Chapter Eight

As the days passed I was recovering quite nicely from my situation with WooRam oppa. Each time I saw him I would genuinely greet him with a smile and was happy to talk to him about his girlfriend. I was moving on quite nicely. I came to the realization that there was no point in holding on to the past, it was best for me to just admit the truth and move on with my life. Besides, there was nothing really to hold on to, WooRam oppa was my neighborhood oppa and he will always be so, there was never any romantic ideal that was involved between us. It was all my own thinking.

Well, my own realization and the fact that my mind was now occupied with another distraction.

I hated to admit it, but Lee HoWon has now occupied my mind and it was making things more complicated than it needed it to be.

It’s complicated because I have no idea what to think of him now. His sudden act of kindness surprised and puzzled me. Then he goes and lectures me on how to live my life, and I think he was belittling me at the same time, but also somewhat encouraging me. I’m so confuse!

After that night when he helped me with my groceries and gave me that lecture on life I couldn’t get that conversation out of my head. I kept repeating it over and over again and found myself dissecting each and every part of the conversation, mostly his part anyway. I was trying to figure what he meant when he said each and every single one of his statements.

I hated to admit it but there was some truth to what he said, but I still can’t help but feel beaten down at what he said about me and it was in the tone he said it too.

Sigh.

At the same time I felt as if he was trying to encourage me and tell me that I’m better than all of it. That was what was making me confuse even more. Was he trying to be nice but it just came off the wrong way?

This was the reason why he was occupying my mind so much.

Everything about him is a freakin’ puzzle. And it was really frustrating me. And I don’t even know why I’m letting it make such an impact on my life.

Urgh!

JooHyun, JinAh, and I decided to have a shopping day. HaRa was busy with her boyfriend so it was going to be just us three girls. I offered an invitation to KiBum but he was once again caught with taking care of his little cousins.

Shopping is a great form of therapy for me and I’m hoping that it can also be a great way of distracting me from all my unwanted thoughts as of late.

The three of us walked around the department store scanning at which shops to visit. It’s been about two hours already and all three of us have each three or four bags in each hand, at least. Shopping was no joke for us, when we shop we are leaving with at least four bags each, at least.

As I get older I find myself getting more and more in to how I look, especially when it comes to cosmetics. I love experimenting with new styles and colors.

“So how are things with you and WooRam oppa, still awkward?” JinAh asks as we began looking at the cosmetics section.

I shook my head, “no, I’ve pretty much gotten over it. There was nothing really to be awkward about. I’ve moved on.” I turn to her with a smile.

She chuckles, “that’s good to hear.”

“Like I told you guys before, I was just being stupid over the whole situation. I didn’t need to put myself through all that.”

“That’s a very mature way of thinking Nicole.” JooHyun added in her observation.

I let out a sigh, “I don’t know what it is but I feel completely rejuvenated after this whole thing, like I’m a whole new person now.”

“Well, you’ve been holding on to that crush for so long and now you know the answer to it. It was basically your closure on something you’ve wanted to know for so long,” JooHyun once again with her wise words.

JinAh and I nodded in agreement.

“There’s no need to wonder about all those ‘ifs’’ and ‘buts’’ anymore.” JinAh added.

I nodded and smile at the conclusion of this situation.

“So now that WooRam oppa’s out of the picture, who’s your next target?” JinAh began to tease.

I can hear JooHyun giggling beside me as I leer over at JinAh, who was smirking away.

 “No one,” I bluntly reply as I put down the lipstick I was looking at and headed towards another cosmetic counter.

I could hear the two of them chuckling at me as they follow me from behind.

“You guys say that as if I have a different guy I crush on each week or something.” I defended.

“That is true. You did crush over one guy for like your whole entire life.” JinAh joked.

I couldn’t help but laugh along at the thought.

The three of us were getting quite hungry. We decided to head over to the food court and grab some unhealthy fast food to satisfy our sudden hunger. Normally I wouldn’t care too much for fast food, but on days like this when all I want to do is just enjoy myself and not care about anything and just be distracted, fast food is the way to go.

We got our food and found a table nearby. We continued our talks about basically nothing. Those were always the best type of conversations; conversations about nothing of any importance. We all had many good laughs. But of course the subject of HoWon just had to be brought up.

