Part 1
The Empty Spaces
The steady sound of the washing machines turning, whirring, and splashing water onto the heavy clothes filled the empty coin laundry and continued to do so until the random noise began to fall into rhythm with his heartbeat. Chen began slowing his breathing to match the pace as well. Outside, a torrent of noise and din filled nearly every street corner, and where noise went, chaos and disorder often followed.
It had been a long time since EXO had made their formal debut, and Chen had found not a single moment of peace since then. Not that he minded too much; he’d dreamed of becoming famous his entire life, and he was enjoying every bit of it. He just missed being able to walk around town without being bothered for an autograph or picture every ten steps he took down a sidewalk. On more than one occasion, the company van was stalked and followed by deranged fans in hijacked taxis. While he was thankful for their admiration and support, some sasaengs outright scared him, and he wished that as much as they loved EXO, they could love themselves enough to go back to school.
But inside the coin laundry, the steady dependable sound of the turning machines offered him a sense of security and muffled the hustle and bustle of the outside world. A heater provided the small room with warmth and the sound of his feet tapping on the linoleum was enough to lull him nearly to sleep. It was a momentary sanctuary, that coin laundry. Chen sat on a bench with the hood of his jacket up, stuffed his hands lazily into his pockets and simply waited for the telltale ding which would signal the end of his chore. There was maybe 20 minutes left on it.
Earlier that day, EXO-M had arrived in Seoul from Nanjing, and along with the gifts Tao had bought for the K boys, the rest of the team all brought along their dirty laundry. The six of them returned to their Korea dorm only to find out that their laundry machine was broken, and the boys promptly looked to each other. Many of the coordinators, who were in charge of what the idols wore, were not expecting the boys to be back so early and were all on lunch breaks or doing other things. Rather than seeing everyone get into a fit over dirty laundry, Chen had volunteered to do it himself.
The nearest coin laundry was a walking distance away from the dorm, and luckily, no one had recognized him on the way there. He was, after all, wearing a hooded jacket and face-mask, what was considered in his country to be normal civilian clothing. He blended right in. He’d even marched right past a group of six or seven high school girls in navy blue uniforms, all giggling and gossipy, unscathed. Chen was really beginning to feel invisible, and while most people grew insecure in their anonymity, his overblown fame had taught him to treasure these rare moments that others merely took for granted.
The establishment didn’t particularly popular among locals, and as such Chen was the only person in there. He leaned his head back against the wall which the bench was nearest and had just closed his eyes when he was shocked back to the real world by a sudden burst of cold air and the ringing of a bell.
“Babo,” a girl muttered to herself as she leaned over and picked up a shirt that had fallen from her basket of laundry. The first thing Chen takes notice of is that this girl’s face has a youthful glow to it; she is definitely the same age as his group’s target audience. Acting on impulse, he reached for the brim of his hood and low-key pulled it to cover more of his face.
“Oh,” she said, shutting the door behind her and walking further into the building. “Annyeonghaseyo,” she said with a bow, and Chen nodded his head in a makeshift bow of his own and whispered hello in response, trying his best not to sound like himself. He pulled on his hood a second time. He could still feel her eyes on him as she made her way toward one of the tables and set her basket on it.
She was wearing a worn pair of converse, black in color. It was about the only thing he could make out about her without having to completely remove his hood or look up. Chen said a silent prayer that whoever this girl was, one of them would finish sooner than the other so he would not have to spend too much time with her. He had accidentally put his face mask into the washing machine along with the other clothes, and without it, he had no means of completely hiding his face. On the street, he could hide behind strangers and dodge fans. But one in a coin-op, this girl has a better chance of really getting a look at him.
Without looking up, Chen could hear her shuffling over from one side of the coin-op to another, shoving some clothes into a machine, separating whites and colors, and searching her pockets for change. She also had a habit of humming and whistling to herself, Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, as he recognized it. As something of a music-fanatic, he began to wonder what she sounded like singing.
Almost as if on cue, he was interrupted from his thoughts when the sounds of her footsteps got louder and with dread, he realized that she was approaching him. Chen sat up in his seat as she got closer and thought for sure (foolish him) that she was going to ask for his autograph, but was pleasantly surprised to see her holding, in place of a paper and pen, a bill for 50,000 won.
