I knocked out on my single bed. Soreness was all over my body, bugging the hell out of my joints. I gazed at the painkiller small package before I really took some. The pills quickly worked over my body system. I took pleasure in the feeling of the drug, until it slowly made my entire consciousness drop.

--

“Myungja, Lee Myungja, wake up!” A tiny, shrill voice whispered. I slowly poked my eyes ajar, blinking for a number of times before really able to adjust the brightness. “Are you fully awake now?” the voice asked.

I recognized that voice, that sonorous, yet strident voice. Lee Sungyeol. I was so sure.

“S-Sungyeol…?” I croaked, but after that, he put his index finger on my lips—gesticulating that I shouldn’t talk at all. He helped me to get out of bed, as if I was some sick patient and he was the nurse. “Hey, Lee Sungyeol, how are you able to get into my apartment?” I asked when I was already wide awake.

Sungyeol grinned, “I have my own ways, and I’m just that great.” I scoffed at the pompous answer. I didn’t meet up with him only for few weeks and he already turned into this kind of person.

Seeing my monotonous expression, his grin gradually disappeared. Tired, I think. He really does change, I thought. He was becoming more gauche than he already was.

We were this close because he was the only person left to rely on, right after Myungsoo’s funeral. He was the only one who stayed by my side when everyone was literally leaving my side one by one. But, as you can see, this choding still care about me.

--

We walked out of my room in silence—a rather peaceful one. Even though three years had already passed after Myungsoo’s death, I still cry myself to sleep, and sometimes I told Sungyeol everything that I hadn’t say to Myungsoo. I couldn't move on—it was stupid, but it was just—hard.

I always really wanted to die if Sungyeol didn’t cheer me up. He was one of the most important man on the world for me, the first and the second being my father and Myungsoo. About Myungsoo, I did really bewail over him, I wanted to see him, and I yearned for his hugs, his kisses.

“I’m missing you,” I mumbled, hoping that Myungsoo would hear it even he wasn’t there. That was just one example of me daydreaming about Myungsoo. Honestly, I still watched those texts from Myungsoo that were sent years ago over and over, I still saved the gifts from him, and I still kept everything about him in my heart. And I knew exactly why I couldn't move on.

I realized that I was actually weeping when Sungyeol said, “Don’t cry,” and he pulled me into his warm, comforting embrace. “If you love him, don’t cry. He wouldn’t like it when you cry.”

This was why I really need Sungyeol; he was so caring and understanding. He always knew the right things to say when I broke down. My parents already tried to change me back to the previous Lee Myungja, but how could I? They knew it wouldn’t be easy to make the old me back, so they already stopped trying by now. They were tired already.

“Sungyeol, take me away, please.” I begged, crying to his shoulder. I just wanted to get over my pain already, but it was still haunting me, no matter how far I would go. "Take me to anywhere far from here—I—it hurts."

“Okay, okay, stop crying. I’ll take you to somewhere that could calm you down,” he assured as he caressed my messy hair. He never cared about how I look, wasn’t he? “Now change into something comfortable—but of course, not pajamas.”

I nodded, quickly ran into my bedroom. I didn’t care what kind of clothes I should use, I’ll just use anything that fit me and comfortable for me.

--

He drove us to a familiar place that I hadn’t given any visit for a long time. Banpo Bridge. Did he want to make me cry even more? But well, he was right; this place calmed me down. I remembered those days when Myungsoo would hug me from back and say sweet things, I remembered when Myungsoo would hand me his weekly earnings—it was such a sad truth, yet it calmed me down the most.

Myungsoo, will you come out and hug me just like what you did that day? I slapped my face mentally. How could I ask for such a thing—although it was only in my head—when he wouldn’t appear in front of me again?

We sat on a bench when I usually use with Myungsoo back then. I had the urge to cry, but I wouldn’t stain this beautiful place of the memories me and Myungsoo already made with my tears. I felt an arm around my shoulder, and I knew it was Sungyeol.

There weren’t anything that changed; everything looked the same, except the person I was with was Sungyeol. I missed it when Myungsoo would smile down at me, handing his weekly earnings to me, but it was only my fantasy. It was already three years and I knew I should stop this insanity of mine.

Sungyeol didn’t say anything, neither I, but surprisingly it was a calming silence. I wanted the moment last forever; when I could think about Myungsoo freely without dealing with the pain. But why did beautiful things end so fast?