“So what’s your deal with that HoWon guy,” JinAh queries, “like what’s up with the two of you?”

“What do you mean?” I wondered.

“I don’t know, it seems to me that every time you guys are around each other there’s some type of awkward tension between the two of you.”

“Is it that obvious?” I was quite surprise that other people could pick it up. I turn to JooHyun for confirmation.

She nods, sipping on her drink.

I lean back on my seat and let out a sigh.

“I really don’t know what it is. We just can’t seem to click. Each time I think that maybe we can become friends, something happens and it just ruins everything.”

“Did it start from that day you saved him from getting beaten up by MinHo?” JinAh wondered.

I shrug, “I really don’t know but that was when I really found out that he existed.”

“I think that goes for all of us. We had no idea who he was until that day.” JooHyun added in agreement.

“What really bothered me was that he was living like next door to me and I didn’t even notice.”

“That was quite shocking when you told us.” JinAh pointed it out.

“And to top it off, I keep seeing him more and more. Even when I don’t want to, there he is. It’s like he’s always around somewhere close by just waiting for me and then he pops out to surprise me.” I let out a long sigh.

“Well, don’t look now but here comes your favorite person in the whole world.” JinAh forewarn sarcastically.

I look up at her and saw her eyes wide opened as she sips on her drink. JooHyun and I turn around and of course, there he was, walking with WooHyun.

“Wow, you talk about someone long enough they’ll just appear before you.” JooHyun utters as we turn ourselves around.

I nudge her lightly at her comment.

“Oh, I think they see us. They’re heading over here.” JinAh observes.

“Quick, grab our stuff and let’s go.” I commanded. I really did not want to see him. It just made me feel nervous for some odd reason.

“What? Why? We’re not finished eating.” JooHyun replies.

“Eat as we walk,” I tried to force the escape, “hurry.”

“But...”

“JinAh!” I could hear WooHyun’s bubbly voice calling out to us.

“WooHyun!” JinAh waves back.

I glare at her, “what are you doing?” I mutter to her.

“What?” She shrugs.

I can hear their footsteps getting closer.

“Nicole, JooHyun, you guys are here too.” WooHyun’s bubbly voice came fluttering in to my ear.

I turn around and greet him with a smile. I look over to see HoWon standing beside him, acting nonchalant. He thinks he’s so cool. Whatever!

“Did some shopping I see?” WooHyun greets us with a tease, probably seeing the numerous shopping bags we had.

I could hear HoWon snickering beside him. What-ever!

“What are you guys doing here, other than the obvious,” JooHyun spoke the words from my mouth.

“Hoya and I are just shopping around for some camping supplies.” He answers.

“Camping supplies, you guys planning to go?” JinAh ask.

“Yeah, we thought since it will be our last semester after the summer we should take a big trip this summer and enjoy it before we have to start cramming,” he chuckles sheepishly at his reasoning.

I couldn’t help but smile at his charming timid attitude.

“That sounds like fun.” JooHyun’s voice was filled with excitement.

“We should do something like that.” JinAh suddenly suggested.

“Yeah, we should!” JooHyun responded, a bit more enthusiastic than I would imagine.

“Where are you guys going?” JinAh asks.

“Outside the city, in a countryside farm that my family owns,” WooHyun reply. “Maybe you guys can come.” He offers the invitation.

I wasn’t surprise to hear his invitation towards us, I was actually expecting it when this conversation started, but I could see HoWon’s eyes widening at the sudden invitation. I snicker. Maybe I should accept the invitation just so I can make his trip miserable since he finds my presence intolerable.

“Oooo, should we?” JinAh excitedly answers.

“Thanks for the invitation WooHyun, but we will let you know.” I thanked him with a smile.

“Sure, just let me know and I’ll arrange something if you do agree to come.”

“Thanks WooHyun,” JinAh and JooHyun thanked him excitedly.

I on the other hand appreciated his gesture but seeing HoWon’s reaction and my own for that matter made me not really want to go with them. But a getaway does sound tempting.

We bid out farewells as we went our separate ways.

“So what do you think? A nice little trip away from the city does sound exciting.” JinAh continues with her enthusiasm.

I roll my eyes at her excitement. But getting away from the city does sound like a great idea; a chance for me to really cleanse my mind and forget about everything that has happened.

