A realization suddenly hit me and my eyes snapped back at Jiyong who had his eyes on the ground and looked like he was weighing his options to explain himself or not.

“You didn’t actually love me, did you?” I accused.

His eyes snapped back to mine. “I did, Da-“

“You used my feelings against me, didn’t you?” I continued cutting him off.

“I did no-“

“Those three words, you didn’t actually mean them, did you?”

“I did, I really-“

“What did you do that for, Jiyong? Do you think that right now, I am going-“

“JUST LISTEN TO ME!” he shouted, startling me.

He clenched his jaw and his fists on his sides. I kept silent.

“I did love you and I still do. I didn’t toy with your feelings. I meant those three words to you. And I don’t regret loving you!” he shouted. “You were the very first person to make me feel this way, to make me feel as if I am still special despite all of my shortcomings, despite all of the past I tried to bury down to the pits of my mind. It’s not only you who is suffering in this situation, Dara. I am, too!”

I jolted at his voice. He’s angry, alright. But, why do I feel like comforting him even though he betrayed me?

“It wasn’t me who served as your personal remote controller, Dara. You did so yourself. I was just a mere prop. Truthfully, you were my personal remote controller,” he said. ”And I thank you for that.”

There was a long silence.

“Dara…” he said as he tried to reach out for me but I jolted away so he dropped his hands. “My family died. And I want to avenge their deaths as much as you wanted to avenge your family’s deaths. I was left alone like you were. But the difference between us was there was someone who picked you up before your dark times stretched. I was alone for two to three years. I was helplessly left alone at an orphanage, until Mister Lee Kyung Jun here picked me up.”

My eyes snapped back on the shadow man whom I now know his name – Lee Kyung Jun. Lee Kyung Jun? His name kind of sounds familiar.

“It was him who helped me see hope through the tragic deaths of my family. He paid for my schooling abroad. He provided me home for my own and all the luxuries in life. He promised me to help me avenge their deaths but he gave me conditions.”

I found myself listening and anticipating what he might have to reveal more. I don’t know, maybe because I want to… no, it’s impossible because of all the damages he had already done.

“I had to avenge someone dear to him before I can avenge mine. He told me to kill three people,” he paused. “I already killed two – the two senators.”

My brows creased. “Murder is-“

“Guess who the third one is, Jiyong,” Lee Kyung Jun interrupted.

“Who are you working for?” I asked him.

“I am working for no one. My brother doesn’t even know about this.”

“And your brother is?” I urged.

“Let’s not talk about him, baby girl…”

“Don’t call me that!” I shouted.

“Whatever. My brother is Lee Kyung Wan, the one under your custody. But anyway,” he waved off, “let me tell you who the third one is.”

So, Lee Kyung Wan is really part of this? I knew it.

But my thoughts were interrupted as silence and tension filled the air. I already anticipated this one coming.

He made some drumming sounds after a while. “Dara!”

I gasped as if I didn’t see this one coming, even though I did.  I also felt Jiyong tense up beside me. I can’t see his face clearly as he was staring down at Lee Kyung Jun. He started walking down towards him with his hand open.

“I didn’t think that you were more than ready to finish the mission, Jiyong,” Lee Kyung Jun said as he gave Jiyong a gun. “I admire you for this. I never thought you were more than ready to sacrifice the life of the one you truly love for the revenge of your family.”

My heart squeezed. It was so painful hearing those words. Though I didn’t want to believe what he was saying, they sounded really true, and I believed them anyway. I hated myself for believing his words though.

And besides, seeing Jiyong right now positioning himself just a few feet on Lee Kyung Jun’s left, and right in front of me, I could assure that he was more than sure on doing this.

He was determined to avenge his family’s deaths, and I couldn’t blame him. I once wanted to avenge my family’s deaths, too. But unlike him, I did it the right way.

Nevertheless, we’re on the same boat. And, I hate to admit it, but I understand him. Not once did I have thoughts of murdering the criminals the same way they murdered my family. I too had those thoughts and that is because I loved my family and I was ready to sacrifice anything, even my life, just to avenge their deaths.

Jiyong, too… I knew how he was feeling. So, I’m not in the right place to judge him.

I stared at Lee Kyung Jun. He was evilly smirking at me. Then I stared back at Jiyong. He had his arms outstretched before him with the gun firmly on his hands.

I stared at his eyes, trying to discern the emotions he had behind them but I couldn’t find any. Unlike while he was explaining to me a while ago, his eyes were blank and lifeless right now.

I choked. I realized then that I was crying. I didn’t even notice it.

Am I really doing this? Am I going to sacrifice my life for Jiyong’s happiness? How about my happiness? I know I may sound selfish, but though he will be able to avenge his family’s death, will he be able to live happily even without me by his side? Because if I was on his place…

No! As I said, I’m not in the proper place to judge him. He had to…

Why am I even having these thoughts? In the first place, he’s a criminal. Though I loved him, he is still a criminal. But why was I being understanding even to the extent of sacrificing my life?

Could it be that…?

Maybe I just really love him too much. If he could have loved me the same way too…

My train of thoughts trailed off when Jiyong moved backwards slightly. Then he took another as if he was being careful not to be noticed. But, I already did. And he noticed me that I saw him doing that. What is happening here?