I still tempted to kiss those sweet lips of him. I still wanted to see those twinkling eyes of him. I still needed his voice ring through my ears, filling them with his melodious voice. I didn’t care if he wasn’t the cheery Myungsoo anymore, I just needed him. I needed Myungsoo so badly.

“Are you okay?” Sungyeol asked. He looked so concerned when I turned to his way. I smiled at his beautiful face. Sure, Sungyeol was perfect and all, you can say. But he was just like my own brother; I couldn’t just love him as man, especially when Myungsoo stilled in my heart.

We talked a lot of things, and he talked the most since I didn’t really know what topic I should make. Before we went home, we ordered some take-out junk foods and coffees.

On the way home, I wrote a draft to Myungsoo’s already inactive phone number. I had been like this for the past three years, and no one seemed to know it—except Sungyeol, probably.

‘Myungsoo, do you hear me? I love you, I miss you, and I need you.

You were the one who told me to be strong—but I can’t, Myungsoo, I can’t. I can't be strong at all without you guiding my path. It’s too hard for me, way too hard. Please, come back again. My life is nothing without you, Myungsoo. Please, I beg you.’

I sighed as I saved the text as draft. No matter how many times I tried to send texts to his number, it will be always failed to send; of course because his phone was left, unused anymore. I missed those texts and phone calls from him, for real.

I read the texts from again, the newest to the oldest. It was so pitiable that I still use the outdated phone that was launched around five or six years ago, while people already changed theirs to those glorious, technologically advanced phones.

‘Myungja, let’s meet. I miss you already.’

‘I miss you.’

‘Let’s meet somewhere.’

‘Sorry, I’m so busy nowadays. Don’t worry about me.’

‘Do you catch cold? I spot you sneezing earlier today.’

‘Don’t forget to use your jacket! It’s snowing and so cold here. Take care, babe.’

‘We’re graduating. Yaaaay!’

‘I should look for a job soon~’

I felt Sungyeol’s breaths behind my ear. I knew he was taking a peek of my phone, and I clearly knew that he was fuming. Somehow I could feel the heat. “Why are you so stupid, Lee Myungja? Wake up!” I could hear Sungyeol’s shouts as tears blurred my vision. Those shouts didn’t affect me, or stopping me from crying my soul out. I blinked, trying to get clear view again.

I told Sungyeol to stop the car; he didn’t say anything and just did as told. I knew he was curious and dumbfounded, but there was no way I’d tell him what my motive was.

I got off of the car, walking—more like running—as fast as I could. I didn’t want Sungyeol to catch me even though I knew he was chasing me. What seemed like forever finally came closer to me. I stopped my tracks right in the midst of busy vehicles here and there.

It was a brilliant idea, wasn’t it? Just wait a miracle to happen and I’ll die. Don’t go after me, Sungyeol. If you do, I’ll never be happy for the rest of my life.

A loud sound of horn was audible and I could sense it was nearing. I shut my eyes closed, waiting for the numbness. Blame Myungsoo for making me fell into the infatuation of him, until I tried to kill myself like this. I didn’t care, though. I was happy. “I’m sorry, daddy, mommy. I’m sorry Sungyeol…”

The next last second, I could only hear Sungyeol screamed my name as the gigantic vehicle crashed onto my body. It did hurt a lot, but it was great. I tried to see earth for the last time, but all I managed to see was blur, before I lost all the energy to even blink. Then, I closed my eyelids forever.

I'm so stupid. Gah! Don't you think this oneshot is more like awkward than sad? I just happened to be in a good mood (thanks to Infinite's comeback) and I insisted myself to finish this oneshot. Kevin also challenged me to make two versions of 'The End of Memories' and I foolishly accepted his challenge.

You can see that I'm using Myungja's point of view in this version, since I really want to try to write in first point of view. I don't know if it works or not. I also wanted you guys to know what kind of person Myungja is. I've seen in the reviews I already got (for One More Day) that Myungja's character is kind of shallow. So I wanted to show everyone the true self of Lee Myungja from both versions of 'The End of Memories'.

The second version will be a happy ending. Because I can't write anything sad anymore at the moment. Sorry guys. /cries/

PS: This story is so different from the teaser... (maybe)

PPS: The second version will be not in Myungja's point of view anymore. Guess!