The three of us sat on my couch in front of the television as we contemplated where to go. JinAh was flipping through the channels to see if she could get any ideas while JooHyun and I were looking through the brochures that we had picked up at a travel agency before we left the mall.

“Now the question is do we do something within our own country or do we do something overseas.” JinAh voice as she stares intently at the screen in front of her.

“Hm... That does sound like fun, you know, going somewhere overseas.” JooHyun agrees.

“I wouldn’t mind. It’s definitely increases the chances of me not running in to HoWon.” My tongue slips.

JooHyun and JinAh starts to chuckle at my slip of the tongue.

“What?” I defended myself.

“Nothing, it just seems to me that for someone who doesn’t care much for the guy you sure let him affect you quite a bit.” JinAh teases as she turns to look at me with a chuckle.

“No I don’t, I just don’t want him to ruin my trip.” I defended again.

“Would it matter, you’ll be with us anyway. We make everything fun!” JinAh confidently assures.

I laugh at her confident reassurance. That was true, it wouldn’t matter as long as I’m with my friends then everything will be fill with fun memories.

“So now we just have to decide our destination.” JooHyun got us back on track.

My doorbell rang and Hara was at the front door. I had called her to make sure she knows of our plans. She was quite excited herself and came over as fast as she could. I guess she wants to enjoy a trip too, without the boyfriend.

The four of us sat in my living room as we look through all the possible destinations we could go. I never thought planning a vacation like this would be so much work. It takes a lot of research.

“So we’re all in agreement that we’re gonna go overseas?” Hara looks around at us to make sure we were all on the same page.

The three of us nodded.

“100% agreed?” She asks again for assurance.

“Agree!” The three of us spoke in unison.

“Ok, so we’ve narrowed down to three locations. Hong Kong, Japan, Viet Nam,” Hara place the three brochures in front of us, “now which destination shall we choose?”

The four of us sat around the three brochures, thinking hard on which place to choose. JooHyun is on her laptop researching the three locations to see which destination would be best for us to visit.

“Honestly, everyone goes to Japan these days. Maybe we should do something different.” JinAh offers her input.

“That is true.” Hara agrees. “Then should we just choose between Hong Kong and Viet Nam?”

“Not many people go to Viet Nam, if we want to do something different and experience something new maybe Viet Nam is the better choice.” JooHyun suggests.

“Did you find anything interesting on Viet Nam?” Hara wonders.

“Well there are a lot of different cities we can visit depending how long we go for. There are cities with beaches, cities with mountains, and of course our go to activity; shopping,” JooHyun chuckles at her own statement.

We all joined in, it was the truth though.

“I’ve seen many pictures of Viet Nam and it looks really beautiful, but I’ve never thought of ever going before until now. It seems quite romantic.” Hara begins to get airy.

We roll our eyes at her the moment she mentions romance.

“Then shall we save this trip for you and your boyfriend then?” JinAh teases.

“No, no, no, no.” She quickly assures, “I was just trying to offer my own reasoning to go there.”

We all laugh at her defense.

“If we do want to visit the different cities with the different activities then we have plan it out properly. The different cities are quite far from each other, it might take a few days to go to each city.” JooHyun advised.

“So what do we do guys?” I question them. “Dare to experience something new and take a chance on a new adventure or stay home and go to Jeju Island if anything.”

We all look at each other. We all let out a sigh.

“Let’s do it!” JinAh slams her hand on my coffee table.

We were all surprise by her sudden reaction. But that was what we needed.

“Let’s just do it guys. Like Nicole said, this will be a whole new adventure for us. Before we finish high school and go our separate ways, let’s create some incredible and unforgettable memories with each other!”

I have never seen JinAh so passionate about something. This got me excited. I couldn’t help but nod along to everything she was saying.

“JinAh’s right! Let’s make this trip count and make it a memorable one that we will never forget!” Hara added to the excitement.

“I agree, let’s make this final semester count.” JooHyun voices her agreement.

“Me too!” I added. “Let’s do it! We only live once! Yolo girls, yolo!” I shouted.

We all look at each other and started to crack up. We were looking at each other and feeling like we were crazy. But it was true it will be our last year together and who knows what will happen after high school. We’ve got to make every moment count.

