chapter 4 – Taking Everything

SIWON POV

I pull into the office parking lot at 6:30 sharp just like I do every morning. It still is a little chilly since the sun is only just rising but the weather said that it would be warmer later. I can only hope it will be as I walk into the building trying to warm my hands. Kangin is sitting at the front desk, his feet propped up, and a magazine in his hands as I walk through the door and swipe my badge.

“Well isn’t someone doing a really good job at watching the front desk,” I say with a smile.

“I don’t think I have to worry about the front desk going anywhere,” Kangin responds without batting an eye.

That’s what I like about Kangin, he always has that ‘don’t-take-things-to-seriously,’ attitude. “Can I have Donghae’s file please?” I ask placing my stuff of the floor and leaning on the counter.

Reaching into the organizer he takes out a rather large manila folder and hands it to me, all the while still reading his magazine.

“Onew is taking care of Hyukjae this morning so you’ve got Donghae duty,” he says, handing me a little brown paper bag. “Kibum wants to change Donghae’s medication so that we can hopefully get his seizures under control a bit more.”

Taking the bag I open it and look inside to see a little bottle. Carefully I take it out and look the bottle over, reading the name Levetiracetam in the process.

“Did he have any last night?” I ask tucking the bottle back into the bag.

“Kibum said that he had a little one but it only lasted for about 30 seconds.”

Softly I sigh in relief. At least they were getting easier to manage.

When Donghae first came to the clinic he was required to wear a protective helmet because he had nearly 10 seizures a day many lasting for over 10 minutes. His record is 76 in a single day 27 of them in a single hour, but no one at the clinic saw his record as an accomplishment.

“Well then, I’ll be off,” I say tucking Donghae’s file and medication under my arm as I pick up my bag from the floor, turn and, walk down the hall towards my office.

Kangin gives me a quick wave good bye and then goes back to his magazine while I walk down the hallway to my office. I really don’t have anything to do there but I figure I’ll drop my bag and jacket off then I’ll go and get Donghae ready.

Glancing at my watch, I note it is 6:45. Shoot, 15 minutes until I have to get Donghae up but then again Donghae is usually up a little before then.

Walking into my office I toss my bag onto the chair that is by the door then I carefully hang my jacket on the hanger on the back of the door. Moving, I sit at my desk and turn my computer on while grabbing Donghae’s file from where I dropped it on the desk.

Carefully I open it and look it over.

Everything is the same. He still was not letting people he does not know touch him nor get near him. I sigh, before Donghae would not even let any other people be in the same room with him but he was improving even if it was only just.

Carefully I pull on my white doctors’ coat and tuck Donghae’s file under my arm, walking out of my office, shutting the door behind me.

I feel bad for Donghae. I can’t understand why someone would want to hurt him. Donghae is the sweetest thing and from talking to his mother he was like that even before the accident.

I sigh again; Donghae had so much going for him in life and now he has nothing all because some guy wanted to please himself.

Stopping in front of a door I quickly glance at the name tag off to the side of it. ‘Lee Donghae’ I read as I put my hand on the door knob and twist it before walking into the room.

Softly I shut the door behind me glancing at the bed where Donghae is lying, sleeping peacefully. He does not have any sheets covering him allowing me to see his arms pressed into his chest and his legs crossed over each other.

Kibum sometimes came into Donghae’s room and took the covers off him because he is worried that Donghae would get too hot and have a seizure. It’s clear that Kibum did so last night.

Carefully I walk over to the bed and look at the angelic face that is lying before me. His head is turned off to the side, his lips slightly parted, and his hair is covering his eyes.

I gently brush my fingers across his forehead, moving his bangs from his eyes and in response Donghae shifts, his eyes slowly opening and looking at me.

For a moment there is fear behind his dark chocolate orbs but once his mind understands who is standing beside him his fear is replaced with happiness and a smile spreads across his face. He tenses his body for a little bit but his lack of muscle tone as well as his lack of motor skills doesn’t allow him to move that much.

“Good morning Donghae,” I say as I carefully help to sit him up in his bed, propping pillows around him so he does not fall over. “What do you want to wear today?”

Donghae just continues to star at me, a smile on his face and a bit of saliva coming from the corner of his mouth, as I move to his dresser and take out a pair of black basketball shorts, a black and white striped t-shirt, and a pair of long white socks. Putting them on the bed, Donghae’s eyes glance at me then shifting to look out the window where a bird could be heard, I move to pick Donghae up and gently lay him on the floor.

“I’m going to change your pants okay?” I ask as Donghae manages to grab the pair of socks that I had laid on the bed. He holds them close to his eyes but it is not because he has bad eye sight but because he likes the feeling of the socks on his face.

Carefully I pull his pants down revealing his diaper which he had obviously used during the night.

“Let’s get you nice and clean okay?” I ask but it is more of a statement.

Gently I lift Donghae’s lower end from the ground, carefully slipping a plastic sheet underneath him before I lower him back down and remove the diaper.

Quickly I wipe him off and made sure that he is clean before I slip another diaper on him quickly followed by his shorts. Donghae does not really notice as he was still playing with his socks giving me the chance to finish the things that I needed to do without him going into a panic.

Taking a damp cloth from the dresser I gently run it over Donghae’s legs, cleaning them off.