“Do you have change?” she asked.
“Uh,” he choked out, searching his pockets for any coins. “Wait.” He was finally able to fish out his wallet and broke the larger bill for her. Chen handed her the money and took notice of the way she looked down at him. Her eyes seemed to be searching his face for something. She was definitely beginning to think he looked familiar. He cleared his throat and looked away quickly.
“Thanks,” she murmured as she turned to go back to the machines. She turned her head toward him just slightly, keeping him in her line of vision. “Have we met before?” she asked. Chen shifted uncomfortably on the bench and cleared his throat, determined to make his voice sound unfamiliar.
“I don’t think so,” he answered. It was true; he’d never met this girl before. He’d never seen her in his life. Yet knowing how some fans were, he wasn’t sure if he could say the same about this girl.
“Really?” she said, stuffing the last of her laundry into the machine and dropping some coins into it to get it started. “Are you sure?” Chen slumped down even lower in his seat.
“I’m pretty sure,” he assured her. “You don’t look all that familiar to me, I’m sure I would’ve recognized you right away.”
“Hmm,” she said, circling around the machines and coming to sit down on the bench opposite Chen. If only he hadn’t been so stupid as to put his facemask into the laundry. He would have been much more comfortable with it. When she was as close as she was, Chen was able to notice other things about her; like the way she wore her longer-than-average hair in a ponytail high above her head. He was sure that her eyes made up a good 40% of her face, and she was wearing a red sweater with the acronym for a university he didn’t recognize. Sitting down, she didn’t look to be that much older than him. They were probably the same age.
“I guess you just have one of those faces, then,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against the bench.
“Huh?”
“You know,” she said. “The kind of face that gets easily recognized by other people? Even if you’ve never met them, like… well you can resemble people really well, then, let’s just leave it at that.”
“Oh,” he said. The girl smiled and exhaled out her nose.
“I still don’t know why I would think you familiar, though,” she said. “You don’t resemble anyone I know. Am I talking too much? Sometimes, when it’s really quiet in a place like this, I really just feel the need to talk and fill it up with some kind of sound, you know? Even when it’s just me a stranger… but I guess that’s weird, should I stop now?”
Chen opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again. Well, what was he supposed to say to this chatty girl? He was never really the talkative one of the group, and sometimes things he said came out awkward and usually ended any chances at conversation. She, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have any qualms with talking to complete strangers at all.
“You’re kind of shy, aren’t you?” she asked, turning her eyes downcast for the first time since the conversation started. Chen smiled to himself, finding this side of her amusing. She was an amusing person to begin with, with her loose tongue and bold ways.
“A little bit,” he answered bashfully. “Just in situations like this. You don’t look like you have a problem talking easily but it might take me a while to talk more.”
The girl looked up at him and smiled and Chen wondered if he should pull on his hood again.
“That’s okay,” the girl answered. “Shy isn’t always a bad thing. Some people need to be more shy, in fact. Like me, I suppose. I kind of like shy people. They seem like really good listeners. Like you for example.”
Chen nodded and thanked her for what he deemed was a compliment, although with her tone, he could never really be sure. On one hand she called him an intent listener, and on another she seemed to be implying that he was taciturn and unsociable. The former seemed the more preferable interpretation.
“Have you been waiting here for a long time?” she suddenly asked, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees.
“Not really,” Chen answered, becoming more comfortable with the conversation with each word that left . “I just came here a couple of minutes ago.”
“You look like a young guy,” she said, moving her head closer to the floor trying to get a better look at his face. Chen tucked his chin closer to his neck, still not wanting to be figured out. He was beginning to enjoy her company; if she found out who he really was, it could ruin everything.
“Where do you go to school?” she asked. Chen coughed and cleared his throat.
“Umm,” he said. “Actually, I don’t go to school.”
“Ah, so you’re graduated? That makes you the oppa, then. I’m only just starting out at university. Although there’s not much of a chance of me changing my demeanor now that I know that you’re the sunbae. Sorry… I know it’s disrespectful. But already we seem like good friends, right? Can we talk comfortably? If you don’t want to, you can just tell me, I won’t be offended.”
