It was an uneventful day for me. Jungshin attended some fashion lessons. Jonghyun and Minhyuk went to a meeting for an upcoming film. So I was left alone in the dormitory, working on some songs I ought to submit to the company. Perhaps, the only exciting thing was when the manager informed me that the wedding shoot for WGM will take place on the following day.

Somehow, I felt excited. However, the feeling of anxiety still washed over me and I eventually got annoyed. I want time to fly fast because I could no longer tolerate myself being such a who was getting distracted by his own insecurities. I really wanted to talk to Joohyun already.

I don’t know what happened but in the end, time indeed flew past me and the next thing I knew, it was already evening. My alarm – reminding me to go online – rang and immediately (and nervously), I turned my laptop on and connected to the internet.

“Oppa!” Joohyun’s lovely smile greeted me. Her eyes were twinkling rather differently. It was more captivating. It was more beautiful. “How are you?” She asked me, her eyes still not losing that perfect smile.

For a moment, warmth filled my heart as she smiled at me. But the anxiety instantly returned when I noticed the thoughts running around my mind. Is that smile only for me? Does she smile that way in front of other men? What are her reactions when boy confess to her? Does she feel happy too? Is that why she’s beaming now? Did someone professed his love to her?

Honestly, I have no idea where those questions came from. But I think all those are rooted from the fact that I am being eaten up alive by my own insecurity. And I have to resolve it fast.

“Oppa, gwaenchanha?” Joohyun scooted closer to the screen and waved at me. I blinked and came back to my senses. “Yes, I’m okay,” I retorted half-heartedly.

My girlfriend then leaned back to her chair and blew a raspberry. She then crossed her arms in front of her chest and tilted her head as an eyebrow raised. “It’s not like you to space out. What is wrong?”

I tried to avoid the question but Joohyun was adamant. In the end, I gave in. I then brushed my fingers through my hair as I tried to find words to verbalize my concerns. “I’m waiting,” she demanded.

“What do you think of coming out to the public?” My words came out mindlessly. It sounded quite demanding, if you asked me; but I couldn’t put it any simpler and more careful. I so wanted to take my words back but it has been said and I wanted to know the answer.

“O-op-p-pa, I-I.. d-don’t…” She stammered and then fell silent in an instant. I just stared at her on my screen as she focused her attention on her keyboards, probably.

After some minutes of deafening silence between us, I decided to speak. Perhaps, the shock would subside if I explain. “Joohyun-ah… It’s just a random thought. I just have to ask it too because my insecurity is killing me. I am afraid that other men would make their move on you. But please don’t misunderstand. I trust you so much, babe; but somehow, the Busan man in me wants to shout to the world that you are mine, and mine alone,” I narrated.

She still wasn’t looking at me but I saw her expression changed from shocked to touched to guilty. “S-sorry,” she mumbled as her fingers fiddled in front of her. Tears were falling on the back of her palms.

I felt like my heart was crushed. “NO! NO! IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!” My voice quivered with panic. That moment, I was so annoyed with myself because I made her cry. “I know you have a reputation to uphold and it’s okay. I’ll respect your position. I was just being a dumb so it’s me who should be sorry,” I admitted.

Joohyun then wiped her tears and brought her face up to look at me on the screen with swelling eyes. “Oppa, I know it’s really difficult but I know you also understand. It’s not that I’m afraid of the boss. There’s no such thing as dating ban from my company, or even from yours. I am afraid of the fans. This is childish to admit but it’s the truth. If my fans would know that you are really with me, I don’t know what they would do to you. It hurts to say this but sometimes, some of my male fans don’t know what they’re doing. They could be unreasonable – and you know that, yourself, because you were one of them, right?” I nodded silently, and she continued. “So let’s do this so nothing would happen to you, because I’m really going to die of worry if you get hurt,” she confessed.

Warmth enveloped my heart when I heard what she said. I realized that she was right; but then, that didn’t really resolve the issue about my senseless insecurity so I opened my mouth to speak. But even before I could make a sound, Joohyun cut me off. “And as for your insecurity, just trust me as I trust you, oppa. Believe me, I may receive a lot of confessions in a day but nothing matters because I am yours alone. Only yours. Understood?”

Too touched that I felt numb and ashamed, I nodded. “Thank you, baby,” I whispered softly. “I am yours alone, too.” She nodded and for the first time after she cried, she smiled. “I know that,” she said.

“I love you, angel,” I muttered all of a sudden. “I’m sorry if you felt like I doubted you. I shouldn’t have done that,” I admitted.

Joohyun chuckled at me softly. “I love you too, oppa. Don’t worry, I understand,” she said, nodding. “I love you so much to get mad,” she added.

I smiled and the both of us knew that the issue’s resolved. My pride wasn’t shattered and I was reassured that Joohyun is mine and mine alone. Also, I managed to keep her trust; and with that, I could never thank her enough.

We had to go offline early but this time, without remorse. Because in just a matter of few hours, we’ll be together again for the wedding photoshoot.