(This text is Key's writings.)

Home.

Home is where the heart is they say. Well my heart is in the hands of a man that despises me. I hurt him so it's understandable, but it doesn't make the pain go away any quicker.

Pain.

It's all I feel. It's all I have felt for so long now that I can't even imagine what it's like without it anymore. If it's not a physical pain, it's emotional.

Regret.

I regret leaving you. I regret never telling you. I regret hurting you. I regret so much, and yet I still never regret what we had.

Loneliness.

It's all I have it feels like. They hate me. You hate me. He's the only one who has stayed by me all of this time. The thought of you and his presence made everything bearable for me. Thank you.

~

“Welcome home Kibummie.” The man called as a smaller male, Kibum, approached him. Kibum smiled brightly and dropped his luggage, only to jump up and hug the male.

“It's good to be back Jinki hyung.” He whispered into Jinki's ear. Kibum quickly pulled away from the embrace in order to retrieve his dropped baggage. Jinki held his hand out, offering it to Kibum as a sign of affection. Kibum happily grabbed it, following his companion out of the airport. Neither male bothered to take notice of the scornful stares thrown their way, both use to them by now.

Once they reached the car and had loaded everything up, they sat next to each other quietly. Kibum chewed on his lip nervously while Jinki waited for the other to talk. Taking a deep breath, Kibum began.

“Hyung, can you take me to Jonghyun? He really needs to know...” He said softly, as if afraid that saying it any louder would be dangerous. Jinki nodded, still silent, as he started the car and began to drive. Neither male talked during the ride. One was nervous while the other was lost in deep thought. They pulled up to a small cafe in downtown Seoul, parking the car and staring straight ahead.

“He's at work right now, but he should be taking a lunch-break.” Jinki finally mumbled, still not looking at Kibum. Kibum nodded and got out of the car quickly, walking to the cafe entrance and looking in. He tried to spot Jonghyun at one of the tables through the glass door, but what he saw brought tears to his eyes. He pushed the door open and entered, never taking his eyes off of the scene. He should have expected it really. Most people won't wait for two years without a proper reason.

Kibum slowly walked over to the pair he had been eyeing, trying to hold back any emotions he shouldn't show. Once he reached them, he cleared his throat to gain their attention.

“K-kibum?!” They shouted in unison. Kibum found it rather amusing to see their faces. Shock is the only thing to describe it. Of course hate and worry quickly followed.

“Hey Jjongie,” Kibum said softly, as if he was about to break, “how are you?” He smiled at the other male, Jonghyun, while waiting for the backlash. But it never came. The other just stared at him before standing, pushing him away, and storming off. Jonghyun's companion quickly followed after him, calling his name desperately.

Kibum continued to smile. He smiled the whole walk back to the car. Once he was in, the smile still hadn't dropped from his face.

“You knew, didn't you Jinki?” Kibum questioned with a soft voice. Jinki hesitated to answer before sighing and looking over at the other. He said nothing as he rubbed the other male's back. Tears had begun to silently fall as the smile stayed upon Kibum's face. Kibum shook his head negatively, grabbing Jinki's hand tightly. Jinki pulled the other closer and just hugged him, letting him cry out his frustrations.

~

“I'm going to tell him what happened Jinki. I at least own him a reason.” Key stated determinedly as he pulled on his shoes at the door. Jinki could only sigh as he watched the other. He suspected that he was only walking into more heartache at this point. But Kibum was stubborn when he made up his mind, so all he could do was watch and be there when he comes home.

Kibum ran out the door before he could change his mind, nervous and fearful of what may happen. Once he was down the stairs, he stopped running and just walked to his destination slowly. He mulled over his thoughts and what he would say once he got to Jonghyun's apartment. Would he be given a chance? Or would he be rejected on the spot? Key's thoughts only served to make him more anxious the closer he got.

When he rang the doorbell of Jonghyun's apartment, he wasn't expecting to see a scantily clad Shin Sekyung come to the door. He breathed deep to try and stay clam, quietly asking for Jonghyun. But what he got in return broke him.

“Jonghyun's asleep Kibum, but either way he doesn't want to see you. He hates you. When you were at the cafe and he stormed away, it was so he didn't hit you in public. I suggest for you to just leave him alone. He's with me anyways and is perfectly happy. You being around just pisses him off.” She said with a slight smirk. Kibum only smiled when she was done though, wishing them both happiness before he walked away.

Once he got back to his shared home, he broke-down. He sobbed his heart out, collapsing into Jinki's chest in the hallway. The rest of the evening was spent in comforting words, sobs, and ice-cream.

~

“Kim-Sshi, I'm sorry to say this but your cancer has returned. This time though it's in your Liver and is in it's last stage. If you would have gotten here sooner...” The doctor droned on. Kibum knew what he was saying, he had heard it all two years ago. But this time was a worse case. He was going to die in a three months time, and there was nothing they could do for him.

Jinki sat next to him crying and promising to make Kibum's time memorable, “even if you aren't going to die” he said. Jinki was trying to fool himself is all. Kibum swears that everyone is addicted to denial when things like this happen. A miracle was already given to him once, he wouldn't get one again so it's pointless to think otherwise. Kibum could fight it all he wants, but he knew deep down that his time was up finally.

As Jinki blubbered next to him, Kibum pulled out his journal. He's had this journal since his first fight with cancer and has written everything in it from thoughts to memories. Most of it is Jonghyun related for it was meant to go to him if Kibum didn't make it the first time. Pulling it out again, Kibum began to write. He began from the time that he landed in Korea again just a few months ago to now. He went on to explain his feelings and everything he was told by Sekyung.

By the time he had finished writing, it was morning once more and Jinki had fallen asleep beside him. He was out of paper but had so much he wanted to say to Jonghyun and Jinki. So Kibum decided, letters is where he would begin to show his voice.

~

They say love is the emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment, but I think it is so much more. Love goes beyond what words can describe. Beyond what we humans are even capable of properly expressing. Love is complicated, faithful, and hard. I don't know who loves me or how to properly express my love. But I do know, I love you.

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