Chen laughed to himself. This girl was really something, with the way she spoke with ready wit and eager friendliness. He wondered where her audacious banmal habits had originated. He didn’t get the feel of disrespect from her; rather, he found her openness to be somewhat charming. It was a personality that he’d never encountered before.
“I’m not graduated,” he said shyly. “Actually, I haven’t even enrolled yet. Many of my plans for further education have been postponed, really.”
“Ahh,” she said. “Why’d you decide to defer?”
Chen shrugged and found himself not knowing what to tell her. The truth? But that would involve revealing his identity. And he was already doing so well at keeping it a secret from her. Chen cleared his throat, hoping that if he answered quickly a more believable answer would pour forth.
“I just,” he began. “I just decided to… pursue other things first.”
“That’s smart of you!” she retorted, sitting up again and furrowing her brows cutely as if to reinforce the intelligence of his decision. “Actually, I wanted to defer also but you know, the parents, college and university, it’s all they can think about. So I ended up enrolling. But I think you made a good decision. That way you can have some time to yourself to figure out what you really want.”
The girl leaned forward in her seat, placed her elbows on her knees and supported her head with her forearms. She looked lost in thought, and it was the most quiet Chen had seen her since she walked into the establishment. Chen cleared his throat, feeling obliged to fill the now silent void with some kind of noise. Acting quickly, he thought of something else to talk about.
“So,” he said. “What are you studying in university?”
The girl was obviously pleased that he had taken the initiative of finding a new topic to discuss. She smiled brightly and sat upright again.
“Music,” she said and Chen smiled triumphantly to himself.
“So you’re a music student?” he said. The girl nodded eagerly. “What about music do you study? Can you sing?”
“I compose songs, actually,” she said, scooting closer to the edge of her seat, evidently excited at being able to talk about the subject she was studying. “I can play piano and a little guitar, but that’s mostly to help me get the melodies out. I’ve been a little guilty, lately, though; I actually haven’t composed anything new recently even though I have a portfolio due in a couple of weeks. I’ve been really disorganized lately—,”
She continued to talk about her portfolio and music composing and Chen simply sat back and watched and listened to her. She was much too bubbly, he thought. Her summery temperament didn’t at all match the image he had in his head of a demure and thoughtful little composer, sitting her piano and trying out different tunes with a contemplative expression on her face. With the way she talked so readily, he could have sworn she would be a singer of some sort.
But then again, his own temperament didn’t exactly match the boldness and loudness of his career; idols were supposed to be social and outgoing personalities. Chen, however, had always been more reticent and modest than the other idols at his agency. It would be a wonder if they ever got him doing variety. But none of it really mattered; as soon as he was on that stage, the shy quiet Chen was gone and replaced by the strong and confident singer who could melt even the stoniest hearts with his voice.
“I think I’m talking too much, again,” the girl said with a giggle and Chen felt his heart skip a beat. Having been lost in his own thoughts, Chen admitted to himself that he didn’t actually hear much of what she said. What if she suddenly asked him a question?
But with her tone, he could tell that she had said something honest. She looked like an honest type of person; her eyes were very wide and open and she didn’t hesitate to look him directly in the eye anytime he had accidentally lifted his hood too high. Chen felt comfortable talking with her, but the way she never tore her gaze from him was slightly intimidating.
“So you like writing song, then?” Chen asked, simply to have something to say. He mentally slapped himself afterward, though.
“Of course, I do,” she answered.
“Why?” Chen mentally slapped himself again. Stupid question! But rather than let him fall on his face, the girl readily picked up his question.
“Mmm,” she began and turned her eyes upward. For a while, Chen thought she would stay in that position and not say anything at all. He stared at her until she spoke, and having looked up too far had accidentally lifted his hood again. When she faced him, this time with an answer, they met each other’s eyes for a brief second before Chen turned his face down again.
““Because I like to fill up empty spaces,” she answered. Chen wrinkled his eyebrows at her, as best he could without having to completely show her his face.
“What?” he asked.
