Warnings for: Language!~ Because Nayoung-ssi has a dirty, dirty mouth. :3

YOUR POV 

You return home feeling like your heart is about to burst. It’s so hard to pretend to be unaffected by Kyuhyun, because the truth of the matter is you’ve had a crush on him since you were a teen.

    It was easy enough to pretend, you find, that you’d never met him before, because even though you felt like you had, you hadn’t, not really. He’d been unattainable, that figure on youtube and on the posters that you’d never actually get to meet. You lived in New York, he traveled the world, but rarely, rarely visited the US.

    And then you moved to Korea for your Residency and suddenly everything was so much closer...but everything was still so far away. If anything, you were reminded of how great a distance there was between the idols and the non-famous people. Sure, you now lived in the same country, but it was still a different world. You weren’t going to walk down the street and meet an idol. You weren’t going to stumble into a star in a shopping mall.

    No matter what the dramas, or the variety shows told you, you weren’t going to meet Kyuhyun.

    ...And then suddenly, you did.

    You fumble with your keys, cheeks flushed, heart pounding. You feel vaguely victorious though, for you remember with vivid clarity every moment you managed to make him blush, or stammer as well. You may be crushing, but you can be more than a fan as well. You held a legitimate conversation with your idol and you didn’t cave under the pressure nor did your brain melt out from your ears. By all accounts, this night has been a success.

    You stumble into the room, a little drunk, and slide under the covers of your futon without checking anything. You slip into sleep as easily as you slipped into your bed.

    You have to force yourself to laugh sometimes. Kyuhyun’s funny, but sometimes his jokes are a little on the cheesy side. Unfortunately, he notices right away and makes a face.

    “That one wasn’t that bad!” He argues, but you just give him a sheepish grin and sip at your beer instead of responding. Rather than feeling awkward at being caught out, it’s rather comfortable. He pouts at your deliberate avoidance.

    “So, what do you do, Nayoung-ssi? Misung-ssi mentioned you were a doctor, but-” He starts, and stops as your face drops.

    “Did I say something wrong?” He asks, and you smile weakly at his hesitance.

    “I’m a pediatrician.” You say softly. “I work in the oncology department.” He’s quiet, and you’re sure he can recognize what oncology means. Super Junior’s probably made visits to the pediatric oncology ward at hospitals before.

    After all, children with cancer most frequently wish to meet their idols.
   
    “...Today...” Kyuhyun starts, just as you’re about to apologize for ruining the cheesy jokes and comfortable atmosphere.

    “Today, you looked rather sad. Did something happen?” He asks. He is sincere, and you can’t help but be in awe of that. Your own parents will skirt around the subject of your job, usually trying not to bring it up whenever you skype. You don’t blame them, after all, no one wants to think about the death of a child.

    And yet here he is, willing to listen.

    “If I said an eight year old girl died today, and I couldn’t save her, what would you do?” You ask. He averts his eyes, and shrugs.

    “I’d probably order you another drink.” He says softly. You tap at your beer thoughtfully, then slowly shake your head. “What about when the next one dies? And the one after that?”

    “Then I’ll keep buying you drinks, noona.” His hand finds yours, and grips tight. You laugh it off, even as a part of you startles at the promise in his words.

    “So what, I’ll become an alcoholic then?” You scold. You wonder when you became so cynical as to think that he’ll be buying you that many drinks.

    “Yeah. And then I’ll drive you to your therapy sessions so you can get the proper help.” And there is a promise there, and whispers of commitment and you are scared, suddenly, even as he grins at you and says, “It’ll be the least I can do, for turning you into an alcoholic in the first place.”

    “For now, I’ll take that drink.” Is what you say, as opposed to “You frighten the living out of me,” because honestly, who tells a girl that they’d willingly drive her to alcohols anonymous meetings when they only met her five hours ago? Granted, the whole situation is completely hypothetical, but you are creeped out nonetheless.

    Your possible (highly probable) overreaction must show on your face, because Kyuhyun flushes.

    “I’ll go get you that drink.” He rushes up to catch a waiter even though you could’ve just sat and waited, and you rethink your thoughts. You decide you definitely are overreacting, and you just want to rule it out as being culture shock. You are still unused to the courting rituals of the Koreans.

    And then you wants to smack yourself upside the head, because you are not, in any way, being courted.

    Still, you can’t help the little flutter in your belly as Kyuhyun sets the drink before you, and asks you to tell him more about the girl who died, if you wouldn’t mind. He really would like to hear more about her, if you’re alright with talking about it. He is sincere, and Yes, you think, it would be rather nice if he had been flirting. It really would be nice.
 

He admits at that point that he would like to meet up with you again, leaning in to meet your lips and you-

Wake up to your alarm blaring in your face and when you turn to your side, there is Linah smiling at you, tacked up against your bulletin board. But you don’t rip away the photograph, instead staring at it with a peace you didn’t think you could feel, haven’t felt recently until now.

That peace is shattered as your alarm freaks out again and you bury your head into your pillow and scream. You scream because you are frustrated, mentally and maybe a little bit ually, because maybe Kyuhyun didn’t kiss you last night.

And maybe you wanted him to.

And maybe this is a whole can of worms that you cannot open right now, refuse to open because you’ve never fallen in love with a guy, never really dated anyone, and damn it you are scared of it, scared less and maybe that is why Kyuhyun terrified you last night. He was terrifying because you could see it, for one moment in your stupidly vivid imagination, him driving with you curled up in his front seat, bottle in hand but still ridiculously, ridiculous happy.

And yes, domesticity scares you, commitment scares you, hell, relationships scare you. Relationships end in children that end up in hospitals that die at the hands of foolish doctors who read the books and thought they could save lives. And you are being overdramatic, but you are scared, all the same.

You are scared of the children you love dying. You are scared of becoming an alcoholic as a result. You are scared of Kyuhyun, buying you drink after drink.

           You are scared of falling in love with the man who buys you drink after drink.

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