Two full moons and One sun

Author: donzzy_sone_Ann

Reviewer: jaeholly

Story Link

Title [3/5]

The title is really interesting. Two full moons and one sun. However, I do have some comments about it. Why must it be two full moons? Why not just two moons? I think the title will sound better like that. Unless you have an explanation in your story later for you to use full moon. To be honest, I did not like the title at all when I first saw your title. It sounds so boring and did not have the attraction force. However, when I read your story, your title is a very good representation of your story. Just a little note for you to change. The first letter of each word for the title should be capitalized. It will be neater. Therefore, your title should be: Two Full Moons and One Sun. Or I will suggest: Two Moons and One Sun. The 'and' need not be capitalized. 

I would like to mention to you about your chapter titles. It is very long and confusing with a lot of '||'. I have no idea why you use those. You can just have a simple 1-3 words chapter title. If not, stick to 'Chapter 1' and so on.

Poster:[-/-] 

No poster. Perhaps you can request for one. 

Foreword & Description:[4/5]

Well done. I liked how you can differentiate the difference between the two. Some people just like to messed them up. Also, you can just used chaptered instead of multi-shot. Add in a character description. There are some sentence error.   

Characterization:[6/10]

There is very little characterization. I do not really know the personalities of each characters. I only know Tao and Xian can fight and that the prince is friendly. I suggest you have a character description in your description at the start of the story. Most chaptered stories have those. It is to let readers get an idea of the characters and their personality before understanding them even better in the story. I think you lack in this part. 

Originality:[5/5] 

Full marks for originality. This story is so creative. Who would have thought of using symbols like the sun and the moon for a romance story? I guess Exo's MAMA inspired you? Still, I cannot believe I read such a first hand story. Every other story in any case will have some plots that can be found in other stories but yours is plain original. To speak more on this part since you did well, I  really liked your storyline. How each baby will be born with a symbol. Actually, there are similar stories but the way you developed and write it makes it very different.  

Plot:[12/15] 

I liked the fact that your story is so original and yet not unrealistic at all. Also, your idea is so fresh. At first, when I read that the prince and a commoner has the same symbol, I thought the prince will be angry and hate Tao. But instead of that, they became friends. There are a lot of twists in your story. And I anticipate that the next few chapters will turn them into enemies. Or maybe, you will  write something else. The twist and turns  in your story makes it interesting.

However, I think you can describe your story more. Like write how they train together and more. You story focuses very little on events, only on the main story. That is why your chapters are quite short. I think the story will be more interesting if there are more description. For example, something happening during their training. And more description on the part when something happened to Xian. 

Try to add in more personal thoughts. I see that you do have personal thoughts in your characters but I think there can be more of it.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation:[20/25]

No problem with spelling. 

There is problem with your sentence structure. I can point out some to you if you like. Please put your story out of the 'disallow text selection' first. If not, it is very tedious for me. Marks are mainly deducted here. Not that your story has terrible grammar till it's unreadable but it is still very confusing. Mainly sentence structure.  

Punctuation is fine. 

Writing Style:[5/10]

I wanted to give this comment ever since I read the story. I think putting it down here is the best. I think your chapters are really short. Okay, maybe not very short, but still. You can write a lot more. I see your author's note and you said you are going to end your story. I thought your story will have 30 chapters plus. The idea you have have a lot of free space for you to develop the story. I do not think you should end your story. For example, you can add in more things. Like how the prince and Tao tries to fight for survival and Xian's love. Add in a twist! 

Also, I think your sentences are quite choppy. Not that your grammar is exactly wrong but your sentence is just weird. It looks okay as a sentence itself but when in a paragraph, the sentence just sounds like it has a grammatical error. 

Flow:[3/5]

Flow disrupted by your writing style. Not that your sentence structure is terrible, when you write, I think you should read the paragraph as a whole and not sentence by sentence. This will help the flow better.

Enjoyment:[8/10]

I enjoyed your story! However, I really hope you can update more chapters. Ending your story with a few more chapters is such a waste. 

Bonus:[4/5]

Total:[70/95] = [73/100]

Reviewer note:

I really like your story! I just grade strictly. You can really brush up on your writing style and I think the story will be wonderful. Do not worry about not getting enough subscribers as good stories usually do not get much attention until they are promoted. When you mention more events and write more description in your story, it will definitely get more attention!