“I can’t do this anymore,” I weakly spoke into the phone, my voice soft and hesitant in its words.

Silence greeted me as the person on the other line remained quiet, as if they expected me to say more. Like I was going to laugh and say I was joking, and they shouldn’t take me so seriously. Tell them they were gullible and cute like always, and then continue talking about how our days went. There was none of that. Just the sound of our breathing ringing going through the phone so the other had known we had not hung up yet. I felt sweat begin to accumulate on the palms of my hands, having to rest the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I repeatedly tried to wipe it off on the denim of my skinny jeans with no luck.

“I… I don’t understand,” His deep voice finally reached my ear, causing my heart to stop for a second. I tried to calm down my erratic breathing, and tried to ignore the ebbing pain in my chest. ‘This is for the best,’ I told myself, hoping that would make all the guilt I felt overflowing from inside of me go away. But it didn’t.

“I don’t think I can continue dating you… not when things are like this.” My words came out slowly, but I knew no matter how I said this; it was going to hurt both of us. Once this phone call ended, and we made sure no one was nearby, we would fall over onto the floor, or the bed and cry. The blanket tightly balled in our fists, the comforter being soaked with endless tears, and our heart ripping into a million pieces when we realized that this was the end. That all the love we felt meant nothing for us to have ended up like this

“Is this some silly joke that Minseok got you to do? It’s not really funny Hyung,” His deep voice chuckled into my ear, and I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be. Please don’t make me crumble into nothing more than I already have to. I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly as tears formed in my eyes and my lower lip began to tremble.

“It’s not a joke Sehun, though you are so gullible if it was I would be surprised you didn’t believe me,” I chuckled, trying not to let him hear the hurt I was feeling. Because it was better this way.

“Lu Han…” His voice trailed off, not able to say any of those beautiful things he would usually say. Please don’t break me with those sweet nothings that you say so casually, as if loving me was the easiest thing you had ever done. Please forgive me for my words; these lies that will make their way through my lips are only the product of not wanting this pain in my heart anymore

“Things can’t work out between us. You’re too young and immature for me. I see you more as a little brother than a lover, and I apologize for leading you on like this… Everything we have done, it meant nothing to me.” I was scared by how calm my voice was. How emotionless and heartless I sounded.

I wanted to scream until my voice no longer could make a sound. I wanted to cry until I could no longer produce anymore tears. I wanted to stop feeling this pain in my chest, and hearing Sehuns voice in my ears. And soon, once this phone call ended, I would.

“What are you talking about Lu Han? You can’t say all the ‘I love you’s’ we exchanged, all the time we spent together, all the nights you slept in my bed, meant nothing to you. Just because you are in China, and I am in Korea, it does not mean that our relationship was nothing. You love me Lu Han, I know you do. So don’t you dare lie to me. I may be just kid in your eyes, but I am not going to let you leave me like this.”

“You’re throwing a fit Sehun, just like a kid. You couldn’t have honestly thought this was going to last? I need to focus on my career, and so do you. Let’s just forget everything that happened between us, okay?” I love you Sehun, I love you so much. I need you in my life, and if I can’t, I don’t know how I can continue going on. If I sever everything now, then it is my greatest wish this suffering both of us feel will go away. Please understand.

“Please don’t do this to me Lu Han, please tell me the truth. Why don’t you want to be with me anymore?” I could hear his voice cracking. I am breaking him, the person whom I love the most.  I am a terrible person. I am selfish, and I am sorry Sehun. I’m sorry that I’m making a rash decision like this.

“It’s for the better…” I gripped the phone tightly, afraid it might crush in my hand and those would be the last words Sehun ever heard from me.

“Don’t do this to me, please.” He sounded so pitiful. Tears streaked down my cheeks, and I sniffed, causing Sehun to gasp on the other line. “Are you crying?” His voice sounded gentle, like the one he would whisper in my ear to tell me he loved me after we made love. My heart ached and throbbed at the thought, causing me to grasp my shirt where my heart was, hoping to alleviate some of this pain, to keep my heart from falling apart.

I wiped my face with my sleeve, “O-of course not,” I spluttered into the phone, trying to reign back my emotions. “I’m sorry… I need to go,” I said quickly.

“Please don’t hang up Lu Han. We can work this out.”

“No we can’t Sehun, it’s better this way.” And then the line went dead.