As if to get an answer, I shifted my gaze to his face with a questioning look. His mouth moved.

What? Is he saying something?

Then, he repeated it. But I didn’t get what he wanted to say.

I shifted my gaze to Lee Kyung Jun who was oblivious of what was happening. Maybe they both know about this. But, what is really happening?

I stared back at Jiyong who had his brows creased with a game-face on.

My hands shook, my knees buckled, and my entire body started trembling. Any second now and I am going to say goodbye to the world; I am going to say goodbye to my dream of avenging my family’s deaths;  I am saying goodbye to the people I already considered as my family back at the NIS headquarters – Sajang-nim, Jaejoong, even Seungri, Seunghyun, Youngbae, and the other agents;

I am saying goodbye to Jiyong, whom I wished to spend the rest of my life with but I couldn’t.

Maybe…

Maybe it’s time for me to give up all those hopes and dreams…

Finally, I decided to give up and stared at Jiyong’s face for the last time. My tears gushed down my face continuously that my eyes already hurt. To stop the tears, I closed my eyes not wanting Jiyong to see all the pain he had caused. I closed my eyes for me not to see the one I truly loved kill me.

Maybe this is right…

Maybe this-

A gunshot…

I expected to feel the cold stone floor against my back. I expected to see darkness. I expected to die.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t understand. What happened?

“Dara…” it was Jiyong.

I opened my eyes and through my blurry vision, I saw him still standing in front of me.

“Dara…” he said again.

I blinked rapidly to clear my vision and saw his face clearly masked with worry and concern. He walked towards me but hesitated and stopped on his spot.

“Dara… you should go.”

I looked at him, confused. I should have been dead right? I heard the gunshot clearly. I heard it with my own ears. The sound was still ringing in my ears.

But, there’s no pain anywhere. Weird.

“Take this gun,” he said, reaching the gun out to me. “Go.”

I creased my brow.

As if he read my mind, he explained, “I killed Lee Kyung Jun,” he said as he looked over his shoulder.

I followed his gaze and I gasped loudly.

Lee Kyung Jun was already swimming on his own pool of blood. He looked like he fell sideward and I saw the gunshot wound on the side of his head.

I stared back at Jiyong disbelievingly.

“What…”

“I killed him,” he said. “I didn’t want him ordering me to do things I didn’t want to do –ordering me things like killing you. I can kill a thousand people and rot in jail forever, I don’t care. But I can’t kill the one and only one I love.”

Silence.

“Go,” he ordered. “Lee Kyung Jun’s men must be looking for the source of the gunshot and your co-agents must be looking for me too. Just go.”

He grabbed my hand and put his gun on my open palm.

“Quick! We have to check what might have caused that gunshot,” a voice said just around the corner.

Jiyong gave me a slight push. “Go.”

I turned away still unable to comprehend the things happening. I was about to run away when Jiyong spoke again.

“Dara…”

I turned to him.

“You must hate me now. It’s alright with me. I understand,” he said. “But I hope that someday, you will find a place in your heart to forgive me.”

I stared at him.

He gave me another slight push as the masked ones started appearing. I didn’t go immediately though as I was still processing each and every word he just uttered.

Jiyong turned to the masked ones and he started to fight them off. That was the time that I realized how good he was at fighting.

He lied to me.

I ran away.

Gun firm on my hands, I was running aimlessly on the corridors of the maze. Pieces of what happened since the day I met culprit Jiyong from the past started to piece all together.

Our first encounter was at Gyeongju where our car exploded and I tried chasing him when he was riding a motorbike. When I gunned him down, he was shot on his shoulder that made him throw the bomb to me. I remember him being hesitant and all. Maybe, he was hesitant because it was his first time seeing me. Perhaps he was shocked to see me. That explained the reason I saw him on the hospital. Because I shot him, he was being treated there. He lied to me for being there because he was not feeling well.

I remembered him saying that he was afraid of riding on a motorbike. He lied. Of course, he will. He doesn’t want me to suspect him. But he could have told me right?

Second, we had an encounter at Senator Noh Seunghwan’s residence. We had a fight but he didn’t fight back. But… he pushed me to the water as he tried to escape.

He pushed me. He did everything just to escape from me. He even pushed me. What if I didn’t know how to swim and would eventually drown? Would he regret pushing me or would it be okay to him?

Our third encounter was at a building’s rooftop, where we had a fight again. And he did not fight back again. I remembered falling forward and my feet dangling on the air…

But he saved me, didn’t he? I remembered calling Jiyong and he appeared. He helped me as my baby boy Jiyong even though he was the culprit-ninja Jiyong in appearance.

I stopped running.

There was just one thing wrong about all of these.

I should stop blaming Jiyong. I must admit, from the start… from the moment I saw him at the basement of his apartment where I had an encounter of Senator Lee Kyung Wan and his men, I already suspected him of being connected with Lee Kyung Wan. And the puzzle gradually pieced together every time I met the culprit Jiyong and I connected it with my baby boy Jiyong. However, all this time… it was me. It was me who continuously denied and convinced myself that he wasn’t a criminal.

I now know why…

Because I loved him too much.

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UNNIE's NOTE:

poster credits to anjellie_ka

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