We calmed down and looked through the different travel agencies for any vacation packages that we can take to Viet Nam. There were quite a few choices but there was a specific plan we wanted to arrange. We thought it was best to wait until tomorrow and go see an agent in person to see if we are able to plan what we wanted. That and I should as my dad if he was ok with me going overseas for vacation.

We called it a night and I escorted them out the door and wave them goodbye. I watch as they left and decided to just sit on my front porch for a moment to enjoy the night air, and hoping that I might get to see my dad coming in. I’ve been missing him the past week or so. Every time he comes home I’m asleep and when I wake up, he’s already gone.

It was a peaceful night for sure. The moon was half full and the stars were twinkling. I honestly have never been able to enjoy a night like this in quite some time. It was nice to just be by myself and enjoy the peace around me.

About half an hour had passed and there was still no sign of my dad coming home. I decided to just call it a night. That is until I heard the door next door opening. I turn my head towards the direction and a smile appears on my face.

“Hey Nicole.”

I smile, “hi oppa.”

“Did you just get home?”

I shook my head, “no, I’ve been home a while now. I was just enjoying some night air.”

“That sounds nice. Would you like some company? Mind if I join?”

“Come on over. I’ll get us something to drink.” I invited him as I walk back in to my house to grab something for us to drink.

The two of us sat on my porch as I offer him a glass of orange juice.

“Sorry, there was nothing else but juice in the fridge.” I sheepishly offer him.

He chuckles, “that’s perfectly fine. Juice is good for you anyway.”

I chuckle along. It felt nice, just the two of us sitting on my front porch, with nothing awkward between us. Just like old times.

We sat there in silence for a little bit. I kept thinking to myself that maybe I should tell him how I felt about him, just so we can clear the air and not have any instance of awkwardness if something was to ever happen accidentally. Not that I would want to revert back to how I was but just to clear up any misunderstandings.

“Oppa...”

“Nicole...”

We both spoke in unison. We glance at each other and started to laugh.

“You go first oppa.”

He smiles at me. He sat there for a few seconds before he spoke, “I’m sorry Nicole.”

I was taken aback. What was he sorry for? I look over at him with a puzzling expression.

He continues his chuckling, “you’re wondering what I’m sorry for huh?”

Yes. But I didn’t say it aloud.

He took a deep breath and lean back on his seat, “for not treating you properly the past few years. For neglecting our friendship. For making many mistakes with you. For putting a wedge between us.”

I continue to stare at with my puzzled expression as he continues.

“I’m sorry for introducing you to Bora so suddenly. I’ve made many mistakes with you Nicole. But you still manage to put that all aside and stay as my friend through all that. I really appreciate it, but I can’t help but still feel guilty that I’ve wronged you.”

“Oppa...”

“Nicole.” He turns his gaze towards me. Our eyes meet as he stares directly at me. “I promise that from now I’m going to be a better oppa to you.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that moment, “oppa...”

“Whatever it is that you need, this oppa promises to do the best he can to help you.”

“Oppa... Why suddenly...”

He chuckles at my response, “my parents kept lecturing me about neglecting you and it made me think long and hard about it. I was neglecting you and I shouldn’t have. My parents consider you as part of the family you know. Ever since we were kids they always told me to treat you well. You’re my honorary dongseang.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his statements. I do consider them as family as well, especially with my father being absent so frequently. They’re like my second family.

“Thanks oppa, I consider your family as my family as well.”

“So starting now, I’m going to start making up for the past few years of neglecting you. And I promise that I will not let anything distract me from being a proper oppa to you, not even Bora,” he pauses as he glances over at me, “unless you give me permission to.”

I laugh at his little trick. I nod, “yes oppa, I’ll give you permission to have Bora unnie as your distraction.”

He smiles at my agreement.

“What was it that you wanted to tell me?”

I looked at him and took a deep breath. I was still contemplating whether or not I should tell him.

“Oppa...”

He looks at me with innocent eyes.

I turn away from him and look up to the sky, “did you know that I liked you?”

He chuckles and nodded, “of course, that’s why we are friends. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be sitting here.”

I turn my gaze back to him. It was that innocence that made me cherish what I have with him so much.

“Not as friends, more than that. You held a very special place in my heart oppa.”