“Because I like filling up empty spaces,” she repeated. “Like a blank piece of paper, for example. If you’re a painter, you paint on a blank canvas. In my case a blank sheet of music paper, which to me is one of the scariest things in the world. A blank piece of paper, what the hell am I supposed to do with that, right? But once you actually get going and fill it up with all the music notes and songs just start forming right away and the words take shape and it’s not so empty anymore, it turns out really beautiful. You can get even more complicated with the concept by saying like… an empty space in your head, like ideas and inspiration that are just dying to be tried out and once you do try it and it turns out really good… Mmm… it’s a really rewarding feeling. It’s like… finally finding something that you’ve been searching for for a long time, and it’s yours, and it’s there because of you. A feeling like that, I guess. It’s kind of hard to explain. Plus, it’s a much better way to say things you want to say but probably will never be able to. I guess music just has a way of simplifying things, reducing things to simpler terms, going back to the basics.”
Chen took her words to heart; they sounded familiar to him because he had once thought the same thing about singing, and to a lesser degree he still thought that way about music now. When he first began singing, it truly was just because singing was to him a fun hobby, something he enjoyed and wanted to do for the rest of his life.
But once fame and fortune came into the picture, passion had to settle for a less lofty place on his priority list. After joining SM, he had began to pine for fame so desperately that he began to forget just what the sam-hell he was doing there in the first place.
Suddenly, he understood why this girl’s explanation about why she enjoyed writing music was so appropriate for her. She said she liked to fill in empty spaces, and she really did live out that motto. Chen would have sat in the dim silence of the coin laundry for the next half hour, alone and quiet, if she hadn’t come in.
Her sunny demeanor and easy-going nature lifted the atmosphere of the place, and her voice filled in the silence. With her wide welcoming eyes and smiling face, there was nothing empty about her. She was full; full of life, zeal, kindness, energy, pride, and passion.
Chen wondered if he looked like her.
“I wish I could sing, though,” she suddenly said, slapping her knees as though disappointed in herself for lacking that talent. Chen smiled in amusement.
“It’s so frustrating, honestly,” she said. “Having all these songs, all written out on paper, melody, lyrics, but you can’t sing them! Well, I mean, I could, but not in a way that I could do them much justice. And Su Jeon, she’s my friend who studies singing, has this thing where she doesn’t like singing my songs for some reasons. Whatever, her voice doesn’t suit it anyway.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know! That’s the thing. Mmm, well enough about me and university, what about you? I know you said you don’t go to school but what do you do in place of that?”
Chen grinned. “Music.”
The girl seemed pleased with this answer and she smiled warmly, sending his heart into another min-convulsion. He cleared his throat again and began to worry that all this fake coughing he was making would ruin his voice box.
“You do music, too?”
“Yeah, umm… I… sing.”
“You sing?! Where? At a club or a restaurant? On the streets? Or do you sing like demos and guides for other people?” she said excitedly. “Yah! Are you trying to rub this into my face now because you can sing and I can’t? Really? After I bear my soul to you!?”
“I’m definitely not!”
“Ch. Whatever. I guess it’s really destiny that we ended here together, then, huh?” she said. Chen laughed.
“I guess so.”
“I still think what I thought before,” she said, turning her head this way and that and trying out different angles. “You look really familiar. Do you come to this Laundromat a lot? Maybe I’ve encountered you here before but don’t really remember.”
Chen bit his lip. The windows of the establishment were still open and by now students were probably returning home from night school or heading over to do even more night school. Anyone could easily look inside and see him and cause a riot. But he felt guilty for trying to hide even after this girl he was only just meeting was able to induce nostalgic feelings in him. She seemed trustworthy enough by now, right? Chen sighed.
“Do you know EXO?” he asked.
“The rookie group that SM just debuted? Mmm, yeah, I know them. I saw some of their performances on TV and Su Jeon is a really big fan.”
“You know they’re separated into two sub-groups, right?”
“M and K, yeah. Why? Are you trying to tell me that you’re like a member of the group or something?” she smiled in jest and Chen only held his breath as he finally lifted his hands out of his pockets and pulled his hood back.
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To be continued
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