The day was a sunny one. The day was his funeral day. Umma had prepared for me something to wear rather than letting me wear what I wanted. She hasn’t done that for me since I was nine. I stared at myself through a cracked mirror. Light seeping through the blinds reflected off the mirror and illuminated my room with a soft glow. The glow lingered around me, contrasting the solemnity of my appearance. The dress of black lace itched against my skin. And the black pearls around my neck and wrist held onto a twinge of sadness in their luster. In my bandaged hands I held onto a pair of suede heeled shoes.

I heard a knocking on my bedroom door. It creaked slightly as it opened, and my mother’s figure appeared all dressed in black as well. “Ready?” The coldness of her voice made me feel as if I were standing behind glass, in another dimension. Perhaps I was in my own little world where I was subject to nothing but denial and disbelief.  

            “Do you think Kai will show up?” I asked her softly.

            Almost instantly she replied, “No.”

An aching silence rang through the air like a guitar chord struck out of proper timing. But I had anticipated that answer. Slowly and gracefully, she walked up to me and motioned that I sit down on the chair in front of the mirror. She began braiding my hair. “It’ll look better like this…” Her adept hands pulled on my hair so harshly that I almost felt a tear threatening to run down my cheek. She fastened the braid with a hair clip into a bun and stepped away to examine it. “There you are, so beautiful. Like a bride on her wedding day.”

Every part of me stiffened at her words. Suddenly I felt a wrenching pain in my chest. My heart, it had skipped beats. And now, it was beating too fast. I didn’t know how it could handle all the hurt that was mercilessly being shoved upon it. I didn’t believe I would be able to handle any more of it.

“Save your tears for later, Riyeon. Put on your shoes now,” She said, like it all meant nothing, “I’ll be waiting in the car.”

She leaned forward to kiss me on the side of my head. I felt no affection at all. The small smile on her face caught me off guard. But then she turned around and left me alone. I shut my eyes for awhile and when I opened them the world around me seemed entirely out of focus.         

The tears had clouded up my vision yet I was forbidding them to fall.
Like a bride on her wedding day.

Bowing forward, I slipped on the heels and with shaking fingers fastened the small buckles. I stood up and took one last look in the mirror.A bride, huh? My reflection was taunting me. I took a few steps back. I’d be okay, I thought to myself. I’d be fine. Stop lying…

As I exited the room I felt a small gust of wind coming through from the window at the end of the hallway. It was a window that was never opened. This was the second floor and no one really cared. I stared at it for awhile, and then walked towards it. The latch was rusted. The cobwebs danced with the flow of the air. I pushed on the pane, trying to close the window. It wouldn’t budge. I tried again, shifting all my weight unto it as I pushed. It didn’t move a centimeter. The wind came through a bit stronger.

“What are you trying to tell me?” I said under my breath, and slid my fingers down the weather beaten glass. Forget it, I thought. I left the window the way it was.

But when I finally got to the stairway at the end of the hall that led down to the foyer, I heard a loud slam. I turned my head towards the window. It had closed. I gazed at it with a bit of disbelief. “Don’t throw a tantrum now, baby,” With a faint voice, I muttered. But even in their faintness, my words still echoed down the hall.

Swiftly, I descended the stairway and picked up the tulips I had a left in one of the display vases. Umma had left the double doors open and I could see that outside, it was a perfect afternoon. I closed the heavy wooden doors behind me after I stepped out, and then double-checked if they were locked.

I had always imagined all funerals to take place on gloomy days. No, not this one. Everything about the day only served as remainders of the past. The birds that harmonized together. The trees that nodded in the breeze. The sun’s rays that kissed the earth and made everything shimmer. Everything reminded me of him.
 

“Sehun,” I whispered, as I looked up to a surreal sky. The sound of his name coming from my own lips was a dagger through my heart. I walked down the path and along the driveway where Umma was waiting in the car. Once I was inside the car she pulled out of the driveway and drove past the large gates without a single word.
 

The car was soon filled with the scent of tulips. I cradled their colorful lives in my arms and breathed in the fresh air flowing from a rolled down window.
 

I held the flowers so tightly against my throbbing chest.
Like a bride on her wedding day. 

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Author's Note: So basically everything is confusing. This is just an intro.