He turns his gaze back to me. I can tell he was a bit surprise at my sudden confession.

I slowly turn away from him as I smile to myself, “the day I met you when we were kids I kept telling myself that you were the one for me. That I was going to marry you and we would have a beautiful family together. I held on to that dream up until now.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at my little childhood dream. Hearing it out loud was quite amusing.

“Nicole...”

“I told myself that even though you left me for Japan, I will still wait here until you return and when you do I will confess my feelings to you. I kept telling myself that there was no one else but you.”

WooRam oppa sat there in silence. I can tell he was surprise at my sudden confession, but I can tell me was listening intently as well.

“That day you asked me to meet you at your university made me happy because I chose then that that was when I was going to confess to you. But of course you introduced me to Bora unnie. I was quite devastated oppa.” I chuckle at my last sentence as I turn to him.

“Nicole...”

“But after that I finally realized that everything that I had ever felt for you was purely just me and my own imagination. I insisted to myself that you had feelings for me far beyond that of brother and sister. I kept making myself believe that you had feelings for me as well and that you were just waiting for the right time to confess to me, just like how I was with you. I made myself fall deeper and deeper in to a fantasy world that was far from reality.”

I took a deep breath and turn to him with a smile.

“But after seeing you and Bora unnie together and how happy you are with her I knew I just had to let you go and be happy with her. There was never a place for me like that in your heart. And I knew it, but I just kept on insisting that I can change that, but it was just another one of my delusions.”

“Nicole, I...”

“I probably sound really crazy right now huh?” I begin to chuckle at my confession.

“Nicole, I just never knew. I just...”

“Oppa, there wasn't or isn't anything that you need to think about. You showed me so much care that I mistaken it for something else.”

“But I feel I’m still at fault somehow.”

I giggle at his innocence, “no oppa, you are nowhere at fault. I was just being delusional. But it’s perfectly alright. I’ve learned a lot from this experience. Don’t think that it was a bad thing.”

“How about now?”

I knew he was hesitant about asking that question, I could hear it in his voice.

I turn and smile at him, “I’m really good now. Like I said, it was a learning experience for me. I finally got over my first crush, well more like obsession.” I laugh at the thought.

I hear him chuckling along with me.

“I’m very impress Nicole. Most girls would just hate, scream, and shout at such a situation but you dealt with it in such a mature way.”

“Thanks oppa. Like you advised me, take this summer to learn about myself. And I’ve done just that, I’ve discovered a lot about myself, thanks to you oppa.” I playfully nudge him.

He laughs at my sudden change of mood. “You sure are one unique character Jung Nicole,” he says as he ruffles my hair.

I pout at his action.

“But you don’t have to worry about any of that anymore oppa. I give you my full blessings with Bora unnie, as long as you keep your promise to treat this dongseang better.” I tease.

He continues his laugh with a nod. “I promise.” He held out his pinky finger.

I link my pinky to his and we press our thumbs together. Promise made and sealed!

“So are taking my other advice as well?”

I turn back to him with a smile, “which one?”

“About taking a trip to discover more about yourself.”

“Oh, that one, yes I have actually.”

“Really, where are you planning to go?”

“Viet Nam.” I answer with a smile.

“Overseas? Wow, that’s a big one. I just went to Jeju.” He laughs at his own joke.

I couldn’t help but laugh along.

“The girls and I thought that since it was our last semester together we might as well just do it big and go on one incredible and memorable trip.” I reply excitedly.

“That’s true. Well, I hope you girls enjoy yourself. If you need help with anything just let me know. This oppa will be here and ready as promised.” He adds with a wink.

I giggle at his action. “Thanks WooRam oppa.”

“It’s getting late, I should go back inside. You should too.”

“I will. Thanks for coming over and talking with me oppa.”

“Nicole, you know you mean a lot to me right? It might not be what you had imagined, but I do care a lot about you.”

I smile at him at his reassuring words, “thanks oppa. I know.”

I watch him exit my front gates.

“Just getting home now?” I hear WooRam oppa’s voice outside my gates.

As I was about to enter my house I turn to see who he was talking to. As WooRam oppa stepped away I can see him looking at me. Of course it had to be him. Our eyes met and I quickly turn away and made my way in to my house. I don’t want to deal with him tonight.