The Meaning of Our Lives

Super Junior + SHINee

.::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. SARANG .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::.

So I haven’t updated this in a while but thanks to a comment asking me to update this I have regained my confidence(?) in this story. I’m not sure confidence is the right word but because at least one person showed interest I’ll stick with it!

Thank you!

.::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. SARANG .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::.

Chapter 3 – The Effect of it All

KYUHYUN POV

“Mommy, look what I can do!” I laugh as I run and jump onto the bed in my parent’s room laughing the entire time as I bounce up and down. The soft sheets form around my body as I stop bouncing and lay with my head on one of the several pillows that adorn the bed.

“That’s great, honey,” my mother says walking into the room, my father following her and closing the door behind them.

We had just finished dinner and before going back to my room to I wanted to play with them.

I watch from the bed as my parents undressed and climbed onto the bed with me, my mother unclothing me.

“What are you doing?” I ask but my parents don’t respond. Suddenly I feel my legs being pinned to the bed. My stomach is churning, trying desperately to hold down the meal that I have just eaten.

I look down, wide eyed, as my father moves in between my legs. I start to scream but my mother puts her hand over my mouth and suddenly-

Gasping I look around the room, sweat soaking my shirt, and tears streaming down my face. I can feel my hair plastered to my head like a swim cap. I don’t know why I had this dream since I pushed it out of my mind long ago.

It takes me a minute to realize that I am not in that house. No, I have not been to that house, or to that city, for nearly four years. Pulling my legs up my chest and burying my head into my knees I let the tears fall as my breathing begins to hitch. Not even the covers can give me the shield that I want.

‘I have to get over this… I have to get over this… I have to get over this… I have to get out of here,’ I think as I try to stop the panic from running up my throat.

Cautiously, I look around the room that I am for some reason. It’s nothing special. There is a bed, which I am currently sitting on, a dresser with five drawers, and a mirror but it looks a bit cloudy.

Getting up I walk over to the mirror and look at the reflection that is hopelessly starring back at me. My hair is slightly wavy from sleeping on it and it’s thrown around my head in varying degrees of disorder. The bottom layer is sticking to my forehead and my neck and it is making my skin itch and craw.

There are dark bags, made more pronounced by my too pale skin, under my eyes practically touching my chin. My eyes, now a pale crap brown instead of a bright chocolate, lost the life they once had but I don’t want to think about what used to be. I have to live in the here and now, not the past.

Suddenly something catches my eye. Covering the mirror, making it blurry and faded, is a thick piece of plastic. Tapping it quickly I realize that it is thicker than a normal sheet of plastic.

A soft knock on the door breaks me from my thoughts making me fall backwards onto the floor.

“I’m sorry I startled you,” a voice says as I look up at a tall man.

This man is thin but not too leading me to think that he is well built under his teal blue button down shirt and white doctors’ coat. He has on a pair of dark blue jeans with black boots that look more suited for a motorcycle rider than a doctor. His hair is on the shorter side but it is longer in the front where he spiked it up. He has a strong accent but is able to get his point across.

“My name is Hangeng but Hankyung will work too. Whichever you prefer to call me is fine. Unfortunately your doctor is in an emergency meeting with another patient but I will have him stop by once he is done.”

I nod blankly as I continue to look at this strange man.

“Well are you going to get up off the floor before I tell you about where you are or do I need to help you Kyuhyun?”

My eyes go wide at the sound of my name but I quickly recover and nod as I push myself up off the floor and move to sit on the bed.

“Currently you are at Seoul Psychiatric Facility after you attacked your last doctor at your previous mental health facility.”

I continue to star at this doctor, not wanting to think about what happened at my old mental hospital. It happened in the past and did not matter now. What was done was done and there was nothing I could do to change it.

“Your doctor now will be Doctor Donghee but he likes to be called Shindong and since he is not here, I will be giving you the rules of this facility,” Hankyung says as he moves to stand in front of me. He has a clipboard in his hands which I assume has his “speech” written on it. “Rule number one, the day starts at 7 o’clock sharp and ends at 9 at night. You are able to keep your lights on until 10 but after that all lights must be out. Rule number two, no upsetting the other patients. Everyone is in the same situation although the problems are different. Just accept everyone and things will go smoothly. Rule number three, if you see anyone hurting themselves or others you must report it immediately. What else… oh, breakfast is at 8, lunch is at 1:30, and dinner is at 6:30. And… I think that’s all. Do you have any questions?”

Glancing around the room I let my eyes fall on the mirror.

“Oh, that’s so the patients to not try to hurt themselves with the glass.”

“What time is it now?” I ask, my stomach making an audible growl.

Hankyung smiles then looks at his watch. “It’s almost 7:30 but I’ll have Onew come and bring you something to eat.”

“Thank you,” I say as Hankyung moves to the door and opens it.

“After Onew brings you something to eat, I’ll have him show you around the facility and hopefully you can meet some of the other people here. Shindong is booked until about one but I will have him visit you after that.”

Carefully I nod as he walks out the door and shuts it behind him with a soft click.

Slowly I pull my knees up to my chest again and continue to sit on the bed and wait for this Onew person. I try to imagine what types of people are here.

I’m sure that there is someone who freaks out randomly and probably someone who is depressed. Maybe there is someone who had a past like mine.

I stop.

‘No, don’t bring that back up. It’s done, it’s done, it’s over. There is nothing I can do about it now,’ I think as I squeeze my eyes shut trying to push back my mind. ‘It’s in the past and I can’t change it. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine!’

A knock at the door snaps my mind back to the present and I move to open it.

Standing in front of me is a boy who can’t even be older than me. He has a round face with smaller eyes and his hair, which is a dirty blond, is swooping down across his forehead. There is a strange goofy smile plastered on him face that seems out of place with the dull walls around him.

Carefully he holds a tray of food out in front of me, motioning for me to take it.

“I’m Onew,” he says with that misplaced smile then he looks down at the food with a slight grimace. “It’s not the best stuff in the world but compared to what some of the patients have to eat it’s better.”

“Thanks,” I say as I take the tray from his hands and move to sit on the bed.

“I’ll be back in an hour to get your tray, and then I’ll show you around and take you to meet Shindong. He’s a really cool dude,” Onew says taking a step back from the door with the handle in his hand.

Slowly I nod and he moves to close the door leaving me to myself again.

Looking down at the food I mentally gag. If this is what my food looks like I would hate to see what the other patients eat.

Although, this can’t be worse than what they made me eat…