Next I move onto his shirt, carefully removing his arms from the sleeves and putting it in the hamper with his pants. Checking his chest for places where he might have injured himself, I carefully roll him over to check his back. Fortunately he does not have any but that does not mean to relax. He still can get a serious injuries later.

I take the wash cloth again and begin to wipe down Donghae’s chest, back and arm. As I finish checking Donghae for injuries and cleaning him off I am suddenly hit in the head with something. Looking up I note Donghae looking at me, a wide grin on his face. Glancing down to my right, I note a pair of long white socks lying on the ground.

“Are you throwing things at me?” I ask playfully as he begins to roll around on the floor. “You shouldn’t throw things at people. It could hurt them.”

Donghae continues to roll around on the floor but I see it as my opportunity to finish getting him ready. Carefully I take one of Donghae’s legs and swiftly slip one of Donghae’s socks on before he manages to roll away and into the wall.

He manages to sit himself up, his back leaning against the wall, his eyes intently staring at me. Holding up the shirt and other sock I slowly crawl towards him but something sets him off. Donghae’s eyes grow wide and he pushed himself as far into the wall as it will allow.

Donghae did this regularly but the causes were still not known. Many of the other doctors here think that he has flashbacks of the attack and his mind is unable to process the memories he has as well as the current situations that he is faced with causing him mind to go into overdrive. Another theory is that his mind is unable to process the memory from the past and thus he thinks that his memory is reality.

As Donghae begins to rock back and forth I move so that I am sitting in the chair that is next to his bed. In these situations it is pointless to try and get any closer to him but instead it is better to just wait it out. His panic attacks only last about two minutes so that is what I am going to do. I am just going to sit here until he calms down enough that I can finish getting him ready.

I sit there for about a minute, Donghae still rocking himself back and forth, his eyes never leaving mine, when suddenly he lets out a blood curdling scream, falling over and beginning to have a grand-mal seizure.

Quickly I jump out of the chair where I am sitting and rush over to him, pulling out the brown bag that Kangin had given me this morning. Taking out the needle that I always have in my pocket for situations like this, I quickly fill it to the prescribed dosage and rush over to Donghae.

Pulling his flailing body into my arms I gently, but rather forcefully take his arm and stick the needle into his vein. I hate doing this to him but I have to do it to keep him safe. After I drain the needle into his body I toss it into the biohazard waste bin and hold Donghae in my arms. It still takes a little bit of time to work but after about another minute Donghae’s body begins to relax.

His breathing is still a little raged and his body has now gone completely limp but at least his seizure has stopped. I pick him up slowly and carry him over to his bed. Gently I put him down and Donghae does nothing to resist. His body is completely exhausted. Quickly I slip his other sock on followed by his shirt.

After making sure that he is situated I carefully pick him up again and place him in his wheelchair. Donghae is able to walk but he tends to fall often so he uses his wheelchair. The time that he is in the wheel chair and the time that he walks is about 50-50 but I still want to improve it to about 75% of the time walking and 25% in the chair.

Once Donghae is strapped into the chair I move to his dresser and take the plastic leg braces and wrist braces that are resting on top of it. Turning back around, I put them on Donghae’s legs then secure the strap attached to the wheelchair across his legs. I put the other braces on his wrist and when I’m done his arms fold back into his chest.

“It’s time for breakfast Donghae,” I say as I strap a bib around his neck. In response Donghae’s head just falls forward letting me know that he is at least conscious but not entirely.

Slowly I wheel him to the cafeteria and seat him at his usual table. Onew is already there, a bowl of oatmeal in front of him.

“Morning, Siwon Hyung,” Onew says as he stands up and bows to greet Donghae and me. He looks at Donghae and then at me. “Did something happen this morning?”

“He just had a grand-mal,” I say as I lock the breaks on Donghae’s chair. “I don’t how much he will be up to eating.”

Onew just nods, his eyes giving Donghae a sorry glance.

“If he doesn’t eat just get Kibum to help you. He’s good at getting Donghae to eat,” I tell Onew as he sits back down and takes the bowl of oatmeal in his hands.

I watch for a few seconds as Onew tries to feed Donghae. Donghae just sits there, too tired to eat, and when Onew finally manages to push the spoon in between Donghae’s slightly parted lips I let out the breath that I didn’t even know I was holding. Donghae manages to swallow it after a good 30 seconds but he looks sick.

“Onew, do you have him?” I ask as I Donghae’s arm trying to get him to feel somewhat better and comforted. “I have to meet with Kibum to talk about him and Hyukjae.”

“Yeah Hyung, you do what you need to do, I can take care of him.”

“Thanks Onew,” I say as I rub Donghae’s arm one last time. “Donghae, daddy has to go for a little but I’ll be back to help you stretch, okay.”

Donghae gives me a look of ‘please don’t go’ but his gaze falls a second later.

“I promise that I’ll be back. You just eat your breakfast.” Placing a quick kiss on his forehead I turn and walk out of the room feeling Donghae’s eyes following me the entire time.

It’s not like I want to leave my baby but I have to. I have to talk to Kibum to see if anything has changed with his and Hyukjae’s health. If I don’t and something did change I could possibly be putting them both at risk.

And that was not something that I wanted to do to either of my babies.

.::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. SARANG .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::.

So I was about to post this and the fire alarm went off in my building… Go back in and log back into my computer then it goes off again.

The things I go through to post a chapter…

Well hope you like it, from not on it will be good. I’m getting into the deep stuff now. Well ENJOY!