Exchanging Boyfriends 남자 친구를 교환

Author: a-cupofcake

Reviewer: jaeholly

Story Link

Title: [0/5]

The title is completely irrelevant to your story. 'Exchanging Boyfriends'? They did not even exchanged boyfriends. Ji Hye did not even had a boyfriend. It's more like them exchanging lives; yet 'Exchanging Lives' will be a fail title. I suggest you think of something else because your title makes no sense at all to your story.

Also, to comment on your present title, 'Exchanging Boyfriends' does not make a good title. Firstly, I think you are just trying to make it a romanctic title but yet it does not seem so. Next, 'Exchanging Boyfriends' does not sound interesting. It makes your story sound like a ty one. Why would people want to exchange boyfriends? Why would they want to cheat on their present boyfriend? Lastly, I do not get why you want to add the Korean translated title at the back. At least you translated correctly, if not I think it would be terrible if someone who knows Korean reads it. If your story is not Korean, try to refrain using it. It does not make your story cool.

Poster:[3/5]

The poster is actually quite nicely made. I like the colors. They are light and sweet.

Just a reminder, if you do not have a chapter poster/banner, refrain from using random pictures you have found. I know the pictures are quite related to your chapter but it is very plain. You can request from shops to help you make chapter posters/banners. You can send in that picture as well if you like. Your story will be more neat then because you only use a picture for one chapter and everything else is the normal/main poster which makes everything quite messy. 

Foreword & Description:[0/5]

Your description and foreword is so unorganized. Firstly, I do not know how people categorize the description and foreword. From my experience, the description is supposed to the summary of the story and the foreword is the author's note.

Why do you give excerpts of the story without saying they are excerpts? I know people know they are, but at least make it neater. Also, you should at least label them 1 and 2. Maybe you can give a longer description since tour story is a chaptered one. Write your author's note in the foreword and give credits in the foreword too.

Just to mention your font, I don't think you should italicize it and also change the font for different excerpts. It is very distracting and annoying. Your foreword, overall, is very messy. Try to organize it.

Characterization:[5/10]

You should include a character chart and some character's description. This helps as your characters switched lives and it is quite confusing. I will award you some marks for your good attempt in not failing the characters. However, your characters do not have a personality. That is when the character description come in good use. By giving each character a personality, you can further develop it later and makes your characters more alive.

Originality:[2/5]

I had seen this kind of plot. This type of plot is often used in dramas but no one actually put it in a story. 

Plot:[6/15]

The plot is just normal. There is really nothing special about it and especially the way you develop it, your story's plot is just not special or attractive. Hopefully, you can improve and describe more, not just the main points. Try to improve on your writing. To be honest, I could not really tell the plot from your story. I read your story twice before getting the gist of it and that is not the way to write a story. A story must be understandable from the start, with good vocabulary and grammar.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation:[0/25]

Terrible grammatical and spelling errors. Some are merely grammatical errors but you must watch out. 

In description and foreword:

Wrong:

Annyeong~ Seo Ji Hye imnida :)

I had a vacation in Seoul

Then I met her..

I met my best friend, Choi Seohee.

We exchanged lives and everything changed.

I pretended to be her since then.

I met her oh so weet boyfriend.

I was being careful for him not to know.

Until, the time came. He then knew.

He gave me a condition not to tell anyone.

By, having him as his fake girlfriend.

Slowly by slowly, he fell for me.

I, without knowing this.

He once confessed about his feelings for me.

Without any time, I fell for him too.

It stopped as Seohee arrived.

Will I give up on him?

Correct:

Annyeong! Seo Ji Hye imnida.

I had a vacation in Seoul.

There, I met her.

I met my best friend, Choi Seohee.

We exchanged lives and everything changed.

I pretended to be her ever since then.

I met her oh so sweet boyfriend.

I was being so careful so he would not know.

Until, that day.

He found out.

He said her would not tell anyone under one condition.

By having him as my fake boyfriend.

Slowly, he fell for me, without me knowing

Once, he confessed his feelings to me.

In no time, I fell for him too.

Suddenly, Seohee returned.

Will I give up on him?

In author's note:

Wrong:

featuring Teen Top. More groups will appear soon. :)) Subscribe and you will know :)) xD
2 boyband groups will appear and 1 girl group :)

Not final.. I may change my mind.

As you can see.. This is my first fanfic.. Well, not really. I have a lot of fanfics written but I deleted them because no one really ones to comment. :/ Even this story reaches chapters x 2 = subscribers, no one comments :( So please bother to write a comment. I'm not that confident writing fanfics without those comments.

Make sure they aren't hurtful!

Correct:

Featuring Teen Top. More groups will appear soon. :)) Subscribe and you will know :)) xD

2 boy groups will appear and 1 girl group :)

Not final.. I may change my mind.

As you can see.. This is my first fanfic.. Well, not really. I have written many fanfics but I deleted them because no one comments. :/ Even if this story reaches (chapters x 2) subscribers, no one comments :( So please post a comment. I'm not that confident in writing fanfics without those comments.

Make sure they aren't hurtful!

Seriously, I do not know how to mark out your errors, there are so many, I could just rewrite the whole story for you. You should send in your story for editing.

Writing Style:[0/10]

I hate your writing style. I know you are writing in first person point of view but still you cannot be so casual ad if you are talking. You must write properly and not use the 'talking language' in your writing. Your whole story is messed up and hard to read. I do not get what you are writing. The whole story is unorganized and I believe majority of these is due to the way you write. It is very messy and your sentence structure is wrong. Obviously, you did not check before posting. If you do not have confidence in your grammar and English errors, you can ask someone to proof-read your story first before posting. Some of your chapters are too short. Regarding your use of korean, you should read this. [click] Do not use random korean words you think suit the occasion. Korean is actually a difficult language and not until you master it should you use it. Also, I do not get what is the brother and sister having different surnames (last name). This is not possible; unless there is a plot behind this. Also, the birth difference of twins is one minute, it is not possible for it to be one hour!

Flow:[0/5]

No flow at all. The events jump from one to another. Your writing makes me (and I believe other readers) hard to understand what you want to express. You do have good ideas but you don not know how to express it well. 

Enjoyment:[0/10]

I did not enjoy your story at all. It was a pain reviewing your story, I do not even get what you are writing. It was so hard to read and you try to add in things you don not know how to write. If you are not comfortable with , do not try to include even a single bit of information about 'making love'. It will just be awkward.

Bonus:[-/5]
 

Total:[16/95]

Reviewer's note:

I am naturally this strict. I do not sugar coat anything. Therefore, your review did not turn out really good. Hopefully, you would improve on your writing skills and write better in the future. You can request from me again and I would be glad to see your improvements. Thank you for setting your story so I could copy some text. I really want to help you point out your mistakes but there are really too many. You can put your story on the 'disallow text selection' again. Hope to see your improvement!